Anon balls the f--- out | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 395 KB JPG student 05/27/24(Mon)03:13:02 No.77633119 >Be me >25 years old with a dead end job >Where did it all go wrong? >Reminiscence about highschool >If only I could have a do over >Hurricane Harvey strikes >lightbulb.jpeg >Decide to enroll as a high school >Pretend to be a 17-year-old >Claim I am a hurricane Harvey evacuee >This galaxy brain plan somehow f------ works >Play basketball for the school team >I completely BTFO these kiddies >Absolutely crushing it. >Scoring 50 points a game >Snatching ankles left and right >Everyone thinks Im the next Lebron >The whole school worships me >I even manage to score the head cheerleader as a gf in the process >Life is perfect. I may even try to become prom king. >Until suddenly a coach gets suspicious after | BTFO his team >uncovers that I am actually a 25 year old man >oopsie >entire plan falls apart >perp walk of shame in front of everyone at school Moral of the story anons? Grow up. Age gracefully and accept adulthood. Let go of the past.

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon knows something we dont know | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 39 KB JPG Anonymous 08/27/23(Sun)19:12:08 No.32540993 i just masturbated using my ear and now my ear hurts did i f--- up? is there no going back from this? and also does this make me a degenerate? >>32540993 (OP) # 08/27/23(Sun)19:13:15 No.32541008 How >>32541048 # : Anonymous >>32540993 (OP) # 08/27/23(Sun)19:13:21 No.32541011 Please explain in detail how you masturbated using your ear, thanks. >>32541048 #

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Anon is 'fused | /r/Greentext

Fans of the game quickly reacted to the reveal on August 3rd, 2022, to express their surprise at the new gym leader's gender, many having mistaken him for a girl after the "Pokémon Presents" stream. Reactions to the character's gender varied in tone and surprise, such as a 4chan thread [3] that same day where the anon expressed his horror at having been attracted to a fictional male character (seen below). File: she is female.jpg (743 KB, 2880x1800) h Anonymous 08/03/22(Wed)09:56:07 No.51098963 ►>>51099054 >>51099063 >>51099118 >>51099142 >>51099175 >>51099192 >>51099208 >>51099226 >>51099282 >>51099719 >>51099851 >>51099896 >>61100410 >>51100697 >>51101573 >>51102917 >>51103095 >>51103307 >>51103332 >>51103427 >>51103546 >>51104323 >>51104439>>51104463>>51104500 >>51104540 >>51104594 >>51104855 >>51106360 >>51106425 >>51106494>>51106855 >>51106936>>51107140>>51107411 >>51107451 >>61107489 >>51107511 >>51107591 >>51108053 >>51108784 >>51100651 >>51110355 >>51110420 >>51110452 >>51110477 >>51111217 >>51111565 >>51112065-51112079511133295111357151113713 >>51113975 >>51114155 >>51114818 >>51114853 >>51114949 >>51116938 Grusha SHE IS NOT A GUY YOU CAN NOT CONVINCE ME THIS IS A GUY. ITS A HER. ITS A SHE. I ALREADY CAME TO HER TWICE SHE CAN'T BE A GUY. IM NOT GAY THIS IS A GIRL A GROWN WOMAN EVEN REPEAT AFTER ME GIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRL GIRLGIRLGIRL GIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGI RLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRL GIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGIRL GIRLGIRLGIRL GIRLGIRL GIRLGIRLGIRLGIRLGI RLGIRLGIRLGIRL Anonymous 08/03/22(Wed) 09:58:02 No.51099054 ►>>51107549 >>51098963 (OP) Actually, he does look more masculine with the angry eyebrows. It's the f------ eyelashes that's throwing everyone off. Anonymous 08/03/22(Wed)09:58:17 No.51099063 ► >>51098963 (OP) LOL BROOOOOO THAT IS 100% A GIRL THEY CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS

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Anon is scared of girls | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I cannot fool myself anymore 80 KB JPG >get a hairsystem 05/25/24(Sat) 18:37:43 No.77615253 >"well i cant date because of the pandemic, guess i have to wait" >pandemic ends >"nah i cant approach girls, i have to get in shape first" >get in shape >"i am balding, i cant appraoch girls like this" >"I need to dress better, then i can approach girls for sure" >start dressing better >"i dont have any money, i need a better paying job first" >find a high paying job >running out of excuses >regularly notice girls checking me out >still not approaching girls The realization that my own ineptitude is the only thing thats stopping me from getting a gf now hit me like a f------ freight train. Its been 2 weeks and i am still trying to deny it because i dont want to face the fact that i am scared of women

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Anon's growing up | /r/Greentext

Anonymous they say that my muilubetes mais boring, then have to show them masenem itpihyve never seen belum 1.34 MB PNG 02/28/24(Wed)01:00:36 No.76603561 >be me, 13 years old >imagine yourself being able to freeze the time in order to rob candies at grocery store >ffw, in college >imagine yourself being able to freeze the time in order to grope girl's breasts and r--- them whats wrong with me? 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon's questioning of science takes us on a wild ride of doubt and humor. Strap in for the adventure | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/07/23(Sat) 19:16:47 No. 15793560 I SCIENCE IMG_7321.png 118 KB PNG Why doesn't water burn? It's composed of hydrogen and oxygen. Oxygen is required for combustion, and hydrogen is extremely flammable. There is no reason water shouldn't burn. >But uhhm you see water is like ash.. >it's like already burnt, but it was never burnt, uhm like >Like the uhmmm oxygen atoms are like already bonded uhm >STOP QUESTIONING SCIENCE AND BELIEVE IT LIKE A GOOD GOY They can't keep getting away with it.

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I think anon is too honest | /r/Greentext

1637567877195.png 2.02 MB PNG New Dragonball game. Thoughts? Anonymous name? 11/22/21(Mon)10:01:13 No.578970020 >>578970065 # >>578970115 # Anonymous >>578970020 # What mine? Tony. 11/22/21(Mon)10:01:50 No.578970065

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Old School Degeneracy | /r/Greentext

>[ 01/24/08(Thu 23:35:22 No.51907770 Last summer after i was finished administering a good hot dicking to my girlfriend (in b4 i don't think you have etc.) I go to to the bathroom to clean up like i always do. And this time a had to take a s--- so I'm about to throw the condom into the toilet to get rid of it when an idea comes to me. I put four fingers into the open end of the condom and stretch it out and hold it up to my a------ and s--- into the condom. A perfect smooth finely tapered poop. It slides all the way down into the bottom of the condom. Coming to rest in the pool of e--------, and displacing some if it so that it flows up the sides of the turd. Perfect. It fits like a banana in it's skin. Then i look at my creation, wondering if anything could possibly be more awesome. Then i clip my toenails and drop them in there for good measure. I take the whole thing, hold the opening over the faucet and start filling it with warm water. I'm thinking of all the awesome things i could do with my newly acquired disease balloon. Running all the different scenarios through my head. Trying to select the single most awesome one. "This is going to be epic." I tell myself. I take it off the tap, it's about the size of a volleyball now. I go to tie it at the end, and I have the bit stretched around my fingers, ready to put the tip through the loop and complete the knot, when m----------- slips out of grip because the freshly unrolled end was still lubricated. It starts spewing it's payload before it even hits the floor. >> [ 01/24/08(Thu)23:36:09 No-51907834 It lands on my foot, bounces a little and empties itself all over my white socks. My girlfriend, who is still in the bedroom it's startled to hear a loud "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCK" emanating from the bathroom. She then opens the door to check on me and is greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing in a puddle of s--- stew with a limp condom at his feet. The just stares for a moment. Dumbfounded. Like she can't believe what's happing. Or she doesn't want to believe. There poo and c-- and toenails on the floor. On the walls, the mirror, on me. While her brain tries to make sense of the scene in front of her, I slam the door in her face, which seems to snap her out of the daze. "What the f---?! What the f--- did you do?!" she screams, like she's about to cry. I feel regret. Not for what I did, but for what I could have done. It smells now. I dry off with her towel then drop it on the floor, covering what part of the mess i can. I put on my cool face and exit the bathroom, gently shutting the door behind me. My girlfriend eyes me. I know she's waiting for an explanation. But i don't think she could handle it. So i walk past her without saying anything. I put on my coat and tell her "It's getting kind of late. I'm gonna head home." She just stares at me with that dumb look on her face. I drop my poo socks in her mailbox and walk home. That was the last time i would hear from her. But i had something better now. A dream. I would make another.

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The Echoes of Horrors Existing Just Out of Sight | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 821 KB GIF 03/25/19(Mon)19:27:09 No.14708930 >>14707351 (OP) # >Man literally turns two other men's anus' inside out >Proceeds to fondle, stroke and caress these inside out assholes >He then makes the erect shitholes rub and smear eachother, coating the inside out bungholes en the others fluids >And, at last, he makes the one of the two inverted rectal holes penetrate the other >He managed to make an anus penetrate another anus I feel like i've transcended to another plane of existence and understanding, what a powerful video. Than you for sharing, anon. >>14709010 # >>14711297 # >>14711689 # >>14712647 # >>14712980 # >>14714933 # >>14714945 # >>14714996 #

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One From the Archives | /r/Greentext

>> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:17 No. 13457437 All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my fiancee. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way backto the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience: >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:28 No. 13457445 0.Occupied. 1. Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one. 2.Poo on seat. 3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat. 4. No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet. Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful S------. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. S------ was blathering to Mrs. S------ about the s----- day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:39 No. 13457447 Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency. of the stall, and it shook gently. Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent:)1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way underthe stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:53 No. 13457455 "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride. Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my a--- symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final a--- announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:54:07 No. 13457460 After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in thebathroom.

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Cultural exchange | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)21:38:17 No.3 >Moo at a cow >It moos back We are friends

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Anon hates himself more than others hate him. | /r/Greentext

RONALD McDICHHEAD ALL THILPLACES YOU CAN GO McFuck Yourself Yourself 館 Really, THAT is the hill they die on? Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)20:10:50 No.918947549 >When others insult me. No one gives a s---. >When I insult myself or agree with insults >OMG No that's not cool, don't do that, you're a good person! Why is it okay for others to insult me but the moment I start insulting myself SUDDENLY it's a bad thing? Where the f--- was this support when others were insulting me? F--- you.

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Anon lives in New York | /r/Greentext

68 KB JPG >Be Me > New Yorker > Homeless and starving > Steals bread > Does not get beat up by Spider-Man because he's a friendly neighborhood working class hero that understand the struggles of the poor and destitute > Walks into an alley > Shot by the Punisher

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Know Your Meme

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