Old School Degeneracy | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

>[ 01/24/08(Thu 23:35:22 No.51907770 Last summer after i was finished administering a good hot dicking to my girlfriend (in b4 i don't think you have etc.) I go to to the bathroom to clean up like i always do. And this time a had to take a s--- so I'm about to throw the condom into the toilet to get rid of it when an idea comes to me. I put four fingers into the open end of the condom and stretch it out and hold it up to my a------ and s--- into the condom. A perfect smooth finely tapered poop. It slides all the way down into the bottom of the condom. Coming to rest in the pool of e--------, and displacing some if it so that it flows up the sides of the turd. Perfect. It fits like a banana in it's skin. Then i look at my creation, wondering if anything could possibly be more awesome. Then i clip my toenails and drop them in there for good measure. I take the whole thing, hold the opening over the faucet and start filling it with warm water. I'm thinking of all the awesome things i could do with my newly acquired disease balloon. Running all the different scenarios through my head. Trying to select the single most awesome one. "This is going to be epic." I tell myself. I take it off the tap, it's about the size of a volleyball now. I go to tie it at the end, and I have the bit stretched around my fingers, ready to put the tip through the loop and complete the knot, when m----------- slips out of grip because the freshly unrolled end was still lubricated. It starts spewing it's payload before it even hits the floor. >> [ 01/24/08(Thu)23:36:09 No-51907834 It lands on my foot, bounces a little and empties itself all over my white socks. My girlfriend, who is still in the bedroom it's startled to hear a loud "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCK" emanating from the bathroom. She then opens the door to check on me and is greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing in a puddle of s--- stew with a limp condom at his feet. The just stares for a moment. Dumbfounded. Like she can't believe what's happing. Or she doesn't want to believe. There poo and c-- and toenails on the floor. On the walls, the mirror, on me. While her brain tries to make sense of the scene in front of her, I slam the door in her face, which seems to snap her out of the daze. "What the f---?! What the f--- did you do?!" she screams, like she's about to cry. I feel regret. Not for what I did, but for what I could have done. It smells now. I dry off with her towel then drop it on the floor, covering what part of the mess i can. I put on my cool face and exit the bathroom, gently shutting the door behind me. My girlfriend eyes me. I know she's waiting for an explanation. But i don't think she could handle it. So i walk past her without saying anything. I put on my coat and tell her "It's getting kind of late. I'm gonna head home." She just stares at me with that dumb look on her face. I drop my poo socks in her mailbox and walk home. That was the last time i would hear from her. But i had something better now. A dream. I would make another.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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The Echoes of Horrors Existing Just Out of Sight | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 821 KB GIF 03/25/19(Mon)19:27:09 No.14708930 >>14707351 (OP) # >Man literally turns two other men's anus' inside out >Proceeds to fondle, stroke and caress these inside out assholes >He then makes the erect shitholes rub and smear eachother, coating the inside out bungholes en the others fluids >And, at last, he makes the one of the two inverted rectal holes penetrate the other >He managed to make an anus penetrate another anus I feel like i've transcended to another plane of existence and understanding, what a powerful video. Than you for sharing, anon. >>14709010 # >>14711297 # >>14711689 # >>14712647 # >>14712980 # >>14714933 # >>14714945 # >>14714996 #

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One From the Archives | /r/Greentext

>> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:17 No. 13457437 All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my fiancee. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way backto the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience: >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:28 No. 13457445 0.Occupied. 1. Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one. 2.Poo on seat. 3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat. 4. No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet. Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful S------. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. S------ was blathering to Mrs. S------ about the s----- day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:39 No. 13457447 Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency. of the stall, and it shook gently. Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent:)1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way underthe stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:53 No. 13457455 "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride. Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my a--- symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final a--- announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:54:07 No. 13457460 After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in thebathroom.

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Cultural exchange | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)21:38:17 No.3 >Moo at a cow >It moos back We are friends

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Anon hates himself more than others hate him. | /r/Greentext

RONALD McDICHHEAD ALL THILPLACES YOU CAN GO McFuck Yourself Yourself 館 Really, THAT is the hill they die on? Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)20:10:50 No.918947549 >When others insult me. No one gives a s---. >When I insult myself or agree with insults >OMG No that's not cool, don't do that, you're a good person! Why is it okay for others to insult me but the moment I start insulting myself SUDDENLY it's a bad thing? Where the f--- was this support when others were insulting me? F--- you.

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Anon lives in New York | /r/Greentext

68 KB JPG >Be Me > New Yorker > Homeless and starving > Steals bread > Does not get beat up by Spider-Man because he's a friendly neighborhood working class hero that understand the struggles of the poor and destitute > Walks into an alley > Shot by the Punisher

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/b/ on race | /r/Greentext

File: 810HCT/TsuL.jpg (375 KB, 2100x2100) United States of America Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)16:39:20 No.918933665 [Reply] >>918935974 >>918936254 Americans: what are your thoughts on race relations in the US? Whites? Blacks? Latinos? Asians? Native americans? >> Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)17:15:29 No.918935244 No americans in the building? Padie Ocean Gulf of Mexton >> Atlantie O Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)17:32:35 No.918935974 >>918933665 (OP) There are decent people from all races and cultures that don't give a f--- one way or the other. I prefer those people. Then there are those that are racially tribalistic, like the /pol/cels or the angry blacks that think white people owe them s--- and riot at every criticize. I f------ loath those people. Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)17:39:34 No.918936254 ► >>918933665 (OP) race relations are good in good areas, but they're bad in bad areas

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/b/ on gorillas | /r/Greentext

>> File: IMG_4970.jpg (58 KB, 640x480) Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)16:15:46 No.918932713 [Reply] >>918933382 >>918933780 What do you think about gorillas? +1 reply omitted. Click here to view. >> Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)17:39:35 No.918936255 >>918933780 Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)16:34:03 No.918933382 >>918932713 (OP) Better than stoprillas Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)16:41:44 No.918933780 >>918932713 (OP) >>918936255 They catch a lot of s--- being compared to n------. Gorillas are a hell of a lot more cool than n------ are. x10 Gorillas should be protected and the other apes killed.

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/b/ on albinos | /r/Greentext

File: pale.jpg (76 KB, 1280×720) Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)17:30:10 No.77627302 [Reply] >>77627310 >>77627313 >>77627314 >>77627326 Do pale white people like this exist, or is it mostly shooping? I'm not white, but it looks pretty kino. Anonymous 05/26/24(Sun)17:30:56 No.77627310 >>77627302 (OP) That's called albinism

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Road to Berlin | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 53 KB JPG >night out comes >its in some club 05/26/24(Sun)21:09:38 No.77623625 >get a new job >chat to a few of my new coworkers >one of them says some people from work are going out on friday night and asks if i want to come >never had friends or anything so happily say yes >feel accepted for the first time in my life >about 20 people from work are there >club is full to bursting point >women are dressed like prostitutes and have so much makeup on they look like burn victims >guys are all dressed like t---- and are acting like t---- >try to chat to coworkers but can't because of the noise. >try to dance but can't because every time I move an inch I hit someone >don't like alcohol so forced to sit around drunk people for hours >almost everyone seems to be doing drugs as well >just sit there for hours till 1am not even able to think because its so noisy >go home wishing i'd never went >next day in work everyone says its one of the best nights out they've ever had Okay what the f--- am I missing here? Is this seriously what being a normie is like? I honestly had more fun the time I accidentally s--- myself as a teenager and had to smuggle my soiled boxers out of the house without anyone seeing or smelling them

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Anon is a Buddhist | /r/Greentext

***Anonymous East 21 KB JPG 05/26/24(Sun)23:27:05 No.918923441 >thinking about killing myself >realize reincarnation might be real >18% chance to respawn in China >18% chance to respawn in India >15% chance to respawn in Africa >5% chance to respawn in South America >5% chance to respawn in Middle >if I kill myself, it might be that I have a 61% chance to respawn in an actual s------- country Reincarnation being real would unironically prove Earth really is Hell.

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Anon found a loli | /r/Greentext

File: 1300669768956.jpg (398 KB, 544x600) Anonymous (ID: igTm24fJ 05/26/24(Sun)11:46:13 No.469204848 >>469205280 >>469205534 >>469205704>>469206529 >>469207086 >>469207436 >>469210718 >>469210914 >>469211591 >>469211607 >>469211620 >be me >Exiting mcshits >A wild loli appears >Begin to open door to hold it for her >Immediately calculate all of the years ahead of her, all the b------- she'll pull, the lies she'll tell, the guys shell cheat on and exploit, decades of narcissism and whoredom >She begins walking closer to door >Use man brain to instinctively know trajectory of door >REALLY open it for her at the perfect moment >Mfw the handle knocked her tooth out >She begins crying >Turns into screaming like a banshee when she sees her tooth on the ground and the blood in her hand >Her mother comes running up screaming "what happened" >Both look towards me >Say the wind ripped the door right out of her hand >Got the f--- out while barely getting it together >Almost died laughing on my way home

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Anon on R. Lee Ermey's performance in Full Metal Jacket | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/24(Thu)11:53:14 No.2663937 Screenshot_20240523_114135_YouTube.jpg 532 KB JPG >There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on n------, k----, wops, greasers, injuns, zipperheads, slavoids, or any other inferior race. You will not be allowed to lynch pvt.Snowball. You will not make Holocaust jokes at pvt.Joker. You will not tell our South- Vietnamese allies to open their eyes so they can shoot better. And you MOST CERTAINLY will not shame pvt.Cowboy for being a filthy c----sucking f----- queer. Fried chicken and kosher bagels will be available in the messhall for pvt. Snowball and pvt.Joker respectively. Here you are all worthless subhuman n------. Do you maggots understand that? Was this necessary?

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Know Your Meme

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