Anon goes turbo aut on his wife | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: edward-scissorhands.jpg (324 KB, 1920x1080) ☐ Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)23:29:35 No. 197587606 >Wife is super indecisive >Even simple decisions can take forever >Decide I've had enough, challenge her to Rock Paper Scissors >At first I do it as a joke, but at some point the joke never ends. >I always play scissors no matter what >Takes her a little while to pick up on it, even longer to stop calling my bluff >"Why? You're just going to play scissors!" >"No I wont" >For three long years straight, I play scissors no matter what >Never elaborate. >Even when its in my interest to win (Cleaning dishes, deciding dinner, etc.) I stay the course >On the cusp of the fourth year there's finally something I want >We're deciding between houses and she wants a weathered old build with loads of issues because of the aesthetics >Challenge her to RPS >She doesn't even say anything, just chuckles and begins >She thinks this is my cute way of giving her what she wants >She thinks she's going to win >She thinks I'm about to play scissors I play paper. >She thought I was the worst Rock Paper Scissors players ever My love, I am one of the greatest ever born

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon the skeptic | /r/Greentext

03/24/24(Sun)10:00:51 No.462778817 The Jews did this. 675.jpg 16 KB JPG >Shooting happens >US: "Our sources say it was the Mudslimes" >ISIS:"Yes, it was us. Here is video proof you filthy pig- dogs" >Russia: "Yes, we have captured some of the shooters. After some tortu- I mean persuasion, they admitted they're Mussies." >/Pol/tards:"It was the Jooos! The Jooooss are behind everything!" Why are they like this?

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Anon isn’t buying it | /r/Greentext

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Was it because of homophobia? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/24(Mon)09:53:39 No.197593494 file.png 1.32 MB PNG >accepts people from all colors and creeds in his empire, even outcasts, with only the price of kneeling to him >prefers giving people money than going to war with them >still prefers to solve things by talking even after the war begins >still would like his enemy to join him, being 100% able to kill him on the spot, even after suffering massive damage on his armies from him Why was he considered the villain?

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anon plays minecraft with a woman | /r/Greentext

File: 1698421503329365.png (737 KB, 800x533) >tell her i wanna take it slow Anonymous 03/25/24(Mon)21:21:56 No.76897543 >>76897836>>76897997 >>76898123 >be me >early 20s >obsessed with mc >play it with cute girl from forums >play everday >play for months on end >hang out online so much her mom knew me >tells me she loves me and wants me to be with her >i say the same >tells me to move ot ohio right away to be wit her >she agrees but then disappears >3 months past without hearing from her >comes back to tell me she's now married with her 2nd choice i avoid a bullet but at the same time regret it. Anonymous 03/25/24(Mon)21:23:32 No.76897549 BRUH! ONLY IN OHIO LMAO

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Yeah I'm just lazy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 31 KB JPG 03/25/24(Mon)02:21:12 No.20336894 >"Getting delivery is cheaper than cooking" >"No it isn't" >"The ingredients cost so much!" >"You can make multiple servings with that amount of food, not to mention you save on delivery costs" >You expect me to eat leftovers? I'll have you know I have food trauma/histamine sensitivity/privileged upbringing etc. Why are people like this?

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)14:37:59 No.915838226 how do i get out of depression? do i just wait it out? 72 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)14:41:36 No.915838366 yeah 39 KB JPG

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anon is pretending to be female | /r/Greentext

File: 1665778563253.jpg (9 KB, 204x247) Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)19:42:17 No.76893694 [Reply] >>76893799 >>76893838 >be me >24yo femanon >meet guy at AA meeting >he's super cute >possiblebf.jpeg >we meet him up for dinner >i suggest me buy some wine >"one glass won't hurt" >"anon, i'm not sure" >"come on, wine might loosen me up" >wink at him sexily >two bottles of wine later we're pretty smashed and making out up against the restaurant dumpster >"let's get vodka in, make this is into a real party" >we drink the vodka buy the canal >he gets emotional and starts crying about his wife >he killed her in a drink driving accident >mfw why would he bring up his ex wife on a date with me? men can be so weird + 4 replies omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)19:52:36 No.76893775 Based, sis! What a dumb moid that forgot everything especially the "one is too many and a thousand is never enough." Hopefully he'll continue on his binge, drinks and drives again and kills himself. Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)19:54:44 No.76893798 >be OP >be 24yo hag, dicked down dozens, if not, hundreds of times in college already >Meet older chad at a meeting specifically for getting over alcohol addiction >"OMG!! HE'S SUPER CUTE!!!!" >We meet at a bar >I pull him out of recovery and tempt him into drinking again >Make out behind a dumpster >We drink even more >Suddenly, the guy in question reveals that he was actually drinking because he killed his own wife, by mistake >OMG RÓBOTS!!! WHY ARE MEN LIEK THIS!!!! WHY DOES HE CARE ABOUT HIS WIFE THAT HE NEVER MEANT TO KILL AND WANTED A FAMILY WITH??? WHY DID HE CRY LIKE A LITTLE BITCH?? EWWW THIS "CHAD" GIVES ME THE ICK!! WHAT A F------ BETA I hate you OP, and every day women like you make me so happy to be alone. KYS at your earliest convenience.

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Mega autist is famous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 145 KB JPG 03/25/24(Mon)06:53:43 No.915863956 I kinda took a joke too far. Here goes >get hungry one evening, as one does, decide to order some beef lo mein at nearby chinese joint >call up the guy, give him my order, casually give him a local celebrity's name when he asks name for pickup (las vegas, many celebs are here, actually believable) >decide to dress up really fancy to pick up my order, full suit, silver shirt, purple jerry garcia necktie, even pulled out my monocle prop >park out of view of the shop window, exit, walk up to counter >carrying a leather-bound binder with blank loose paper >tell the guy that mr. celebrity wishes to receive his order, then opened my hand in a slow manner presenting the money for the order >chinese dude takes my money, brings my order, everyone is curiously observing me >do this like once a month for a few months, they recognize me >change up my order preferences after a few months, they got used to preparing beef lo mein and a cup of hot and sour for mr. local celebrity >start dressing in normal clothing and picking up my new order >they notice the pattern >i can now show up in either set of clothing, depending on my tastes for the evening, and have my order prepared while i'm walking through the foyer

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Anon tried to win an argument against his mom | /r/Greentext

File: 1A664342-4B95-4AFB-9325-8(...).jpg (17 KB, 736x618) I hate this Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)08:38:02 No.915836205 [Reply] >be me >>915840699 >live in a family of 3, mom bro and me >try to play vidya >Brother using PlayStation to watch Family Guy while playing on his laptop >Family guy is paused so I turn it off >"Youre not doing that!!!" >Brother goes to get mom, I explain what id going on and how he can keep frying his brain with Family Guy on his phone and still play >my mom shouting at me at how ungreatful of a bastard I am and how I do not help and and and >literally am talking normally and stating objective facts while she screams and yells at me >she tells me Im manipulative (?) Despite her saying I am a discrase as a son and how dare I not want to help anyone (I complained that I was out with her the whole day, shopping for s--- we dont need, getting yelled or scolded at half the time, and how I just wanted to relax a bit) >be banned from living room, be told to go to my room >mfw My life would be objectively SO funny as a f------ Comedy. But its real. And I genuinely have the urge to cut myself lol, humor is the only way I can escape, honestly I want to kms. I hate living here and going through this tourment every. f------. day.

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Anon is a super straight male | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >super straight male 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan mfw

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Anon is blackmailed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous _ESA ROPA SIMPLEMENTE NO PODIA 03/24/24(Sun)23:05:47 No.915858640 >20 year old >friends with a girl in college >met about a year ago >she's had feelings for me from SOPORTARLO. the start and is always trying to make me her boyfriend but I'm not interested in her, she's just a cool girl and friend 60 KB JPG >a couple of weeks ago I send her a d--- pic just to cocktease her for fun/for an ego boost (I'm around 9 inches and know how to anglemaxx to look even bigger) >she seems to become more obsessed with me afterwards but I don't take it too seriously >yesterday she tells me that she'll spread the pictures around to as many people as she can unless I date her Life has suddenly become a lot more stressful. I don't enjoy being blackmailed. : Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)23:31:49 No.915859630 >>915858640 (OP) # just f--- her retard >>915859925 #

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Anon went to protestant church | /r/Greentext

THS Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)21:04:29 No.915837060 >be me, catholic >>915837339 >>915837344 >>915837672 >have gf (protestant) who has recently turned back to the faith and intends to convert to catholicism >has accompanied me to Sunday mass a couple of times >yesterday, asked me if I'd want to go to her childhood protestant church this Sunday to see the differences >ok why not >we arrive, neatly dressed like usual, her in a nice dress and me in a suit and tie >literally everyone else is dressed like a total slob >like 30% of the other attendees are wearing sweatpants >mass commences >bunch of new age songs no one, not even the other attendees, really know the lyrics of so barely anyone sings along >sermon begins >literally a half hour monologue about Ukraine and Russia (a conflict that is now two years old) >called Russia (not Putin, just Russia in general) the "ultimate evil" >said Alexei Navalny is a Jesus-like figure who got killed for his faith >praised Zelensky (a jew) as the "ultimate defender of Christianity" > lamented about the Pope's recent call for peace between Ukraine and Russia, said there can never be peace aside from an unconditional Russian surrender >closed by praising Israel for their heroic defense against Hamas terrorists, but I didn't even pay too much attention anymore at that point are all protestant churches like this? even gf was shocked as she didn't remember it being this way.

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