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: Anonymous 145 KB JPG 03/25/24(Mon)06:53:43 No.915863956 I kinda took a joke too far. Here goes >get hungry one evening, as one does, decide to order some beef lo mein at nearby chinese joint >call up the guy, give him my order, casually give him a local celebrity's name when he asks name for pickup (las vegas, many celebs are here, actually believable) >decide to dress up really fancy to pick up my order, full suit, silver shirt, purple jerry garcia necktie, even pulled out my monocle prop >park out of view of the shop window, exit, walk up to counter >carrying a leather-bound binder with blank loose paper >tell the guy that mr. celebrity wishes to receive his order, then opened my hand in a slow manner presenting the money for the order >chinese dude takes my money, brings my order, everyone is curiously observing me >do this like once a month for a few months, they recognize me >change up my order preferences after a few months, they got used to preparing beef lo mein and a cup of hot and sour for mr. local celebrity >start dressing in normal clothing and picking up my new order >they notice the pattern >i can now show up in either set of clothing, depending on my tastes for the evening, and have my order prepared while i'm walking through the foyer

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File: Screenshot 20241127-155712.png (228 KB, 742x721) Something Happened Anonymous (ID: HG6Lars) 11/27/24(Wed)17:35:15 No.489774321 ► >Polls all indicate a Harris victory, though close >Ann Selzer poll, known as a canary in a coal mine, indicated Harris winning lowa >Trump campaign suspiciously quiet nearing the end of the campaign >Harris campaign had significant energy >North Carolina predicted to be close >Virginia unusually red >The four countries willing and able to f--- with US democracy (Iran, China, Russia, NK) stand to benefit from a Trump win (cause it's destabilizing) >Billionaires cozy up to Trump despite a Harris victory being predicted >TRUMP WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS A REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >WITH AN APPROVAL RATING EQUIVALENT TO CANCER Bros, I'm telling you, something funky happened

☐ Anonymous 11/25/24(Mon) 10:39:13 No. 17295889 >>17295909 >>17295925 >>17295935 >>17295976 >win independence >DON'T devolve into military dictatorship or absolute monarchy >start off with fresh land and an unusually high literacy rate >neighbors are retarded savages who live at the mercy of nature >large ocean between them and European chimpouts >shitgoesdown.jpg >"here tovarish buy my land I need to fund a chimpout" >ok > "here America buy my land, I need to fund my own le chimpout" >ok >"hey America there was a chimpout in Texas we'll join you (and won't secede later) if you help" >ok >*doubles land in two years* It's amazing how well they took advantage of what they had. Many nations have completely fumbled the bag during their development. What went so right?

Anonymous (ID: Lvuvmf4p 11/21/24(Thu)03:45:24 No.489109549 16 KB JPG >4chan known as a right-wing Nazi haven >allows all types of opinions and rhetoric >X known as a right-wing Nazi haven >allows all types of opinions and rhetoric >reddit known as a left-wing haven >bans anyone posting anything even slightly right of center >bluesky quickly becoming known as a left-wing haven >bans anyone posting anything even slightly right of center Really makes you think.

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Anon tried to win an argument against his mom | /r/Greentext

File: 1A664342-4B95-4AFB-9325-8(...).jpg (17 KB, 736x618) I hate this Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)08:38:02 No.915836205 [Reply] >be me >>915840699 >live in a family of 3, mom bro and me >try to play vidya >Brother using PlayStation to watch Family Guy while playing on his laptop >Family guy is paused so I turn it off >"Youre not doing that!!!" >Brother goes to get mom, I explain what id going on and how he can keep frying his brain with Family Guy on his phone and still play >my mom shouting at me at how ungreatful of a bastard I am and how I do not help and and and >literally am talking normally and stating objective facts while she screams and yells at me >she tells me Im manipulative (?) Despite her saying I am a discrase as a son and how dare I not want to help anyone (I complained that I was out with her the whole day, shopping for s--- we dont need, getting yelled or scolded at half the time, and how I just wanted to relax a bit) >be banned from living room, be told to go to my room >mfw My life would be objectively SO funny as a f------ Comedy. But its real. And I genuinely have the urge to cut myself lol, humor is the only way I can escape, honestly I want to kms. I hate living here and going through this tourment every. f------. day.

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Anon is a super straight male | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >super straight male 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan mfw

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Anon is blackmailed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous _ESA ROPA SIMPLEMENTE NO PODIA 03/24/24(Sun)23:05:47 No.915858640 >20 year old >friends with a girl in college >met about a year ago >she's had feelings for me from SOPORTARLO. the start and is always trying to make me her boyfriend but I'm not interested in her, she's just a cool girl and friend 60 KB JPG >a couple of weeks ago I send her a d--- pic just to cocktease her for fun/for an ego boost (I'm around 9 inches and know how to anglemaxx to look even bigger) >she seems to become more obsessed with me afterwards but I don't take it too seriously >yesterday she tells me that she'll spread the pictures around to as many people as she can unless I date her Life has suddenly become a lot more stressful. I don't enjoy being blackmailed. : Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)23:31:49 No.915859630 >>915858640 (OP) # just f--- her retard >>915859925 #

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Anon went to protestant church | /r/Greentext

THS Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)21:04:29 No.915837060 >be me, catholic >>915837339 >>915837344 >>915837672 >have gf (protestant) who has recently turned back to the faith and intends to convert to catholicism >has accompanied me to Sunday mass a couple of times >yesterday, asked me if I'd want to go to her childhood protestant church this Sunday to see the differences >ok why not >we arrive, neatly dressed like usual, her in a nice dress and me in a suit and tie >literally everyone else is dressed like a total slob >like 30% of the other attendees are wearing sweatpants >mass commences >bunch of new age songs no one, not even the other attendees, really know the lyrics of so barely anyone sings along >sermon begins >literally a half hour monologue about Ukraine and Russia (a conflict that is now two years old) >called Russia (not Putin, just Russia in general) the "ultimate evil" >said Alexei Navalny is a Jesus-like figure who got killed for his faith >praised Zelensky (a jew) as the "ultimate defender of Christianity" > lamented about the Pope's recent call for peace between Ukraine and Russia, said there can never be peace aside from an unconditional Russian surrender >closed by praising Israel for their heroic defense against Hamas terrorists, but I didn't even pay too much attention anymore at that point are all protestant churches like this? even gf was shocked as she didn't remember it being this way.

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Make sure to pay a subscription and not buy outright | /r/Greentext

terminal wojak.png 170 KB PNG >........ I wish i consumed more media..... *BEEEEEEEEEEEP*........

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op takes matters into his own hands | /r/Greentext

File: gt 3.14 goth chick.jpg (20 KB, 236x393) God is Bu A help ☐ robots how do i stalk a girl and make it seem normal? Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)16:23:12 No. 76891774 >>76891781 >be 17 >qt 3.14 goth girl from my school >massive f------ crush, like it's ungodly >catches me staring all the time >think she thinks i hate her >give up fast forward a year >find name in year book >decide look up name on le hacker website >find a whole bunch of personal information (bitch cannot hide her stuff) >find address >decide to go to her house, to maybe smooth things over >comes out >does not like that >starts yelling >yells for father >father comes out, and starts yelling to >father punches me in the face, and i run away typing this as i s-- in my car. how do i smooth this over, and make it up to her? i really like her bros. picrel, very high resemblance to her

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Anon on Christianity | /r/Greentext

1028224F-6AE1-4BA3-B5BB-23F0253D4C7E.jpg 19 KB JPG >Conversation about Christian Theology >ACKTCHUALLY, Your god, YHWY, is actually the descendant of the ancient Pennsylvanian god PooPooPeepaloo, and his wife is the Goddess of Asshshart, who descended from the moon (goddess Lumariel) to teach them the art of Insert- Two-Fingers-Into/As, which is why you celebrate easter. (ASCHSHART = Easter). According to *HERETIC DENOUNCED BY THE CHURCH 1600 YEARS AGO, you guys actually have your whole theology wrong and my retarded retcon fanfic from r/Mythology is more accurate about Zoroaster and Pazuzu than the entire ecclesiastical authorities have ever known about Christ. Why?

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I tried watching 1 of his video and it’s literally true | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/20/22(Fri)23:48:11 No.68714289 8 KB JPG >hey guys it's critical >today we are taking yet another clip from my live stream of me watching a youtube video that somebody else made and getting a million views for what little I add in words with my boring dry tired voice >also, for comedic effect, I will stretch the image on the youtube thumbnail for the billionth time >please laugh

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Anon hates this trope | /r/Greentext

File: 1710633694657591.jpg (36 KB, 512x468) Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)13:37:34 No. 197582701 >>197582751 >>197582764 >>197582915 >>197582960 >Character walks into a bar >Orders a "beer"

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Employee is based af | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 189 KB PNG 03/24/24(Sun) 23:14:21 No.76890460 >new guy at work >kind of weird and retarded but nice and polite >talk to him during lunch >turns out he does art >he explains his universe and characters >notice something >the good and light faction are all tall plus huge boobs >the dark evil ones are short with small boobs >he doesn't comment on it at all, completely engrossed in his lore Yeah I'm gonna stick with that guy

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Anon is reseting his bro to default settings | /r/Greentext

mous (ID: NUзtoXWn) VIP 11/29/20(Sun)23:44:19 No.29389357 I have been putting testosterone pills in my gay brothers food and drinks for about 2 months now and he is starting to like women more. AMA

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Many such gay cases | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Is this guy closeted too?? 10 KB PNG >be me 03/24/24(Sun)15:48:31 No.30951550 >20m UK closeted bisexual >drinking with friends at someone's house for hours >we are all very drunk >time to sleep >sitting on upstairs living room floor next to a guy friend who is outwardly very homophobic and masculine but also basically an incel >can't remember how it was initiated but we start holding hands in the dark >continue holding hands in the dark while talking to others in the room >we squeeze each other's hand while holding them together and I use my thumb to rub the outside of his hand >without clearly thinking I stop holding his hand and start massaging his head >he doesnt react negatively at all and we continue talking to the others in the room while i rub his head in the dark >go back to holding hands >i decide to leave the room and sleep downstairs I know that this situation was pretty much me not suppressing my sexuality due to the influence of alcohol, but what does it say about the other guy? I'm certain that I was more drunk than he was. I never had any intention to do anything like that and I would never have thought he could be closeted.......

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Greentext Stories - Mega autist is famous | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 145 KB JPG 03/25/24(Mon)06:53:43 No.915863956 I kinda took a joke too far. Here goes >get hungry one evening, as one does, decide to order some beef lo mein at nearby chinese joint >call up the guy, give him my order, casually give him a local celebrity's name when he asks name for pickup (las vegas, many celebs are here, actually believable) >decide to dress up really fancy to pick up my order, full suit, silver shirt, purple jerry garcia necktie, even pulled out my monocle prop >park out of view of the shop window, exit, walk up to counter >carrying a leather-bound binder with blank loose paper >tell the guy that mr. celebrity wishes to receive his order, then opened my hand in a slow manner presenting the money for the order >chinese dude takes my money, brings my order, everyone is curiously observing me >do this like once a month for a few months, they recognize me >change up my order preferences after a few months, they got used to preparing beef lo mein and a cup of hot and sour for mr. local celebrity >start dressing in normal clothing and picking up my new order >they notice the pattern >i can now show up in either set of clothing, depending on my tastes for the evening, and have my order prepared while i'm walking through the foyer

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