Yeah I'm just lazy | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 31 KB JPG 03/25/24(Mon)02:21:12 No.20336894 >"Getting delivery is cheaper than cooking" >"No it isn't" >"The ingredients cost so much!" >"You can make multiple servings with that amount of food, not to mention you save on delivery costs" >You expect me to eat leftovers? I'll have you know I have food trauma/histamine sensitivity/privileged upbringing etc. Why are people like this?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)14:37:59 No.915838226 how do i get out of depression? do i just wait it out? 72 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)14:41:36 No.915838366 yeah 39 KB JPG

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anon is pretending to be female | /r/Greentext

File: 1665778563253.jpg (9 KB, 204x247) Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)19:42:17 No.76893694 [Reply] >>76893799 >>76893838 >be me >24yo femanon >meet guy at AA meeting >he's super cute >possiblebf.jpeg >we meet him up for dinner >i suggest me buy some wine >"one glass won't hurt" >"anon, i'm not sure" >"come on, wine might loosen me up" >wink at him sexily >two bottles of wine later we're pretty smashed and making out up against the restaurant dumpster >"let's get vodka in, make this is into a real party" >we drink the vodka buy the canal >he gets emotional and starts crying about his wife >he killed her in a drink driving accident >mfw why would he bring up his ex wife on a date with me? men can be so weird + 4 replies omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)19:52:36 No.76893775 Based, sis! What a dumb moid that forgot everything especially the "one is too many and a thousand is never enough." Hopefully he'll continue on his binge, drinks and drives again and kills himself. Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)19:54:44 No.76893798 >be OP >be 24yo hag, dicked down dozens, if not, hundreds of times in college already >Meet older chad at a meeting specifically for getting over alcohol addiction >"OMG!! HE'S SUPER CUTE!!!!" >We meet at a bar >I pull him out of recovery and tempt him into drinking again >Make out behind a dumpster >We drink even more >Suddenly, the guy in question reveals that he was actually drinking because he killed his own wife, by mistake >OMG RÓBOTS!!! WHY ARE MEN LIEK THIS!!!! WHY DOES HE CARE ABOUT HIS WIFE THAT HE NEVER MEANT TO KILL AND WANTED A FAMILY WITH??? WHY DID HE CRY LIKE A LITTLE BITCH?? EWWW THIS "CHAD" GIVES ME THE ICK!! WHAT A F------ BETA I hate you OP, and every day women like you make me so happy to be alone. KYS at your earliest convenience.

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Mega autist is famous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 145 KB JPG 03/25/24(Mon)06:53:43 No.915863956 I kinda took a joke too far. Here goes >get hungry one evening, as one does, decide to order some beef lo mein at nearby chinese joint >call up the guy, give him my order, casually give him a local celebrity's name when he asks name for pickup (las vegas, many celebs are here, actually believable) >decide to dress up really fancy to pick up my order, full suit, silver shirt, purple jerry garcia necktie, even pulled out my monocle prop >park out of view of the shop window, exit, walk up to counter >carrying a leather-bound binder with blank loose paper >tell the guy that mr. celebrity wishes to receive his order, then opened my hand in a slow manner presenting the money for the order >chinese dude takes my money, brings my order, everyone is curiously observing me >do this like once a month for a few months, they recognize me >change up my order preferences after a few months, they got used to preparing beef lo mein and a cup of hot and sour for mr. local celebrity >start dressing in normal clothing and picking up my new order >they notice the pattern >i can now show up in either set of clothing, depending on my tastes for the evening, and have my order prepared while i'm walking through the foyer

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Anon tried to win an argument against his mom | /r/Greentext

File: 1A664342-4B95-4AFB-9325-8(...).jpg (17 KB, 736x618) I hate this Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)08:38:02 No.915836205 [Reply] >be me >>915840699 >live in a family of 3, mom bro and me >try to play vidya >Brother using PlayStation to watch Family Guy while playing on his laptop >Family guy is paused so I turn it off >"Youre not doing that!!!" >Brother goes to get mom, I explain what id going on and how he can keep frying his brain with Family Guy on his phone and still play >my mom shouting at me at how ungreatful of a bastard I am and how I do not help and and and >literally am talking normally and stating objective facts while she screams and yells at me >she tells me Im manipulative (?) Despite her saying I am a discrase as a son and how dare I not want to help anyone (I complained that I was out with her the whole day, shopping for s--- we dont need, getting yelled or scolded at half the time, and how I just wanted to relax a bit) >be banned from living room, be told to go to my room >mfw My life would be objectively SO funny as a f------ Comedy. But its real. And I genuinely have the urge to cut myself lol, humor is the only way I can escape, honestly I want to kms. I hate living here and going through this tourment every. f------. day.

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Anon is a super straight male | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >super straight male 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan mfw

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Anon is blackmailed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous _ESA ROPA SIMPLEMENTE NO PODIA 03/24/24(Sun)23:05:47 No.915858640 >20 year old >friends with a girl in college >met about a year ago >she's had feelings for me from SOPORTARLO. the start and is always trying to make me her boyfriend but I'm not interested in her, she's just a cool girl and friend 60 KB JPG >a couple of weeks ago I send her a d--- pic just to cocktease her for fun/for an ego boost (I'm around 9 inches and know how to anglemaxx to look even bigger) >she seems to become more obsessed with me afterwards but I don't take it too seriously >yesterday she tells me that she'll spread the pictures around to as many people as she can unless I date her Life has suddenly become a lot more stressful. I don't enjoy being blackmailed. : Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)23:31:49 No.915859630 >>915858640 (OP) # just f--- her retard >>915859925 #

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Anon went to protestant church | /r/Greentext

THS Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)21:04:29 No.915837060 >be me, catholic >>915837339 >>915837344 >>915837672 >have gf (protestant) who has recently turned back to the faith and intends to convert to catholicism >has accompanied me to Sunday mass a couple of times >yesterday, asked me if I'd want to go to her childhood protestant church this Sunday to see the differences >ok why not >we arrive, neatly dressed like usual, her in a nice dress and me in a suit and tie >literally everyone else is dressed like a total slob >like 30% of the other attendees are wearing sweatpants >mass commences >bunch of new age songs no one, not even the other attendees, really know the lyrics of so barely anyone sings along >sermon begins >literally a half hour monologue about Ukraine and Russia (a conflict that is now two years old) >called Russia (not Putin, just Russia in general) the "ultimate evil" >said Alexei Navalny is a Jesus-like figure who got killed for his faith >praised Zelensky (a jew) as the "ultimate defender of Christianity" > lamented about the Pope's recent call for peace between Ukraine and Russia, said there can never be peace aside from an unconditional Russian surrender >closed by praising Israel for their heroic defense against Hamas terrorists, but I didn't even pay too much attention anymore at that point are all protestant churches like this? even gf was shocked as she didn't remember it being this way.

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Make sure to pay a subscription and not buy outright | /r/Greentext

terminal wojak.png 170 KB PNG >........ I wish i consumed more media..... *BEEEEEEEEEEEP*........

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op takes matters into his own hands | /r/Greentext

File: gt 3.14 goth chick.jpg (20 KB, 236x393) God is Bu A help ☐ robots how do i stalk a girl and make it seem normal? Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)16:23:12 No. 76891774 >>76891781 >be 17 >qt 3.14 goth girl from my school >massive f------ crush, like it's ungodly >catches me staring all the time >think she thinks i hate her >give up fast forward a year >find name in year book >decide look up name on le hacker website >find a whole bunch of personal information (bitch cannot hide her stuff) >find address >decide to go to her house, to maybe smooth things over >comes out >does not like that >starts yelling >yells for father >father comes out, and starts yelling to >father punches me in the face, and i run away typing this as i s-- in my car. how do i smooth this over, and make it up to her? i really like her bros. picrel, very high resemblance to her

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Anon on Christianity | /r/Greentext

1028224F-6AE1-4BA3-B5BB-23F0253D4C7E.jpg 19 KB JPG >Conversation about Christian Theology >ACKTCHUALLY, Your god, YHWY, is actually the descendant of the ancient Pennsylvanian god PooPooPeepaloo, and his wife is the Goddess of Asshshart, who descended from the moon (goddess Lumariel) to teach them the art of Insert- Two-Fingers-Into/As, which is why you celebrate easter. (ASCHSHART = Easter). According to *HERETIC DENOUNCED BY THE CHURCH 1600 YEARS AGO, you guys actually have your whole theology wrong and my retarded retcon fanfic from r/Mythology is more accurate about Zoroaster and Pazuzu than the entire ecclesiastical authorities have ever known about Christ. Why?

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I tried watching 1 of his video and it’s literally true | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/20/22(Fri)23:48:11 No.68714289 8 KB JPG >hey guys it's critical >today we are taking yet another clip from my live stream of me watching a youtube video that somebody else made and getting a million views for what little I add in words with my boring dry tired voice >also, for comedic effect, I will stretch the image on the youtube thumbnail for the billionth time >please laugh

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Anon hates this trope | /r/Greentext

File: 1710633694657591.jpg (36 KB, 512x468) Anonymous 03/24/24(Sun)13:37:34 No. 197582701 >>197582751 >>197582764 >>197582915 >>197582960 >Character walks into a bar >Orders a "beer"

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