Anon meets up with his friends | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous (ID: 7CNg9HeN 02/24/24(Sat)15:02:02 No.19661225 >went out to meet old friends/acquaintances >"you got a job yet anon?" >me: "uh.... not yet im searching man" "its been years already why are you still like this? you plan to be a wifeless childless otaku bro? *everyone else starts chuckling* >literally sweated so f------ hard my shirt is visibly wet >they saw that and continued to poke fun at me until they change topic about some random political s--- I cant ucknig take it anymore : Anonymous (ID: 7CNg9HeN) 145 KB JPG 02/24/24(Sat)15:02:54 No.19661227 I CANT EVEN GREEN ARROW CORRECTLY F--- FUFKC F--- F--- F--- F--- I HATE MYSELFI FUFKCUF KCUFKC F--- I HATE MY F------ SELF F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- I WILL NEVER DESERVE HAPPINESS F--- F--- F--- F--- UFKCU FKC UFKC UFKC UF9OF F--- F--- F---

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Air Superiority | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/24(Tue)12:53:22 No.76292561 1701387226776176.png 171 KB PNG >ugly cute broken femcel girl >envision our entire lives together >says she only wants men who are put together and not broken themselves

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Anon forgets how valentines works | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous Help relationship advice Dawit 82 KB JPG 02/25/24(Sun)17:30:18 No.914476571 >get girlfriend >date for 3ish months >valentines day comes >she gets me shirt and a fun couples game >i didnt get her anything didnt think gifts were necessary > say ordered you a band sweatshirt dont worry it'll be here sometime next week >next week goes by >work is destroying me it is so f------ stressful >mention I plan on taking her out to dinner >completely forget I said that >weekend comes >give her band sweatshirt >visibly disappointed >we have sex >she seems out of it entire time >leaves >text me next day says Im inconsiderate >says im not thoughtful >she is kind of right about it >she asks if i think we should continue the relationship >I said yes >work is totally taking over my life leaving me emotionally drained and exhausted no emotional energy no physical energy what the f--- do I do?

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Demon Apple | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 99 KB JPEG 2/25/2024, 10:40:14 AM >be me >hungry >apple in fridge >want apple.jpeg >grab apple >drop apple on ground >f---.png >pick up >wash apple >act like nothing happened >go to cut apple >only have plastic knife >ok this will work.gif No.31681527 >its working >knife too dull have to use lots of pressure >knife snaps >becomes sharper than a scalpel >oh no.txt >plastic scalpel cuts my thumb with precision >one point five inch gash.hdr >f--- this apple I wasnt hungry anyway.mp3

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Anon wants to stop keymaxxing | /r/Greentext

File: istockphoto-1325992666-612x612.jpg (23 KB, 612x408) Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)01:35:01 No.2763058 >>2763059 >>2763061 >>2763148 >>2763154 I want to open my door from either side, can I just bore a hole in the door and use a chain with two padlocks either side?? SO tired of keys Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)01:46:28 No.2763061 >>2763062 >>2763058 (OP) padlocks take keys bro, just leave it unlocked. seriously anyone who was coming in is coming in regardless of if it's locked or not. Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)05:19:49 No.2763148 ► >>2763058 (OP) Hi everyone, Lockpicking Lawyer here and what I have for you today is a f------ retard who thinks that locks are useful and can't be opened in like 30 seconds by someone with half the skills I have, not to mention that literally anyone could just break through your window and walk in. Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)11:25:34 No.2763235>>2763309 >>2763643 >>2763123 Basically all locks are easily defeated if the person attacking knows anything about defeating locks. Locks are for keeping out teenagers and opportunistic dipshits that are too stupid to learn how to shim, pick, etc and too cowardly to just smash their way in Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)15:26:30 No.2763309 ► >>2763235 >keeping out opportunistic dipshits and stupid cowards So 90% of thieves. 5 Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)01:48:32 No.2763062 >>2763123 File: 71EYTWJVD+L_AC_UF894 100().jpg (72 KB, 894x661) >>2763061 >padlocks take keys bro Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)04:17:22 No.2763123 ► >>2763235 >>2763062 I'm pretty sure these are easily defeated. Regardless, burning to death choking on cyanide fumes and smoke sounds less than based. 6 7 3 1 CO >>2763235 >Basically all locks are easily defea- 2 Anonymous 02/25/24(Sun)03:59:05 No.2763643 ► File: Security.jpg (38 KB, 640x607) 8

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In light of recent events | /r/Greentext

Anonymous taking the iroh pill 624 KB PNG 12/05/23(Tue)03:58:33 No.75659160 >be me >recently watched the last airbender for the first time >also have a crippling p--- addiction >going about my business as usual >after i'm done, have an insane amount of post nut clarity >begin to wonder what uncle iroh would think of what i have done >vizualise his advice and wisdom in my mind >ponder this experience for a day >no motivation to fap anymore, i only hear his words echo throughout my mind >begin to devote the time i spent cooming to mindfulness exercises and enjoying jasmine tea >immediate confidence boost, feel better in myself and am outwardly more likeable >am a month clean from fapping i only have one man to credit. thank you, uncle.

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The Can of Beans analogy | /r/Greentext

>>181296386 (OP) # >Anon buys a can of beans >Anon opens the can of beans >There's only beans in the can >He then goes to the store to complain that there's no 71 KB PNG tomatoes inside the can of beans >He would also have liked some salad inside >People tell him that it's a can of beans >He answers with a cold "that's all you got to offer? That's a bit too many beans" >People look at him with a look of confusion mixed with a few chuckles >Anon is extremely confused as to why people are laughing at him >He bough a can of beans, of course there should be tomatoes and salad inside! >Truly the world has gone mad

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Umm dwarfbros? Our response? | /r/Greentext

• Anonymous 02/25/24(Sun)14:16:24 No.196622764 lotr_hobbit_ silmarillion IG And what gift would a Dwarf ask of the Elves? Nothing. Except to look upon the lady of the Galadhrim one last time... ...for she is more fair than all the jewels beneath the earth. FfH_m4PXwAUMgoW.jpg 101 KB JPG >Seethes at Elves for 140 years >Catches the faintest whiff of Galadriel's elfussy >Immediately starts simping Are Dwarfcels really like this?

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Anon questioning his life choices | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Can I return to normal? 02/25/24(Sun)16:33:05 No.76577819 >Be me, 25yr old femboy >Have spend the last seven years trapping men on 4chins >Get lots of validation and get off on the idea of corrupting straight guys >Lots of dominant women have come up to me in the past >Make some more slutty pictures of myself this morning >Suddenly hear the church bells ring in the background >Suddenly remember what my life used to be and what it could have been 574 KB JPG I dont wanna w---- myself out anymore. I wish I could just be normal and find some nice Christian girl who doesnt mind or even likes my past. Im getting too old to be a bishounen pretty boy and never learned how to be a real man or whatever. All I know is braiding in cute hairstyles and how to flirt with straight men.

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Glowanon gets fired | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: tEVdkDtB C.I.A. 02/02/24(Fri)14:13:49 No.457303216 >be me >glow n----- pepe >get 25$ an hour >spend 10 hours a day reading /pol >superiors think this place is full of terrorists >I tell them it is full of f--- 145 KB JPG >ignore my reports >f----- bosses cant be wrong >Show them /x posts >tell them go lurk there >request denied >I am stuck in this s--- hole >Am only suppose to observe or obfuscate >Look at my side arm >I am in hell >too much of a p---- to d--------- a pistol >so I sit >observe you retards >This is a fate worse than death.

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Anon becomes a water tester | /r/Greentext

File: Water DropGuy.png (45 KB, 776x900) How I became a water tester Anonymous 02/25/24(Sun)03:38:12 No.914461438 ► >be me >have a flesh room >finally got a woman to enter my house >my coworker at large grocery store chain #487 >asks to use restroom >down the hall, last door on the right >hear water running for like 5mins >curious.mp4 >autism takes hold, must see beyond the door >t--- is in there drinking from our bathroom sink >w-- >butch it up and ask if she was thirsty after "watching me work earlier" >says some nonsense about how water is super f------ cool >literally pulls a f------ water bottle out of her pocket like she had one this whole time to drink from, then drank straight from our kitchen sink instead >"is this lead pipes?" >no >"then it's safe, right?" >I had never thought about it until this point >fastforward.mpreg4 >am now obsessed with f------ water >make every weirdo I meet watch me open different faucets across town and test for lead >12 different water filtration systems in basement of the house >unnecessary but man we must test >become f------ professor snappynipples with all the gadgets >go from working job to traveling speaker showing kids that water safety is very important >even do a tour along the great lakes speaking about all the life there >life is good >make a few phone calls >get my dumb ass blacklisted in the science community for "fraudulent data" and a few other things >call them communists >realize I've went all in on this water thing at this point >the only career I've had that I loved >come home tonight after another hard day of speaking about clean water >honeyimhome.mp3 >no answer >hear thumping sound in room next to bathroom >open the door >flesh room got her Is it over for me?

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He didn't tip it's over | /r/Greentext

Anonymous ITT: YOU ARE AMERICAN 1.6 MB PNG 02/23/24(Fri)20:51:50 No.194106970 >be american >wake up to the sound of perfectly constitutional AR-15 gunfire >get in massive lifted pickup truck >realise someone's replaced your truck with a completely identical truck with a manual transmission >get confused, shart, and run over a small child >you sue him for being in your way and win >go to walmart with your earnings >buy 500 burgers at the in-store mcdonalds >eat them all and then shart in the mart >go outside >get shot >have to pay 10 million dollars to set foot in a hospital >die because you don't have 10 million dollars

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Anon Religion and Time Travel | /r/Greentext

Hanna-Barbera's GREATEST STORES FRO! 15 TOB! 8) JOSHUA and the BATTLE of JERICHO irtovero MARIETTE HARTLEY cuch Bad Wilus Hops CC ASNE un 51h9j19-KwL._AC_UF1000,1000_QL80_.jpg 111 KB JPG Can we take a moment to talk about what an absolute mindfuck this series was? The series acknowledges the existence of the Christian God as confirmed fact (omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent) but the explanation as to why they can't actually intervene is "We don't need to change anything or can't change anything because of the divine plan." How would God's divine plan even work if one of them decided to do something unbiblical or alter a biblical event? How have none of the three had a crisis of faith after witnessing all of the world's suffering? How does the afterlife sorting system work if people can jump through time at random? How does time have a beginning or end if the creator of time is just shifting people around the timeline for no other reason than "I kinda felt like teaching some Bible stories" and why do the characters all act like they're hearing these stories for the first time despite all 3 being believers?

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