Rookie mistake | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: 9 KB JPG >a buddy got his gf pregnant >asks me wat do >tell him to get some birth control pills Mfw he eats those pills

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon goes to a slam poetry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous This was awful 02/01/24(Thu)19:13:29 No.76316736 when will she understand >go to a slam poetry event at college as an assignment for my English 2 class >it's the worst s--- ever b >half is dumb fart-sniffing stuff that doesn't make sense >the other half is lgbtqbbqpenissnorp type stuff 752 KB PNG >the last person is this... person in an electric wheel chair >m----- with twig-like legs and a deformed face >rolls onto the stage >he's dressed in a long blonde wig and is wearing garish makeup that makes him look like the cover of a Jojo volume >he reaches up with his tiny hand and removes this valve on his throat so he can speak easier >says the following between coughs and sputters >"I'm a brave woman. I am a brave woman. I'm a brave woman." >after that he's silent for fifteen seconds >after the audience realizes that was it, they of course applaud for the brave woman >they clap for longer than his "poetry" took The written part of my assignment is "What would the authors we are learning about think of today's poetry?" I wonder what I should say.

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Saruanon gives a warning | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/24(Thu)21:58:26 No.195869321 balrog.png 760 KB PNG >New York City. >You fear to go into that synagogue. >The Hasidics delved too greedily and too deep.

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Anon won't be fooled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Punov 18 KB JPG 1000 02/01/24(Thu)17:51:21 No.665674297 >No fire >Spins food around on a magic tray >Can't feel the heat outside and it's barely warm when feel it open you >HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM >BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP >Food is magically hot What video games are as b------- as believing in microwaves?

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Anon is an evil human being. | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/01/24(Thu)18:12:18 No.76318491 >>76318519 >be me >living in an apartment >10 floors >our elevator doesn't have a camera >i literally checked everywhere and it has no camera >idea.jpg >pee in the elevator >it is all over the f------ floor >pee in the elevator after coming home from school >repeat this process for like 5 times >enter apartment >there is a literal note saying "Please stop peeing in the elevator, this is an immature and immoral act." >dontcare.jpg >pee in the elevator >never pee in the elevator after this again They still don't know I'm the one whos urinating in the elevator.

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Anon gets rejected but turns it into a glow-up. | /r/Greentext

File: rickhorse.jpg (100 KB, 640x639) ING-HATS O Anonymous 01/30/24(Tue)21:21:16 No.76303832 >be me >5'9" >blond hair, green eyes, round shoulders, small frame >get mistaken for a girl sometimes >hit a new low after qt3.14 I've been into for a while rejects me >decide to get a gym membership to hopefully stop myself from sliding >don't really know what I'm doing but try to learn a little about lifting and nutrition >figure I'll lift a little and then do cardio if I get too embarrassed >meet bro there who looks like he's been gyming it for years >he gives me a lot of tips and instructions, he pretty much knows everything >make some other bro friends also >>76303844 >>76303887 >go on a hike with a bro >hit up the club with bros, not many ladies there but even going out is a huge step for me >bros are always making sure my workout is going smooth >bro even records me so he can see if my form needs any changes >give each other a massage in the locker room to help with recovery phase >going to see a movie with a bro this weekend You guys told me the gym was full of bullies who would chase me out of there on my fist day. So tired of the crab bucket mentality on this forum, you people can have it.

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You are anon.......... | /r/Greentext

> be me > You are now me > Have fun with you terrible life

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How cats work 101 | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/01/24(Thu)14:54:14 No.1321947C >be me >visit grandma >she got a cat >cute kitty >wanna pet her >always runs away 57 KB JPG >okfuckyouthen.jpg >talking with grandma >cat jumps into my lap >looks at me with a demanding face >"she wants you to pet her" grandma says >start petting her >she purrs >all of a sudden jumps off >"hey come back" >runs away again why are cats such entitled sluts, lads?

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Anon worked at Wal-Mart | /r/Greentext

/pol/ Anonymous ID: 1ArVRY17 Wed 31 Jan 2024 13:26:01 No.457141036 View Report >>457139227 Well, I suppose the counter to this would be: Document and record as much "b-------" at your workplace as possible before you quit on the spot and walk out the door. Be armed with that up front when you go to your next interview and hand in your resume'. >Be me, young and just out of 4 year enlistment >Going to college on GI Bill but want extra money >Apply at Wal-Mart >Work in the Tire & Lube Express >Give them college schedule when I apply >They keep scheduling me during classes and getting p----- when I show them the schedule >Never get issued work uniforms, have to use my own clothes >Ask every month for an update on work uniforms >"Probably by next month" >Continues for 6 months >Spend paycheck on buying more work clothes >Buy cheap work clothes from Wal-Mart and keep receipts, maybe to get reimbursed >keep sending emails asking about uniforms/reimbursement, ask in every review (in writing) >Keep all documents regarding this >They get p----- because college classes and me constantly asking about uniforms, cut hours down >Immediately realize that I won't be making enough to even cover gas and replacing work clothes >Quit on the spot >Keep documents in hand >Next employer gets bad referral from Wal-Mart >Asks for reason >"He didn't show up to work for 3 shifts" >All 3 were after I quit, had an email confirming I quit on that day >New employer explains this is actually something I can sue for >Helps me get a lawyer, gives me time off to deal with this >Settlement out of court, bought a new truck >Drove it to Wal-Mart every week or so just to get air pressure in tires checked my file

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Anon is disappointed in the new Sonic Generations Remaster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/24(Thu)10:21:38 No.665698165 SEGA HAS ANNOUNCED A NEW REMASTER OF SONIC GENERATIONS THAT WILL FEATURE SHADOW AS A PLAYABLE CHARACTER FOR MORE INFORMATION, GOOGLE SONIC X SHADOW 1706776162694.jpg 329 KB JPG >"Remake Sonic Unleashed? No, that game was too recent and people were critical of it in some aspects." >"Remake Sonic Heroes? No, that doesn't function as a traditional Sonic game and people were critical of it in some aspects." >"Remake Sonic Adventure 2? No, that game would take work to remake and people were critical of it in some aspects." >"Remake Sonic Generations, the f----- birthday special? OMG THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!!! EVERYONE LOVES THAT GAME!!! IT WILL SELL A BAJILLION COPIES!!!" Is the entirety of Sonic Team, scratch that, SEGA retarded?

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Russia anon improves | /r/Greentext

43AF2463-3878-47A3-817E-1AF72D9D (...).png, 217KiB, 912x1024 /pol/ Anonymous ID: 6bY18EMn Wed 31 Jan 2024 07:56:30 No.457109879 Replies: 2 View >be me >25 y.o. >suddenly, for no reason at all, feel as if I became smarter by like 15 iq points, as if I had brain fog before >our purposefully convoluted law codexes are readable now >become passionate to deepen knowledge of my job >motivated to work out daily >fixed my sleep schedule >vidya bores me now >for the first time feel in control of my life What the hell happened

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Anon watches a movie | /r/Greentext

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Anon eats ass........ | /r/Greentext

10 KB JPG >be me >dumb and drunk af >me and gf gettin busy >"eat my ass" >k >eatin dat ass >forgot we just had indian >notasgoodasecondtime.jpg >"srry" >wait one year >new gf new life >"eat my ass" >learned nothing

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