Anon staples a little too hard | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Sperg-Lympics >Be me, Wagie-Anon >Office life sucks, boss notices >One day, boss bursts out of his office for the first time in days >"Hey everyone. I've noticed that you all haven't been feeling the best lately, and I've decided to take action. I welcome you all to come to the first ever... OFFICE OLYMPICS!" 8 KB JPG >He pauses, obviously waiting for applause or something. >No one cares It was genuinely as retarded as it sounded. Nobody wanted to go. >Day of the "Olympics" rolls around >Attendance is mandatory, which sadly means I have to be there >Boss explains the first event, "Stapler Darts" >Literally just darts but using a staple gun >First few people go, nobody even hits the target because it's a stapler >My turn comes up, grab stapler gun >Fire immediately to get this over with, nothing comes out >Jam.JPG > Press harder >Nothing happens >Press even harder >Nothing happens >Slam the stapler on a desk in a final attempt to fix it >Spring breaks >Hundreds of staples launched like a frag grenade >Co-Workers screaming as they penetrated by Mach 5 staples >Next year comes around >MFW no Office Olympics

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon notices some similarities. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Anglo and Latin America 49 KB PNG 09/02/23(Sat) 18:07:15 No.186874819 > Massive gun violence problems. > Systemic police brutality. > Riddled with white supremacists, > Massive "culture war" between progressive social democrats and Christian conservatives. > Gangs running poor urban areas with very little government intervention. > Indigenous groups completely abandoned. Y'know, for as much as Anglo-America and Latin- America like to distance themselves from one another, they've really got all the same s--- going on at their core. Anonymous why did you include Brazil in Latin America??? 09/02/23(Sat)18:10:06 No. 186874907 >>186875035 # >>186875069 # Anonymous + 09/02/23(Sat)18:11:27 No.186874954 >>186874819 (OP) # Latina women are hot

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Anon loses virginity by not losing it | /r/Greentext

a Does this count as losing my virginity? No. 29682944 09/01/23(Fri)15:31:01 IMG_0627.png 789 KB 662x865 >on a date with a girl at a bar >we're making out on the couch >she says we should go get a hotel room and have sex >ok.jpg >we get a taxi that she pays for >ask for a room for two >hotel receptionist chud says they're all booked out (obviously b-------) >we say we'll do it next time >she texts me a few days later saying i'm a nice guy but we didn't feel a connection bla bla bla So did I lose my virginity? She agreed to have sex with me, in fact it was her idea. That's the hardest part, right? Should I count it as losing my v card?

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Anon Can't Socialize | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 76 KB JPG 08/06/23(Sun)06:18:32 No.74286080 >no social skills >shut down all conversation to avoid spilling spaghetti >try to build confidence and social skill >go somewhere people will try to talk to me >accidentally shut down all conversation by instinct like that part of my brain just completely dried up and died, sometimes ill even think in the moment that i should try to keep the conversation going and then nothing comes to me, and end up with haha yeah syndrome what the f--- is wrong with me 08/06/23(Sun)06:26:53 No.74286114 : Anonymous >>74286080 (OP) # Just be yourself and shut the f--- up

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If you don't have these DIGITS you don't matter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 11julB3W) 09/01/23(Fri)17:28:00 No.439988888 >>439986062 (OP) # >21 years old >mother of two >another one in the oven This is why you're losing btw >>439989189 # >>439989537 # >>439989636 # >>439989669 # >>439989781 # >>439991208 # >>440002518 # >>440002595 # >>440006474 # >>440022248 # >>440023204 # >>440029583 #

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Anon is not allergic to peanuts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 42 KB JPG 09/03/23(Sun)00:39:56 No.905434618 >hungry at work so eat a peanut butter sanwich >start coughing uncontrollably and it feels like my throat is closing up >eventually it goes away and I can breath again luckily nobody was in the break room to see it >next day eat some peanuts at home and the same thing happens >why does this keep happinging? (I'm not allergic to peanuts) View Thread

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Anon is why we can't have nice things | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous >be me >at school >one day teacher brings electric kettle for our class to make tea 09/02/23(Sat)14:09:49 No.905408144 >use it normally for a few weeks >me and my friend decide to put chalk into it >water turns brown >no one uses it anymore >water starts to stink >friend puts his sandwich into it >one day, we decide to turn it on while the teacher is gone >horrible smells starts spreading through the classroom >gas chamber >everyone runs out >F--- F--- someone is gonna snitch on me >get the electric kettle and pour everything out off the window burning my hand >teacher comes back >WHO DID THIS? >people keep whispering our names >my friend raises his hand >I raise mine too and the teacher sees it first but just tell him i poured it out the window >convince the teacher someone in a different class did it >no one gets in trouble We also hid a moldy bread in our classroom that we would feed with water until it was a huge chunk of just mold. Last day of school we kicked it into a crowd in the hall and people started screaming. >>905413187 #

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Anon watches cockball | /r/Greentext

ww Anonymous ESPI TERH 144 KB JPG What the f---? 09/02/23(Sat)11:30:10 No.905416316 >new in America >turn on ESPN with American football show on >host yells "COCKS COCKS COCKS" >crowd roars in excitement >turn off tv before mom hears it

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Quintessential cringe-kino | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/01/23(Fri)16:05:02 No.189401994 Spiderman 3.jpg 363 KB JPG >This was considered a dog s--- cringe tier film in the 2000s

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Oh shit its to bad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 80 KB JPG 06/24/19(Mon)02:13:34 No.802999512 >im a girl >go to an all girl catholic school >meet this nice girl >she tells me to go to the bathroom with her 50 KB JPG >okay > mfw shes making out with me in the bathrooms >wait >does this make me gay : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)02:15:07 No.802999638 >>802999512 (OP) # >im a girl

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Anon is not a mathematician | /r/Greentext

im guna kes 17 KB JPG >be me, 7yo >math class >"alright class, can you solve 25-20 ?" >raise hand >"yes anon?" >"it's -5 !" >teacher looks at me awkwardly >"w-well yes but you are not supposed to know that" >wat >"see class, you can't substract a number if the first number in the operation is greater than the second one, since there is nothing inferior to zero" >WAT >"but teach whenever I watch the weather report, when it's cold we see negative numbers !" (i'm in celsius, -1C is 30F for reference) >"yes but you're supposed to learn that later" >"but I know it now" >"it's just for this lesson, don't worry, just write it down" >"why would I write something false ?" >start throwing a tantrum because even tho i'm right, i'm also f------ seven >get a note in my notebook for bad behavior >parents confiscate my pokemon cards >can't make a stance for myself because I can't argue without crying it's been 15 years and I still remember it. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous >>67713133 (OP) # >alright class, can you solve 25-20 ? >it's -5! absolute retard. 03/09/22(Wed)20:10:24 No.67713155

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Anon tries to get a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

Heaven on earth images (1) (3).jpg 45 KB JPG >Be me >In high school >A chick and I develop feelings for each other >Talk to each other for a while >Everything's going smoothly >Until one day, she lifts her skirt up and shows me her thighs >Scar marks >Those scars spelled out my name >Bitch literally took a knife and carved my name out on her thigh >I was just like >Man that's hot asf Wanted to ask her out for a date but she ended up killing herself

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Anon listens to ASMR | /r/Greentext

File: 1673467246723423.png (165 KB, 3000x1950) >ten minutes in, girl whispers >"im here..." Anonymous 09/02/23 (Sat) 15:39:03 No.74598306 >>74598320 >GFE ASMR pops up in my recommended videos one day >decide to give it a go >lie down >put on my headphones >"i understand..." >"ill love you no matter what, and you can always come and lay on my chest whenever you need, okay?" >start tearing up is this the kind of s--- normies take for granted? ill never forgive them, not for as long as i live

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