Big Boomer | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous (ID: LznyA98M) 26 KB JPG 09/11/19(Wed)13:59:20 No.226234236 >Be THC oil cartridge >Very popular among teens as it gets you extremely stoned and the smell dissipates faster than smoke >Kids are retarded and buy cheap cartridges from chinese Instagram accounts that ship directly to your house because they don't know how to use the darknet >Kids start getting sick by vaping low quality THC cartridges with dangerous ingredients >Big tobacco uses this as an opportunity to demonize all vapes, including nicotine vapes >boomers eat it up without question >Trump is set to ban vaping flavored nicotine juice >Cigarettes are still okay though Boomers are retarded. 237 Replies / 34 Images View Thread

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon never had a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 295 KB PNG 12/15/21(Wed)15:04:47 No.66575792 >girl I've been paying $600 a month to be my girlfriend says she's caught feelings for me and has started refusing my money >gave me back $1800 out of the $3000 I've paid so far >says she'll give me back the rest when she gets the money >wants to see me more often now What do I do now? Anonymous >>66575792 (OP) >What do I do now? enjoy your gf for free? 12/15/21(Wed)15:07:20 No.66575822

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Anon realises we fight more battles in our head than in reality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 853 KB JPG 04/12/23(Wed)08:48:23 No.72924421 >Have social anxiety >Have a doctor appointment >Been dreading it the whole week >Day finally comes >Have a 10 minutes talk with the doc and it's over >I've spent the last 3 days in a state of apprehension for no f------ reason I hate this s--- so much.

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Anon gets scammed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous How? 4 KB JPG 08/08/23(Tue)23:21:53 No.74313410 >be me >have dentist appointment >get about 5 minutes early because if ur late they charge you a fee >walk in, see hygienists all laughing and standing around Ok its just a slow day >20 minutes later >still laughing >no one has walked through the door >literally watching news on how Narcan is allowed in school >know that when i walk out im gonna be charged $800 for a simple cleaning and get my checks clapped How is the dentists office not seen as a scam?

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Anon's got freedom | /r/Greentext

P Who's got more freedom? Anonymous (ID: 7R201lpu | 08/08/23(Tue)21:4 USA "land of freedom" >Drinking age: 21 >Age of consent: min. 16 (most populous states have 17/18) >Speed limits: 85mph tops (most states have lower) Germany >Drinking age: 16 for beer and wine (18 for harder liquors). >Age of consent: 14 >No speed limit on the autobahn OMW to drive 150mph with couple of 14 year old chicks, see ya later Freedomlets!

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Anon is RELATABLE??!!! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/23(Tue)23:50:22 No.74313782 >constantly flip flop between extreme anxiety and extreme positivity

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Anon hates random character selection | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 273 KB PNG 08/08/23(Tue)21:30:43 No.74312221 >one shot at life >you're not american my retarded ancestors decided to stay in europe

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I couldn't go over it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 743 A esca 513 KB PNG 08/04/23(Fri)12:23:18 No.74268220 >be me >talking to this 10/10 girl I met on tinder >sporty tomboy type >good sense of humour, likes shitposting >she plays games and not normie at ones either >big film nerd talks about obscure foreign films from the 60s >swears in Russian >compatible fetishes >dommy vibes >genuinely loves me for who I am >literally a perfect match >we talk for a few weeks and I genuinely have a shot, she likes me back >then while we're talking she mentions she's a picky eater, okay not a big deal so am I >she hates cheese >all types of cheese >not even cool with it melted or as part of a dish >she refuses to eat any food with cheese in it period >she orders pizza without cheese on it >SHE ORDERS PIZZA WITHOUT CHEESE ON IT I'm a autistic for caring this much about this?, it's literally her only flaw. But like it's f------ cheese. She's 22 I don't think she'll grow out of this

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Anon wants to save his nephew | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/08/23(Tue)13:11:50 No.74311486 >my sister and her husband are having their first child >they unironically want to name him squilliam how do i stop this

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Anon's coworker discovers greentexts | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/08/23(Tue)14:04:39 No.74311991 >coworker discovers greentexts >calls them "greater than symbol stories"

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1,000 years from now there will be no guys and no girls, just wankers. Sounds great to me. | /r/Greentext

□ Anonymous 08/07/23 (Mon)21:51:05 No.903954947 >be me, asian amerifag >high school senior, kissless virgin >cant drive, all my friends go off campus for lunch >hot as hell so go to school library >pretty much all underclassmen/people i don't know >guy im kinda friends with is there, what the hell >sit down across from him, he's cool >chat a little bit, conversation eventually dies down >few minutes later this girl sits down across from him, right next to me >somewhat frizzy dirty blonde hair, good fashion sense, hazel eyes, really nice smile, 10/10 body >apparently shes friends with guy >notice shes doing work on her computer, we talk and laugh about the class >wait.. >i took that class in freshman year >shes a sophomore >>903955199 >im a senior >oh well >the three of us chat together, we laugh and talk about partying, weed, people, etc >lunch ends and we exchange names >never speak to her again >add her on social media, she adds me back >beautiful in her pictures >sometimes see her walking home across the (4-lane) street from me, never think to approach her bc of age difference >ffw now >gradded hs, college in a few months >randomly remember her >dont know her age, wouldnt be surprised if shes 16+ >remember im young for my grade level >im still 17 bros... was that a missed opportunity? should i message her anyway even now just to see if something happens? i think we have at least a few similar interests. or did i do well to stay out of it? Anonymous 08/07/23(Mon)21:56:02 No.903955199 >>903954947 (OP) missed your f------ chance f-- dont go back to the past, just make sure to not miss out again

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Anon uses Snapchat | /r/Greentext

Snapchat free stalking 65 KB PNG >Be me >Have Snapchat >Dumb people have there location always on >basacilly free stalking >Have party on Saterday >Qt.3.14 is invited >She has her Snapchat location on >Put on my nicest shirt on >Go to the party >She isn't there >Wait a bit >1 hour passes >Go to the bathroom >Take a pee >Open Snapchat to see where she is >She is at an other party >Mfw

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Anon has to deal with a ham planet. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/08/15(Sun)18:18:37 No.650816867 ► >>650816966 >>650817694 >>650818031 >>650820819 File: 1446832947686.png (316 KB, 579x579) >work the front desk at a hotel in Galveston, Tx >easy day, just dicking around on my phone when IT enters the lobby >half man, half beanbag chair, easily 400+ lbs. >start praying that the once human entity doesn't trip, fall and collapse the building with me inside >beanbag man gets to the counter and leans on it, visibly out of breath >"H-Hi, checking in?" >planet Ham of the McDonald's galaxy tells me he has a reservation for a room on the 7th floor >take his card, give him his key, yadda yadda yadda >entire time I'm holding back gagging because he smells like roadkill >hamgalaxy starts making his way to the elevators >get an idea >"Sir, I apologize but the elevator is out of order. You'll have to take the stairs to the 7th floor." >7th. F------. Floor. >his face when >dis n---- gon die.fat >the walking heart attack breaths a deep sigh, preparing himself for the journey ahead. >hop over to the security cams because I know this s---'s gon be good >Lardex, Destroyer of Buffets takes 3 minutes to clear the first flight of stairs For comparison, you can get to the second floor in about 10 seconds at a brisk walk >gets to second floor, immediately gets a coke from the vending machine, plops down on a chair and rests >concerned for the structural integrity of that chair Some time later I went to check on the chair, it was, no f------ joke, soaked in ass sweat. Had to throw it out as to not spread his beetus. >the human garbage disposal sits there, contemplating all the bad decisions that got him that fat for about 5 minutes >have to tend to some work for about ten minutes >apparently people were wondering why the building was caving in >get back to the cameras and see white shrek on the third floor >swear to God, lying on the floor >people would walk over or past him like the pile of garbage he was cont. Anonymous 11/08/15(Sun)18:19:30 No.650816966 ► >>650817553 >>650817694 >>650817823 >>650817999 >>650819741 >>650819773 >>650820077 >>650820295 >>650820718 >>650820798 >>650820819 >>650816867 >stairs to the 4th floor are being renovated >the few at the top are just wooden planks on one side >leave some police tape kinda stuff in the middle of the stairs to direct people >fatsy can't fit on the good half of the stairs >mumbling to myself "Come oooooonnn... Do iiiiiiittt." >Snorlax steps too far to the right >steps on a wooden plank >it cracks under his quadruple digit weight >man-t--- is now waist deep in floor >Prayers answered.gov >calls the front desk to bitch at us >tell him we had warnings all over the f------ place >"OH, (DEEP BREATHING) WELL CAN YOU GUYS (GASP FOR AIR) AT LEAST SEND SOMEONE UP (SANDWICH) TO HEL-" >hang up >manboobs kind of waddles himself out by rolling back and forth Pretty impressive actually >reaches the 4th >half way there, the destination is at ham >clears the 5th stairway, no problem after about 42 years >gets to the top of the 6th stairway, his floor is just 4 steps away >hamplanet braces himself, leaning on the wall >what the f--- this n---- doin.burger >fatsy bends over and just vomits >not just a little spittle, like a baby, he is recreating Niagra f------ falls with vomit >puddles at his feet and trickles down the steps like a beautiful river >see chunks of undigested food/people in the gallons of vomit and stomach acid >the man of a thousand lunches just lifts his head, wipes his mouth with his wrist and just keeps going >unphased by the lake of spew he goes to his room >a lone Viking, crossing the fabled plains, towards his final resting place in Valhalla Anonymous 11/08/15(Sun)18:26:28 No.650817823 ► >>650816966 HOLY F------ KEK OF ALL KEKS I HAVENT LAUGHED SO HARD INA LONG TIME. Thanks anon Anonymous 11/08/15(Sun)18:48:26 No.650820819 File: kermit Lol.gif (63 KB, 120x120) LOL >>650816867 >>650816966 TOP KEK screenshotting this. Anonymous 11/08/15(Sun)18:25:26 No.650817694 File: 1438956505392.jpg (115 KB, 413x395) >>650816867 >>650816966 11/10 my sides are in another dimension. Oh f--- I hope that is real. Anonymous 11/08/15(Sun)18:48:18 No.650820798 ► >>650816966 >the destination is at ham F------ dying Anonymous 11/08/15(Sun)18:24:23 No.650817553 ► >>650816966 >a lone Viking, crossing the fabled plains, towards his final resting place in Valhalla tears are rolling down my face, good job anon

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