An apple a day keeps the doctor away | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Crazy apple bitch Anonymous 07/12/23(Wed)12:24:04 No.29339725 ► >>29339732 >be me >meet girl online, hit it off well >swap addresses, tells me to arrive with a bag of apples >oblige >arrive at her place, things get heated quickly, tells me to bring the bag into her room >smash >once I'm done she grabs an apple from the bag and shoves it up her ass >w-- >s---- it back out and tries to make me eat it >immediately grab my s---, lock myself in her bathroom, get dressed, and shove her aside (she still has the damn apple in hand) as I run out the door It's been three days and she has my address and has come by twice already according to my camera while I've been gone at work. What do I do?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon doing what he loved. | /r/Greentext

82 KB JPG >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends

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Anon predicted the result | /r/Greentext

2.43 MB GIF >go to library to study >qt3.14 college girl sits directly across me despite many other seats >can feel her glances >see her twirling her hair constantly >say nothing, just continue to write javascript >she leaves after a few hours Why do I blow every single opportunity? Oh well, it

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Anon hates fat people. | /r/Greentext

>be me >10 years ago >still in med school >have kinky girlfriend >keep having more intense odd sex >reaches pinnacle of the bizarre >says she wants to be f----- to death or f--- a corpse >idea forms >I "borrow" a defibrillator, adrenaline, and other resuscitative tools from work >get home >hardcore sex for around an hour until we're about to climax >pull out >ties her down >use defibrillator on her >her heart stops, convulsions, unresponsive >quickly finish f------ her dead body within 3 minutes >begin reviving process immedietly after to avoid brain death >gasps awake, panics, cries >calms down >says she loved it >do this every other month til she committed suicide a year later due to unrelated mental health problems

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Why yes, I am a millennial. How can you tell? | /r/Greentext

72 KB JPG >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. : Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day.

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Anon has a hard time talking to their friends | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Help 10 KB JPG 07/11/23(Tue)15:09:18 No.902453733 >feeling really lonely >get really drunk >want to text my "friends" and ask same how they're doing to start a conversation so i don't feel as lonely >think it's too late to text them and it would be weird to write them this late >say i'm gonna text them tomorrow >wake up sober >not confident enough to write them >Repeat over three months till the next birthday/get together >say nothing about this so I don't seem desperate Is there some way to fix this? My only idea is to start day drinking so i'm drunk early enough so it wouldn't be weird to text them. : Anonymous Sometimes you get lonely. No one really sticks around. You'll be okay >>902454136 # 07/11/23(Tue)15:12:39 No.902453867 : Anonymous >>902453733 (OP) # text them during the day when youre sober, it'll be scary but you need to put yourself out there even if youre scared of rejection. If they arent nice back to you then they arent worth being friends with. 07/11/23(Tue)15:12:47 No.902453873 try talking on omegle text chat to people might find someone decent to talk to.

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The legendary Worst Korean | /r/Greentext

File: FC4A671B-BC7D-4E1A-96F7-4(...).jpg (175 KB, 750x853) Bloomberg O business Fake meat moves beyond burgers with funding for 3D-printed steaks Fake Meat Moves Beyond Burgers With Money for Printing Steaks bloomberg.com >>308540915 Korea isn't so different from Japan after all. ■ Anonymous (ID: YOL5FUSO) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:19:33 No.308540915 ► >>308541778 >>308542117 >>308542118 >>308542300 >>308542320 >>308542398 >>308542597 >>308542943 >>308543114 >>308543120 >>308543149 >>308543559 >>308544202 >>308545151 >>308545720 >>308546457 >>308547110 >>308547288 >>308547561 >>308547756 >>308548110 >>308549530 >>308549797 >>308549922 >>308550016 >>308550126 >>308550155 >>308551473 >>308551835 >>308553282 >>308554260 >>308555408 >>308556464 >>308559526 Anonymous (ID: pbyACb5q) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:12:46 No.308539967 >>308540143 >>308540250 >>308540431 >>308540789 >>30 >>308543176 >>308543313 >>308543630 >>308543786 >>308543925 >>308544746 >>308544938 >>308545161 >>308545172 >>308545938 >>308546275 >> >>308548189 >>308548374 >>308548454 >>308548582 >>308548888 >>308549628 >>308549930 >>308549973 >>308550063 >>308550132 >>308550397 >> >>308552107 >>308552538 >>308554592 >>308555115 >>308555367 >>308555931 >>308556087 >>308556486 You will eat the 3-D printed meat. ■ Anonymous (ID: YOL5FUSO) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:14:03 No.308540143 ► >>308540233 >>308542398>>308551852 >>308556464 >>308539967 (OP) It means i will finally be able to f--- some chicken thighs without getting salmonella? >>308540233 Yes i have. I was only able to f--- a fat w---- during my whole life. Never again. Women are not worth it. On the other hand i can go everyday to the supermarket and choose fresh chicken to f--- before eating it (i eat it after ONLY if i used a condom, not gonna eat chicken that touched my c---. I am not a f-----). That said, i only use condom if im starving, otherwise i go raw and freeze the chicken right after and f--- it again later. But i do this only a couple times (the freezing thing) because i know chicken is dangerous especially raw. Then i give it to my dog, he seems to like cummed chicken. Anonymous (ID: GQeR+pTH) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:27:57 No.308542118 ▶ >>308540915 Do g---- really? Anonymous (ID: WOfJWU+Q) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:49:08 No.308545151 >> Anonymous (ID: WpVw3Ohy 02/17/21 (Wed)21:14:39 No.308540233 >>308540915 >>308542398 Anonymous (ID: UOVHJ1Am ) 02/17/21 (Wed)22:48:44 No.308553282 ► >>308540915 THE JEW FEARS THE INDOOR FRESH CHICKEN F----- >>308540915 This is so detailed that I believe it to be true >>308540143 You already f----- the chicken, haven't you? >>308540915 who came first? Anonymous (ID: Dig+Y+Qo) 02/17/21 (Wed)23:47:27 No.308561000 ? >>308540915 CUMPOW CHICKEN D: c434LDDI) + 02/17/21 (Wed)22:21:21 No.308549530 ► File: 1421358695536.jpg (146 KB, 600x687) eOH+UT) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:29:24 No.308542320 ► 6 KB, 1280x1292) Anonymous (ID: layV12f1) 02/17/21 (Wed)22:56:11 No.308554260 ► File: 1599042086405.jpg (21 KB, 563x503) >>308540915 oh /pol/... c+K1pX33) 02/17/21 (Wed)22:24:41 No.308550016 File: 1609504467929.jpg (157 KB, 1080x1335) Anonymous (ID: EH13RiHv >>308540915 >cummed chicken >>308540915 i thought I saw the best comment on the catalog when some f----- wrote 'self-esteem' as 'self of steam'...but you did even better anon. please tell us more and someone put me in the screencap >>308540915 this is the 49th Law of Power >>308540915 saved. thank you best korea. >>308543393 >that made me turn my life to chickens Legend. Anonymous (ID: 6Zn1uFp7) ► 02/17/21 (Wed)21:33:43 No.308542943 >>308540915 This is why I come here Anonymous (ID: DFIVRE30) [02/17/21 (Wed)23:04:44 No.308555408 File: B23B53D9-B5DF-4326-9F86-A(...).jpg (25 KB, 600x300) Anonymous (ID: OqZo7/Fr) 02/17/21 (Wed)23:49:09 No.308561242 ► >>308562478 Anonymous (ID: (fiAGzbMM)02/17/21 (Wed)23:58:12 No.308562391 e: 1613392531768.jpg (59 KB, 1080x770) >>308540915 sides absolutely in orbit >>308540915 Put me in the screencap Jesus lol. Anonymous (ID: XXZ30QTD) 02/17/21 (Wed)22:03:14 No.308547110 >: 1538487970914.jpg (68 KB, 600x547) Anonymous (ID: gksc6suf)+ 02/17/21 (Wed)22:36:50 No.308551697 ► Anonymous (ID: BmnwVef0 File: 1599854693251.gif (1.5 MB, 250x233) 02/17/21 (Wed) 22:10:39 No.308548110 Anonymous (ID: rQ3E10b8) 02/17/21 (Wed)22:24:01 No.308549922 File: 5CAEDF16-5ACE-46D4-9ADA-8(...).gif (2.74 MB, 300x200) >>308540915 chicken p---- is 100x better than human p---- https://archive.md/TzQm5 Anonymous (ID: Tz01vEcb) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:34:57 No.308543120 >>308540915 Based g---. Anonymous (ID: 1aTfaDGX) 02/17/21 (Wed)22:23:14 No.308549797 File: 1611466777299.png (74 KB, 255x255) 02/17/21(Wed)22:25:37 No.308550155 ► 5₂ >>308540915 >not gonna eat chicken that touched my c---. I am not a f----- >>308540915 Anonymous (ID: mnPqYKoE) 02/17/21 (Wed)22:37:59 No.308551835 File: 1605994279285.png (311 KB, 429x360) >>308540915 Anonymous (ID: ZfJywxvD) 02/17/21 (Wed)23:36:18 No.308559526 File: 1612588715151.gif (1.57 MB, 300x200) >>308540915 Anonymous (ID: Dy5pm1fb) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:35:08 No.308543149 »: pepe_argento.gif (497 KB, 277x263) >>308540915 >>308540915 >>308540915 >I am not a f----- Ok good. Whole post validated then. Anonymous (ID: E4Bcfl6Z) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:27:57 No.308542117 ► >>308542398>>308542673 >>308543393 >>308553005 >>308561133 >>308543393 >chicken tights Poulet Pantyhose? Chickenfucker. Anonymous (ID: HirS4ea) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:31:18 No.308542597 ► File: 1588450357065.jpg (80 KB, 365x720) Captain, I am detecting large quantities of win in this sector EATLIVER.COM Anonymous (ID: 7LJ2MXA8) 02/17/21 (Wed)23:44:09 No.308560 >>308540915 Santa Madre de Dios Anonymous (ID: AbwB4|1U) 02/17/21 (Wed)21:52:54 No.308545720 W-- DID I JUST READ? >>308540915 Anonymous (ID: Cnh4|Ulx ›: 1D65AA51-5B97-4A05-BAB1-C(...).jpg (23 KB, 500x362) 02/17/21 (Wed)23:59:17 No.308562534 ■ Anonymous (ID: YOL5FUSO) 02/17/21(Wed)21:36:50 No.308543393 ► >>308543780 >>308544146 >>308547756 >>308551697 >>308552658 >>308553721 >>308559683 >>308561133 >>308562187 >>308562389 >>308562532 >>308562671 >>308542117 It really is. Listen, im not trying to be some Guru on how to f--- chicken tights, THAT SAID, it truly feels better than a p----. You can choose the tightness of it. You take 2 chicken tights, put them one beside the other and you can either youse your hands to keep them together when you f--- them (imho not very comfortable, and your hands gets slippery. NOTHING WORSE than having those bad bitches slip away just when youre about to f------ caramelize them with your load) What i do is i use some rubbers bands. If today i want a nice tight p----, i fold them over the chicken a few times or use more rubbed bands. If i feel like i want a larger p---- (i rarely do this, it still remind me of the fat w---- i had f----- and that made me turn my life to chickens) i just use few rubber bands and i dont fold them too many times. >Anon have you tired other kind of meat Yes i have tried beef, but imho it is too rough. The skin of the meat i mean. I had to use some olive oil and it made just a mess. Chicken are already very much moistured and slipping your c--- in them feels amazing >>308540915 Now this is doing the internet right >based bro based Anonymous (ID: cdGK+e4A) 02/17/21 (Wed)22:44:03 No.308552658 ► Anonymous (ID: MMeGdeBm) 02/17/21 (Wed)23:37:26 No.308559683 File: sexy chick.jpg (6 KB, 259x194) >>308543393 Jesus.. y'all put me in the screenshot. Anonymous (ID: QeMxp/og) 02/17/21 (Wed)23:58:11 No.308562389 ► >>308540915 >>308543393 How does it feel to be a major contender for the most dangerously based poster on 4chan?

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Anon is a shop teacher. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: vlJdNCb6 BE 25 KB JPG 09/16/22(Fri)13:40:29 No.395607362 >Be me, 50-something white male shop teacher >Slaving away for 30 years, vote for Brandon, see my retirement account drop 75% >Constantly get s--- on for being a f------ white male >One day, get a great idea: "I'll be a woman so hard they'll have no choice but to fire me" >Buy a $5 wig >Buy an XXXXXL shirt and bra >Buy a rubber sex doll >Using a lifetime of shop class ~~mastery~~ primary, slice the doll's 7xDD t--- off with a linoleum knife >Even cut a hole in the bra so the n------ poke out. Wet the tips with old milk >Go to school wearing the 40 lbs of fake rubber t--- >"HELLL-OOO students! My name is and always has been Ms. Ada Lovelace" >MFW they all nod in unison >MFW they all announce they'll respect my pronouns >MFW the staff all nod and call me brave >MFW it's been three weeks and I'm getting a raise

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I'm so cool! | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed) 21:25:10 No.790753828 >Girl looks at me >The image of me is now pulsing through her neurons >Technically am inside her >Later virgins

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Anon Touches Grass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >go outside >everyone is normal >short/fat guys are dating cute girls, short/fat girls are dating handsome guys, it's not just chads and stacies dating eachother >people are smiling and having a good time >racially diverse city, nobody's overfocused on race >everyone's polite >girls aren't rude and closed But still you fin adays in 06/29/23(Thu)11:10:47 No.73842752 147 KB JPG >nobody's an a------ >people don't hate eachother over some internet b------- >you feel good and normal >some guys approach women, it's no big deal If I had the money I'd just nuke 4chan. You people are victims.

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Prime delivery. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous It's Prime Day Two days of epic deals o prime day 07/11/23(Tue)23:48:32 No.643809536 Screenshot 2023-07-11 022118.png 350 KB PNG Have you gotten any good deals on games during prime day? Anonymous >>643809536 (OP) # >Turns around >Slams her giant ass into the box >Takes a giant s--- >>64381 >>643810853 # >>643813903 # >>643824816 # >>643826174 # Anonymous >>643810721 # now that's prime delivery >>643824709 # 07/12/23(Wed)00:03:58 No.643810721 II 07/12/23(Wed)00:05:46 No.643810853 # >>643811779 # >>643812708 # >>643813903 #

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Brilliant idea by Anon. Do you agree with Aoun? | /r/Greentext

>almost completely unregulated >incompatible with traffic jams >no note >no insurance needed >no license needed >fuel it with determination and whatever you ate for breakfast this morning >probably one of the most fuel-efficient vehicles in existence, come to think of it 148 KB JPG >goes as far and as fast as you can >no need for parking lots, just leave it anywhere there is a secure structure you can attach it to >and even if someone does steal it, it's so inexpensive you could literally just buy another no problem >physically improves you while you use it >plain ol' fun >minimal environmental impact >collisions are significantly less likely to kill or even injure >if entire cities were designed around these the way they are with cars, everyone would be fine with it >doesn't even need seatbelts why is the automobile viewed as the ultimate symbol of freedom again?

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Anon wants a blow job. | /r/Greentext

413 KB PNG I was hanging out with my girlfriend the other night and she's been fighting off a yeast infection so we couldn't have sex, but I was still super horny and I asked her if she could give me a b------. She said "that's not fair, what would I get out of it?" WOMAN, I'll give you a list: >got you thousands of dollars out of debt >got you a better paying job that you enjoy more than your last one >I make sure you c-- 4x as much as I do during sex >I pay for all of our meals and pretty much anything else you want at a store >I have thrown away friends for you Is that not enough???? I just wanted one b------ and she acted all sly about it "oh is baby upset he doesn't get a b------?" she literally said that before we went to bed because she saw I was visibly upset with her response. What would you anons do? Is it an unreasonable request?

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