Mfw no ant gf | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 29 KB JPG 11/28/21(Sun)13:19:07 No.66338084 >ants are attracted to glucose and sugar >human semen contains both of them >if you don't clean up your c-- tissues eventually ants will find it and make a trail from your c-- tissues to the colony hundreds of ants long Why would you be collecting your semen by e---------- into c-- bottles when you could be sustaining a population of ants? Just get one of those glass habitat containers with soil in them so you can watch as they build a colony with only your semen as a food source. It will be like your a father to them, no a GOD.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon prepares for nuclear war | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: sHm7k27/ Please view ASAP. Worldwide fi(...) 91 KB JPG 07/02/23(Sun)17:00:17 No.433041159 I am a Lurker, and will get straight to the point. This is not a "HAPPENING!!1!" Thread, this is 100% real. On July 4th, or 5th the United States will bomb the Zaporizhzhia power plant, located near the city of Enerhodar in southern Ukraine. I don't care anymore, and will be 100% honest with you guys. I am a Marine Corps infantry veteran who is now working for the United States Government in electronic espionage, and have been for the last five years. The Ukrainian government, and the United States government are working together in order to bomb the Zaporizhzhia plant, and blame the nuclear meltdown on Russia, thus giving us immediate authority to use tactical nuclear warheads on Moscow, Novosibirsk, Kazan, and Omsk. This will trigger the Russians to throw everything they have back at the U.S. Thunderstorms are likely in Enerhodar, Ukraine on the 4th, so that is the only reason it may be pushed to the 5th. You have 72 hours maximum to prepare for nuclear war (hopefully 96 if the Russians are slow to respond), and we have all been told to stay home, and prepare. We have been given $15K bonuses each to buy survival supplies if necessary, and our offices in Yorkville, Virginia have been closed down permanently, so this is a define, not a conspiracy theory. Please prepare, guys. I love you all, and I will happily reply to any questions you have.

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Fractions are hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Job Application 15 KB JPG 7 Replies >>73886480 # 07/02/23(Sun)22:22:09 No.73885287 >On a scale from 1 to 10, how racist are you? : Anonymous : Anonymous >>73885296 # >Between 3 and 5 for sure. "3/5ths," some would say View Thread 07/02/23(Sun)22:25:21 No.73885319 07/02/23(Sun)22:28:02 No.73885347 >>73885295 # >3/5ths is between 0 and 1 you retard

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Anon almost gets murdered........ | /r/Greentext

Post the scariest experiences you've had >15 >cousin gets convicted for murdering three women >going through his house with family >one of my cousins from the other side of the family found a crawlspace >unironically said "I'm going in there to find dead bodies" >came out with a banker's box >envelopes full of pictures of his victims >ripped from the internet, taken while following them, etc >one of the envelopes was filled with pictures of me 1.25 MB GIF

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Anon Murders Their Thirst | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ROOT BEER FAMOUS OLDE TYME Barg's SINCE 1898 TS GOOD! 85 KB JPG 06/18/23(Sun)12:23:26 No.901136529 >out on a hot summer's day >crack open an ice cold soda >*sip* >"Aaaah, nothing like a refreshing Bang's root beer"

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Anon had a dream | /r/Greentext

IMG_4614.png 1.52 MB PNG >be me >always able control my actions in a dream but can't control the dream itself >take a nap and have a weird dream where I'm 13 years old >hanging around a random neighborhood >meet an 12 years old girl >we clicked, she told me that her mom abandoned her and I told her mine did too (irl) >she was humming an old cartoon into song and I recognized it and started talking about it. >walked her to her home and promised to see her tomorrow >went back to my room and laid on bed >I feel in love >woke up with a heartache >realized that I can't keep my promise >it's not fair How can I see her again? Is there any way to revisit a specific dream world?!

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Anon has a work friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11 KB JPG 09/29/21 (Wed)18:57:32 No.65570074 >>65569478 (OP) # >at work >work friend is womanizer and thinks I'm a fellow chad bc I'm physically fit and tall >he starts to wonder why he's the only one going after chicks >points out a shy pretty new chick and tells me "she's all yours bro, go get her" >terrified of interacting with females, avoid her and panic if I run into her >he comes up one day and nervously asks if I'm still trying with her >tell him no and he tells me he talked to her and they connected. Asks if it's cool to swoop in >I'm beyond relived and tell him to go ahead >later tells me he got a hotel, they got drunk, and f----- like animals the first night they hung out. >That continues to happen and he brags showing texts how bad she wants him. >She starts hinting at wanting something more serious and he lets her know he isn't with that >She asks him permission to date a guy at work and he's okay with it >he tells her to hit him up if and when the guy doesn't do it for her like he does (she happily says okay) >she asks him to pretend they never interacted around the guy >The guy is a nice, friendly, clean cut short young dude >For him she's taking it slow, they're going out on dates >Cringe when I see him looking so excited talking to her. Can tell it's his first real young "adult" delve into dating. >avoid eye contact whenever I pass by him >>65570237 # >>65570274 # >>65570303 # >>65570353 # >>65570367 # >>65570444 # >>65570663 # >>65570843 # >>65570907 # >>65571332 # >>65571351 # >>65572709 # >>65573394 # >>65573422 # >>65573745 #

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Anon cosplays | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/02/15(Tue)02:17:18 No.8371654 >>8371656 >>8371666 >>8371667 >>8371672 >>8371683 >>8371723 >>8371736 >>8373458 >>8379439 >>8383263 >>8383304 File: 54aybd.png (232 KB, 640x480) >back in highschool >plan crossplay for con (Azu-nyan) >practice makeup, hip padding, etc. >not that passable but enough to not look fug and awkward >dad is super conservative and traditional, so hide all this from him >Thursday before con >friends come to pick me up for road trip to con >they're late >dad not supposed to be home when they arrive but they're pushing it close >already in full cosplay with makeup since there are Thursday events >consider taking it all off but friends arrive >out the door before they even call to say they're here >friends help me load my s--- into car >realize i left my housekeys on kitchen counter, ask friends to finish packing my stuff into car while i grab the keys >they were late so it's the least they could do right? >nope >i come back out, they're bullshitting with the trunk open >really anxious now, it's past 5 and dad will be home any minute >stuff gets packed and dad's car rolls up while one bitch friend is being passive-aggressive about seating >i urge everyone to get in before s--- gets awkward, we can swap seats at rest stop >dad is parking car >we finally work out seating >dad gets out of car while i am climbing into ours >his eyes meet mine >he smiles really fake-ly >duck into car and try to hide >anxious for a while but eventually relax and enjoy con >come home Sunday night, wearing normal clothes, hiding all my moeshit swag and cosplay in bags in my luggage >dad: "so anon, did you have fun? who was the girl?" >think he means one of my friends, say, "dad that was X, you met her before." >"no not that d---, the one with the black pigtails." >w--, is he making fun of me? >"if i were younger i'd be on that ass so hard, anon, she wouldn't know what hit her." >he laughs, goes back to what he was doing >i go to my room and reevaluate my life choices For weeks after, every time I'd try to fap I'd just remember my dad announcing he'd wreck my ass if he was younger and my boner would be kill.

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Anon is about to commit a holocaust | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 164 KB JPG milk 06/23/23(Fri)22:38:50 No.2602025 >wake up >make a cup of coffee >go out to check on the garden >thinkin bout them beans >thinkin bout them 'maters and them peppers >Get to garden >Nothing but bare sticks and hoof prints There aren't enough .308 rounds in the world for these antlered rodents. Bambi must be eradicated from this earth. If you are driving somewhere after seeing this post and see a deer in the road, floor it. Waste em all tl;dr = Deer, REEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

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Anon is indeed not a virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous It was over before it started Have sex SEE YOU SPICE CORO... 52 KB JPG 07/03/23(Mon)12:07:12 No.73887321 >Be me, 21 y/o eurofag > 6'6", conventionally attractive (I know because people are generally very nice to me when I first interact with them, and friends moms in general love me) >Not a complete smooth smoothbrain (getting a degree in chemistry rn) >still a virgin, have no clue how to interact properly with the opposite sex >most of my closest friends are women, but I can't look at them romantically, I always find something wrong with them Why can't I get laid? Is it because I got molested by my brother at 7? I don't think it's that important tho I'm probably just too much of a nerd and socially retarded

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It can't be that difficult, right? | /r/Greentext

write a 4chan greentext: >be me, concrete drinker >go to store >see 2 liter of water for $1 >pick it up >look at nutrition label >see that it has 0 calories >look at concrete instead >concrete has 250 calories per serving >put water back >buy concrete

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Anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/03/23 (Mon)13:45:30 No.71473371 >be me this morning, foreigner in Danish gym >see a skinny as f--- dyel kid on the squat rack next to me with his gf >can't understand what they're talking about >she keeps talking to him, hugging him, both laughing and just f------ around >guy tries to do rows, she's touching his hair, being annoying in general while not doing a single lift >looks like he wants to escape his high school sweetheart, goes in the bathroom 28 KB JPG >she does rows with just the f------ barbell >meanwhile while watching this disgraceful scene for about 40 minutes, I'm busting my ass doing deads, squats, OHP >he comes back and they keep f------ around, she's doing halfassed push ups with her t--- out, keeps laughing non stop >normally I'm too anxious to speak up or talk to anyone >couldn't let this one slide >on my way out tell the guy "your girlfriend is a gains goblin bro. You haven't done a single lift while I was here. You need to quit that s---." >they both look flabbergasted, mouths agape and wide-eyed >see the guy trying to say something or throw hands behind my back, I put on my headphones and hoodie and walk away Seriously. I see a lot of gym idiots at my commercial gym but this takes the f------ cake. If you come to lift, please don't be like this couple.

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Becoming bald is understanding the game was rigged from the start. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 123 KB PNG 08/23/22(Tue)18:52:46 >have Leon Kennedy pretty boy hair No.69927176 >start losing chunks of hair everytime I comb >remember dad lost 90% of his hair in his late 20s >be 23 I spent years cutting and dieting to look like picrel and now I have no choice but to either look like andrew tate or kratos from god of war 4 f------ male pattern baldness genetics, damn it dad

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