Anon encounters a woman | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

absolutelyGREYED.png 1.83 MB PNG >be grey alien overseeing earth, maintaining the human habitats >bring 2 Atlanta women to a lab and begin implanting artificial intelligence devices inside their uteruses to create a hybrid >they are turned on and ask to record while they are "GREYED" for "OnlyFans", ask all the workers to "show them 8 alien inches" >we have no genitals and do not reproduce what do you do with human women?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Laws of attraction | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 3.42 MB PNG 04/04/23(Tue)03:33:48 No.72822270 >kissless virgin robot >think my whole life that women are shallow and hate them for that >join a dating app and get attention from a few girls >one of them lives in my city and asks me if she can be my healer in some online game >I ignore her because she's ugly I feel like a p------------

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Anon is confused by women | /r/Greentext

Anonymous THE Sun What the SUN says KILL ALL ARGIES! A • MERMEL FOOT- ging e TV TATUS And wie Matr Sheept FAIBLE STRING – AR There's more and more The N 453 KB JPG >girl I've been trying to get with >finally get into bed with her after a few weeks 06/27/23(Tue) 14:48:47 No.29231790 >"it's my first time" >she's bent over on her bed with me f------ her >she came >still dry >wasn't even fully hard >now she's on top >she came >still dry >lie and say I finished What happened bros? She wasn't bad or anything and I'm sure I don't have ed so why didn't I come?

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Anon is a bully | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: pkhQZMO4) 06/27/23(Tue)23:17:33 No.17971908 1.83 MB PNG >bullied by girls in my neighborhood growing up >they tormented me, told me I was an ugly failure >finally growing up, got a traveling job for the government on planet Earth >my coworkers and I build the habitats, train the humans, perform examinations/observations from our ship so tourists can visit comfortably >a tourist invites me down to the planet >he introduces me to two human concubines in his harem in Atlanta >my childhood trauma activates, start calling the concubine dirty and ugly, tell her I can do whatever I want to her, she is like an ant under my shoe >she is turned on by this? >observe her as she is vaping, sending photos and videos to her friends about getting "GREYED", plunging silicone objects inside her body and recording it >tell her she is revolting >it only turns her on more? she wants me to "abduct" her and her friend >f--- it >I bring her up to the ship and degrade her, all of my coworkers join in, she is so turned on >tells us to pull down our pants, she wants all of us at the same time there is nothing inside of our pants, bros. we don't have human genitals. what do?

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Big post, some green text so counts, also interesting topic | /r/Greentext

File: 1687693821727850.png (732 KB, 933x1013) When only 14% of your citizens go to church on a regular basis, 73 out of 100 marriages end in divorce, you've got 500 000 abandoned children, you're the European leader of children raised by single parents and abortions per capita, but you still managed to convince the leaders of European all right that you're the true bastion of conservative values because of anti-gay laws and high levels of domestic violence Anonymous (ID: LWKAG3Sg) 06/28/23 (Wed)02:26:54 No.432413275 ► Open letter to arguments against ukraine in defence of ukraine, im going to try to debunk some of your s----- schizoid allegations >inb4 glowie I f------ wish I was paid for common sense >inb4 f--, nig, k--- if you will comment that show me your nose size and your skin colour, also 72.2/100k HIV cases in slavic mongolia >1. "muh negotiation ples" s--- has been tried and failed, also who gets to chose who keeps what and why? e.g. kherson oblast, who gets to keep it, and if its Russia, why? >2."Muh NATO expansion" NATO is a alliance that requires members to apply to it, it doesnt have its own army, it also didnt invade any of its neighbours, to join it, a country must have a specific set of requirements. Some members i.e. Poland was fighting hard to get in. Some rumours even say that they tried to use Poles in swing states to rig the elections by promoting the opposite party to the Poles in said states, source:https://adst.org/2014/02/polands-path-to-nato/ Also why do you think almost all post soviet and commie block countries wanted to join NATO. "But muh invasion justified because ukraine wants to join muh bad NATO". Which sounds a bit like a domestic abuser saying "Look what you made me do" >3."MUH DUMBASS, MUH DONETSK, MUH LUHANSK, ALL BOMBED, THINK OF THE DONETSK CHILDREN" Almost all artilery came from the rebels of Donbas, and almost all ceasefires since 2015 onwards have been broken by them. Also when zelensky was elected, one of the moves he was criticised for was withdrawing troops from the grey area sources: https://www.kyivpost.com/post/6652 >3.1"B..b..but they arent being heard out" zelensky has literally been considering them in elections even under protests from the Ukranian population in kiev Source: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-49903996 part 1 Anonymous (ID: LWKAG3Sg) 06/28/23(Wed)02:27:46 No.432413348 ► part 2 >4."BUT UKRAINE CAUSED THE WAR BEFORE MUH ZELENSKY JEW™ Ukraine offered amnesty or pro Russian separatists back in 2014 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-26969247 https://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/ukraine-offers-amnesty-to-pro-russian-militants-64864 >5"BUT MUH RUSSIAN LANGUAGE LE BANNED IN JEWKRAINE NOOO" "Other languages spoken in Ukraine are granted constitutional protection, and Russian is recognized as the language of a national minority. The 2012 law On the principles of the State language policy granted regional language status to Russian and other minority languages." >6. "MUH TAXPAYER MONEY, MUH 600000000000 BAJILLION DOLLARS, WE SHOULD HOUSE VETERANS NOOO" I agree, every country should take care of their own, however the majority of the money sent to ukraine isnt cash money, its the worth assigned to outdated, existing stock that were paid for decades ago if not years even, and if they are reaching expiry dates, it will ironically cost more to dispose of the equipment than outright send it to ukraine. Your average world equivalent would be for say mcdonalds to give their uncollected orders to the homeless man outside rather than put it in the bin. Also for you ameritards out there, all the "money" you sent to ukraine accounts for 5% of your military budget, without that 5% your budget is still almost 3 times bigger than that of chinas, the second largest military budget. >7. "Muh appeasment will work defo" look up what prime minister chamberlain tried to do with Hitler

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Gaming anon is going crazy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/23(Wed)02:39:14 No.642225726 Guys, hoi4 has been making me go mental >Be me, Hoi4 player, but look like an actual person >At the time of writing this I got 2,438 hours on HO14 on steam, I think like a solid 500 hours of that is on the milenium dawn mod which gives a modern day map >Go out with for a walk with my dog >look up at sky, see cloud >think to myself, "huh that looks like kamchatka, and that there looks like horn of Africa" 179 KB PNG >Walk further, spot a patch of concrete missing, looks to me like Austria but with a shorter Tyrol >Walk by shop, see the left over paper from a sticker after someone tried to Rip it off, >look at it >see kuwait I F------ CANT WITH THIS GAME ANYMORE, I AM GOING MAD HELP ME.

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Anon roasts another user for having a pokemon collection | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 111 KB JPG >>54012314 # 06/27/23(Tue) 16:52:04 No.54012310 >>54010899 # >Nobody cares about your boomer toys you had in the 80s new Pokémon is better than that slop you constantly shill

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Anon can’t control his laughter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 96 KB PNG 06/28/23(Wed)01:22:36 No.901667039 >Be me >On the London Underground >On the train waiting to leave station >A pregnant woman is rushing for the train, she trips on the edge and lands bump first into the carriage >People are concerned and rushing over to help her >My mind starts imagining her bump is an egg that's cracked and a Jamaican Rasta guys head pokes out of her p---- and goes "Pop goes da weasel" >Start laughing uncontrollably at this mental image, till the point where I'm red in the face >People think I'm laughing at her and give me bad looks >It's almost as if they think I'm responsible for her falling and probably miscarrying >Continue laughing until the next stop where I decide to leave

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Anon goes on vacation | /r/Greentext

North Korea is based >visited North Korea on a guided trip >seemed like a fun way to die >there was a basketball court outside the hotel >they invite me to play, everyone is required to wear a business suit 1.29 MB PNG >I'm 6'1". which is like 7 ft tall here >I'm white, so super athletic by comparison >no defense, draining 3s, crossing them over, racking up assists, feeling like Jokic >my tour guide makes little pew pew motions with his hands every time I score >think it's cool, start doing the same thing back to him >North Korea activates, he freaks out, turns out he was threatening me >my teammates run at him aggressively >he's yelling and ranting >They circle around him and beat him senseless >Never threaten me with a good time RIP Hong Yong-hwa

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The massive gay is anon...... | /r/Greentext

>be me >gay >have 6' 10" boyfriend >mfw i have the actual big gay

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Anon shares his wisdom with us | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 ► >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 ► >>53878515 File: 410gxVYUO8L SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f-----

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Clean it up jannie | /r/Greentext

Janitor heard 'annoying alarms' and turned off freezer, ruining 20 years of school research worth $1 million, lawsuit says 06/27/23(Tue)09:52:44 No.4323454 By Jessica Xing, CNN Published 3:42 AM EDT, Tue June 27, 2023 Jeremy Graham/Alamy Stock Photo Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York, has filed a lawsuit against the employer of a janitor who it says turned off a lab freezer containing research materials. what the f---... E4690DE5-4402-472C-9C6F-063A11FC7F60.jpg 610 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: KJYO4nw4) 06/27/23(Tue)09:53:33 No.43234551 >>432345456 (OP) # >A warning was posted on the freezer, according to the court filing. .html >"THIS FREEZER IS BEEPING AS IT IS UNDER REPAIR. PLEASE DO NOT MOVE OR UNPLUG IT. NO CLEANING REQUIRED IN THIS AREA. YOU CAN PRESS THE ALARM/TEST MUTE BUTTON FOR 5-10 SECONDS IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO MUTE THE SOUND," the warning read, according to the suit. https://edition.cnn.com/2023/06/27/us/janitor-alarm- freezer-rensselaer-polytechnic-lawsuit-new-york/index >>432345628 # >>432345641 # >>432345692 # >>432345792 # >>432345924 # >>432346124 # >>432346337 # >>432346526 # >>432346620 # >>432346836 # >>432347583 # >>432347666 # >>432347701 # >>432348481 # >>432349224 # >>432350362 # >>432350784 # >>432352135 # >>432352519 # >>432353257 # >>432355182 # >>432355209 # >>432356329 # >>432357798 # >>432358254 # >>432358967 # >>432359083 # >>432364023 # >>432364839 # >>432365281 # >>432365471 # >>432365789 # >>432371126 # >>432374574 # >>432374999 # >>432375568 #

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Anon installs LINAK | /r/Greentext

#1, No. 94294759 1 hour ago 1687777350199 PNG 952x954 249.4 kB >SISTER: Mom, my PC is broken, Anon deleted the desktop again... >MOM: Is that true dear? We'll get that sorted out at Best Buy. >2 hours later... >PC REPAIR MAN: Looks like someone installed a virus called Linux on this computer... no worries, we can install a copy of Windows for free, the service charge will be only $39.99 >MOM: Sounds good, I better give Anon a whooping for installing viruses Linak or whatever on the computer. >1 hour later... >MOM: So Anon, why did you install viruses on your sister's PC? K aty >ANON: Mom you don't get it, its an operating system called Arch Linux, it runs faster and bet- >MOM: ANON. Answer me. The Best Buy computer guy told me that you installed a virus called LINAK on your sister's PC. Why did you install a virus? Are you trying to do hacking? You'll get the FBI on us Anon! >ANON: But Mom, it's just a different operat- >MOM: ANON you are banned from using the computer for the next 3 months. No more hacking and no more Linak viruses. Or we'll send you off to get adopted. >SISTER: Told you so Anon. At least the Best buy computer guy was able to fix it. Mom you better get Anon to pay the $40 service fee as well. >ANON: No f--- you! You can't make me pay for just upgrading your operating system! >MOM: No swearing! Anon you are to go outside and sweep the yard until dinner. You can look forward to 2 plates of broccoli tonight. >ANON: FAK YOU MOM! I JUST WANTED TO COMPILE SOFTWEARE. >SISTER: Mom Anon is scaring me with his hacking speak! >MOM: Alright Anon that's enough. We're bringing you to the orphanage. Enough with this hacking stuff, we don't want the FBI breaking down our doors. >MOM drives ANON to the orphanage. >MOM: Alright, we're bringing our troubled son ANON here to get adopted. >RECEPTIONIST: Alright, just sign these forms and we can find your son a loving and caring family. >ANON: Mom I can't believe you're doing this. >RECEPTIONIST: Be quiet kid, we'll get you in a loving home very soon. 5 replies # 2, No. 94294766 1 hour ago >>94294759 (OP) >MOM signs forms and drives away. >10 minutes later... >RECEPTIONIST: Congrats uh... *looks at papers* Anon, we've found you a new home! Let me introduce you to Mr. STALLMAN. >STALLMAN: Hey kid, want some FREE software? >ANON: Eww you smell so bad! >STALLMAN: Don't worry kiddo that's just my foot fungus. Anyway let me take you in my van to show you some FREE software. >ANON: I love free software! >ANON and STALLMAN enter the back of the van and close the doors. >STALLMAN starts rummaging in his pockets. > >ANON: What are you doing!?!?!? >STALLMAN: Don't worry, I'm just taking out the USB that contains the FREE software. >STALLMAN retrieves a USB from inside his underwear and starts taking off his shoes. Green fumes rise from his bare feet. > >ANON: Eww that smell is so bad! What the hell is that? >STALLMAN: Dont worry my friend that is just my free and libre foot fungus. >ANON: Let me out of here! It smells like s---! >STALLMAN: No, you need to inhale the smells of freedom. >STALLMAN takes the USB and starts shoving toe cheese and foot fungus into the USB port. >ANON bangs on the doors of the van, but they are locked. >Camera pans to the outside of the van, and screams can be heard. >3 minutes later... >The screaming dies down and STALLMAN opens the doors. >The dead body of ANON falls out of the van. >The camera pans to the side of the van, revealing a Nazi swastika, then pans back to STALLMAN. >STALLMAN morphs into HITLER. >HITLER: And that, my friends, is how you gas the Jews! >HITLER bows deeply and the curtains close. >AUDIENCE may now applause. >~ FIN ~ 2 replies 2 #3, No. 94294834 1 hour ago 2021 >>94294759 (OP) Wow! I commend your excellent writing skills and your impeccable sense of humor. I rate this short story a 10 out of 10 for Style, Substance and Satisfaction. You have won the annual 4chan Creative Writing competition and you will receive your prize money of $0. 1 reply

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