Anon goes on vacation | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

North Korea is based >visited North Korea on a guided trip >seemed like a fun way to die >there was a basketball court outside the hotel >they invite me to play, everyone is required to wear a business suit 1.29 MB PNG >I'm 6'1". which is like 7 ft tall here >I'm white, so super athletic by comparison >no defense, draining 3s, crossing them over, racking up assists, feeling like Jokic >my tour guide makes little pew pew motions with his hands every time I score >think it's cool, start doing the same thing back to him >North Korea activates, he freaks out, turns out he was threatening me >my teammates run at him aggressively >he's yelling and ranting >They circle around him and beat him senseless >Never threaten me with a good time RIP Hong Yong-hwa

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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The massive gay is anon...... | /r/Greentext

>be me >gay >have 6' 10" boyfriend >mfw i have the actual big gay

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Anon shares his wisdom with us | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 ► >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 ► >>53878515 File: 410gxVYUO8L SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f-----

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Clean it up jannie | /r/Greentext

Janitor heard 'annoying alarms' and turned off freezer, ruining 20 years of school research worth $1 million, lawsuit says 06/27/23(Tue)09:52:44 No.4323454 By Jessica Xing, CNN Published 3:42 AM EDT, Tue June 27, 2023 Jeremy Graham/Alamy Stock Photo Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York, has filed a lawsuit against the employer of a janitor who it says turned off a lab freezer containing research materials. what the f---... E4690DE5-4402-472C-9C6F-063A11FC7F60.jpg 610 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: KJYO4nw4) 06/27/23(Tue)09:53:33 No.43234551 >>432345456 (OP) # >A warning was posted on the freezer, according to the court filing. .html >"THIS FREEZER IS BEEPING AS IT IS UNDER REPAIR. PLEASE DO NOT MOVE OR UNPLUG IT. NO CLEANING REQUIRED IN THIS AREA. YOU CAN PRESS THE ALARM/TEST MUTE BUTTON FOR 5-10 SECONDS IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO MUTE THE SOUND," the warning read, according to the suit. https://edition.cnn.com/2023/06/27/us/janitor-alarm- freezer-rensselaer-polytechnic-lawsuit-new-york/index >>432345628 # >>432345641 # >>432345692 # >>432345792 # >>432345924 # >>432346124 # >>432346337 # >>432346526 # >>432346620 # >>432346836 # >>432347583 # >>432347666 # >>432347701 # >>432348481 # >>432349224 # >>432350362 # >>432350784 # >>432352135 # >>432352519 # >>432353257 # >>432355182 # >>432355209 # >>432356329 # >>432357798 # >>432358254 # >>432358967 # >>432359083 # >>432364023 # >>432364839 # >>432365281 # >>432365471 # >>432365789 # >>432371126 # >>432374574 # >>432374999 # >>432375568 #

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Anon installs LINAK | /r/Greentext

#1, No. 94294759 1 hour ago 1687777350199 PNG 952x954 249.4 kB >SISTER: Mom, my PC is broken, Anon deleted the desktop again... >MOM: Is that true dear? We'll get that sorted out at Best Buy. >2 hours later... >PC REPAIR MAN: Looks like someone installed a virus called Linux on this computer... no worries, we can install a copy of Windows for free, the service charge will be only $39.99 >MOM: Sounds good, I better give Anon a whooping for installing viruses Linak or whatever on the computer. >1 hour later... >MOM: So Anon, why did you install viruses on your sister's PC? K aty >ANON: Mom you don't get it, its an operating system called Arch Linux, it runs faster and bet- >MOM: ANON. Answer me. The Best Buy computer guy told me that you installed a virus called LINAK on your sister's PC. Why did you install a virus? Are you trying to do hacking? You'll get the FBI on us Anon! >ANON: But Mom, it's just a different operat- >MOM: ANON you are banned from using the computer for the next 3 months. No more hacking and no more Linak viruses. Or we'll send you off to get adopted. >SISTER: Told you so Anon. At least the Best buy computer guy was able to fix it. Mom you better get Anon to pay the $40 service fee as well. >ANON: No f--- you! You can't make me pay for just upgrading your operating system! >MOM: No swearing! Anon you are to go outside and sweep the yard until dinner. You can look forward to 2 plates of broccoli tonight. >ANON: FAK YOU MOM! I JUST WANTED TO COMPILE SOFTWEARE. >SISTER: Mom Anon is scaring me with his hacking speak! >MOM: Alright Anon that's enough. We're bringing you to the orphanage. Enough with this hacking stuff, we don't want the FBI breaking down our doors. >MOM drives ANON to the orphanage. >MOM: Alright, we're bringing our troubled son ANON here to get adopted. >RECEPTIONIST: Alright, just sign these forms and we can find your son a loving and caring family. >ANON: Mom I can't believe you're doing this. >RECEPTIONIST: Be quiet kid, we'll get you in a loving home very soon. 5 replies # 2, No. 94294766 1 hour ago >>94294759 (OP) >MOM signs forms and drives away. >10 minutes later... >RECEPTIONIST: Congrats uh... *looks at papers* Anon, we've found you a new home! Let me introduce you to Mr. STALLMAN. >STALLMAN: Hey kid, want some FREE software? >ANON: Eww you smell so bad! >STALLMAN: Don't worry kiddo that's just my foot fungus. Anyway let me take you in my van to show you some FREE software. >ANON: I love free software! >ANON and STALLMAN enter the back of the van and close the doors. >STALLMAN starts rummaging in his pockets. > >ANON: What are you doing!?!?!? >STALLMAN: Don't worry, I'm just taking out the USB that contains the FREE software. >STALLMAN retrieves a USB from inside his underwear and starts taking off his shoes. Green fumes rise from his bare feet. > >ANON: Eww that smell is so bad! What the hell is that? >STALLMAN: Dont worry my friend that is just my free and libre foot fungus. >ANON: Let me out of here! It smells like s---! >STALLMAN: No, you need to inhale the smells of freedom. >STALLMAN takes the USB and starts shoving toe cheese and foot fungus into the USB port. >ANON bangs on the doors of the van, but they are locked. >Camera pans to the outside of the van, and screams can be heard. >3 minutes later... >The screaming dies down and STALLMAN opens the doors. >The dead body of ANON falls out of the van. >The camera pans to the side of the van, revealing a Nazi swastika, then pans back to STALLMAN. >STALLMAN morphs into HITLER. >HITLER: And that, my friends, is how you gas the Jews! >HITLER bows deeply and the curtains close. >AUDIENCE may now applause. >~ FIN ~ 2 replies 2 #3, No. 94294834 1 hour ago 2021 >>94294759 (OP) Wow! I commend your excellent writing skills and your impeccable sense of humor. I rate this short story a 10 out of 10 for Style, Substance and Satisfaction. You have won the annual 4chan Creative Writing competition and you will receive your prize money of $0. 1 reply

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Time To Make The Donuts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITIME ΤΟΥ MAKE THE DONUTS 48 KB JPG 06/15/23(Thu)21:52:03 No.73689793 >be me, 26, get job at Dunkin Donuts >kid starts a few days after me, 17, short dude, kind of a dark personality, socially awkward >Boss says "Time to make the donuts!" everyday, apparently referencing some old commercial >One day Karen comes in and is being Karen >Kid flips out and starts throwing donuts and coffee drinks everywhere while shouting "Time to make the donuts!" while holding back tears >He calms down, sees what he has done, bolts out the door >Never hear from him again >>73689836 # : Anonymous >That kids name? Joe Biden. 06/15/23(Thu)21:55:07 No.73689815

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(Fem)anon is desperate for some dick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/23(Sat)13:04:21 No.73299726 1683923186140664.jpg 48 KB JPG >alone on a weekend yet again

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Anon needs to touch photosynthetic-based matter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 16 KB PNG 2 Replies 06/27/23(Tue) 19:37:36 No.73818675 >Clearly your problems with women are based on your skin contact with common plant life. If you just touch photosynthetic- based matter, you'd stop being a societal reject. I should know, the funko pop box said so. View Thread : Anonymous >>73818675 (OP) # Funko pop owning f------ need to touch grass just as much as you do 06/27/23(Tue)20:11:21 No.73818931 : Anonymous 06/27/23(Tue)20:12:53 No.73818942 >>73818675 (OP) # >Clearly your problems with women are based Yes they are thank you

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Anon spills coke. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 29 KB JPG 06/27/23(Tue)16:35:34 No.73818884 >Spill coke on $1000 dollar laptop >It's broken >Start panicking over how much repairs will cost >Remember I'm 6'2 and that there are manlets out there who'd spend 10k to be my height >Feel better

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You have anxiety ? Don't. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 853 KB JPG 04/12/23(Wed)08:48:23 No.72924421 >Have social anxiety >Have a doctor appointment >Been dreading it the whole week >Day finally comes >Have a 10 minutes talk with the doc and it's over >I've spent the last 3 days in a state of apprehension for no f------ reason I hate this s--- so much.

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Anon relized what's league of legends is about........ | /r/Greentext

>player (who quit) brings up forced 50% >some riot shill and/or addict gets on his high horse with a "muh math" argument applied... for eomm >some iron 6 retard uses this opportunity to scapegoat his 35%wr and to attack the riot shill >riot shill/addict samefags or more f------ come to aid LEAGUE OF LEGENDS 255 KB JPG >more enraged bronzies and iron players come out of the woodwork

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Anon's dad wanted him to experience..... | /r/Greentext

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Anon eats a cookie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 62 KB JPG 06/27/23(Tue)10:17:51 No.35141156 >My heart started beating fast >calmed myself with meditation >every time I closed my eyes I could see the entire room in bird perspective (from up) >I saw myself and everyone in infinite detail (i could zoom in and see every detail) >be me >at a party >eat my first cookie >its apparently really strong >hours pass >nothing happens >everyone is asleep >start trippin >I start seeing random letters that have both capital and small variation of themselves >I can zoom them in infinitely too >mfw : Anonymous Was I astral projecting? W-- happened and why from cookies? 724 KB PNG 06/27/23(Tue)10:24:29 No.35141179

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