Anon plays a prank | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous prank gone wrong >be me >neet as f--- >slave for doordash so i can make a bit of money >get order from a femoid for a single kitkat bar delivered to some apartment building in a not-great part of town >pic related is special request, she asked if i can check if there's a silver cadillac in the parking lot >get the chocolate and drive over >look around parking lot >silver caddy spotted, the front windows are tinted but i can kinda see a guy is sitting inside >honestly figured it was a friend of hers or something >make my way inside and "deliver" the chocolate >tell her there isn't a silver car in the parking lot as a joke ELeave it at the door Leave at my door: u can throw it away or keep the chocolate can u just check if u see a silver cadillac car park in the parking lot please 06/10/23(Sat)17:43:04 No.73629940, 675 KB PNG >she thanks me, says i can keep the chocolate >drive off content with my free chocolate and my little prank >ffw to today >get a missing persons alert for a female matching her description and to look out for a silver colored cadillac CT6 uh oh bros Anonymous >>73629940 (OP) # Based Woman dosorvo death and rano 06/10/23(Sat)17:45:44 No.73629973

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Chris Chan cs Matt Walsh | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/10/23(Sat) 18:33:59 No.31392044 BROTHE IT IN. >>31392986 # channels4_profile.jpg 344 KB JPG what would a debate between these two look like? I believe chris is the best transgender philosopher for the job. Anonymous >>31392044 (OP) # "Shut up shut up shut up" >sprays mace and leaves without elaborating 06/10/23(Sat) 18:40:13 No.31392147

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Anon is sweet and romantic | /r/Greentext

wait huh dude w-- I'm honestly really glad that you had fun bought the rope like... you were actually planning on killing your self? I was so worried that the date would suck or you wouldn't wanna hang out, I was literally talking to a friend of mine beforehand and told him I was gonna kill myself if you said no haha I even bought the rope O I mean, I told you about how I have depression and stuff haha you were going to actually f------ kill yourself if i didn't go out with you? Is it sweet and romantic if I say yes? A iMessage A Cash IMG_0969.png 495 KB PNG Read 3:19 PM g-g-girls like guys who c-c-c-care about them though, r-right?

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anon ignores door | /r/Greentext

>best sex I ever had >thisisheaven.wow >we go to bed >log off of server >close Minecraft >go to bed All in all a good night Anonymous 01/25/19(Fri)17:38:38 No.790914454 >be me >playing vidya >11/10 gf walks in >hardasdiamonds.jpg >she gives me a h------ >feelsgoodman.exe >knock at the door >ignore it >they start banging at the door >whothefuckisitimbusy.png >door gets broke down >zombies walk in >girlfriend shrieks >pull out my sword >stab them >she thanks me, we have sex

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Gaynon gets a gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/23(Sat)15:38:44 No.73627712 84 KB JPG >Be me >Gay >Have known for years >Parents are very traditional and homophobic >Feel ashamed of my sexuality and never come out because I don't want them to hate me >Mom starts nagging me about relationships >Decide to get a gf >Ask out this girl in one of my classes >Things are going well and she becomes my gf >She's a great woman and truly my best friend >Parents love her >I'm just not attracted to her >Feeling overwhelming guilt because I'm wasting her time >Don't want to tell her because I'd lose her >What the f--- have I done?

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Anon orders a vodka on the cocks | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/10/23(Sat)15:37:59 No.900710165 ► >>900713754 >>900714448 >>900715147 >>900715511 >>900715943 >>900716014 >>900716685 >>900717315 >>900717628 >>900717881 >>900718282 >>900718805 >>900718962 >>900719378 >>900719492 >>900720009 File: IMG_3641.jpg (90 KB, 714x952) Mail Online EXCLUSIVE Young woman, 18, admits in high court that she got her eldery boyfriend, 60, drunk by giving him a b------ with a mouth full of vodka, the man was a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for 12 years, the man died from alcohol poisoning during the night as the vodka was absorbed into the head of his penis A File: A >be teen girl >have 60 year old boyfriend >he is recovering alcoholic >decide to treat him >give him a b------ >secretly put vodka in my mouth >keep sucking his c--- >swallow all the c-- >don't swallow any vodka >it all gets absorbed into his penis >do this all night >he dies from alcohol poisoning >go to court >dont get arrested Mail Online Home Last updated: 19:23 BST, 10 June 2023 Home News | Royals | U.S. | Sport | TV&Showbiz | Femail | Health Science | Money | Travel | Best Buys Discounts Breaking News | Australia | Video | Russia-Ukraine | You Mag | Books | Promos | Rewards | Mail Shop | Cars | Property | Columnists | Games Share 100 EXCLUSIVE Young woman, 18, admits in high court that she got her eldery boyfriend, 60, drunk by giving him a b------ with a mouth full of vodka, the man was a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for 12 years, the man died from alcohol poisoning during the night as the vodka was absorbed into the head of his penis 1.8k comments 60 ► 1 video 20 The women says she did not intend to kill her eldery boyfriend, 60, and just wanted to give him a buzz that he had not experienced in a long time. Her explanation was that she kept giving him b------- throughout the night and they were both having a lovely time, little did the man know that his very young girlfriend was secretly infecting him with alcohol poisoning as the tip of his penis was absorbing too much vodka for his body to handle, the women was not charged and was released from custody following the court appearence. Login 18 totally

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Anon and his coworker chat | /r/Greentext

I dont want to exist anymore 06/10/23(Sat)14:37:31 No.73627073 piccolo_meme.jpg 455 KB JPG >Be me, wage f--. At work, slow day >Female coworker likes to chat. >"Anon I would love to get a pet. But Im not sure what to get..." "Why not get something low maintenance? Like a turtle or something." >"Eww! No anon. I dont want an amphibian! Theyre slimey & gross!" Stupid bitch.jpeg >"Hmm maybe something exotic. Ive seen videos of people with pet Racoons and Oposums. I think theyre cute." "Did you know Oposums have the most teeth of any mammal in north america?" >"Huh? Dont sharks have like a 1000 teeth?" Why do zoomer femoids have room temperature IQs?

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Anon is forced to use Reddit app | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 3444 KB JPEG 11/06/2023, 00:09:44 No.64139369 Be me Reddit addict Love scrolling through memes and engaging in discussions Always used a third-party app for the best experience Life was good, everything was smooth Then, hear the news Reddit decides to ban third-party apps Panic mode activated Download the native app with a heavy heart Open it with low expectations Oh boy, was I in for a surprise Native app sucks ass, big time Clunky interface, slow loading times, and constant crashes Where did all the features go? No more customization, no more seamless browsing Feel like a prisoner in a poorly designed cage Scrolling is a chore, comments are a mess Longing for the simplicity and efficiency of the third-party app Reddit, why did you do this? Why take away our freedom of choice? Now stuck with a subpar experience Missing the smoothness and functionality Each day is a struggle, a reminder of what once was Can't help but feel betrayed and frustrated Reddit, please bring back third-party apps We deserve better than this sorry excuse of an app.

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anon explains supply and demand | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/23(Sat)00:42:08 No.900666441 pika.png 264 KB PNG >millennials and zoomers all get diagnosed with disorders they don't really have (yes ADD is real but most of you f--- don't have it) >many of them know this and are just seeking drugs for an easy boost to their life >suddenly there isn't enough of the drug to go around

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Anon on gaming video "essays" | /r/Greentext

HOT BOY H COMTME CRATES NAKEY JAKEY FromSoftware's Game Design Changed Everything Nakey Jakey 1.3M views 3 days ago Screenshot_20230603_170637.jpg 396 KB JPG 36:01 >summarizes wikipedia article on the production of demon's souls >adds unfunny quips to appeal to the reddit audience >millions of views Why aren't you a gaming video essayist yet?

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Anon solves gender controversy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 ► >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466>>53878515 File: 410gxVYUO8L SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f-----

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Three anons share near-death experiences | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: NUX2M2Mu) 06/09/23(Fri)17:39:07 No.430062523 ► >>430062955 >>430080367 >>430083222 >>430088351 >>430089822 >>430092341 File: 1592716875736.jpg (50 KB, 476x616) I had an NDE, an experience which may be the most profound I've experienced in life, where I spoke to people whom I have never seen before, nor were they accompanied by anyone familiar to me. The kindness and love they emanated had a purity unlike anything found in this world. I was given a choice to come back and I took it, though I have regretted the choice ever since. I was given a mission to help people expand their understanding of the truth, but the truth I had been given was also one which I was told I may never be capable of explaining to a single other soul. I spent the next decade invested in communicating this truth to the best of my ability but found, in the end, it is an impossible task. With time, as a result, I came to the conclusion that this experience was all just a convincing delusion which my mind had played on itself as a means to cope with my situation. I have a deep empathy for those who claim to have seen the other side, but I have found no true wisdom from any of their 'testimonies' which only served to further exemplify the inherent flaws of human nature and our inability to correctly perceive truth. Anonymous (ID: ks7ueT//) 06/09/23(Fri)19:42:51 No.430073929 ► >>430080287 >>430059144 (OP) I had an NDE. All the extreme pain and agony just ceased. I was suddenly free. The darkness and blurriness of this world vanished, and I could see for the first time the brightness, the life, the colors, the vibrancy. I was ready to fly. A thought held me for a moment. I looked down to see my empty husk. A wave of sadness passed over me but it was quick. I let go. I felt like flying or growing far and wide, but it was just my senses, like I knew and saw everything and everywhere I wanted. Another wave of a sad, anchoring thought. My family. They'd be so sad. I looked at them from far above the Earth. They looked so distant, small, still ignorant. Their would-be sadness, small and temporary. We would meet again real soon. The feeling passed quickly. I was finally free. I turned my gaze to other worlds, eager to see other Creations. A voice then whispers, surprising me, sounding like me but not exactly me, and yet still me. >you realize you must go back now, right? You still have a job to do. I sigh. >Yes, I know. I know. I take a few moments. >Alright, let's do it. A lot of concentration, a lot of determination, I become like a rocket, forcing my way through with the power of a million stars, I rocket down, I shrink and shrink pulling all my force together, compacting it, pushing, squeezing, contorting it, smaller and smaller, the pain starts to appear again, smaller and smaller, im no longer powering through, now im falling, im falling as the world becomes bigger and bigger, falling in a tiny little hole, my knowledge and certainty leaves me, will I make it? Oh god, oh god help me in this last part, there it is, there i am, almost there, a violent stream of air rushes against me, there I am, i need air, i must breathe, breathe, breathe, >GASP That was it. Sorry for the story format, but I cannot find better words for the experience, it was too rich. Anonymous (ID: F7nsqmAB) 06/09/23(Fri)22:44:29 No.430087259 ► >>430087842 >>430059144 (OP) I had one at 19, wrote it down the minute I regained consciousness. I was passed out blacked out drunk and suffocating on my front on the bed. I went to heaven and was sent back to earth, but was shown the lessons I was supposed to learn on the way before I f----- up. Heaven was a wall of light and the second I went through I appeared again at the foot of the ascent. I was rejected or returned without explanation or pause. Never seen anything nor dreamed anything near that complex or profound for the next few decades. I was so s-------- I have no idea how I could come up it it. It changed my life, I cleaned up my act and never doubted the mystery of the death process again and it was clear there is a process you go through when you die for whatever reason. Get your s--- together anons, you have no idea how happy I was in front of the golden walled, seeming lit on a beautiful yellowish orange moving surface, a holy entrance and I was not even a religious person then. It was like heading into a source of light and having no fear whatsoever. Complete joy to see what was coming. I wasn't alone on the ascent. There were people who were giving up half way and some who looked so much like a woman I ended up with a half decade later. I swear all the above is true to the best of my recollection.

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Anon goes bonkers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2.91 MB PNG 06/10/23(Sat)12:21:16 No.73625723 >be me >too autistic to hold down a normal human being job >sign up for some random video game job listing >didnt even care if it couldve been some human trafficking ring actually that wouldve been better >bitch i married high on crack kicks me out of my trailer >gives me a list of random s--- to buy the day i recieve my f------ paycheck whatever >go to drive car and it breaks down >walk several miles to grab check hungover >ignore the karens protesting outside >walk into my job i know jackall about i dont even like video games >some nerd tells me to see the boss in his office >he says im fired >still have to get other random s--- or wife will peg me >office gets shot up because this is america might just f------ lose it

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