Anon orders a vodka on the cocks | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 06/10/23(Sat)15:37:59 No.900710165 ► >>900713754 >>900714448 >>900715147 >>900715511 >>900715943 >>900716014 >>900716685 >>900717315 >>900717628 >>900717881 >>900718282 >>900718805 >>900718962 >>900719378 >>900719492 >>900720009 File: IMG_3641.jpg (90 KB, 714x952) Mail Online EXCLUSIVE Young woman, 18, admits in high court that she got her eldery boyfriend, 60, drunk by giving him a b------ with a mouth full of vodka, the man was a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for 12 years, the man died from alcohol poisoning during the night as the vodka was absorbed into the head of his penis A File: A >be teen girl >have 60 year old boyfriend >he is recovering alcoholic >decide to treat him >give him a b------ >secretly put vodka in my mouth >keep sucking his c--- >swallow all the c-- >don't swallow any vodka >it all gets absorbed into his penis >do this all night >he dies from alcohol poisoning >go to court >dont get arrested Mail Online Home Last updated: 19:23 BST, 10 June 2023 Home News | Royals | U.S. | Sport | TV&Showbiz | Femail | Health Science | Money | Travel | Best Buys Discounts Breaking News | Australia | Video | Russia-Ukraine | You Mag | Books | Promos | Rewards | Mail Shop | Cars | Property | Columnists | Games Share 100 EXCLUSIVE Young woman, 18, admits in high court that she got her eldery boyfriend, 60, drunk by giving him a b------ with a mouth full of vodka, the man was a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for 12 years, the man died from alcohol poisoning during the night as the vodka was absorbed into the head of his penis 1.8k comments 60 ► 1 video 20 The women says she did not intend to kill her eldery boyfriend, 60, and just wanted to give him a buzz that he had not experienced in a long time. Her explanation was that she kept giving him b------- throughout the night and they were both having a lovely time, little did the man know that his very young girlfriend was secretly infecting him with alcohol poisoning as the tip of his penis was absorbing too much vodka for his body to handle, the women was not charged and was released from custody following the court appearence. Login 18 totally

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon and his coworker chat | /r/Greentext

I dont want to exist anymore 06/10/23(Sat)14:37:31 No.73627073 piccolo_meme.jpg 455 KB JPG >Be me, wage f--. At work, slow day >Female coworker likes to chat. >"Anon I would love to get a pet. But Im not sure what to get..." "Why not get something low maintenance? Like a turtle or something." >"Eww! No anon. I dont want an amphibian! Theyre slimey & gross!" Stupid bitch.jpeg >"Hmm maybe something exotic. Ive seen videos of people with pet Racoons and Oposums. I think theyre cute." "Did you know Oposums have the most teeth of any mammal in north america?" >"Huh? Dont sharks have like a 1000 teeth?" Why do zoomer femoids have room temperature IQs?

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Anon is forced to use Reddit app | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 3444 KB JPEG 11/06/2023, 00:09:44 No.64139369 Be me Reddit addict Love scrolling through memes and engaging in discussions Always used a third-party app for the best experience Life was good, everything was smooth Then, hear the news Reddit decides to ban third-party apps Panic mode activated Download the native app with a heavy heart Open it with low expectations Oh boy, was I in for a surprise Native app sucks ass, big time Clunky interface, slow loading times, and constant crashes Where did all the features go? No more customization, no more seamless browsing Feel like a prisoner in a poorly designed cage Scrolling is a chore, comments are a mess Longing for the simplicity and efficiency of the third-party app Reddit, why did you do this? Why take away our freedom of choice? Now stuck with a subpar experience Missing the smoothness and functionality Each day is a struggle, a reminder of what once was Can't help but feel betrayed and frustrated Reddit, please bring back third-party apps We deserve better than this sorry excuse of an app.

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anon explains supply and demand | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/23(Sat)00:42:08 No.900666441 pika.png 264 KB PNG >millennials and zoomers all get diagnosed with disorders they don't really have (yes ADD is real but most of you f--- don't have it) >many of them know this and are just seeking drugs for an easy boost to their life >suddenly there isn't enough of the drug to go around

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Anon on gaming video "essays" | /r/Greentext

HOT BOY H COMTME CRATES NAKEY JAKEY FromSoftware's Game Design Changed Everything Nakey Jakey 1.3M views 3 days ago Screenshot_20230603_170637.jpg 396 KB JPG 36:01 >summarizes wikipedia article on the production of demon's souls >adds unfunny quips to appeal to the reddit audience >millions of views Why aren't you a gaming video essayist yet?

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Anon solves gender controversy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 ► >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466>>53878515 File: 410gxVYUO8L SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f-----

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Three anons share near-death experiences | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: NUX2M2Mu) 06/09/23(Fri)17:39:07 No.430062523 ► >>430062955 >>430080367 >>430083222 >>430088351 >>430089822 >>430092341 File: 1592716875736.jpg (50 KB, 476x616) I had an NDE, an experience which may be the most profound I've experienced in life, where I spoke to people whom I have never seen before, nor were they accompanied by anyone familiar to me. The kindness and love they emanated had a purity unlike anything found in this world. I was given a choice to come back and I took it, though I have regretted the choice ever since. I was given a mission to help people expand their understanding of the truth, but the truth I had been given was also one which I was told I may never be capable of explaining to a single other soul. I spent the next decade invested in communicating this truth to the best of my ability but found, in the end, it is an impossible task. With time, as a result, I came to the conclusion that this experience was all just a convincing delusion which my mind had played on itself as a means to cope with my situation. I have a deep empathy for those who claim to have seen the other side, but I have found no true wisdom from any of their 'testimonies' which only served to further exemplify the inherent flaws of human nature and our inability to correctly perceive truth. Anonymous (ID: ks7ueT//) 06/09/23(Fri)19:42:51 No.430073929 ► >>430080287 >>430059144 (OP) I had an NDE. All the extreme pain and agony just ceased. I was suddenly free. The darkness and blurriness of this world vanished, and I could see for the first time the brightness, the life, the colors, the vibrancy. I was ready to fly. A thought held me for a moment. I looked down to see my empty husk. A wave of sadness passed over me but it was quick. I let go. I felt like flying or growing far and wide, but it was just my senses, like I knew and saw everything and everywhere I wanted. Another wave of a sad, anchoring thought. My family. They'd be so sad. I looked at them from far above the Earth. They looked so distant, small, still ignorant. Their would-be sadness, small and temporary. We would meet again real soon. The feeling passed quickly. I was finally free. I turned my gaze to other worlds, eager to see other Creations. A voice then whispers, surprising me, sounding like me but not exactly me, and yet still me. >you realize you must go back now, right? You still have a job to do. I sigh. >Yes, I know. I know. I take a few moments. >Alright, let's do it. A lot of concentration, a lot of determination, I become like a rocket, forcing my way through with the power of a million stars, I rocket down, I shrink and shrink pulling all my force together, compacting it, pushing, squeezing, contorting it, smaller and smaller, the pain starts to appear again, smaller and smaller, im no longer powering through, now im falling, im falling as the world becomes bigger and bigger, falling in a tiny little hole, my knowledge and certainty leaves me, will I make it? Oh god, oh god help me in this last part, there it is, there i am, almost there, a violent stream of air rushes against me, there I am, i need air, i must breathe, breathe, breathe, >GASP That was it. Sorry for the story format, but I cannot find better words for the experience, it was too rich. Anonymous (ID: F7nsqmAB) 06/09/23(Fri)22:44:29 No.430087259 ► >>430087842 >>430059144 (OP) I had one at 19, wrote it down the minute I regained consciousness. I was passed out blacked out drunk and suffocating on my front on the bed. I went to heaven and was sent back to earth, but was shown the lessons I was supposed to learn on the way before I f----- up. Heaven was a wall of light and the second I went through I appeared again at the foot of the ascent. I was rejected or returned without explanation or pause. Never seen anything nor dreamed anything near that complex or profound for the next few decades. I was so s-------- I have no idea how I could come up it it. It changed my life, I cleaned up my act and never doubted the mystery of the death process again and it was clear there is a process you go through when you die for whatever reason. Get your s--- together anons, you have no idea how happy I was in front of the golden walled, seeming lit on a beautiful yellowish orange moving surface, a holy entrance and I was not even a religious person then. It was like heading into a source of light and having no fear whatsoever. Complete joy to see what was coming. I wasn't alone on the ascent. There were people who were giving up half way and some who looked so much like a woman I ended up with a half decade later. I swear all the above is true to the best of my recollection.

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Anon goes bonkers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2.91 MB PNG 06/10/23(Sat)12:21:16 No.73625723 >be me >too autistic to hold down a normal human being job >sign up for some random video game job listing >didnt even care if it couldve been some human trafficking ring actually that wouldve been better >bitch i married high on crack kicks me out of my trailer >gives me a list of random s--- to buy the day i recieve my f------ paycheck whatever >go to drive car and it breaks down >walk several miles to grab check hungover >ignore the karens protesting outside >walk into my job i know jackall about i dont even like video games >some nerd tells me to see the boss in his office >he says im fired >still have to get other random s--- or wife will peg me >office gets shot up because this is america might just f------ lose it

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Anon’s coworkers either have incest fetishes or are touch starved. Possibly both. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 58 KB JPG 12/23/21(Thu)21:13:13 No.66689889 >Yesterday night >Go out with coworkers >Take sister along to make it bearable >We go to some fancy restaurant >Don't know what to order >"Let's asks for different things and we can swich if we don't like it" I tell my sister >She joyfully agrees and she orders some fish and chips >I order some fancy hamburger with different kind of chips >We keep chatting just us two because she's the only one I actually care for there >Food arrives, it's actually nice >Sister starts digging on my plate >We dug at each other's plates all night >I actually cut my hamburger in half and give one piece to her in exchange for some fish at some point >In all we ate about half of the other's food, which was nice >We drank of each other's drinks also >Pleasant evening I would say >Today >Go to work >Coworkers start mocking me >Actually asked me if I was in some sort of relationship with my sister >"That's so weird man, sharing food, drinking from the same cup" >They actually try to make me feel embarrassed about it C'mon robots, I know this is not common but is not f------ weird, it's my god damn sister

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Anon feeling sad | /r/Greentext

>be me age 8 >school does circus show >people bending fake metal rods and lifting actual weight >we've been given wrestler names >be overweight >get the name "Eddie Guerrero" >lift weights in front of people >happy.jpg >find out years later who Eddie Guerrero was >find out dude died of heart attack in the ring >find out why they called me Eddie Guerrero >mfw 71 KB JPG

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Anon plannin' to get her | /r/Greentext

>be me >working at s----- job at grocery store as a bagger >qt3.14 cashier touches a item with her boobs by accident >I touch the item to bag it >cya later virgins

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Anon giving life lessons | /r/Greentext

Family is important anons 38 KB JPG > be me > be good grandson who loves his grandparents > hear that grandma fell > shes got paranoia and depression from before, so this affects her more > know shes very religious > offer myself to take her to church > bring her inner peace and comfort > happy.exe > shes very thankful and gives me a very warm smile and soft hug I love my grandma, dont forget to spend time with your grandparents. They have a hard time adapting to our world, so sometimes giving liberties and doing the things they like or brings them peace might bring them a lot of joy, thus giving you joy.

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Anon gettin' pissed off | /r/Greentext

>be me >got food stuck between my teeth >get toothpick >retard.exe >get wood stuck between my teeth >have wood and food stuck in my teeth I'm re ed anons

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