Anon encounters an alien | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: zc8sclzc8d9s.png (1.32 MB, 1344x896) ALIEN IN MY TOWN Anonymous (ID: V/mLyet9) 06/03/23 (Sat)20:16:46 No.429348988 >>429349168 >>429349437 >>429349481 >>429349557 >>429349634 >>429350089 >>429350359 >>429350403 >>429350520 >>429350617 >>429350624 >>429350647 >>429350670 >>429350785 >>429351432 >>429352093 >>429352361 >>429352378 >>429353528 >>429354852 >>429355095 How the f--- did it disappear so fast? >Be me >Working in the park near my house today in New Mexico >I do yard work and landscaping. Park is in really s-----, poor neighborhood. Client likes me to take photos of my work to prove I came >gardening and pruning when I hear a loud popping noise >Hear something moving, don't think much of it. It's a park, and lots of animals come through here. >Take a photo of my work to send to my boss. Hear something rustling around right behind me. >Turn around and snap a pic, thinking maybe I'll get a shot of a rabbit or something. >This f------ thing was there, right in my face. >When I say this creature disappeared immediately, I mean I barely even saw it with my own eyes. If I didn't have the camera, I would have just assumed it was nothing >I puked 3 times after this s--- happened >w--

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Get buffed and punch their balls. Assert small guy domminance | /r/Greentext

09/19/22(Mon)17:03:05 No.70277090 >Men openly mocked in cartoons and adult series for short bones >Men paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to break their legs to gain 2 inches of height >All science and statistics show short men are discriminated in the work environment and dating >Parents paying tens of thousands for growth hormones to try and give their sons a few inches : Anonymous 20 KB JPG more >0 body positivity campaigns for short men >bro just accept your body and who you are

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anon wins therapy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 5/14/2023, 9:40:40 PM No.79543357 31 KB JPEG > be me > advocate for therapy > have trust issues > decide to see a therapist and tell everything honestly > therapist starts crying > i feel like s--- > f--- therapy im never going back

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anon talks to an actress | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to me now. 06/04/23(Sun)00:02:59 No.73546876 >be me, elementary school >girl asks to hug me tumblr_lzjyau1QLV1qcjf2mo1_500.gif 953 KB GIF >>73546950 # >did you really think i would hug you? HAHAHA what did i do to deserve this 06/04/23(Sun)00:10:48 No.73546950 : Anonymous >>73546876 # i feel u >be me, 14yo >girl starts looking at me >girl asks for my number >give her, cuz why not >girl starts chatting with me a lot >one day she says she likes me >panic.jpg >she then says she was just acting this whole time because she wants to be an actress >never talks with me again

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Anon is an (bad) artist. Video in comments | /r/Greentext

File: 9ae87b08-5a1a-4df8-9461-3(...).jpg (443 KB, 3000x4000) TWERK OFF Anonymous 06/03/23(Sat)14:56:56 No.73547082 ► >be me >love drawing >have arthritis so art is s----- >Have a little notebook that I doodle in when bored at work >Draw Mao and Kim Jong Un Twerk off cause funny >realize that if one of my coworkers decided to snoop through my stuff they might find this >Decide I have to burn the pages with inappropriate drawings >Nobody can ever find out the contents of my notebook. >video related https://streamable.com/jze9xq

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Anon goes to an Indian restaurant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous F--- you /int/ 06/03/23(Sat)06:49:15 No.182722571 You guys just caused me a major problem. >be me Good morning want Indian food >decide to get takeout from this place that I usually get delivery from because it's cheaper to pick it up >walk in the restaurant, there's an old Pajeeta at the counter seating people and taking takeout orders say to her "good evening sirs, do the needful and get me chicken tikka masala with garlic naan now bloody banchode basterd" 406 KB JPG >her face suddenly looks sour >her grandson comes up to me and tells me to get the f--- out >I'm banned for life now This is all your fault, /int/. You guys told me that's how Indian people talk to each other.

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Anon Is Handsome | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Pathetic. 45 KB JPG 06/03/23(Sat)11:59:28 No.73545960 >be me >be blessed with good face genetics >been called gorgeous, beautiful etc >still have f----- up 90% of my chances with women due to sperging out I'm sorry anons. I don't deserve this gift

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Anon is not a top performer | /r/Greentext

right wing extremists Ahem moderate rightists centrist Anonymous (ID: L8h27TR/ IQ 1593314044189.png 193 KB PNG moderate leftists left wing extremists 06/27/20(Sat)23:10:32 No.265248981 That's not how a bell curve works you f------ imbecile >>265249178 # >>265249309 # >>265249405 # >>265249664 # >>265250040 # >>265252839 # >>265253346 #

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Anon rides the (short) bus | /r/Greentext

File: 1395371377016.jpg-(15 KB, 350x255, 3556329024_474352014_bad_(...).jpg) Anonymous (ID: ALF1AXId) 03/21/14(Fri)03:09:37 UTC No.538216537 >Traveling to friend's house for holidays. >Poorfag, go by bus. >Twelve hours so far, driving through the night. >All night, this little s---, about ten, has been screaming and acting up. >Playing Pokemon on his 3DS, announces every attack in horrible screeching voice; sound effects included. >Four hours in the battery dies, bus has power points so his Mom puts it on charger. >He tries to take them anyway. >Big black dude with iPad tells kid to go sit down when kid tries to take it. >Kid wriggling about and bitching because the battery doesn't charge quickly enough to keep playing right away. >Goes up to several other people in the bus. >Mom not pleased; "Hey, don't you dare speak to my son like that you ape. You probably can't even use that properly." >Black dude p-----, but obviously used to this s---. Also has pretty proper accent, Fresh Prince s---. >"Please Ma'am, don't hold us responsible for amusing your child when it was your poor judgement to believe your prom date would pull out." >shotsfired.jpg >Mom about to ape, Blackbro smiling, kid trying to steal another kid's PSP. >Bus driver tells everybody to calm down or they'll get kicked off. >Kid sits back down, but still bitches until he can play again. >Doesn't know how to play the game, keeps getting ass kicked by computer. >Continues until he passes out. >"Give me your phone." "I want your game." >Most people ignore him, some politely say no. Continued.. Anonymous (ID: ALF1AXId) 03/21/14(Fri)03:20:51 UTC No.538218308 Replies: >>538218885 >Get a few hours of sleep, neck f----- all week from seats. >8AM next morning, bus pulls into small shopping village. >Kid woke up an hour ago, usual s--- going on, everybody visibly p----- at him and his Mom. >Pull into gas station/shopping center. >Everybody wandering around, getting breakfast. >Kid is just pulling stuff off the shelves and stuffing his face with it. >Sugar rush activated. >Loops around the store, around and around. >His Mom is just sitting by the coffee stand at the store entrance, reading her tiny f------ novel at one page every ten minutes. >He starts swearing with the full vocabulary of a angsty teenager, knocking stuff off stands and displays with his arms. >I'm in the aisle next to the one he's in, near the end. >A few stray cans of vegetables are sitting in the space under the shelf. Continued... Anonymous (ID: ALF1AXId) 03/21/14(Fri)03:24:48 UTC No.538218960 Replies: >>538220310 >Go for gold, lean down, slide can under shelf and into next aisle. >Direct hit, hits his left foot and sends him into half a cartwheel while still maintaining forward momentum. >F------ swear, he looks like a cartoon, completely horizontal airtime. >But then gravity. >Hits floor, keeps going thanks to super polished tiles. >Oh look, a giant pyramid of some liquid soap. >Extra value, galon bottles. Dis gon be good. >Into the base he goes, bottles crash down around him. >Caps fly off, soap steadily puddling around him. >Mommy dearest sees this, goes into full sprint. >Soap. >If the soap didn't break anything, her body sliding into him would. >She is just stunned, while he's crying and trying to run away. >Still slipping around, can't get footing. >Store owners running to assist while all the passengers are laughing at the two stooges doing their prat fall act. >I am hero. >Black dude drops class act and goes all "S--- homie!" on me. >Buys me breakfast. Continued... >Afterwards, everything is cleaned up. >As much as we begged for him to leave, bus driver refused to leave without the kid and Mom. >She emerges from the store, looking like Shrek had bukkaked her. >Kid has massive bruise along all the left side of his face from her he hit the floor. >She peels matted hair off her face/ >"I will find out which one of you did this to my darling, baby boy." >Pffft, not in a store without security cameras bitch. Anonymous (ID: ALF1AXID) 03/21/14(Fri)03:35:42 UTC No.538220593 Replies: >>538221009 >>538221128 >>538221361 >>538221686 >>538221814 >>538221840 >Back on the bus, riding a high from nearly slaughtering the antichrist. >Four hours left, and then we transfer onto another bus. >Kid still bitching, but this time about his entire body aching. >Should be annoying, but is just music to all of us. >He falls asleep the rest of the way, I get in some shuteye too after a s--- night. >Wake up as bus pulls into some small s------- of a town. >We all get off, some leave, some sit and wait for the next bus. >Mom is very obviously p-----, sticky, tired, and sore. >After sitting there for half an hour, fuming silently. >She stands up and angry-trods over to Blackbro. >"You did this didn't you, you savage. >He calmly denies. >She's on a rant, pointing at people like her finger can shoot bullets. >Few of the locals are hanging around. >Mostly black. >She isn't stupid enough to blatantly say anything racist to Blackbro, who is still calm as f---. >Back and forth, she yells, he denies. >Finally, she says "I've had it with you people." >Starts walking away. >Blackbro, "What do you mean you people?" >It was obvious to everybody she only meant the other passengers, but Blackbro just used the Niggermancer's special trap card. Stay tuned for the grand finish.... Anonymous (ID: ALF1AXId) 03/21/14(Fri)03:43:24 UTC No.538221851 Replies: >>538222101 >>538222128 >>53822 >She's had it. >"I mean you f------ filthy, kid beating n-----!" >On and on she goes, spouting 'n-----' enough to embarass Dave Chappelle. >After a couple of minutes she runs out of breath and slows down. >Blackbro, "Shouldn't have said n----- lady." >"Oh why, you gonna beat me too you f------ monkey?" >Blackbro; "I'm not." THE END >Sits back, opens up newspaper and starts reading. >Mom just confused for a moment, but then turns around. >Remember how I mentioned that all the locals were black. >Frowns everywhere. >Three portly Shanaynays, dolled up in slutty makeup, fake nails and leopard print. >"Where you think you goin' honey?" >Nigress Unit #1 swings into her stomach, Mom bends over in pain. >Nigress Unit # 2 comes in and kicks her in the left shin, knocking her foot off balance. (Have other stories if requested.) >As she falls, Nigress Unit #3 comes forward and grabs her by the hair, adding to her momentum. >Face lands squarely on Unit # 3's giant tree trunk leg knee. >She's out, kid's crying, crowd begins to disperse. >I buy Blackbro lunch. >Bus shows up just around the time the cops do, we all get on and book it as Mom comes to. >She begins to run after the bus as it starts, but realises the futility and turns back. >Last we see of her is her screaming at her kid. >I remember her mentioning the trip was about important business, lol f--- her. I still see Blackbro every time I close my eyes.

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"Fem"anon inquires about men (definitely not bait) | /r/Greentext

- File: frog_guy_839.jpg (7 KB, 229x220) Anonymous 06/03/23(Sat)12:25:19 No.73545650 [Reply] ► >be me, 18 year old femanon >friends drag me out to party >having a decent time, actually manage to hold a conversation with a cute 7/10 guy >disgusting little gremlin of a man waddles over >can't be more than 5'10 >250lbs, smells like day old socks and sweat >"H-hey femanon, I t-thought you looked really cu-" >the disgust on my face must be so obvious even the socially inept goblin is able to tell that I want nothing to do with him >he waddles away, never see him again >completely ruins my conversation with 7/10 cute guy Why are men like this?

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anon fell victim to the polish hand grenade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>19162356 # 04/14/23(Fri) 18:12:08 No.19162469 >grab white onion to cut, last thing to prep for dinner >start to push knife into onion to slice it in half >it gets in maybe a quarter inch and then just slides through like butter >onion shell splits in two >gray soupy onion pus erupts out all over my counter top >by far the worst smell ive ever smelled in my life >intense putrid onion and acidic sulfur smell >start dry heaving and crying >gf is in other room and starts screaming bc the stench travels so fast >she runs in and opens door for me, i cradle the onion abortion and run downstairs and throw it in the trash can >light every candle we have in the house >3 days later going downstairs for work at same time trash guys are unloading cans >old black dude opens my can and stumbles backwards and starts gasping for air >"ah man ah man ah what the f--- man" >pretend not to notice and power walk to car >>19165708 # >>19166059 # >>19168499 # >>19169274 # >>19171254 #

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Anon thought he was safe. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >be wagie >computer is in the corner of the office where nobody can see screen >post on 4chan all day im basically a NEET but now I get paid and cant go outside as much >>50631143 # : Anonymous 05/01/19(Wed)08:32:11 No.50631056 >>50631191 # >>50631056 # >computer is in the corner of the office where nobody can see screen You realize your bosses can monitor all of your internet traffic, right? They can see every image you enlarge and read every post you make. 05/01/19(Wed)08:43:25 No.50631143 : Anonymous >>50631143 # I work for a small company, 21 employees. There is no infrastructure and I'd highly doubt that Fergus the IT guy is monitoring my internet traffic. Even if he is, hello Fergus. >>50631208 # 05/01/19(Wed)08:49:18 No.50631191 >>50631204 # >>50631214 # : Anonymous >>50631204 # F--- : Anonymous 05/01/19(Wed)08:51:30 No.50631204 >>50631191 # Hi Mark 05/01/19(Wed)08:52:31 No.50631208

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anon is a bully | /r/Greentext

Benadryl ALLERGY Diphenhydramine HCI 25mg | Antihistamine Runny Nose Ⓒlichy Throat ⒸSneezing chy Watery Eve * ULTRATABS Anonymous 06/03/23(Sat)06:46:38 No.73543582 ► >be me, obeses child >also extremly tall and scary >all through middle school i bully little indian and mexican kids to make myself feel better but still have no friends >though it was ok since i could just go on xbox to make friends, and i wasnt being bullied about being fat so thought it was fine >get to highschool end up here and get outcasted even more irl, cant bully anyone anymore without potentally getting jumped since everyone cares about autisitic kids now >this whole time never knew how fat i was just thought i was scary >one kid in 12th grade calls me a fat r----- after class >only time anyone has ever mocked me enough for me to remember why did it take so long for someone to fall me a fatass? if i was constantly mocked and bullied as a kid i might not have turned out such a retard. Im not fat anymore but i could only do it with meth (6'5 170lbs)

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