everybody makes the mistake once in their life | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

>assignment due >accidentally sends 10gb from the wrong "homework" folder >gets A+ >AND A 30GB FILE BACK >checks files >it is literally all nudes of me mfw

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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"little brexton" | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/29/23 (Mon)16:04:47 No.900078627 >be me >working at target as cashier, checking people out >mom and young boy (probably 7-9-y/o) come up and i start checking them out >mother says "sorry brexton i forgot onions, ill be right back" >the boy is just watching me check out the items >i start going as fast as i can >finishes checking out >to boy: "okay, that'll be $127.69" >boy gets rlly stressed out cuz his mom isnt back and he doesnt know what to do >boy starts crying >mom comes back with onions >screams at me for making little brexton cry >WHO THE F--- NAMES THEIR CHILD BREXTON JESUS F------ CHRIST guys am i in the wrong?

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Anon forgets pic related | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/29/2 >>29034802 Xenovia and Gasp Anonymous 05/29/2 >>29017967 (OP) >religious >conservative >DxD lol Return] [Catalog] [Top] [Upda File: IMG_3809.jpg (62 KB, 500x500) Where to find attractive, religious, conservative girls who are waiting until marriage? Anonymous 05/26/23(Fri)19:31:30 No.29017967 >>29017979 >>29019121 >>29019367 >>29019534>>29022889 >>29022894>>29023094 >>29025404 >>29025674>>29029171 >>29031620 >>29033843 >>29034802 >>29034804 >>29034839 First off, my political, social, and economic views are VERY right wing -think Francoist Spain after 1958. I've tried dating girls who don't fit the description in the prompt, and it's always a complete failure; they want to sext, be intimate, give me BJs, etc. and don't get it when I refuse. Where do I find girls who actually fit my non-negotiable standards? Or DXC

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Anon is Hungarian | /r/Greentext

File: 213043a1da820da6ae2bfb419(...).jpg (60 KB, 735x932) Day in a life of the average hungarian Anonymous >be me >wake up at 5 am >drink pálinka >feed the animals >drink pálinka >go to the fields and work 12 hours >go home >drink pálinka >pray to our lord and savior orbán viktor >eat lunch >go to the local pub with my mates >wake up on the street >repeat

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Anon is not a fan of Christianity | /r/Greentext

File: 312093109.jpg (16 KB, 281x429) How do people believe in religion Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)07:37:31 No.73490760 [Reply] ► >>73493139 >>73493225 Ok so >The universe just existing makes 0 sense everything needs to be created by something else things cant just come into existance from thin air this is what actually happened one day god appeared and shouted "let there be light" and his voice created stars and shouted "let there be land" and planets formed from his scream etc. and thats actually how the universe was created. >Who created god? Oh dont worry about it. >Then he created Adam and Eve and Satan and he told Adam and Eve to never eat apples or else... >Then he sent Satan to try to tempt them into eating apples >Eve listened to Satan under the form of the snake and ate the apple and told Adam to do it too because they taste amazing so Adam took a bite too >God saw it because he sees everything all the time >Cursed them and all of their descendants with pain and aging and thats actually why we get hurt and die because our great great great... great grandmother ate some apple or something. >Worry not you are actually a invisible magical ghost possessing a meat puppet and when you die you just leave your puppet and fly to space where you are put on trial on the divine court on the moon and God will judge your sins and decide if you have broken enought rules to go to hell or if you're a good enought person to go to heaven as long as you follow the rules God wont have to feed you to Satan. >Also God r---- a girl and reincarnated into her son and let humans kill him so uhhh he doesnt have to throw them in hell anymore? >Anyways hes coming back soon so keep praying and following the rules even though God died to abolish those rules because hes coming back soon and then he will fix everything. >How long have we been waiting? About 2000 years or so but its going to happen for sure we just need to keep praying and donating to the church and sacrificing our kids to pedophiles in dresses and HE WILL COME SOON TRUST THE PLAN OR I WILL CURSE YOU TO BURN FOREVER IN HELL!!! And im supposed to believe this?

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Anon is special needs | /r/Greentext

File: 20230529_161511.jpg (33 KB, 400x400) Please be patient I have autism greentexts thread Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)11:04:58 No.73492199 >>73492215 >>73492306 >>73492465 >>73492502 >be me >have large tongue >one day walking home from work >see parked white van >lick the passenger side rearview mirror clean for no particular reason >hear loud "HEY! >mfw i didnt see the dude on the driver seat >runlikehell.exe >yell at him to stop >he starts running off >cant be bothered to chase him >actually feel kinda bad for him cabt be >finally reach my house >reflect upon what i just did i still have no idea why did that >> Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)11:17:33 No.73492306 >>73492199 (OP) >be normal dude >drive white van for work Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)11:06:33 No.73492215 >>73492199 (OP) you are a very special boy anon >park your van to call your wife >some retard gets near my van >yfw he starts licking the rearview mirror like its ice cream >>73492199 (OP) inb4 this is posted on plebbit >> Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)11:36:07 No.73492465 File: bca.jpg (130 KB, 750x1252)

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Anon attempts to flirt | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)11:39:54 No.73492502 >>73493200 >>73492199 (OP) >be me >freshman in high-school >like a nerdy girl who wears soul eater shirts to school >decide I want to date her >put notes in her backpack saying she's cute >constantly stare at her >eventually she tells me I'm bring creepy >I still stare at her in class Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)12:57:28 No.73493200 >>73492502 why didnt you stop staring staring at her

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Xmas dinner doing it's thing | /r/Greentext

: onymous de 7 KB JPG 3 Replies 12/26/18(Wed)16:52:57 No.50053486 >try to s--- >break toilet View Thread : Anonymous >>50053486 (OP) # you should s--- outside like the animal you are! fat f--- 12/26/18(Wed)17:00:43 No.50053588

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Anon asks the experts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 83 KB JPG 3 Replies 05/27/23(Sat)01:47:30 No.899935439 I want to f--- my cute brown neighbors 20 year old butthole but I'm 32 years old. How do I accomplish this without creeping her out because of the age gap? >>899935589 # View Thread : Anonymous >>899935439 (OP) # >Hmm I want to have sex with a woman? Who should I ask? >Of course, 4chan is famous for having lots of sexually experienced people! Just do everyone a favor and jump off a bridge 05/27/23(Sat)01:49:28 No.899935510

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Anons discuss their pooping habits | /r/Greentext

File: 1634049849025.jpg (587 KB, 1200x1200) O my very own pooping blog Anonymous 05/08/23 (Mon)08:19:01 No.122828 i did not poop today hopefully i will poop tomorrow Showing all replies. >> Anonymous 05/08/23 (Mon)13:03:04 No.122830 ok >> Anonymous 05/08/23 (Mon)20:41:34 No.122832 ► yes >> Anonymous 05/09/23(Tue)00:08:42 No.122841 i pooped today >> Anonymous 05/09/23(Tue)18:09:57 No.122846 ► just pooped >> Anonymous 05/09/23(Tue)22:31:10 No.122847 ► >>122849 i'm not op but i'm gonna have a poo right now >> Anonymous 05/10/23(Wed)02:58:29 No.122849 ► >>122851 >>122847 good work >> D Anonymous 05/10/23(Wed)04:14:45 No.122851 >>122849 thanks it was an alright poo

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Anon has some choice words for Home Depot | /r/Greentext

File: homedepotcartproblems.jpg (1.63 MB, 1528x1466) Home Depot Horror Stories Vol.1 Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)23:03:15 No.73487422 >Be me >Work at Home Depot as a Lot Associate >Grab carts and help customers. Not a hard job, but it can be frustrating. >About six months ago, management gets more shopping buggies. >Like, a LOT more. >The old, worn-out buggies are put in the corral in the middle of the lot. Managers tell me a scrap company will pick them up by next week. >Weeks pass, but scrap company doesn't come. Managers tell me they must've flaked, so the carts are moved to the corral over on the edge of the lot. >Unfortunately, we discover the new carts are very s-----. The metal bends out of shape easily, and they're a bitch to keep together and get undone. >They're so bad the customers end up preferring the old carts to the new ones. >Not a huge deal. It takes longer to get the job done, but customers like having more carts, so its manageable for me. >Then a couple months later, management decides to get more lumber carts. >(For those who don't know, lumber carts are the bigger ones that are designed for transporting heavier stuff like planks and concrete, s--- like that.) >In a moment of genius, management also gets more pallets of concrete and line them up underneath the canopy in front of the lumber department, the same time the new lumber carts come in. >It was under the canopy we usually store the lumber carts. >So now we have to store most of the new lumber carts in the corrals in the back of the lot. Now they're all full 24/7. >Even worse, customers are putting their buggies in these corrals, and there's no room. During busy hours, the buggies and carts overflow into the parking lot. (Pic related.) >Customers don't even use the extra lumber carts! >On most days now I'm so overwhelmed I can't even finish my job on time. >I complain to management about the situation, but they dismiss me every time. >Other Lot Associates keep quitting. Never enough people. >F--- this job.

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At least there was no flash. | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 : Anonymous Whats the most humiliating exp(...) 4 60 KB JPG ▼ Settings Mobile Home 05/24/23(Wed)01:07:11 No.73427720 >be me >loser working s----- retail job >work with a 6ft tall goth girl >shes beautiful and sweet >kind of have flirty convos with her >finally ask her on a date >immediately says she has a bf >die a little on the inside >a few weeks later he comes in to the store. Riding a Harley. Drops off food for her. >model tier good looks but has a scar over his eyebrow and a bit of his face >good shape, tattoos all over and long hair >notice the guy is SHORTER than her >he picks her up with one arm and kisses her >after he leaves all the dumb girls I work with swoon over him >goth girl tells everyone how he was a Marine and now in sales or something. He makes a bunch of money >one of the girls ask if hes good in bed >goth girl deflects but finally breaks down >I listen but pretend to not notice all the girls >says his d--- is huge >he doesnt disappoint >girls squeal >try to talk a little s--- on him >immediately she gets p----- and says hes better than you in every way and to not talk about her boyfriend >says he would kick my ass >feel like s--- and totally emasculated >he comes in another day to bring her a coffee >driving a Ford Raptor >the only reason I knew it was a raptor was because of the graphics on the side of the truck >he stays a little and chats with my goth oneitis >decide to go up and introduce my self to him >honestly really nice and charming >hate him for it 05/24/23(Wed)01:13:12 No.73427773 : Anonymous >>73427720 (OP) # >decide to get some creep shots of her to at least get some pics to j------- too >snap a pic but I left my sound on >camera shutter click resonates through the quiet store >she ask what that was >wont say and deny >all the girls at the store tell me how creepy I am >they tell me I am an ugly weirdo and probably a virgin >my oneitis GF is screaming at me >she reports me and I get fired >find her a few years later and stalk her insta >her and that guy now have two kids >feel utterly cucked >moved back in with parents I want to die lads

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Anon picked the shortest straw in life | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)05:56:57 No.73487887 44 KB JPG > Be me > Tuesday > At train station waiting for my train to come > Another train that's passing through stops on the same platform > See hot Latina conductor get out > Pretty face, probably 5'4, nice fat ass shoved into to tight work pants, nice hair done up under her cap, but could still see it > She got on the train and it left after a minute or two > I will never see her again It's just not fair bros

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