/fit/ness is a mindset | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

E Anonymous 149 KB JPG 02/19/22(Sat) 18:30:04 No.65642312 1 week in to my keto diet and my lizard brain wants carbs BAD. My solution so far has been to imagine that part of my brain as a soijack. >NOOO YOU CANT JUST MAKE ME BURN FAT FOR ENERGY, I NEED HECKIN' CARBOHYDRATERINOS!!!!!! I sometimes look at tasty carbs just to spite him. Fellow diet chads, what mental tricks do you use to stay on your diet?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon gets banned | /r/Greentext

>>184484102 # CASPER VAN DIEN ARMY DOG PRIVATE CONNOR REPORTING FOR DUTY! MV5BOTU1NzgxMDcxN15BMI5BanBnXkFtZTgwODY0OTkzNzE@._V1_ 681 KB JPG Why were there so many torture scenes in this movie? : Anonymous >>184483518 (OP) # >posting Army Dog on 4channel >>184484225 # GRACE VAN DIEN Enjoy your ban. Last time I started an AD thread I caught a year ban for gore and a knock and talk visit from my loca sheriff >>184493682 # FAMILY * APPROVED 05/09/23(Tue)17:40:23 No.18448377 Anonymous >>184483771 # The worst part of the movie is when army dog massacred that village of innocent Vietnamese farmers, the image Is still imprinted in my mind when he ripped that Charlie's face off 05/09/23(Tue)17:46:36 No.18448410 Anonymou >>184484102 # I don't care what /an/ says. Army Dog did nothing wrong. >you can't throw a pup into a man's war and not expect him to turn rabid just to survive 05/09/23(Tue)17:48:46 No.18448422: 05100/20T -117.10.30 - 10440407

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Ummm What? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Autistic short stories (Wed)17:26:10 No.36753988 >be me, 11 years old >Dad takes me to Alabama to look at a car he wants >sitting in the truck I look around >notice someone in the neighborhood sneaking up on a squirrel >he grabs the squirrel and holds it down 72 KB JPG >he yells "Henry I got the f-----" >man comes running with a wood chopping axe >cuts the squirrels head off >MFW first time in Alabama and I see a beheading

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ANON IS ALL ALONE! >:( | /r/Greentext

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO omg1.png, 2MiB, 1728x963 SEUTER 7 th my god, pas totally know hout chant Anonymous Mon 08 May 2023 16:34:52 No.73249465 View Report >Wake up next to waifu pillow >Tummy very grumbly and unsatisfied >"MOOMMMMMM!!!! TENDIES!!!!" >... >F------ bitch can't hear me. One of the drawbacks of having my room in the basement. >Start tooting my airhorn I keep next to my bed for emergencies. >Still no response. She's going to be sorry for this. >Get out of bed and weeble wobble my ass up the stairs and into the kitchen. >"TENDIES!!!" Slap belly like a bongo drum. >Mom is nowhere to be seen. >Note on the fridge says 'Be back later my big healthy boy. Tendies are in the freezer.' >"She's making me cook my own tendies? F------ bitch. I can't believe this s---." >Read instructions- 'Preheat oven to 400F and cook for...45 MINUTES??!!' >Use a tactic I learned back in my World of Warcraft days- Set oven to 400 and immediately place tendies in the oven and set timer for 50 minutes. >Go back downstairs and go back to sleep. >Wake up a while later. Everything smells like smoke. >Oh s---! My tendies! >Go back upstairs, open basement door and see that the entire house is gone. Completely burned to the ground. >Check what's left of the oven. Tendies are completely burned beyond recognition. >THIS IS WHAT SHE GETS FOR MAKING ME COOK MY OWN TENDIES! >Waddle back to my basement. Electricity and internet still works for some reason. >Order 100pc chicken nuggets online my mom's credit car information I have saved. >Not worried at all. I have everything I need. When my mom gets home she will be feel terrible for almost killing her 400lb bundle of joy.

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oomfie it will never be Anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/08/23 (Mon)19:20:15 No.30878354 i just want a t.girlfriend, to cook dinner together and cuddle while we watch anime at night, in our bedroom until we fall asleep, just a lesbian relationship, having random adventures all the time, like having a date at mcdonald's, or walking in the forest and going to the movies at night, maybe shopping together and helping us to feel more euphoric about our bodies, or just chilling playing halo/destiny in a pajamas party, eating pizza, listening music while we kiss each other, idk, i'd like to have/find a t.gf so bad :c 74 KB JPG

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Anon is introduced to a stunning qt | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: UrMQWYMP >>426470532 05/09/23(Tue)16:38:52 No.426468891 >varsity chad >buddy takes me to see his gf >gf has friend there for me >stunning qt >>426464802 (OP) I'm unironically chad tier looks and have always been a super fit athlete with the mind of an autist >be me >haha anon, we'll leave you two alone >awkwardly sitting there in room with qt alone >aaaanon wut do you want to dooooo? She asks coyly >"t-t-there is something in your hair" I stutter out >WHAT IS IT!?! GET IT OUT!! >"it's a braid" I shout >tug her braid with all my strength >she falls down to floor >I run from the house and run the 5 miles back home as fast as I can >friend drives by my house >w-- anon! >>426469292 >never get invited to anything else >don't care >stay home and shoot squirrels with pellet gun by myself

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Anon's brother makes preparations | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 58 KB JPG 05/07/23(Sun)14:06:10 No.898871407 >Junior prom is coming up for my little bro >I saw him take a tape measure and a pair of pliers into his room >he said he was "penismaxing" Anonymous good for him, ask to see his gains 05/07/23(Sun)14:07:07 No.898871444

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Anon goes to Japan and doesn't leave the city | /r/Greentext

File: ED7D95DC-F9A3-4FDB-A9DF-3(...).jpg (17 KB, 289x163) Anonymous 05/09/23(Tue)01:56:59 No.181605042 ► >>181605143 >>181605147 >be me 8 years ago >14 years old >Dad takes me and my family to Japan >We go and see monuments and stuff >Dad keeps repeating "Don't get surprised anons. We have this stuff in Italy too" >Continue like this until the end of the trip >Kept bragging about we also have this stuff and that we have 70% of worlds history in our blood and country >Heard other Italians during the same trip saying the same as my dad Do stuff like this happend in your country?

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Trailer park politics | /r/Greentext

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M'GOODFELLAS | /r/Greentext

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO hbklb.jpg, 63KiB, 900x900 Anonymous Sat 25 Sep 2021 19:21:57 No.65520578 Report Quoted By: >>65521185 >>65521919 SP >time to collect protection tendies >waddle downstairs to where my mommy is "Well if it isn't my little mobster! I like your suit!" >"You know why I'm here mommy, where are today's tendies?" "Oh of course!" >be me >boss of the tendilini crime family >family consists of other good boys >extort tendies from our mommys >put on pinstripe suit >she goes into the kitchen and comes out with a hot plate of tendies just the way i like them >count the tendies to make sure she isnt trying to play me >1..2..3...the letter that comes after 5 >good enough >a week later i come downstairs to collect my daily tendies >counting tendies >123????? "I'm sorry, honey, but we're out of tendies. I'll go to the store tomorrow." >b-------, the bitch is lying to me >"IM THE BOSS OF THE TENDILINIS!! GIVE ME THE GOODS OR FEEL THE WRATH OF MY POOPOO PEE PEE!!" "That's no way to talk to your mother, mister. Go to your room." >have had enough of mommy >run out the door and to my safehouse (Pt. 1/2) SHBADDA BING View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO q17en3zu9tf31.jpg, 62KiB, 758x660 -BADDA BOOM Anonymous Sat 25 Sep 2021 20:19:37 No.65521185 Report Quoted By: >>65521919 >>65520578 (Pt. 2/2) >finally make it to the safehouse across the street >fellow good boy tendilini let me in >summon all other members of the family for a meeting >"mommy no give big boy his tendies....she no follow tendilini family rules...for that, she must be punished" >other good boys agree to help show mommy what happens to deadbeats who dont pay their dues >we prepare to dish out some punishment and the others hide in my bushes >i knock on the door and mommy answers "It wasn't okay of you to talk to me like that, but you've mostly been a good boy and I still owe you your tendies." >in her hands is a plate of golden tendies >with extra honey mussy >realize what the f--- ive done >turn around to the bushes to try and stop the boys but im too late >can only waddle away and watch as mommy is bombarded with balloons full of poo poo and pee pee >she slips and falls down on her head >hasnt moved for the past hour >mfw Tendies are tendies so I don't mind too much. I just wish she didn't have to do things the hard way all the time.

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Anon bought a cigar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I ain't even mad 112 KB JPG 05/09/23(Tue)20:46:31 No.898984965 I have found out how to disguise my autism >bought a cigar because I've wanted to try one >go to friends place to help him clean out his shed and set up an RV >decide that's the perfect time to try it >do a s----- job lighting it because I didn't buy a cigar cutter >it's burning unevenly, leaves fly into my mouth when I puff >after we finish up our chores friends wife leaves to pick up dinner >get a phone call from her after 3 minutes >mail lady is stuck next to a mailbox because dirt road >grab a shovel and tell friend to get 2 pieces of wood >walk there and talk with mail lady >she sees a guy with a cigar in one hand and a shovel in the other and figures "this guy knows what he's doing" >autistically fumble through the conversation >get her unstuck after about 3 minutes >she says "you're one of those no nonsense types aren't you? don't see guys like that so young" >she gets stuck again literally 20 feet away because she doesn't know to stay out of fluffy sand So the way I figure it, if you carry a cigar people are more likely to think you're not autistic but no nonsense. Just don't mind the cancer I guess View Thread

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Anon's trying to not get cucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous never realised how much of a c(...) 85 KB GIF 04/16/23(Sun)17:37:18 No.72973546 if i "finally manned up" and get a job my wife will talk to men online and irl. having a job seems fun and gives me time to interact with the outside world but i dont wanna come back home to a cheating bitch wife. how do i get over these thoughts?

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Indian anon snitches on girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/23(Tue)19:52:45 No.73258938 166 KB PNG >be me >Indian living in America >walk to the store >see girl from friends family >see she is with some White guy >they kiss >call my friend >tell him I saw his cousin kiss some cracker and the exact location >he calls his uncle and tells him what I told him >hear a week later that she is no longer allowed to leave the house >mfw I managed to get a w---- punished while still being able to pump and dump white girls

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