Harmless Little Prank | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: 1381193662080.jpg-(352 KB, 1750x2500, muscle-chest-adult-spiderman-costume.jpg) जै Anonymous 10/07/13 (Mon)19:54:22 UTC-5 No.509816450 >be me 18 yo college freshman >meet this awesome kid down hall, badass mohawk and s--- >his roommate is this p------------ hipster though >f----- black rimmed glasses and suede shoes and s--- >this kid is seriously why nobody will ever take the word "indie" seriously >spend whole year playing tricks on him and telling him "pranked" after seeing his reaction >innocent s--- like hiding bouncy balls in his stuff, covering his soap in glue, etc >one day hanging out in their room, decide to pull some hardcore s--- on his punk ass >decide to j------- into his shampoo, so when he showers he'll rub j--- into his hair >lock door >commence fapping > the room's at the end of the hall, so if i hear footsteps i know its him >hear him coming >ohshit.mov >commence panic fap mode >adrenaline extends my stamina, it's going to be a photo finish >hear him put his key into the door >facing away from the door, shampoo bottle in front of me, d--- in my hand >he sees me jerking it in the corner of the room >hear him yell "dude what the f--- right as I j--- >fine tuned combat instincts cause me to fling my handful of c-- right into his eyes >mfw i just spiderman'd my friend's a------ roommate >mfw when he is standing completely flabbergasted, and all I can think to say is "pranked"

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon takes himself to reality for his field trip. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 19 KB PNG 04/11/23(Tue)15:50:21 No.72914517 >Be kid in middle school >Field trip to someplace I can't remember >Sitting at the back of the bus with the other anti-social kids including my best friend at the time >Normies upfront play 'kiss, marry, kill' >Game eventually devolves into 'who would you rather date' >Not paying attention to the game and just chilling with my friend >Ears pop up when I hear my name >Oh s---.jpeg >Someone asks a girl I like, "Would you rather date anon or anon's friend" >She responds with, "If there was no one else left on earth, I would choose anon's friend >Further emphasizes that she would only pick him if there was no other person on earth >My friend and I try to laugh it off >Meanwhile my confidence is shattered as I realize I am at the very bottom of my school's attractiveness hierarchy

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femanon is a virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 62 KB JPG : Anonymous 59 KB JPG >>72912814 # : Anonymous >>72912674 (OP) # Because I am 6'5" and I want a tall girl. >>72912814 # >f >6' : Anonymous >>72912696 # 04/11/23(Tue)23:39:03 No.72912674 ok? I am racist >115lb >high school drop out cause teachers are kiked >homeschooling since >only eat kosher so tell me anon, why should I marry you? 04/11/23(Tue)23:40:21 No.72912692 04/11/23(Tue)23:40:37 No.72912696 : Anonymous >>72912674 (OP) # Seems like we're forgetting something here OP ahem VIRGINITY STATUS Every woman is a 0/10 until her personality proves otherwise. The fact that you listed attributes and nothing about yourself says an awful lot. 04/11/23(Tue)23:41:47 No.72912710 04/11/23(Tue)23:48:44 No.72912814 I'm kind of a jew, not biologically, but in the way I do things, I guess it's because my dad was a big reckless spender and it scarred me I am stingy AF, I count my shekels to the cent and do double entry accounting my bowl is always shiny clean cause I lick it clean cause refuse to waste food blessed by God i don't like to communicate with people irl cause there's no money to be made, don't want unhealthy connection at all I will return the RTX5090 you ordered because it's a waste of money, no matter how much money you make >>72912710 # virgin

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All the world's a stage | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/28/23(Tue)13:59:09 No.14691891 _67617336_hi-its-god-here.jpg 70 KB JPG THE SAMUEL COURTAULD TRUST >God is all-knowing. >God therefore knows everything that will happen. >Humans therefore have no agency or moral responsibility. >God is basically watching a movie that he's spoiled for himself >God punishes/rewards the actors for something they had no control over W--? Who honestly believes this garbage?

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I hope you are happy with yourselves | /r/Greentext

We Deserve What Star Wars Has Become Star Wars is now all about reliving former glories instead of inventing new ones. It's what fans asked for, but they mic BY STACEY HENLEY PUBLISHED 23 HOURS AGO ›THEGAMER We Deserve What Star Wars Has Become Anonymous 04/11/23(Tue)12:10:59 No.182869096 >>182869109 >>182869124>>182869576 >>182869778 >>182869878 >>182869885 182870200 >>182870211 >>182870246 >>182870308 >>182870367 >>182870391 >>182870399 >>182870485 >>182870522 >>182870824>>182870931 >>182871069 >>182871569 >>182871829 >>182872072 -182872316 >>182872813 >>182872922 >>182875122 >>182875207 >>182875242 >>182875390 >>182875461 >>182875905 >>182876251 >>182876454>>182877252 >>182877498 >>182877660 >>182878216 -182878537 >>182879823 ITS YOUR FAULT, /tv/! YOU did this! >You can't make money off the past. At least, not until you find a way to sell it into the future. Star Wars, in part thanks to the fact it's owned by Disney, is fully in the capitalist vortex of churning out every possible spin-off it can, chasing that sweet, sweet dollar. The part of this problem not directly caused by Disney is caused by the fact Star Wars' biggest creative leads were huge fans as kids, and are now recreating that, forever. Nothing new, just the stuff that blew their minds in the '80s. >This is where our own culpability comes into it. Culturally, we have shown ourselves to be good little piggies consuming content on demand. Though the superhero box office dominance is waning, we have supported the creation of spin-off after spin-off, universe after universe. About 476,923 new Star Wars projects were announced or discussed during the conference, and the vast majority were continuations, spin-offs, or old characters getting to ride again. Star Wars is failing to take advantage of the world's potential in order to appease YouTubers with stained shirts who think it's woke that Daisy Ridley's abs give them complex emotions. YOU are the consumer piggy, /tv/. Its not coropos fault. Its yours. https://www.thegamer.com/deserve-star-wars-celebration-mandalorian-spin-offs/

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Anon is an Egyptian Prostitute | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 380 KB PNG 04/11/23(Tue)16:24:18 No.897427417 >be me >15 years old >read somewhere that the best ancient Egyptian prostitutes could make a man c-- by tugging on his pubic hairs >Still relatively new to this m----------- thing >get idea >pretend I'm a wealthy Egyptian Merchant or Nobility >spend the gold 100 peasants wouldn't see in a year on the best w---- on the Nile >Imagine an olive-skinned goddess clad in nothing but jewelry and a devilish smile >imagine her oiled and perfumed to perfection >she walks slowly toward me while I lay naked on the bed >tug on my pubic hair while I imagine this beauty looking at me with that trickster smile >That smirk >She's the perfect tease >Blow my load while imagining c------ all over that cute face of hers while she giggles TFW when I made myself c-- by just tugging on my pubes TFW I could have been the best prostitute of Ancient Egypt Anyway, Egyptology thread. Know any good facts or trivia from Ancient Egypt?

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some mf posted this on discord lmao | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/10/23(Mon)21:35:50 No.182853253 >>182854578 >>182854619 >>182854654>>182854902 >I thought we were building a rice cooker >you're technically right Anonymous 04/10/23(Mon)22:45:49 No.182854902 >>182855097 >>182855195 >>182855212 >>182855496 >>182855615 >>182855846 >>182855867 >>182853253 (OP) This summer... >*Gangnam Style beat starts playing* Doctor Oppenheimer... >*OP, OP OP OP* Is about to find out... >*OPPEN HEIMER STYLE* What being "the bomb"... >*AYYY SEXY LADY* Is all about... >*OP, OP OP OP* >*YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN-* >*music cuts out* >"My le bomb...... le killed people...!?!?" >*cuts across the table to Truman* >"Well, I wouldn't exactly call them people..." >3 seconds of silence as they stare at each other >*music cuts back in* >*OP, OP OP OP* >Letters float up onto the screen, spelling OPPENHEIMER >*OPPEN HEIMER STYLE, UH!* >Rated PG-13

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Anon breaks physics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>57289145 # A gun that also shoots another bullet through a barrel pointing in the opposite direction so the recoil cancels out. Anonymous >>57289137 # 02/25/23(Sat) 19:30:00 No.57289137 heh gunnug.jpg 63 KB JPG 02/25/23(Sat) 19:31:00 No.57289145

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Anon does barbell flies | /r/Greentext

File: 1363756597176.png-(296 KB, 520x516, Untitled.png) >> Air Inashes in Goliset 94 Left lung Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:16 No. 18559804 Replies: >>18559895 >>18559896 >>18559903 >>18559969 >>18560053 >>18560408 Sup /fit/, I've been having a problem lately at the gym, maybe you guys can help me. Everytime i do barbell flies my ribs feel like they are cracking and its discomforting. It doesn't hurt, but kind of freaks me out. I had to stop my flies because I was worried that something wrong was happening. Any help would be appreciated!!!!!!! >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:17 No. 18559825 Replies: >>18559840 >barbell flies >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:18 No. 18559832 Replies: >>18559840 Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:18 No. 18559840 Replies: >>18559949 >>18559825 >>18559832 You're both p------. >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:18 No. 18559841 >barbell flies u srs m8, no wonder >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:18 No. 18559847 >barbell flies >barbell >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:21 No. 18559912 >flies Wouldn't it be easier to just use 45 pound dumbbells? What the f--- man >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:19 No.18559852 >doing flies with a barbell >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:23 No. 18559949 Replies: >>18560020 >>18559840 >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:28 No. 18560053 ru srs må i'll hook u in the gabber if u sy that to my face u cheky c--- ill reck u 1v1 thumps up if u agre Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:39 No. 18560258 Replies: >>18560312 >>18560327 Can you imagine how p----- off/amused all the other bros in his gym must be watching this guy doing BB flies? I can imagine it gets real quiet in the gym for those 8 reps. File: 1363757295126.jpg-(133 KB, 550x413, whatthefman.jpg) >>18559804 (OP) >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:21 No. 18559903 Replies: >>18559923 >>18559934>>18559964>>18559972 >>18560005 >>18560042 >>18560069 >>18560095 >>18560875 File: 1363756894937.jpg-(210 KB, 850x850, FUARRKMYRIBS.jpg) >> >flying barbells Please unfasten your seatbelts and enjoy your stay in Snap City. I hope you enjoyed your barbell flight. Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 18559969 >>18559804 (OP) >barbell flies >this guy >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 18559970 >>18559934 barbell flies........ not even once >that filename >>18559804 (OP) >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:23 No. 1855993 >>18559903 MEIN SIEDS >> >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 1855997 File: 1363757093686.jpg-(24 KB, 387x353, 136 >>18559903 FUUUUUARRRKKKK >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:26 No. 18560005 Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:27 No. >>18559949 i kry evrytim File: 1363757184031.jpg-(19 KB, 385x383. 209384293332.jpg) >> >>18559903 oh lawdy Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 185599 File: 1363757041466.jpg (97 KB, 696x535, 13 >barbell flys GET-A-LEAB CAM >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:27 No. >barbell flies >painful ribs OP you f------ retard you're flying with a barbell Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 185599 File: 1363757072219.jpg-(29 KB, 640x480, 13 >>18559903 Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:27 No. 18560042 File: 1363757266622.jpg-(11 KB, 218x265, 1361398623619.jpg >>18559903 Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:22 No. 18559923 File: 1363756951304.png-(108 KB, 480x480, 1359313496429. >>18559903

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anon has a resting bitch face | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/23(Wed)02:49:10 No.72914987 >Therapist tells me i basically have the male equivalent of resting bitch face >Compares the me to the Serbian war criminal from Behind Enemy Lines >Said she was a bit afraid of me at our first session purely from the bad first impression i gave it explains why people never approach me and want little to do with me. Explains a lot really. 26 KB JPG : Anonymous >>72914987 (OP) # post face retardnon >>72915019 # 04/12/23(Wed)02:50:26 No.72915003 >>72915019 # : Anonymous >>72914987 (OP) # >Compares the me to the Serbian war criminal become war criminal 04/12/23(Wed)02:51:17 No.72915010 Anonymous04/12/23(Wed)02:51:40 No.72915019 >>72915003 # No i wont It's against /r9k/ rules anyway >>72915010 # considering it :27 No.72915014 hake them :33 No.72915016

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Anon has stereotypical parents | /r/Greentext

How to help my stereotypical parents? Anonymous 04/11/23(Tue)00:50:11 No.28726622 [Reply] >>28731065 > Staying at the parents house for a few days > Go take a shower > Shave myself (I shave practically every spot) > It's morning > Greet mom in the kitchen, she notices that I have a clean shaved legs > 'w-- anon, why would you do that? Only the f--- do that' > Tell her that who the f--- cares, besides its called personal hygiene for a reason and she's just naively stereotypical > Decides to ignore my reasonings and brushed off everything I said I love my parents, but h-------- are they full of dumb and very outdated stereotypes, they're not even that old. Also, personally, I believe that being very hairy only works on 6'2< bulky gigachads, I prefer being slim & shredded, and I simply don't like being hairy (I once had a beard and it made me look like one of those dumb basedjacks)

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Anon makes a good point | /r/Greentext

File: Di8r83jejdjjdjd.jpg (168 KB, 1011x857) XView Larger The suicide rate among males in 2020 was 4 times higher than the rate among females. Males make up 49% of the population but nearly 80% of suicides. Anonymous 04/11/23(Tue)09:57:55 No.72904114 >>72904153 >>72904168 >>72904188 >>72904196 >>72904218 >>72904335 >>72904368 >>72905624 >>72905637 >>72905983 >>72908168 Could you just imagine how society would react if women were killing themselves at literally 4x the rate that we are? >Every major newscast organization would be talking about it. >There would be tons of psychological research going into this phenomenon to curtail it. >The president would be giving speeches about female suicide and drafting bills to stop it. >There would be an entire month dedicated to raising awareness to the issue, "Women's Suicide Awareness Month". >People would be marching in the streets with banners and doing fundraisers and charity events to end female suicide. But men get literally none of this, because nobody gives a flying f--- about us.

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anon shit himself | /r/Greentext

File: peepo-poo-poo.gif (849 KB, 498x498) Anonymous (ID: zYik4NAV) 04/10/23 (Mon)17:27:28 No.17431026 ► S------- your pants stories thread, I'll start > be me > 21 > yesterday > on my way to donate plasma for free money > on my way to the place I have to clench my cheeks to hold in a humongous dookie about to come out of my chocolate portal > arrive at plasma place > sprint to the bathroom > unload the most pasty s--- ever no paper towels > relief.png > look down > giant s--- smear in undies > try to wipe it out with s----- one ply toilet paper > smears more >f--- > fingers tear thru paper and get dookie all over my fingers > decide to just put a bunch of toilet paper in my underwear and put them back on > flush and go to wash hands > no soap > > try to wash poop hands with water as much as possible > go out and get it line for vital checks > i sit down and the qt3.14 worker girl smiles at me > she asks for my hand to do a needle finger prick > i offer her the same f------ s--- poop hand > there's still dookie on it and it smells > she puts her mask over her nose and wipes finger with alcohol wipe > go thru rest of vitals check > get deferred because my blood pressure is crazy high because I am a fat retard > get up and see horrible sight > toilet paper had fallen out of pants and was on the floor in the middle of the lobby > run out as fast as i can > s--- smears on my ass while i drive back home > cry in the shower it was rough

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