Anon is an Egyptian Prostitute | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 380 KB PNG 04/11/23(Tue)16:24:18 No.897427417 >be me >15 years old >read somewhere that the best ancient Egyptian prostitutes could make a man c-- by tugging on his pubic hairs >Still relatively new to this m----------- thing >get idea >pretend I'm a wealthy Egyptian Merchant or Nobility >spend the gold 100 peasants wouldn't see in a year on the best w---- on the Nile >Imagine an olive-skinned goddess clad in nothing but jewelry and a devilish smile >imagine her oiled and perfumed to perfection >she walks slowly toward me while I lay naked on the bed >tug on my pubic hair while I imagine this beauty looking at me with that trickster smile >That smirk >She's the perfect tease >Blow my load while imagining c------ all over that cute face of hers while she giggles TFW when I made myself c-- by just tugging on my pubes TFW I could have been the best prostitute of Ancient Egypt Anyway, Egyptology thread. Know any good facts or trivia from Ancient Egypt?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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some mf posted this on discord lmao | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/10/23(Mon)21:35:50 No.182853253 >>182854578 >>182854619 >>182854654>>182854902 >I thought we were building a rice cooker >you're technically right Anonymous 04/10/23(Mon)22:45:49 No.182854902 >>182855097 >>182855195 >>182855212 >>182855496 >>182855615 >>182855846 >>182855867 >>182853253 (OP) This summer... >*Gangnam Style beat starts playing* Doctor Oppenheimer... >*OP, OP OP OP* Is about to find out... >*OPPEN HEIMER STYLE* What being "the bomb"... >*AYYY SEXY LADY* Is all about... >*OP, OP OP OP* >*YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN-* >*music cuts out* >"My le bomb...... le killed people...!?!?" >*cuts across the table to Truman* >"Well, I wouldn't exactly call them people..." >3 seconds of silence as they stare at each other >*music cuts back in* >*OP, OP OP OP* >Letters float up onto the screen, spelling OPPENHEIMER >*OPPEN HEIMER STYLE, UH!* >Rated PG-13

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Anon breaks physics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>57289145 # A gun that also shoots another bullet through a barrel pointing in the opposite direction so the recoil cancels out. Anonymous >>57289137 # 02/25/23(Sat) 19:30:00 No.57289137 heh gunnug.jpg 63 KB JPG 02/25/23(Sat) 19:31:00 No.57289145

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Anon does barbell flies | /r/Greentext

File: 1363756597176.png-(296 KB, 520x516, Untitled.png) >> Air Inashes in Goliset 94 Left lung Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:16 No. 18559804 Replies: >>18559895 >>18559896 >>18559903 >>18559969 >>18560053 >>18560408 Sup /fit/, I've been having a problem lately at the gym, maybe you guys can help me. Everytime i do barbell flies my ribs feel like they are cracking and its discomforting. It doesn't hurt, but kind of freaks me out. I had to stop my flies because I was worried that something wrong was happening. Any help would be appreciated!!!!!!! >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:17 No. 18559825 Replies: >>18559840 >barbell flies >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:18 No. 18559832 Replies: >>18559840 Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:18 No. 18559840 Replies: >>18559949 >>18559825 >>18559832 You're both p------. >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:18 No. 18559841 >barbell flies u srs m8, no wonder >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:18 No. 18559847 >barbell flies >barbell >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:21 No. 18559912 >flies Wouldn't it be easier to just use 45 pound dumbbells? What the f--- man >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:19 No.18559852 >doing flies with a barbell >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:23 No. 18559949 Replies: >>18560020 >>18559840 >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:28 No. 18560053 ru srs må i'll hook u in the gabber if u sy that to my face u cheky c--- ill reck u 1v1 thumps up if u agre Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:39 No. 18560258 Replies: >>18560312 >>18560327 Can you imagine how p----- off/amused all the other bros in his gym must be watching this guy doing BB flies? I can imagine it gets real quiet in the gym for those 8 reps. File: 1363757295126.jpg-(133 KB, 550x413, whatthefman.jpg) >>18559804 (OP) >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:21 No. 18559903 Replies: >>18559923 >>18559934>>18559964>>18559972 >>18560005 >>18560042 >>18560069 >>18560095 >>18560875 File: 1363756894937.jpg-(210 KB, 850x850, FUARRKMYRIBS.jpg) >> >flying barbells Please unfasten your seatbelts and enjoy your stay in Snap City. I hope you enjoyed your barbell flight. Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 18559969 >>18559804 (OP) >barbell flies >this guy >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 18559970 >>18559934 barbell flies........ not even once >that filename >>18559804 (OP) >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:23 No. 1855993 >>18559903 MEIN SIEDS >> >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 1855997 File: 1363757093686.jpg-(24 KB, 387x353, 136 >>18559903 FUUUUUARRRKKKK >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:26 No. 18560005 Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:27 No. >>18559949 i kry evrytim File: 1363757184031.jpg-(19 KB, 385x383. 209384293332.jpg) >> >>18559903 oh lawdy Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 185599 File: 1363757041466.jpg (97 KB, 696x535, 13 >barbell flys GET-A-LEAB CAM >> Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:27 No. >barbell flies >painful ribs OP you f------ retard you're flying with a barbell Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:24 No. 185599 File: 1363757072219.jpg-(29 KB, 640x480, 13 >>18559903 Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:27 No. 18560042 File: 1363757266622.jpg-(11 KB, 218x265, 1361398623619.jpg >>18559903 Anonymous 03/20/13(Wed)01:22 No. 18559923 File: 1363756951304.png-(108 KB, 480x480, 1359313496429. >>18559903

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anon has a resting bitch face | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/23(Wed)02:49:10 No.72914987 >Therapist tells me i basically have the male equivalent of resting bitch face >Compares the me to the Serbian war criminal from Behind Enemy Lines >Said she was a bit afraid of me at our first session purely from the bad first impression i gave it explains why people never approach me and want little to do with me. Explains a lot really. 26 KB JPG : Anonymous >>72914987 (OP) # post face retardnon >>72915019 # 04/12/23(Wed)02:50:26 No.72915003 >>72915019 # : Anonymous >>72914987 (OP) # >Compares the me to the Serbian war criminal become war criminal 04/12/23(Wed)02:51:17 No.72915010 Anonymous04/12/23(Wed)02:51:40 No.72915019 >>72915003 # No i wont It's against /r9k/ rules anyway >>72915010 # considering it :27 No.72915014 hake them :33 No.72915016

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Anon has stereotypical parents | /r/Greentext

How to help my stereotypical parents? Anonymous 04/11/23(Tue)00:50:11 No.28726622 [Reply] >>28731065 > Staying at the parents house for a few days > Go take a shower > Shave myself (I shave practically every spot) > It's morning > Greet mom in the kitchen, she notices that I have a clean shaved legs > 'w-- anon, why would you do that? Only the f--- do that' > Tell her that who the f--- cares, besides its called personal hygiene for a reason and she's just naively stereotypical > Decides to ignore my reasonings and brushed off everything I said I love my parents, but h-------- are they full of dumb and very outdated stereotypes, they're not even that old. Also, personally, I believe that being very hairy only works on 6'2< bulky gigachads, I prefer being slim & shredded, and I simply don't like being hairy (I once had a beard and it made me look like one of those dumb basedjacks)

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Anon makes a good point | /r/Greentext

File: Di8r83jejdjjdjd.jpg (168 KB, 1011x857) XView Larger The suicide rate among males in 2020 was 4 times higher than the rate among females. Males make up 49% of the population but nearly 80% of suicides. Anonymous 04/11/23(Tue)09:57:55 No.72904114 >>72904153 >>72904168 >>72904188 >>72904196 >>72904218 >>72904335 >>72904368 >>72905624 >>72905637 >>72905983 >>72908168 Could you just imagine how society would react if women were killing themselves at literally 4x the rate that we are? >Every major newscast organization would be talking about it. >There would be tons of psychological research going into this phenomenon to curtail it. >The president would be giving speeches about female suicide and drafting bills to stop it. >There would be an entire month dedicated to raising awareness to the issue, "Women's Suicide Awareness Month". >People would be marching in the streets with banners and doing fundraisers and charity events to end female suicide. But men get literally none of this, because nobody gives a flying f--- about us.

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anon shit himself | /r/Greentext

File: peepo-poo-poo.gif (849 KB, 498x498) Anonymous (ID: zYik4NAV) 04/10/23 (Mon)17:27:28 No.17431026 ► S------- your pants stories thread, I'll start > be me > 21 > yesterday > on my way to donate plasma for free money > on my way to the place I have to clench my cheeks to hold in a humongous dookie about to come out of my chocolate portal > arrive at plasma place > sprint to the bathroom > unload the most pasty s--- ever no paper towels > relief.png > look down > giant s--- smear in undies > try to wipe it out with s----- one ply toilet paper > smears more >f--- > fingers tear thru paper and get dookie all over my fingers > decide to just put a bunch of toilet paper in my underwear and put them back on > flush and go to wash hands > no soap > > try to wash poop hands with water as much as possible > go out and get it line for vital checks > i sit down and the qt3.14 worker girl smiles at me > she asks for my hand to do a needle finger prick > i offer her the same f------ s--- poop hand > there's still dookie on it and it smells > she puts her mask over her nose and wipes finger with alcohol wipe > go thru rest of vitals check > get deferred because my blood pressure is crazy high because I am a fat retard > get up and see horrible sight > toilet paper had fallen out of pants and was on the floor in the middle of the lobby > run out as fast as i can > s--- smears on my ass while i drive back home > cry in the shower it was rough

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ANON IS KING! | /r/Greentext

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 23879327.jpg, 79KiB, 2048x1126 Anonymous Sun 18 Dec 2022 18:57:04 No.71452914 View Report >be mommy's 950 lb big boned beautiful boy >just had my 31st birthday, still in my prime >playing my favorite game, katamari damacy >felt like having tendies for my 3rd breakfast >"MOMMY MOMMY TENDIES NOW, HURRY UP YOUR LAZY SOW!" >mom comes back with a bowl of tendies and some dew, a beverage fit for a king such as myself >"i-is that all sweetie?" >she had to ask, f------ dumb slut >"THAT IS ALL SO LEAVE MY ROOM, HURRY NOW OR FACE YOUR DOOM!" >mom lowers her head and leaves, some tears in her eyes >daddy number 3 watched in shock and started to say stuff >mumbling something like i'm an "embarrassment" or that i should be "working", whatever that means >"GAMING MOMENT HAS BEEN DISTURBED, YOUR BODY AND MIND SHALL BE CURBED" >mom heard my chant, started to plead for mercy >don't care, there's no mercy or god here today, only me >i start to sing the opening theme of katamari damacy in order to activate my ability >"NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NHA..." >my body begins to inflate like cell when he tried to blow up the earth >i start to roll, absorbing new daddy and some other stuff into my body >ffw 30 minutes >town has been destroyed, countless lives have perished beneath my marvelous mountain of mischief >my technique runs out, i come back to what's left of my house >my room is still intact, so who cares >saw mom taking a bath with a toaster for some reason >bitch fell asleep on the tub Imao >has nice t--- tho, but i only make cummies for goddess pokimane >finish playing and went to take a nappy on my custom teletubbies crib >dreamed of tendies So... how was your day, kings?

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Anon isn't fond of Italians | /r/Greentext

File: DEATH.png (69 KB, 768x719) MARU CH TOTAL SHITALIAN DEATH Anonymous 04/11/23(Tue)15:56:11 No.72910061 TOTAL SHITALIAN OBLITERATION TOTAL SHITALIAN DECIMATION TOTAL SHITALIAN DECAPITATION TOTAL SHITALIAN ERADICATION TOTAL SHITALIAN STRANGULATION TOTAL SHITALIAN SUFFOCATION TOTAL SHITALIAN PULVERIZATION TOTAL SHITALIAN INCINERATION TOTAL SHITALIAN ELIMINATION TOTAL SHITALIAN EXTERMINATION TOTAL SHITALIAN DISINTEGRATION TOTAL SHITALIAN CAPITULATION TOTAL SHITALIAN ANNIHILATION HITLER Anonymous 04/11/23(Tue)16:05:23 No.72910148 >be you >come home from your grindr date >Walk through the piles of dog piss in your apartment >Open up the computer your mother bought you >Yell "MOOOM! I WANT MY CHICKEN TENDIES!" >She cries out "Yes dear" as she takes another 5 pills >Open up Instagram >Find out the Japanese Futanari Model you have been thirsting over got railed by an Italian chad >Manage to pull up your arms over your enormous manboobs caused by low T >Open up 4chan >Write a post about how much you hate Italians >Eat your tendies >Dream of getting topped by 5 black males A good day indeed.

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This is the dangerous 4chan. Everyone, please be careful. | /r/Greentext

/b/897401648/ /b/897401648 Anonymous 1 hour ago 4 REPLIES Anonymous 1 hour ago >>897401648 (OP) Hey, where's the top secret documents at? 1 REPLY Anonymous 1 hour ago This is an iluminacho. >>897401685 ¿que? Anonymous 1 hour ago >>897401648 (OP) Unfunny to the degree you need to consider suicide 1 REPLY C: 897401648 897401685 897401694 897401696

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Anon hears a British person | /r/Greentext

File: images.jpg (9 KB, 323x156) COPIUM >Walk to work feeling ashamed Anonymous 08/22/22(Mon)18:20:10 No.69916612 >Be me, Horny >Open PornHub >Click on video with sexy girl >Parents aren't home so I turn up the volume >Girl has a British accent > Instant boner killer >exit video and close the tab

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Anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/28/21(Tue)18:25:50 No.64920470 >>64919877 # >be home gym master race >constantly see threads on /fit/ about annoying zoomers at the gym >refuse to believe it's actually as 157 KB GIF bad as people say >eventually outgrow what little home equipment I have, start going to the nearest gym because weights are expensive >it's filled with zoomers >every single one of them looks, acts, and talks exactly like /fit/ says they do >hoards of broccoli topped zoomer males standing around filming each other bench 1 plate in the squat racks >zoomer women everywhere staring at their phones on the benches, on machines, and in the squat racks >hear multiple SHEEEEEESHes and no caps during my workout >go home and immediately buy some dude's home gym setup of Facebook marketplace for 3 grand I'm never going back to the gym, bros >>64920515 # >>64920516 # >>64920756 # >>64924483 #

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