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47 KB JPG Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon makes a big mistake | /r/Greentext

19 KB PNG >be me >10 yo >Sit on a chair I know is unbalanced >Watch tv >Chair frong legs gets broken >Smacked to floor >Your right hand got smashed to floor and chair fell on top of it >You see bone shaped thing in finger >Panic >Run like an Autistic >Cover 4 rooms in blood >Mom takes to hospital >Doctor asks how I did it >I dont want to tell them I was a dumbass and sat on an unbalanced chair >Tell them I got angry and punched a wall >Now everybody thinks I am retarded

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Anon regrets his past actions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I really f----- up bad guys 194 KB JPG 04/09/23(Sun)23:23:34 No.72889090 >be me >unattractive antisocial manlet in highschool (no chance of getting girls ever) >by some miracle girl ends up liking me >never expected this would happen, dont know how to react >dont get that this is probably my only chance with a girl ever >be constantly very rude to her >punch her in the face when she tries to kiss me >reject her >she never speaks to me again its been years and I still think about this. Im completely alone with no friends now, and it sucks to think I could have had a girlfriend, but now the way the dating market has evolved I aint got a chance

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Anon asks tough questions | /r/Greentext

1680486603682916.jpg 90 KB JPG >your wife getting f----- by 15 men in front of you is considered cuckoldry >marrying a roastie who f----- 15 men in the past is not cuckoldry. >It's OK because she was exploring herself Genuine question, what is the difference? Your wife got f----- by other, n----- men. You are a cuck either way.

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Anon likes someone and that has consequences | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Why God? 6 KB JPG 04/10/23 (Mon)08:01:44 No.72893872 >Girl at work who I have been one sidedly been crushing over for the past 2 and a half years just hung herself at the janitor's closet at our office because she was rejected by the guy she had a crush on, which was a cousin of mine. >My cousin rejected her because he knew I liked her so he did it for my sake Her eulogy happened a couple hours ago and I just got back home and started writing this. I am in a state of complete numbness right now bros. Is it my fault? Why did this need to happen? I have yet to cry about this, I just can't process so much happened in the span of 8 hours.

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Anons aren’t gunna make it | /r/Greentext

File: akakooni-5ljvb-a104d1-949(...).jpg (78 KB, 620x850) voleyball penties only.com/s/534 O Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)11:48:23 No.72885447 [Reply] >>72885559 >>72885751 >>72886133 AAAAAAAUUUUGH Imagine the smell RIGHT THERE IN HER TAINT. Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)12:22:08 No.72885751 >>72885447 (OP) # I don't have to imagine. I live in the cleanest part of India AAAAAA O Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)12:00:49 No.72885559 O Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)13:02:50 No.72886133 >>72885447 (OP) # SSNIIIIIIIFFFFFFF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA >>72885447 (OP) # I don't have to imagine, I'm on the toilet right now taking a particularly rancid s---. AAAAAA (coom AAAA

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Anon can’t stay sober | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 7 KB JPG 04/10/23 (Mon)06:33:41 No.72893195 >Be me >Unemployed for 3 months >Finally land a job at Spectrum >wants me to do a drug test within 48 hours of accepting my offer letter >Im a hard core smoker for the last 3 months to help with stress >Tomorrow is the drug test bros I smoked like 4 days ago with a dab pen and im hella stressed I need this job Ive been drinking water like a fish is there anyway I can pass this test?

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Anon's gf was a virgin until he did her | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Getting a girlfriend made me m(...) 03/19/23(Sun)16:02:50 No.72628359 97 KB JPG >be me, KHHV with 25 >finally find first gf, she is 21 >start dating, take her virginity, everything is fantastic >find out she was not kissless before me >she tells me she tried to get with two guys, who made out with her, but swiftly dumped her as they already had gfs >she describes them, they both sound like Turbochads. First was a prettyboy, the second a muscular sports jock type >she even says they had nothing in common with her personality wise, but were beautiful So the sole reason she remained a virgin before 22 is she was Chadchasing and never gave average guys a chance. Thing is, she is like a 6/10 according to soc. She got ratings between 6 and 7.5, never above or below. So she is somewhat cute, but out of Chads league and its logical they didnt ris their gfs (probably Stacies) for her. Nonetheless, Chad only. Chadchadchadchadchadchad, even if he already has a gf. Kind of disgusting.

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Anon cleared the medical assessment | /r/Greentext

149 KB PNG > be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ō>ō what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman

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Anon isn't gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 29 KB JPG 04/09/23(Sun)17:49:13 No.72889451 >be me >straight male >working some s----end office job >have few friends but mostly stay quiet and keep to myself >be last week >walk into building >people start congratulating me telling me they didnt know and how brave i was for comming out >confused, ask them what they are talking about >they were told i came out as gay and someone spread that around >ask where they heard that from >they give a name, find the person, they tell me they heard it from someone else, go find that person >this goes on for around 6 people >finally find the one who spread the rumor >some random lady from another department >ask her why she spread the rumor, said she legitimately thought i was gay >ask her what made her think i was gay >it was not because of my clothes, not my mannerisms, but because i had a "fat ass" and i "walk like a gay man" >ask her how i was supposed to control that, she tells me to chill and that it was all a joke >actually p----- at her, ask her how she would feel if someone called her lesbian because she had small t--- >she does not like that one bit >goes absolutely ape-s--- on me, threatens to call HR >goes to manager and says i was sexually harassing her by assuming her sexuality and talking about her t--- : Anonymous >think my job is over >some colleagues tell manager she started the rumor first >manager done with this s---, tells us to not talk to each other and break away >mfw half the office still thinks im gay i f------ hate this job why cant people just leave me alone 04/09/23(Sun)17:55:58 No.72889527

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Anon fedposts in school | /r/Greentext

NewAgeldiot2 [Report] Image search: [Google] 2017-04-20 05:45:30 Post No. 36420259 >Be me >15 >Bored in English >Have twitter account "@Real RacistSnake" >We have just begun the Romeo and 292KB, 480x466px Juliet unit >It's the part where Samson and Gregory are talking about r----- the Montague's women >One of the football chads in my class does not know what r--- is >How TheFuck.JPG >Think of a funny Twitter post >I post "I'm going to shoot up this school, someone has to clear the gene pool" >flash forward to 3 hours later >Eating lunch in bathroom as usual >Loudspeaker goes off, it's an officer's voice >"The school is now on lockdown, all students remain in your classrooms" >I'm literally s------- myself >Realize I accidentally brought my pocket knife with me to school >Mentally preparing myself to kill a school shooter >Loud knocks on the bathroom door >I slowly open it up >It's an officer, and he is placing me under arrest >Mfw kicked out of high school for a shitpost

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Hoppy Easter | /r/Greentext

31 KB JPG Thanks? >Gave birth to himself to kill himself as a sacrifice himself in order to appease himself so that he would no longer have to throw us into a fiery pit for all eternity because he made us in a way that was not up to his own very high standard

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Anon no one knows why tomboys are the best | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/03/18(Sat)23:44:24 No.180250935 >>180245227 (OP) # Tomboys are the ultimate straight mans choice. A regular girl has t--- and p---- but comes loaded with gay s--- such as make up, desire for 284 KB PNG shopping clothes and useless s--- and watching boring s----- TV shows. A gay dude is gay but he has a partner that shares his interests. A tomboy has the best of both worlds, a female body but with enough /fit/ness to keep up with you, good interests and great personality. A trap is 200% gay. Not only are you f------ a dude, you are also putting up with the faggotry of a female. >>180251273 # >>180251292 # >>180251728 # >>180253728 # >>180254262 # >>180254341 # >>180255161 # >>180255523 # >>180256315 # >>180257211 # >>180258418 # >>180258858 #

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