Anon gets drunk at a party | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

03/05/23(Sun)02:48:09 No.181357152 ► >>181357180 >>181357212 >>181357275 >>181357343 >>181357499 >>181357559 >>181357630 >>181357657 >>181357672 >>181357744 >>181357802 >>181357822 >>181357831 Yesterday I went to a party at a friend's house and ended up embarrassing myself... Is there a movie where the protagonist is embarrassed in front of others so I can watch it and feel less bad? >I arrive at the party and see that there are a lot of people, a lot of drinks and food >I eat a sandwich, some pizza and two tacos >I'm an alcoholic so I'm going straight to the vodka >After a while I start to loosen up and realize I'm pretty drunk >I see a pretty girl and decide to try something on her >To impress her I show it how high I can jump > I lose my balance and fall onto a glass table where drinks and food were >Break the table, several bottles, food falls on the floor and a piece of glass hits the girl's leg (she was wearing a dress) and cuts her >She screams loudly and curses at me, some people laugh and others give me dirty looks >My friend gets mad and tells me to leave the party >Another friend who was leaving offers me a ride >I get sick in the car and throw up >He gets angry and curses at me I woke up today with a horrible hangover and a bunch of messages on my phone that I don't want to see it. Feels bad man...

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon gets help online | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10 KB PNG 03/05/23(Sun)12:35:37 No.895388649 >be me >browsing 4chan on a lazy Sunday afternoon >see a post about how to fix a clogged toilet FML >remember that my toilet has been clogged for a few days now >decide to try the suggested method >grab a plunger and go to work after a few minutes of vigorous plunging, the toilet overflows >panic and try to stop the water with a towel >slip and fall on the wet floor, getting covered in toilet water

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Anon feels misled about chads | /r/Greentext

File: 29A858A7-4E3E-48BE-9C19-4(...).png (420 KB, 912x1024) Anonymous (ID: VbhD16NT 03/04/23 (Sat) 15:59:33 No.418507467 >>418508657 >>418508920 >>418509568 >>418509806 >>418511520 >>418512102 >>418513222 >>418513518 >>418513828 >>418513845 >>418513886 >>418513954 >>418514474 >be me, oldfag living pretty standard wagie existence, paying my bills >grow up reading about the Chad vs Beta dichotomy on boards like this one >one day meet a real life Chad at work, beard, muscles, 6'8" at least, sounds like moistcritical >he's a coworker and we eventually start talking casually >he constantly brags about his illegal activities >whatever.png >he eventually talks me into taking a bump >it's f------ amazing and want more >start doing drugs and committing petty crimes together >one day he flirts with the female clerk at the store while I shoplift and we get away with it >one day, Chad gets caught in the act, rats me out to save his own skin >feel utterly betrayed by someone I thought was a friend >next thing I know I'm in a cell, serving time for my poor life decisions >would have gotten away with them if it wasn't for meddling Chad >realize that listening to an idiot like Chad just because of his demeanor and appearance as prestigious was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life >realize that the circlejerks you idiots here push only stem from your own cismanlet insecurities >your masculinity is so fragile from years of p--- that you actually think these "alpha" archetypes have it figured out, in reality they're just as retarded as anyone else but won the generic lotto >their advantage relies entirely on what society deems important, restructure it and they're just clown apes that die early Why did you bastards lie to me? Chads aren't wholesome, competent or even in the driver seat of their own life. Sure, I could have spent less time on 4chan, but you losers could have spent less time deifyng meatheads.

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Anon has a skill issue | /r/Greentext

: blackpilled doomer ngmi Please be patient Scrv.xyz I have autism =3 19 KB PNG 1 Reply 03/05/23(Sun)08:58:16 No.72454747 ngmi >going nowhere >no longer have a gf >doubting my academic abilities >diagnosed schizophrenic >cant maintain a relationship is it over for me bros View Thread : Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)09:56:01 No.72455111 See if you can apply for disability, It will make academics easier. I hope that you realize your potential anon. Good luck

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This is exaggeration but I already lost hope after seeing new_Luis without his OG lines | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12 hours ago 1677895069959636.webm (2.5 MB, 854x480) 629725969 >>629719315 (OP) >no Ashley saying, "Ugh, you pervert!" >no Ashley saying, "Hey! What are you looking at?" >no animation of Ashley covering her skirt when you try to look up it and see her panties >no being able to freely stare at Ashley's panties from the bottom of a high enough ladder >no getting an accidental Ashley upskirt dialogue when performing a suplex on an enemy >no quick half a second slip of Ashley's panties during the cutscene where she and Leon leap through the church window to escape from the crossbow Illuminados >no easy distance panty shot of Ashley when she's cowering in fear in the presence of enemies, allowing for a clean angle of her white panties >no aiming a knife or grenade towards the sky in certain areas to lower the camera at a low angle to catch a glimpse of Ashley's panties >no quick glimpse of Ashley's panties during the cutscene when she is pushed by the Island Ganado when she's in captivity on the island >no shot of Ashley's panties as she crawls underneath the table during the section in the castle where she's playable For all the things this game is doing right, it censored, possibly even downright removed, the thing people wanted most. It murders an aspect of her character, rendering it essentially non-canon. Why is censorship so prevalent in gaming nowadays? I'm surprised they're even keeping in the gore given the extent that they're willing to go to censor something that the vast majority of players will never even see. This is dishonest, and suggests a lack of soul and attention to detail on the developer's part. No panties, no buy. Simple as.

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Never meet your heroes | /r/Greentext

430.6 kB PNG >be me, oldfag living pretty standard wagie existence, paying my bills >grow up reading about the Chad vs Beta dichotomy on boards like this one >one day meet a real life Chad at work, beard, muscles, 6'8" at least, sounds like moistcritical >he's a coworker and we eventually start talking casually >he constantly brags about his illegal activities >whatever.png >he eventually talks me into taking a bump >it's f------ amazing and want more >start doing drugs and committing petty crimes together >one day he flirts with the female clerk at the store while I shoplift and we get away with it >one day, Chad gets caught in the act, rats me out to save his own skin >feel utterly betrayed by someone I thought was a friend >next thing I know I'm in a cell, serving time for my poor life decisions >would have gotten away with them if it wasn't for meddling Chad >realize that listening to an idiot like Chad just because of his demeanor and appearance as prestigious was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life >realize that the circlejerks you idiots here push only stem from your own cismanlet insecurities >your masculinity is so fragile from years of p--- that you actually think these "alpha" archetypes have it figured out, in reality they're just as retarded as anyone else but won the generic lotto >their advantage relies entirely on what society deems important, restructure it and they're just clown apes that die early Why did you bastards lie to me? Chads aren't wholesome, competent or even in the driver seat of their own life. Sure, I could have spent less time on 4chan, but you losers could have spent less time deifyng meatheads.

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Anon wishes he was never born | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)01:55:01 No.895380795 Wanna die 21 Wanna die >Have physical health issues so I'm in pain all the time (fibromyalgia, LPR, TMJ, cholinergic urticaria, + chronic bad thigh chafing). >Have mental health issues from p---/internet addiction + awful emotional health besides. 7 KB GIF >Am 6k in credit card debt, have to make $200 monthly payments. >Barely make any money doing s----- tasks on upwork. Do some food delivers on foot on uber eats on footdowntown. In and out of homelessness for years. Was sleeping in a tent all winter. >Relatively sure I'm going to end up dying cold, wet and hungry in some patch of woods. >Bad memories of some s--- that happened replaying over and over in my head every day. >life f------ sucks, I wish I was never born

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Anon gets beat up | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: xSh/+JOL 03/04/23(Sat)18:20:53 No.418503709 File: BC437E36-7063-4B9A-BD54-8(...).jpg (139 KB, 1280x708) FALMEN 16 HOUR NAPS ARE NECESSARY >>418490598 (OP). >Be me fooling around with my girlfriend drunk as hell at 3am >Make fun of her for being weak when she says she could beat me up >Tell her she should hit me to see if it would hurt and she does >I keep making fun of her telling her how weak she is. She can't beat me up even when I'm letting her hit me >She gets genuinely mad and starts laying into me hard while I'm laughing my ass off >Next morning wake up realize my face is covered in bruises, blood and a popped lip >Gf apologises saying I asked her to do it. >Mom visited the next morning and I couldn't explain what had happened so she unironically believes my gf beat me up >Girlfriend becomes my wife >Whenever we get drunk she always tells me "you know I could beat you up right" >Mfw I can't even be mad

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Anon is fucking gay | /r/Greentext

I don't understand homophobia Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)02:46:33 No.895342437 [Reply] ▶ >>895353851 You know what's harder than defeating an army? Defeating an army of men that fight for thier lover that stands beside them. Man's urge is to protect the thing they love. >The Romans conquered You know what's better than having a wife and family? Having a wife and family and f------ cute twinks whenever you want. >The Greeks built Weston civilization You know whats worse than being weak? Being so weak you have to make everyone as weak as you just to escape your fear >Christians called homosexuality a sin because they couldn't fight the armies or get laid with twinks You know why women are assholes? Because they think thier p---- gives them power over men. >It does if that's the only way you can have intimacy or sex with another human, have other options and suddenly they have to respect you or gtfo. Why aren't you being bisexual and conquering this world and all that is in it /b/? +44 replies and 5 images omitted. Click here to view. >> Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)07:06:16 No.895353746 ► >>895353803 File: 5861A281-9723-4A5A-9B6C-6().jpg (97 KB, 1007x332) ??

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The voyage to the corner of the globe is a real trip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 479 b.ce 36 KB JPG 09/27/21(Mon)17:33:54 No.65546581 >be me >year is 479 bce >dont even know what bce is? >doesnt matter >be Potidaean >go outside one day >see Persian soldiers on the horizon >see a horizon? >usually there is water there >go inside to grab armor and equipment >walk outside with sword and shield >soldiers still approaching >looks like a few hundred of them >see men praying to Poseiden for courage >blink >soldiers gone >water back >everyone cheers >Poseidon granted our wish Love you Sea Daddy

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Anon grows a beard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/04/23(Sat)21:37:39 No.72452175 68 KB JPG >Currently 20 years old >Not a single cell of facial hair >Hate my genetics, my dad has a full on beard >My mom's side has almost no facial hair on their men, guess I got her side on that one >Get desperate and buy creams n s---, obviously doesnt work but want facial hair so freakin bad >Lurk on internet forums for anything >After searching i get an idea >Go to reddit >Create my account >Subscribe to r/atheism, r/whitepeopletwitter, r/politicalhumor, and r/twoxchromosomes >The hair comes rushing in >Feel up my luxurious locks of neck and side facial follicles >I knew it would be a lot of neckbeard hair but I figured I would learn to trim it >Starts growing faster and faster >ohfuck.png >I get up from my chair to get a razor from the bathroom >Almost get a heart attack, look down and see i've gained an extra 100 pounds >Crave weed to smoke and make it half my personality >My brain starts to rot and I believe anything left wing media tells me >My parents hate me and think I'm a loser >gf dumps me and i can't get p---- to save my life anymore Don't do it anons, it's not f------ worth it

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Welp, anon doesn't love his wife | /r/Greentext

My wife beat me up what should I do? Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)01:39:33 No.72451156 >Be me fooling around with my girlfriend drunk as hell at 3am >Make fun of her for being weak when she says she could beat me up >Tell her she should hit me to see if it would hurt and she does >I keep making fun of her telling her how weak she is. She cant beat me up even when Im letting her hit me >She gets genuinely mad and starts laying into me hard while Im laughing my ass off >Next morning wake up realize my face is covered in bruises, blood and a popped lip >Gf apologises saying I asked her to do it. >Mom visited the next morning and I couldnt explain what had happened so she unironically believes my gf beat me up >Girlfriend becomes my wife >Whenever we get drunk she always tells me you know I could beat you up right >Mfw I cant even be mad Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)01:43:41 No.72451198 Cool story, im married too, but hate my wife, and in love with another woman, but she sees me as a friend. im going to kill myself. Literally. Right now. Hope you at least love your wife. Its better then i had.

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Pipe-line. | /r/Greentext

File: blush.jpg (41 KB, 739x415) Anonymous 03/02/23(Thu)19:44:27 No.629612845629613167 >>629613210 >>629613236 >>629613264 >>629613312 >>629613318 >>6296136 >be me >playing multiplayer game online >my teammate and i win one match, talk for a while and get along real well >we play another match and win >i say "well done, we destroyed their asses" >he replies, with the gayest eastern or scandinavian accent i've ever heard: "I wish somebody would destroy MY ass... you have discord?" >i log out >mfw what should i reply? what should i have replied?

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