Anon becomes a pornstar. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous ACTIVE@DUTY BAREBACK TACTICS 11 CT BREMEN BU KEZ TE LA SALLDRËN, ASEM 93 KB JPG 02/16/23(Thu)01:59:02 No.894405569 >Be me, 20-year-old guy with a huge ego >Decide I'm gonna become a pornstar >Think it'll be easy and make me rich >Get some advice from a "friend" who's in the industry >He tells me to "train" my "equipment" by watching lots of p--- and jerking it all the time >Start watching so much p--- my eyes hurt and my d--- is raw >Try to find an agent and send in some audition tapes >Get rejected from every agency I apply to >Decide to go the amateur route and post some videos on Pornhub >Get 5 views and they're all from my dad >Realize I'm never gonna be a pornstar and go cry in the shower >Wake up the next day and my d--- is swollen and covered in blisters >Go to the doctor and find out I have a severe case of chlamydia

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon finds a Playboy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I saw Playboy when I was very (...) 02/15/23(Wed)09:08:26 No.72238298 >be me >found a Playboy magazine when I was 5 or so, and looked at it extensively over the course of one day before I was caught >high-key f----- me up sexually, have always had extremely explicit sexual thoughts since >essentially have constantly thought about sex and nudity in one form or another since before Kindergarten 237 KB PNG >anyways, the point of this story is that when I was very young I developed weird fetishes because I was so raptured by the idea of sexual intimacy >get this: I thought the idea of two people peeing and pooping all over the house and living like animals was the hottest thing ever >develop a piss fetish and kind of a poop fetish at the time, also an interest in transforming into animals >so over the course of a couple nights when I was still very young, I would wait until late into the night, pretend and imagine I was getting transformed into a horse by a mad scientist, crawl down from the top bunk of a bunk bed I shared with my brother, squeeze myself under the bed, and sensually poop on the floor under the bed >recently I realized this series of events was most likely a dream, but if so I still had this dream very young >grow up to be 21 now >don't have a poop fetish, only have a piss fetish >that was a close one >I can't imagine how hard it would be to find someone to partake in a scat fetish, it's hard enough with a piss fetish >I was so close to being a lost cause If you guys want more stories of how being exposed to Playboy so young affected me, just let me know

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Anon fucks up big time- | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 273 KB PNG 02/21/18 (Wed)17:58:01 No.43378543 Am i retarded? >Be 16 >pretty beta but not bad looking >meet 8/10 japanese girl >start talking >she's into me >its happening >says her name is hiroka >gives me her number >call later that night >nervous asf >"Hey hiroshima" >"What did you say Anon?!" >s--- s--- s--- >try to recover >"Because..uh you're the bomb" "she hangs up" View Thread MemeCenter.com

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Anon makes a saw trap | /r/Greentext

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Anon fails the Acrobatics check | /r/Greentext

Sigma morning routine >be me >Wake up at 3 am >Take a s--- >Get up from bed >Jump out of the window to land on someone to make him a cripple >Land on a woman >She dies and you become a cripple F---

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Anon answers the door | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 42 KB PNG 2 Replies 1 Image What the F--- was that about. Should I be worried? Anonymous 34 KB JPG 10/09/18(Tue)10:18:12 No.48594932 >>48595095 # >doorbell rings >its a young girl >shes barefoot >she's just staring at me in silence >"what? what do you want?" >she walks away View Thread 10/09/18(Tue)10:28:53 No.48595087 >"what? what do you want?" why would you say that to a poor clearly abused little girl, have you no heart? : Anonymous >>48595087 # Right? Should have grabbed her and show her what real abuse look like, the f------ crybaby. 10/09/18(Tue)10:29:39 No.48595095

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anon goes to a restaraunt i never heard of | /r/Greentext

John Titor (ID: eHZLrteO 09/25/22(Sun)18:22:14 No.396952197 7EEDA043-DC23-4D 10-90DD-F854EA78636B.jpg 2.64 MB JPG >>396951800 # Been at Golden Corral for like 5 hours, probably over 10 full plates of lemons. No one has said anything, love this place. Chinese buffets usually stop me at 3 plates and kick me out.

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Anon tries gambling | /r/Greentext

File: 565F22CA-D53C-4CDB-96E3-7(...).jpg (99 KB, 897x697) Anonymous 02/11/23(Sat)05:49:39 No.894184914 [Reply] >>894190447 >>894190494 >be me >study statistics >find a way to reduce the probability of losing while gambling >still a little risk but decide to try it anyway >go to local casino >win for almost 2 hours >be happy >something with a probability of 0.00013 happens >lost everything I won and hundreds bucks >be sad Don't gamble, do drugs instead at least you can be happy

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Anon talks about how his stepmom said his dad can't earn money because he's a plumber | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 02/12/23(Sun)00:00:32 No.72183650 >my dad is a plumber >step mom complains he doesn't make any money >step mom works at Dunkin Donuts >step mom makes $300/wk >step mom drives with dent in new car and refuses to fix it for 5 years

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Anon misses the old cereal boxes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ori Sip AN UIC 0% F Sun-Pe OP analogus affections For FROSTED FLAKES CACEAN CONSTIT 8 % PU 281 KB JPG trip to Disney! Now 02/15/23(Wed)11:30:11 No.72236746 2000 >Cereal came with light up spoon >Box covered in fun puzzles >Box-Tops you could redeem at the book fair >Go to our websites for a chance to enter our sweepstakes giveaway for a $50,000 >Open the box and the top is shredded to pieces >Open the bag and it rips down the lengths of the bag, spilling cereal all over the inside of the box >No light up spoon >No Box-Tops >One puzzle, it's a spot-the-differencr >Scan this qr code to play more games! W-- happened?

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Anon plays Valorant. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)21:21:22 No.72237908 >be me >never played Valorant before >finally give in and download the game >ready to become the next big thing in esports 133 KB JPG >load into my first game >running around, feeling like a pro >suddenly, I hear footsteps behind me >turn around to face my enemy >get shot in the head >dead instantly >respawn and try again >hear more footsteps >turn around >get shot in the head again >dead instantly >teammate types in chat: "dude, stop turning your back to the enemy" >me: "what do you mean?" >teammate: "you're literally just showing them your head" >me: "oh" >try to play more cautiously >hear footsteps >start to turn around >remember teammate's advice >try to dodge instead >end up running straight into a wall >get shot in the head >dead instantly >decide to try a different strategy >camp in a corner >hear footsteps approaching >ready to finally get a kill >see enemy's head peek >around the corner >shoot >miss >enemy headshots me >dead instantly >me: "I think I need a break" >abandon game >uninstall >never play Valorant again

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Anon hates small American towns | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)12:13:35 No.894360946 AFE7A3D2-DB42-4085-83DB-F31ECE457025.jpg 95 KB JPG there is nothing worse than being born in a small town >no one around >the same 5 people everywhere >every person is an ass hole >it's all white people white people are the f------ worst >no malls parks or beaches >everyone is obsessed with and f---- dogs >everyone is extremely poor and stupid >everyone is addicted to meth and drunk we could kill everyone in small towns and the world wouldn't even blink. life would improve in every way. : Anonymous >>894360946 (OP) # did get to drop rocks down a p--------'s pants one 02/14/23(Tue)12:17:40 No.894361115 : Anonymous >>894360946 (OP) # >white people are the worst Written by a jew. Ugh! It's ALWAYS a f------ jew! >>894361239 # 02/14/23(Tue)12:20:16 No.894361214 : Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)12:20:54 No.894361239 >>894361214 # you're a retard

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Anon learns new depths of psychology | /r/Greentext

dreamt a valentine thing last night Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)16:52:14 No. 72229461 >studying on the couch in some unfamiliar house >get up to look around and find the bathroom >open the door to see a brunette on her hands and knees, who sees me and says smth like "How much does a gal need to grovel for a few kicks in the ass during these troubled times >w-- but ok you asked >proceed to give three kicks to the area specified >no vocal response till afterward, she says "Damn that was great, here you can take this" >opens her mouth revealing a candy and I awaken I may need a shrink more than I did yesterday.

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