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: Anonymous 9 KB JPG 10/11/21(Mon)02:44:10 No.65717393 >be me >virgin >have a hot aunt that has always complimented me since I was a child >felt good and masturbated thinking of her but never tried anything >be a while ago >aunt got diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer >got skinnier and hotter (imho) >realize if im gonna ask her to take my virginity this is the perfect moment as she wouldnt feel guilty for long if she does afterwards >be visiting her at her hospital room >talk about all those times she told me I looked handsome and she says I'm still the most handsome guy she's seen >horny.wav >decide to go for it and ask her >she just says "oh" followed by a long pause >ohshit.mp3 >she says she never meant it that way and she's really sorry if that affected me and starts tearing up >fuckfuckfuckfuck.pfk >realize I somehow f----- up again and tell her I need to leave >be days later >worried she would tell my parents and they would give me s--- for it >decide to do nothing about it and hope it solves on it's own >be weeks later, she passes away >be today, couple of weeks later >parents haven't said anything >realize she probably didn't tell them or they are embarrassed to talk about it anons how am I supposed to live not knowing if she told them or not? it's not like I can f------ ask them

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Anonymous 38 KB JPG 06/08/21(Tue)19:51:50 No.146433504 >have a coworker who is Dutch >we both need to go to the same project the next day >offer to drive and say I will pick him up >he says thanks and gives me his adress >the next day I drive over to his home >he isn't fully ready to leave yet but offers me to wait inside >he asks if I want a coffee >say sure because I didn't have my morning coffee yet >his wife makes me a coffee while he finishes getting ready >drive him to the project and drop him back of at his home in the evening >he says "thank you so much for driving anon!" >get home myself >hear a notification comming in on my phone >it is a 'tikkie' for 0.50 EUR from my Dutch colleague for the morning coffee I had at his place

Anonymous 11/27/24(Wed)23:29:29 No.146551057 1713812614849717.png 1.49 MB PNG ITT: we pretend we're in Gotham Anonymous 11/28/24(Thu)08:34:28 No.146555487 I was waiting at the bus stop and next thing I know Im at Batmans feet with a broken collar bone and three weeks missing. Turns out Mad Hatter put one of stupid hats on me when my back was turned. Work says theyve already filled my position and theres nothing they can do I hate this city I hate this city Anonymous 11/28/24(Thu)08:36:40 No.146555501 I was blowing a dude in crime alley but his c--- tasted funny. Kinda... earthy? I looked up and it was Clayface. Called me a f-- and ran away laughing. 69 KB JPG

Oh my GOD just talk to actual women, we're all horny and unhappy too you're not special you f------ weirdos New York Post @nypost- Apr 15 Tech exec predicts 'Al girlfriends' will create $1B business: 'Comfort at the end of the day' trib.al/XORAIML : Anonymous (ID: P3y3PZCt >talk to women ew weirdo >dont talk to women ew weirdo 11/16/24(Sat)11:35:50 No.488637069

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Anon is british | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 44 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)17:38:08 No.72159575 The UK in 2013 >be the place most Americans and other English speakers would move to if they wanted to move to Europe >have one of the best economics in the world >be good place to live if your gay >have a cool family representing the government and governments around the world >have stable government >Be considered a progressive country by most of the world The uk in 2023 >is one of the last places in Europe anyone wants to move to Including Eastern Europe >economy going down the drain and doing worse than Russia >Country completely polarized Over trans people to the point of a potential succession >Have a dysfuctional family representing the government and governments around the world are disassociating with them >Have a clown show of a government >government cracking down on human rights How does this even happen?

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Anon believes in ghost | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 915 KB GIF 02/06/23(Mon )05:45:45 No.34017670 >>34017602 (OP) # >be me >exploring abandoned house in woods near home >see person walk around corner >but it was not person >it was ghost >ghost say "boo!" >I saw "Ah!" >I shoot ghost because I believe in the second amendment and always carry a revolver wedged firmly between the t--- of my woman >Ghost dies >But ghost is a ghost so he's fine >Invites us to ghost barbaque >accept because it would be rude not too after shooting him >Try to eat hotdogs but they're ghost hotdogs so they just go through teeth >Thank ghost and leave still hungry >Order pizza when I get back to house >Doorbell rings an hour later >Open door >mfw pizza deliver boy is the ghost I shot

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Anon joins the list | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous cold aproachad a girl for the (...) >be me > go to the mall to pick up a girl >this way I will >after one hour of nervous observation and nervousness finally find a girl whose I find cute and I have the courage to go talk to > "hey I'm Anon I just wanted to tell you that you look hot, hmmm I mean cute, aha" > " Oh thanks but I'm actually twelve" UNIS 01/07/22(Fri)17:08:18 No.66892132 31 KB JPG

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Anon has bedbugs | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)08:13:26 No.72156042 33 KB JPG >get infested with bed bugs >as I lie hopeless in bed, these creatures are free to feed on me >realize how easily they ruin people's lives >begin feeding them and then putting them in jars to breed them >walk around at different times opening the jar on people's apartments and house >begin monitoring social media to see people seething about the bed bugs >people literally have no choice other than to fumigate their house and live elsewhere for days >drop bed bugs on their property again >going to leave a swarm of bed bugs in this apartment when I have to move, then repeat the process You could be doing the same.

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 215 KB GIF 02/05/22(Sat)02:32:46 No.67290413 >at gfs house >casually binging youtube while she takes a shower >she asks me to give her a new bath towel >open the door to give her the towel >shes not there >the shower isnt even on >take a moment to process >im in someone's house >last time I talked to anyone was 10 yrs ago >never had a GF (29) >the walls are turning to white >a straight jacket is wrapped around me >im a the psych ward >mfw I trolled myself again by taking the meds

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Anon is set for life with this one strange trick that liquor store owners don't want you to know about | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 146 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)08:03:45 No.72158085 I think found an infinite money glitch >be 24, look 16 >go into liquor store >clerk doesnt believe me >bet him $100 that im actually 24 >call the cops on me >cop confirms I'm 24 >win $100 Would this actually work? I dont see any problem with it except maybe the cops get mad at me for bothering them all the time. : Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)08:05:07 No.72158091 You are retarded enough to be 16 I'll give you that

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Anon makes her sister cry | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 33 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)12:55:01 No.72157703 >sis got new makeup >I was just being honest and told her it was ugly >she started crying and wouldn't talk to me >mom said it would be okay in a week >a week later >"hey sis I just want to apologise about the makeup" >"are you an a------ anon I almost forgot about it but you recall it again" 3 Replies >she starts crying again should I wait for another week? View Thread

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Anon get his ass beaten | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.63 MB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)06:37:29 No.72155387 >confronted my sister for losing another job >we aren't going to make rent if she doesn't cover her chunk >I'm paying for her groceries and all other bills right now too >she just starts hitting me >I push her and try to deescalate >she comes at me again >surprise I'm way weaker than I thought >she beats the s--- out of me >like bloody nose, black eyes, ears ringing >pulls my clothes off and keeps beating me >tells me to shut up or she'll kill me >only comes out to eat and use the bathroom 13 Replies I'm officially f----- if I don't move out but I can't let this lease go under because I probably won't get accepted anywhere decent if I do View Thread

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Anon is fed up with racism | /r/Greentext

Oscars: Danielle Deadwyler claims Hollywood is 'deeply impacted by racism' Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)06:13:47 No. 180362844 >Be Danielle Deadwyler >be greatest actress of her time >give greatest performance of year in Till >miles ahead of any of those white bitches' performances (obviously) >don't get nominated for best actress >go on righteous crusade condemning the Academy's "systemic racism" really applaud her bravery. But I think maybe her argument about the Academy's "unabashed misogyny towards black women" is sort of undermined by the fact that a black woman was nominated for an acting Oscar - just not her...

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Anon is being tortured. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous WANTED 248 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)20:42:40 No.72157964 Zoomer girls are >hotter than any precious generation But also >pickier than any previous generation God loves to torture Non-Chad men

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Anon gets clogged up | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 10/24/13(Thu)05:28:56 No.512424623 Replies: >>512426008 >>512429005 >>512430782 my best s--- story: >be 18 >get strep >throat swells >glands huge >tonsils purple >fuuuuck >get antibiotics >get tylenol 3s >take antibiotics >take tylenol 3s >warning on antibiotics, "may cause diarrhea" >no diarrhea. end diamica >no s--- for two days ne abit for >no s--- for 3 days Com >have to s---, but can't, stopped up >get quart of prune juice, down it >drink whole quart in ten minutes >nothing >nothing >nothing >HRRKKK Sobdo >ohdeargod Pondear >run to bathroom Pronto >nothing >nothing >feel some movement, like the biggest turd ever is coming out >this "clay" ball starts working it's way out and it's like someone popped the cork on a champagne bottle >start s------- with force, feel it splatter back up >huge stream >feel bubbles working their way up my intestines as s--- comes out >massive gas too >hear my dad on the other side of the house laughing >have to take shower... so codeine stopped my system up, antibiotics gave me diarrhea, so i had liquid sitting on top of solid.... it was epic. my a------ hurt for like two days...

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Anon fails to be funny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 222 KB PNG >post it >LMAO.jpg 02/08/23(Wed) 22:38:27 No.894045595 >be me >14yo redditfag >browsing r/greentext >fuckicandothat.jpg >go to /b/ >write the funniest story of my life in greentext >enter capchca >return to r/greentext >sort by new and wait for someone to post it on there >upvotes standing by >one hour later, no post >check back on my greentext >no actual responses cuz im a f----- and don't know how to write greentexts >jannies prune my thread 3 minutes later >cry >kill myself out of shame >world is now a better place

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Greentext Stories - anon mistook affection for attraction again | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 9 KB JPG 10/11/21(Mon)02:44:10 No.65717393 >be me >virgin >have a hot aunt that has always complimented me since I was a child >felt good and masturbated thinking of her but never tried anything >be a while ago >aunt got diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer >got skinnier and hotter (imho) >realize if im gonna ask her to take my virginity this is the perfect moment as she wouldnt feel guilty for long if she does afterwards >be visiting her at her hospital room >talk about all those times she told me I looked handsome and she says I'm still the most handsome guy she's seen >horny.wav >decide to go for it and ask her >she just says "oh" followed by a long pause >ohshit.mp3 >she says she never meant it that way and she's really sorry if that affected me and starts tearing up >fuckfuckfuckfuck.pfk >realize I somehow f----- up again and tell her I need to leave >be days later >worried she would tell my parents and they would give me s--- for it >decide to do nothing about it and hope it solves on it's own >be weeks later, she passes away >be today, couple of weeks later >parents haven't said anything >realize she probably didn't tell them or they are embarrassed to talk about it anons how am I supposed to live not knowing if she told them or not? it's not like I can f------ ask them

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