Anon believes in ghost | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 915 KB GIF 02/06/23(Mon )05:45:45 No.34017670 >>34017602 (OP) # >be me >exploring abandoned house in woods near home >see person walk around corner >but it was not person >it was ghost >ghost say "boo!" >I saw "Ah!" >I shoot ghost because I believe in the second amendment and always carry a revolver wedged firmly between the t--- of my woman >Ghost dies >But ghost is a ghost so he's fine >Invites us to ghost barbaque >accept because it would be rude not too after shooting him >Try to eat hotdogs but they're ghost hotdogs so they just go through teeth >Thank ghost and leave still hungry >Order pizza when I get back to house >Doorbell rings an hour later >Open door >mfw pizza deliver boy is the ghost I shot

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon joins the list | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous cold aproachad a girl for the (...) >be me > go to the mall to pick up a girl >this way I will >after one hour of nervous observation and nervousness finally find a girl whose I find cute and I have the courage to go talk to > "hey I'm Anon I just wanted to tell you that you look hot, hmmm I mean cute, aha" > " Oh thanks but I'm actually twelve" UNIS 01/07/22(Fri)17:08:18 No.66892132 31 KB JPG

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Anon has bedbugs | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)08:13:26 No.72156042 33 KB JPG >get infested with bed bugs >as I lie hopeless in bed, these creatures are free to feed on me >realize how easily they ruin people's lives >begin feeding them and then putting them in jars to breed them >walk around at different times opening the jar on people's apartments and house >begin monitoring social media to see people seething about the bed bugs >people literally have no choice other than to fumigate their house and live elsewhere for days >drop bed bugs on their property again >going to leave a swarm of bed bugs in this apartment when I have to move, then repeat the process You could be doing the same.

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 215 KB GIF 02/05/22(Sat)02:32:46 No.67290413 >at gfs house >casually binging youtube while she takes a shower >she asks me to give her a new bath towel >open the door to give her the towel >shes not there >the shower isnt even on >take a moment to process >im in someone's house >last time I talked to anyone was 10 yrs ago >never had a GF (29) >the walls are turning to white >a straight jacket is wrapped around me >im a the psych ward >mfw I trolled myself again by taking the meds

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Anon is set for life with this one strange trick that liquor store owners don't want you to know about | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 146 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)08:03:45 No.72158085 I think found an infinite money glitch >be 24, look 16 >go into liquor store >clerk doesnt believe me >bet him $100 that im actually 24 >call the cops on me >cop confirms I'm 24 >win $100 Would this actually work? I dont see any problem with it except maybe the cops get mad at me for bothering them all the time. : Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)08:05:07 No.72158091 You are retarded enough to be 16 I'll give you that

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Anon makes her sister cry | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 33 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)12:55:01 No.72157703 >sis got new makeup >I was just being honest and told her it was ugly >she started crying and wouldn't talk to me >mom said it would be okay in a week >a week later >"hey sis I just want to apologise about the makeup" >"are you an a------ anon I almost forgot about it but you recall it again" 3 Replies >she starts crying again should I wait for another week? View Thread

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Anon get his ass beaten | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.63 MB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)06:37:29 No.72155387 >confronted my sister for losing another job >we aren't going to make rent if she doesn't cover her chunk >I'm paying for her groceries and all other bills right now too >she just starts hitting me >I push her and try to deescalate >she comes at me again >surprise I'm way weaker than I thought >she beats the s--- out of me >like bloody nose, black eyes, ears ringing >pulls my clothes off and keeps beating me >tells me to shut up or she'll kill me >only comes out to eat and use the bathroom 13 Replies I'm officially f----- if I don't move out but I can't let this lease go under because I probably won't get accepted anywhere decent if I do View Thread

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Anon is fed up with racism | /r/Greentext

Oscars: Danielle Deadwyler claims Hollywood is 'deeply impacted by racism' Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)06:13:47 No. 180362844 >Be Danielle Deadwyler >be greatest actress of her time >give greatest performance of year in Till >miles ahead of any of those white bitches' performances (obviously) >don't get nominated for best actress >go on righteous crusade condemning the Academy's "systemic racism" really applaud her bravery. But I think maybe her argument about the Academy's "unabashed misogyny towards black women" is sort of undermined by the fact that a black woman was nominated for an acting Oscar - just not her...

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Anon is being tortured. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous WANTED 248 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)20:42:40 No.72157964 Zoomer girls are >hotter than any precious generation But also >pickier than any previous generation God loves to torture Non-Chad men

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Anon gets clogged up | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 10/24/13(Thu)05:28:56 No.512424623 Replies: >>512426008 >>512429005 >>512430782 my best s--- story: >be 18 >get strep >throat swells >glands huge >tonsils purple >fuuuuck >get antibiotics >get tylenol 3s >take antibiotics >take tylenol 3s >warning on antibiotics, "may cause diarrhea" >no diarrhea. end diamica >no s--- for two days ne abit for >no s--- for 3 days Com >have to s---, but can't, stopped up >get quart of prune juice, down it >drink whole quart in ten minutes >nothing >nothing >nothing >HRRKKK Sobdo >ohdeargod Pondear >run to bathroom Pronto >nothing >nothing >feel some movement, like the biggest turd ever is coming out >this "clay" ball starts working it's way out and it's like someone popped the cork on a champagne bottle >start s------- with force, feel it splatter back up >huge stream >feel bubbles working their way up my intestines as s--- comes out >massive gas too >hear my dad on the other side of the house laughing >have to take shower... so codeine stopped my system up, antibiotics gave me diarrhea, so i had liquid sitting on top of solid.... it was epic. my a------ hurt for like two days...

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Anon fails to be funny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 222 KB PNG >post it >LMAO.jpg 02/08/23(Wed) 22:38:27 No.894045595 >be me >14yo redditfag >browsing r/greentext >fuckicandothat.jpg >go to /b/ >write the funniest story of my life in greentext >enter capchca >return to r/greentext >sort by new and wait for someone to post it on there >upvotes standing by >one hour later, no post >check back on my greentext >no actual responses cuz im a f----- and don't know how to write greentexts >jannies prune my thread 3 minutes later >cry >kill myself out of shame >world is now a better place

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Anon uses nasal spray | /r/Greentext

I wanna die Procto-eze Cleanser 6C0F26FA-D798-47F5-B180-CE393853414E.jpg 3.05 MB JPG >there have been many ads on tv and yt about these new nasal sprays that are actually gels and have better resorption >go in bathroom and see picrel >looks like those new nasal sprays >shove it up my nostrils, works wonders >keep using it for a week every time im in the bathroom >i decide to order it online so i look it up >OHGODPLEASELORDNO >long story short ive been using dads hemorrhoid creme as nasal spray for a week >idk if he applied it via hand or shoved it up his ass but it did smell kinda funny Should i rope?

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Anon really doesn't like punk (I don't understand him either) | /r/Greentext

File: 1662054094368235.png (96 KB, 280x300) Anonymous 02/06/23 (Mon)15:56:31 No.893940994 [Reply] Why do people like punk music? It's f------ s---. >bands are not skilled at their instruments, a lot of them can't even play adequately >vocals are usually just screaming, there is certainly no "singing" >songs are painfully short >the recording quality is usually bad >there is really nothing artistic about it, it all sounds the same, it all has the same structure and style >all of this is done on purpose Why would you willingly and intentionally listen to punk?

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