anon doesnt like the broccoli haircut | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 778 KB PNG >walk away 01/26/23(Thu)20:17:35 No.893313460 >strollin' >see two broccoli-haired zoomers having trouble with their car >they ask someone for help, get ignored >they see me >they ask me for help >pretend I don't hear them I would have helped if they didn't have that disgusting mulatto perm.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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anon is british | /r/Greentext

01/27/23 (Fri)02:15:51 No.893317163 Teeth are so f------ idiotic it blows my mind. Let me get this straight: >humans evolved to have highly advanced brains (some of us at least) >we've invented cures for horrible diseases, automobiles, airplanes, spacecraft, even the f------ high speed Internet and lasers and s--- thanks to our evolved brain, we have much much longer lives now and its all thanks to human ingenuity >yet we didn't evolve to regrow our teeth >worse, they still have nerves and roots that cause excruciating pain if f----- with >whats the f------ point of teeth hurting if there isn't anything a human, without modern dentistry, could do about it? its f------ dumb >they can even get infected and kill us >also not that hard to break : Anonymous 288 KB JPG >could make an entire other thread about the stupidity of wisdom teeth which serve literally no purpose except to f--- our mouths up >if we hadn't invented toothbrush and toothpaste with our evolved brains w-- would we do? >simple solution would be for the teeth to just fall out and grow back like plenty of animals, including dumbass sharks, but no In case you couldn't tell, I hate teeth so much.

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Anon plays D&D | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:15 No.16426614 File 1317006946.jpg-(96 KB, 634x456, sir bearington.jpg) MOS >Make a bear character in D&D 3.5 >DM laughs >Make bear a rogue, put every point I can into disguise >Prestige class as a spy to get more disguise >DM says I can't speak english >Max out bluff >By growling and gesturing, I can fake speaking a language I don't speak (english) >use money to hire a butler NPC >Give him magical item to let him speak bear "GROWWWWWL" "An excellent suggestion, Mister Bearington. We really should ask the group to investigate the Black Marsh >Over the course of the game, be knighted as Sir Bearington >Queen holds a dinner in my honor. >A guest becomes the first man to ever make a perception check that can beat my disguise >Shouts out loud "HEY, THAT GUY'S NOT A GUY, HE'S JUST A BEAR!" >Man is escorted out of the castle while the guards apologise profusely for the indignity "We're so sorry, Sir Bearington, very sorry for this man's behavior" "ROAR" *shrug*

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Anon wins a battle | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >be me >haven't s--- in days >feel urge >go to toilet >sit down and prepare for hell >push slightly >HolyFuck.JPG >a------ gaped larger than nuclear crater >remember god gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors >muster strength and push with the force of a million suns 31 KB JPG 06/19/21 (Sat)10:36:53 No.857190919 >incredible pain >Plop.MP3 >relief >look at turd >wider than my hand >mfw i am gods strongest warrior

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Anon makes a fake story | /r/Greentext

File (hide): 1674748520165.png (48.07 KB, 708x800, 1674731521757.png) ImgOps Chud 10 minutes ago No2150826 >be me >hanging out with girlfriend after work >she is acting pretty flirtatious >wearing a short skirt I haven't seen her wear before >we start watching Squid Game >my donger is in her mouth three minutes later >feels good tho man >she looks at me and says "You want some bussy daddy?" >>2150841 >>2150847 >she bends over and presents the hole >d--- is rock hard when suddenly it clicks >"ah, honey, why did you call it bussy? I thought you were a girl?" >she looks worried but I can see her girldick is throbbing >"ah yeah daddy it's a girl bussy just for you" >have sweaty sex with her and blow a giant load right in her girl bussy she's not a gay guy is she chuds? Chud 9 minutes ago Nº2150830 This happened

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Anon compares Joe Rogan to a Steppe Barbarian. | /r/Greentext

09/27/20(Sun)08:35:11 No.139903097 Joe Rogan is like some barbarian Khan from the steppes that took an interest in intellectual things and his show is basically him bringing slightly nervous scholars and magicians to come before him to explain how the world works "glasses man, you explain to Joe why sky big, and how tree grow" but he will also believe almost anything you tell him, and only recently (in the past few years) does he clap back like "Tiny hat man say otherwise, do you lie to Joe? Tiny hat man say fat not bad for you, that sugar is enemy, so which is truth? Joe thinks you are wrong" and people just nervously go "oh-oh ok h-Haha yah I guess so" test 83 KB JPG "Joe spend many moons on horseback and training with bow and sword, but joe also wonder why skyfire rise from mountains every morning, you will explain this to Joe."

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Anon shares the secret to getting a half Japanese wife! It's just that easy fellas! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/23(Thu)06:53:10 No.71972797 >the year is 2033 >you awaken in your penthouse apartment >the smell of coffee gently rises you from your slumber >you pull back your $1 million bearskin sheets and wander to your custom-made slate bathroom >you have a quick shower under your designer Burlington shower with remote heat controls and psych yourself up for the board meeting in half an hour, hopefully you'll get to fire that cuck that keeps trying to steal your pitches 1.22 MB PNG >you step into the living room and see picrel, your half-Japanese wife, by your floor-to- ceiling windows, ready and waiting to fulfil all your desires >you text your secretary to reschedule your meeting and ask her if she wants to come round and join you and your wife like she did a few weeks ago >standing by your wife, you place a hand on her shoulder as you gaze out at the city skyline, amazed at how far you have made it. This could be you, anon. Literally all you have to do now is buy Bitcoin while the price is low before the next few bull runs.

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Anon plunder’s with the crew | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/24/15(Sun)18:19:46 No.25929113 ► > Be 1521 > Plundering with me crew > Yahar.png > Hector calls "Git ovar here, eye see somthing ye might be likin" > Hobble me way ovar to Hector > "Looky 'ere" > BythelockerofDavy Jones.png > It be a fuhckin' 4 barreled bunderbuss. > Cap'n Chester walks over, wonderin' what the fuss be about > Eye patch flies off > "GIMME THAT!" > Takes the abomination of a gun away from Hector > Cap'n fiddles with the powder bag > Accidentally pulls all 4 triggers > ScurveydogsFW half the ship was blown off and 4 of the crew were but a fine mist.

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Anon makes a joke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Today at Gamestop Please be patient I have outis 43 KB JPG 04/16/19(Tue)11:06:28 No.458697650 >Getting girl >easily an 8/10 >buying Sekiro today >cashier girl asks "Do you want to donate to autism speaks today?" >"Haha no actually i'd prefer they stop speaking all together" checked out by qt3.14 cashier >Her f------ face >The absolute disgust What the f--- is wrong with me /v/? Why did I have to waste 6 years of my life on this godforsaken site?

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Anon regrets life decisions | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/15/15(Wed)22:26:34 No.628235434>>628236559 >be me >having 18th birthday at home >pretty chill time with friends >brother asks if me I want to see his Minecraft world >tell him to go away >see he's hurt >feel guilty and say I'll check it out later >never check it >a few months later, brother gets leukemia >pray he gets better >he doesn't >brother dies >feels like s--- >turn 21 >packing stuff up for college >notice brother's old laptop >for some reason, remembers broken promise >charge up computer >boot up Minecraft >see world named "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANON!!!!!" >load up world >beginning to tear up at this point >world loads >look around and see cake everywhere >giant pixel cake in front of me >balloons across the sky >turn around and see "HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY" built with blocks >under b-day message is a sign >sign says "happy birthday anon. You're the best brother ever. :DDD" >f------ cry for hours

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Anon doesn't understand fat acceptance | /r/Greentext

14 KB JPG >someone posts their overweight cat/dog on the internet >dozens of people crawl out of the woodwork to scold them for abusing their animal by letting it be fat >someone posts their overweight child on the internet >nobody says anything even though it is several orders of magnitude worse than letting a f------ cat be fat >if I say anything I get banned from wherever and people act like I am evil Why?

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Anon created a minefield | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/26/23(Thu)01:03:58 No.893290583 >Everyday i steal handfuls and handfuls of free ketchup packets from my local chickfila >I only really use 2 or 3 but i have my pockets still stuffed when i leave >it feels good to get things for free >I dont ever do laundry, i just leave my clothes on the floor until they stop stinking, or the sweat and grime dries up and i can wear it again > I just step ontop of and over the clothes because they all cover my bedroom floor. I haven't seen my carpet in months. 43 KB JPG >I've been noticing that my Jeans and sweatshirts filled with ketchup packets explode with ketchup when i step on them >This is getting really annoying, but i usually just let the ketchup spray sit there until it dries up too >a huge stream of ketchup exploded from one pants pocket on to my pile of mostly clean clothes and this p----- me off Any other anons having this problem? I really need advice

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Anon is the Puppetmaster and his Boss is his best puppet | /r/Greentext

08/13/21(Fri)02:50:44 No.64954465 >work at small local restaurant as a waiter >get fired because the manager is a bitch and was upset at me not selling ebough desserts >make a few fake google accounts posing as old people and over the course of a week i leave 3 star reviews saying s--- like "what happened to the nice waiter?" >convince a few friends to do the same : Anonymous 37 KB JPG >review bomb the resturant and it goes from 4.5 stars to 3.5 in no time >mfw at the end of the month i get called by the manager saying she wants me back >over the next month i slowly change all the reviews from 3 stars to 5 >get a raise >mfw

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