Anon downloads tinder.. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 203 KB PNG 12/01/18(Sat)14:59:47 No.49603726 >decide to download Tinder >3 matches within 2 days >1 girl ignores me >realize 2nd girl had a piercing >have a great conversation with 3rd girl >ask her for her number >"oh btw. weird question, but how tall are you?" >tell her I'm 5'9 >she hasn't responded since As soon as they ask that question I'm f-----, right? Also jesus christ, my only criterias are no piercings, no pics smoking and not overweight (is that too much to ask from someone who has been going to the gym regulary for 5 years straight?) and I end up swiping left on ~60%. 9 Replies / 4 Images View Thread

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is proud of his sons | /r/Greentext

File: hqdefault.jpg (11 KB, 480x360) fami O Anonymous 01/18/23(Wed)14:27:59 No.892826471 >Be me, 40 and dad of 4 boys >Depressed alcoholic, go to the same bar >Manager at a factory, still depressed because life is unfair >Drink at home too, thinking of how some rich kid gets by easy >One month happens differently >Decide to be a dad and talk to my boys more >This rich guys dad makes him go back to school from kindergarten >My 4th son threw a dodge ball in his face >My 3rd son shoved some kid in a bin >The rich guys kid got into high school >My 2nd sond poured milk over the rich guys head >My 1st son filled the rich guys locker with manure >Realize my boys are mean bullies like their dad was >They chant the family name with pride >Never felt so touched >I stop drinking, I take care of the house and be a man >We celebrate by taking the family station wagon to the Superbowl O'Doyle Rules!

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Anon likes navigates a social situation | /r/Greentext

799 KB PNG footfag here, wanna know how you guys think i should ask this >be male >have best friend who is female >wouldn't date me cuz we're too close of friends >I dont care because I'm intersted in other girls >we hang out a lot still >tell her I have a foot fetish, since she is my best friend and all >she is grossed the f--- out >try to touch her feet when we hang out but she is still grossed out by it >eventually is ok with me rubbing her feet >she has GORGEOUS feet >those long toes >I just wanna suck them so badly So, robots, how do I ask a woman, who is my best friend and is creeped out by my foot fetish, if I can worship her feet? will bump with feet pic unrelated to girl btw

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Anon should not ask that teacher for a recommendation. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)18:03:05 No.63614243 >graduating from HS in two weeks >english teacher gives us our final project today >it's basically about social issues like sexism, mental illness, racism, etc. >get assigned to do my presentation on ableism >planning to make mine about how "ableism" & mental illness in general are terms created by k----, n------, f------, and retards in order to feel better about themselves and that it's complete b------- >when i eventually get told to stop or leave, i'm going to switch to the last slide 212 KB PNG >it's a photocopy of my autism diagnosis papers from back when i was like 5 is this a bad idea? 05/10/21 (Mon)18:05:32 No.63614268 : Anonymous >>63614243 (OP) # Incredibly retarded, but I urge you to do it

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Anon Knows How the Martians Died | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: qUhuZOSO) 06/16/22(Thu)10:40:45 No.382562205 File: th_edit.jpg (90 KB, 745x462) 60 30 0 -30° -60° 180 2001 MANS ODYSSEY -120 0.2 -60* Th (ppm) 0.4 V1 PF 0.6 M 0 0.8 Department of Planetary Sciences Lunar and Planetary Laboratory G 180 >>382561593 (You) Pic related is thorium content in soil measured by Mars Odyssey. WHY THE F--- THERE IS A THORIUM HOTSPOT NEXT TO F------ PYRAMIDS ON THE BOTTOM OF THE FORMER SEA F------ find me natural process which does that. You can't. There isn't one. Only thing which makes sense is that somebody set off nuke(s) in the ocean to kill the inhabitants of Cydonia by fallout while keeping the buildings intact. Cydonia was never hit directly, all damage there is from erosion. We are not talking a war, we are talking a f------ planned genocide. These f------ psychos wanted us to know what happened. 2/2

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It is over for anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 64 KB GIF traveling >I had none 01/18/23(Wed)08:30:37 No.71870975 >be me >in college class >TA makes us do activities to get to know each other better >she has us show photos of prompts shes written on floor and to share it with someone >first photo asks for a picture of you >then she goes onto ask a photo of you with your friends 3 Replies >I dont have friends >my pictures are full of skyjacks and naked women Is it over for me anons View Thread

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Anon burgers a burger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >oh, waitress! *snaps fingers* come here, my poppet, I've decided on what I shall dine upon today. >May I have the BEARDY MCBEARDMAN MEGA BEEFY QUADRUPLE BEEF BEER BACON N BOURBON BURGER WITH 3000 MONTH PINK HIMALAYAN SALT CAVE AGED CRUELTY FREE SLAVERY FREE NON GMO FARM TO TABLE CIGAR SMOKED GOUDA >Oh, and of COURSE! My apologies for not realizing that the hot sauce menu was a subset of the MAIN menu (albeit a separate pamphlet detailing the intricacies of each sauce, as well as pairing suggestions, would be a welcome addition (pass that along to your sauce monger)). I shall sample your in-house BEELZEBUTT'S 7,000,000 SCOVILLE HEMORRHOID HOLOCAUST NUCLEAR A--- LEAKAGE XXXXXX FECAL FURY SAUCE; and, my sweet, mayhaps a bottle of it to go? Though I am yet to taste it, I am sure that my buddies at the barcade - yes, a portmanteau of 'bar' and 'arcade, and YES, you can actually DRINK as you PLAY VIDEO GAMES, whatever will they think of next? - will be utterly TICKLED by the label your crew has concocted for that bottle! 97 KB JPG 01/16/23(Mon)22:38:50 No.18819869 *taps glass* >and another round of your hoppiest IPA, please! >>18819892 #

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Anon has a sister. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/18/23(Wed)19:58:13 No.71872320 >looked through my 15 year old sisters stuff while she was away because it's f------ hilarious >found a diary ASL >jackpot 55 KB PNG >its all dated and organized, and written with maximum precision which is very odd because everything she owns is filthy and her handwriting has always been a mess >lots of cringey stuff for the most part until about 3 months ago >she's extremely infatuated with this boy >the text about him get more and more unhinged the deeper I read >from simple "I hope he notices me today" to paragraphs about how she followed him home and stole his jacket while his family was away >Huh. So that's where that unfamiliar oversized jacket came from. >paragraphs and detailed images of what it'd be like to dissect him (she's an excellent artist which made it 1000x more creepy) >paragraph after paragraph about all the freaky sex she'd have with him, most of it ending in death I'm honestly f------ scared.

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Anon is Youtube man | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/18/23 (Wed)03:47:39 No.71869130 55 KB JPG >Hey guys, Charlie here >heres me explaining every minute detail of a 30 second clip on Twitter over the course of 10 minutes >here's the most milquetoast YouTuber or corporate drama you've ever heard >reviews thing people like: "it's good" >reviews thing people don't like: "it's bad" >all of this is funny because I use the words penis butt and fart in every sentence

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Anon does polish math | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: TrMqFEvJ 01/03/23(Tue)01:33:30 No.410639017 cja liczebności kobiet do mężczyzu w o un an... age prawdopodobieństwo, że losowo wybrany junior z ESSA dostąpi awansu zawodowego w najbliższym roku. 12. Zawodowy snajper ukraiński trafia ruskiego ,żołnierza" (czyli: oku- panta) ze skutecznością 90%. Obliczyć prawdopodobieństwo, że w 10 nieza- leżnych podejściach snajper wyeliminuje co najmniej 8 ruskich okupantów. W rachunkach wykorzystać odpowiedni warsztat zmiennych losowych. 99A218B7-7670-4836-B85E-DC0B56A60D47.jpg 58 KB JPG Meanwhile in Polish high schools >Professional Ukrainian sniper hits a Russian „,soldier" (meaning: invader) with a success rate of 90%. Calculate the probability that in 10 independent tries the sniper eliminates at least 8 Russian invaders. Use proper random variables in your calculations. holy kek >>410639175 # >>410639189 # >>410639206 # >>410639366 # >>410639428 # >>410639563 # >>410639594 # >>410639665 # >>410639671 # >>410639701 # >>410639721 #

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Anon missed his opportunity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 127 KB JPG Anonymous 01/18/23(Wed)01:30:11 >really like this girl that's 1 in a billion >>71871612 # No.71871598 >we get put in a group together >have my head down the entire time >make no advances >class ends >high school ends >feel the regret in my chest every time I think about it she's f------ chad rn 01/18/23(Wed)01:30:58 No.71871602

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Anon "accidentally" raped his friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/17/23(Tue)18:59:47 No.24368210 >>24362959 >I think you can be a bitch sometimes? Yeah. It's happened a time or two. Not something I brag about, though. Old greentext: >"accidentally" r---- a friend of mine >she would join me and my wife for some MFF action >sometimes would stay with us for a couple of weeks >one time after much alcohol admits to r---/ravage fantasy >asks me to help her out >explain about safeword >wife is there and hears whole thing >3 days later, I make my move (early evening, no alcohol) >pull out c---, grab her back of head and shove her down >she resists at first then gives lackluster bj >act angry, throw her back onto the couch and rip her t-shirt and panties off >slap her a couple of times complaining about s----- b------- >her face is in shock, crying (c--- getting harder) >shove it in her vag, a little dry at first but don't care >she's still crying while I pound her >grab handy lube, apply it, then start pounding her in the ass >hurts her, more tears >wife is there, kisses her, comforts her >shove c--- back in vag and c-- my brains out >lay back, pull her into my arms to calm her down >she asks "Why did you do that to me?!" >"You asked me to" >wife reminds her of earlier discussion >girl says she's sorry she forgot >said she was still scared but happy it happened >relaxed MFF time later that night Basically I r---- a girl in front of/with my wife and everybody was happy in the end.

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This greentext was written by a spider | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 923 KB JPG >cute >funny >friendly 08/19/21(Thu)12:58:03 No.65049060 >good mothers >funky dance moves >favorite food is mosquitos and termites >venom not dangerous >don't bite people >don't make irritating webs >easy to find why haven't you released an army of jumping spiders in your house

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