Slytherins can't catch a break | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 540 KB JPG 01/11/23(Wed)07:21:55 >ONE POINT TO SLYTHERIN FOR EVERY JEW KILLED IN THE HOLOCAUST! >malfoy sneers >the old coot is having us on again, that's zero points... No.176341891 >THATS 144,000 POINTS, MOSTLY DUE TO TYPHUS >slytherin begins cheering >HOWEVER... >their jubilation dies almost instantly and you hear quiet weeping from the back of the hall >IT IS ONLY FAIR WE RECOGNISE BOTH SIDES OF THE DEBATE... >AND SO I AWARD ONE POINT TO GRYIFFINDOR FOR EVERY CHRISTIAN KILLED BY JEWISH BOLSHEVIKS >murmuring across the hall as nobody knows how many that was >20 MILLION POINTS! YOU HEARD ME CORRECTLY! 20 MILLION F------ WHITE CHRISTIANS KILLED! AND THEY DIDNT TEACH ANY OF YOU DID THEY? DID THEY???? >statues come to life and start stomping into the hall >slytherins resign themselves to another month in the dungeon >they walk past >they hoist filius fitwick into the air >LETS EVEN THOSE NUMBERS SHALL WE CHILDREN? DIE YOU DYSGENIC M----- K---! >nobody dares mention how fitwick isn't even jewish as the golems tear his arms and legs off and he screams in agony >144001 POINTS TO SLYTHERIN! OOOOO YOU CAN STILL WIN THE CUP YET BOYS AND GIRLS! >everyone cheers : Anonymous Wrong board sorry, should be tv 01/11/23(Wed)07:22:19 No.176341897

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is hunting an elusive beast. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)06:34:58 No.149397381 1608637375063.jpg 53 KB JPG >These tracks... The imprint of women's shoes, but the stride length is that of a man. I'm getting close... >>149397605 # >>149398174 # >>149398183 # >>149398796 # >>149398881 # >>149402693 # >>149403324 # >>149403415 # >>149403429 # >>149403474 # >>149404378 # >>149405995 # >>149408400 # >>149409094 # >>149410452 # >>149410494 # >>149410569 # >>149411395 # >>149412943 #

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Anons discuss trans in Harry Potter | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/13/23(Fri)18:34:42 No.624235495 Gryffindor girls' staircase "Are you a wizard or not?" The title of this article is conjectural. Although it is based on canonical information, the actual name is a conjecture and may be supplanted at any time by additional information released from canonical sources. If this occurs. please move this page to the appropriate title. "I wonder if Hermione's seen this yet?" Harry said, looking around at the door to the girls' dormitories. "Let's go and tell her, said Ron. He bounded forward, pulled open the door, and set off up the spiral staircase. He was on the sixth stair when happened. There was a loud, wailing, klaxonlike sound and the steps melted together to make a long, smooth stone slide. There was a brief moment when Ron tried to keep running, arms working madly like windmills, then he toppled over backward and shot down the newly created slide, coming to rest on his back at Harry's feet. "Er- I don't think we're allowed in the girls' dormitories." said Harry"[...]" - Harry and Ron attempting to ascend the staircase to the girls' dorms in Gryffindor house A w The staircase to the Gryffindor Girls' Dormitory was accessible from the Gryffindor Common Room. It was enchanted by Godric Gryffindor to turn into a slide should any boy attempt to enter it. Made Usage : Anonymous >>624235687 # The stairs catch on fire. VIEW SOURCE Gryffindor girls' staircase Object information Owners 1661969546834.png 415 KB PNG sisters... it wasn't supposed to be like this. ⠀ c. 993 Prevents boys enter- ing the Gryffindor Girls' Dormitory Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry [Source] : Anonymous >>624235495 (OP) # So... what happens if a transgender or non-binary person attempts to get into the girls' dormitory? 01/13/23(Fri)18:36:46 No.624235687 >>624235859 # >>624235983 # >>624237194 # >>624240025 # >>624240257 # >>624240345 # >>624240487 # >>624241902 # >>624242865 # >>624242957 # >>624243804 # >>624248909 # 01/13/23(Fri)18:38:49 No.624235859

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Anon doesn't like WRPGs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 181 KB PNG 01/11/23(Wed) 23:03:17 No.2916395 WRPG dialogue be like: >Safe travels, Englishman. >Welcome to the finest inn in Scotland, Icelander! How may I help ya? >You are in no place to tell me how to manage my wealth, Greek. >My people used to own your kind, African American. >Iraq may seem like a place of war and poverty to you now, Westerner, but it wasn't always like that. >May Jesus Christ have mercy on your soul, Asian. >Our city used to be the centre of a mighty empire, spanning across the entire continent. But that changed once the Dark Ages arrived. Anyways might you be interested in my wares, Tourist? >Your kind is not welcome around these parts, Melanated One. >Our people have been chosen by God Himself. It is our destiny to rule over all the other races, Gentile. >I've got no bussiness to do with you, Arab. >Our advanced train system should allow you to move quickly all around the country, Gaijin. >You should consider joining the military, Young One. There are many benefits and opportunities waiting for you. >I don't know about your people, European, but here in the United States of America we value freedom. >Prophet bless you, Christian. >What in the Inferno happened here?

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anon stole a washing machine from ukraine | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)10:12:45 No.53533813 >>53533746 >>53533706 (OP) >WWIII finally goes hot >you're a Russian tank commander >"trannies at twelve" >rotate turret >chip is from spin control on a washer >turret spins uncontrollably for 20 minutes >stops >does that jerky thing >goes the other direction

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Anon finds happiness | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2.98 MB GIF 01/14/23(Sat)20:35:33 No.71823781 >be me >go to the store to buy things with the gift card i got for christmas >wandering around the store after getting what i need >seeing if there's anything else i might want >so many pretty ladies walking around the store >they dont even look at me >feel kind of sad >decide to just pay for my stuff and leave >as im turning a corner, a cart starts coming around the other side >dont notice fast enough >bump into it >its an employee (who happens to be a female girl) >time stops for a second >she says "oh my god! i'm so sorry! i didn't see you there!" >as she's saying that, she's making eye contact with me and touches me on my arm/chest area (like, her fingers touched my bicep part of the arm, then her palm was on my chest) >feel huge lump in my stomach >don't know what to do >look away from her >say "it's cool lol" >awkward silence for a bit >i say "oh well, uh, i, uh, should probably go pay for this stuff" >scurry away why why why? that huge lump in my stomach turned into being happy and such as soon as i left the store, but i felt sick from anxiety during all of that. she was really cute too, like i've literally had wet dreams about girls who look like her (yes, i nofap and have wet dreams. jealous?)

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Anon hates fruit tribe | /r/Greentext

07/06/18(Fri)06:52:53 No.46719974 : Anonymous >>46719859 # >fruit tribe laughs at meat tribe >says meat tribe breath stop early >ice age come >no fruit left >guess who laugh now

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Anon confronts /tv/ | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 179244609 705.5 kB JPG 7 REPLIES 2 REPLIES 1 hr ago Why don't /tv/posters make their own films? 1 IMAGE Anonymous | 179244845 all of those things dont require socializing >/v/ make their own games >/mu/ make their own music >/lit/ write their own books >/co/ draw their own comic books >/biz/ create their own shitcoins >/lgbt/ kill themselves But we just talk about kino instead of creating it. ●●● REPLY 1 hr ago

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Anon is Captain America | /r/Greentext

A Anonymous 01/14/23(Sat)12:21:12 No.71822094 >typing this form inside a McDick's rn >share joint custody of my daughter with my ex >both think I'm a nazi because I'm a channer4life >never had a nazi thought in my life >actually own Captain America costume and all the comics where he beats Red Skull >reading my fav issue #289 when I come up with a plan >tell crack fiend who freqs my n-hood that I will fix him up if he dresses up in my Red Skull costume and shows up to ex's house >then I will swoop in in my CA costume and pretend to pulverize him >we both take our clothes off then put on the costumes, then drive to ex's house >ex and daughter are in the backyard >crack fiend jumps over the fence, starts yelling stuff like "Hitler was right" >senpai starts screaming, then I jump in >for some reason, I slipped and fell in the pool >I'm usually very good at swimming and I know how to swim, but for some reason I just started drowning >crack fiend jumps in the pool and pulls me out >does CPR, mouth to mouth >as soon as he resuscitates me, I jump up and beat the s--- out of him >I stomp his ass in the ground, blood everywhere >unmask myself, smile triumphantly >ex and daughter both horrified >ex curses me out (in front of daughter), threatens to call the cops if I don't "leave with my nazi friend" I've told crack fiend that I lied when I said that I could fix him up, so I bought McDick's instead. Typing this on my mini mac. You can't win 'em all.

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Anon doesn't like his voice | /r/Greentext

File. Sponge1.png (441 KB, 459x612) New Stone Bo SPANTS Testogel 52449 P ☐ >be me, cis gay guy Anonymous 01/13/23(Fri)09:08:01 No.29165080 >talking to internet friend on discord while we both cook dinner >his roommates overhear us and ask if he's talking to a girl >he says no and tells them I'm a guy >they don't believe him >say I sound like a girl >turn on webcam >they say I look like a girl too >friend insists I'm a guy >they accuse me of being "assigned female at birth" >message my actual ftm friend about it and he says "woman moment" ok this isn't funny anymore how do I get on T if I'm cis

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Anon comes to a realization | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous RIP me i guess 103 KB JPG 01/14/23(Sat)22:21:17 No.892644728 decomposition >pic related >be me >struggling with severe depression and lethargy >gotten much worse the past few months >gone on leave from work cuz i just can't do it anymore >spend some time at mom's to try and get better >first few days are good >maybe starting to feel better >hesitant smile.jpg >decide to take a shower for the first time in 2 weeks >see myself in the mirror >first time I've had a good look in 2 weeks too >holy fucknuggets >massive bags under my eyes, eyes also swollen and puffy >look like a beached whale halfway through >shame.jpg >get an idea >mom always knows how to make me feel better >"hey mom check out these huge bags under my eyes, it's really hitting me hard i guess" >"what do you mean anon, you've looked like that for years" >mfw

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Anon wants a friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 71 KB JPG 01/14/23(Sat) 19:24:54 No.71822879 >can talk about anything with most people >know when to shut up and not be weird >know how to make nice even when i disagree >until i get to know and like someone >then i can't talk to them at all >just shut up completely because i'm scared of seeming weird >they inevitably get bored and drop me

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Harry Potter and The Buttcrack of Secrets | /r/Greentext

File: 1577051564570.jpg (23 KB, 615x310) >"Whatever you do Harry, don't take pity on me. You have to force me to drink it!" >Harry recalled these words as he poured another cup of laxatives down Dumbledoors throat. The cave smelled like urine and feces an hour ago. Now the stench had turned otherworldly. >BRAAAAAP-P-PPPP! >"HARRY PLEASE NO MORE! MY PROLAPSED ANUS CANNOT HANDLE THE ONSLAUGHT OF PROCESSED ELF EARS AND TREACLE TARTS ANY LONGER" >BRAAAAAP-P-PPPP-P-PPPPP! >It was the most horrific smell Harry had ever encountered, only on par with uncle Herman's monthly toilet service and Cho Chang's fish market p----. >"HARRRYYYYY. HAAAARRYYYYYY" >To his horror, an unidentified object slowly stretched Gandolfini's a--- walls apart. A black ball of sorts dropped on the floor with a glorious thunk. >"MY A--- BEADS HARRY! YOU FOUND THEM! 10 POINTS FOR GRYFFINDOR!" >Another a--- bead fell, reeking even worse than the previous. >"50 POINTS" >Another >"100 POINTS" >The last a--- bead dropped, knocking two others towards the edge of the platform. >"1000 POINTS!" Dumbledore orgasmed calmly. Harry had not seen Dumbledore's O-face since the first movie. >After experiencing pure post-orgasmic bliss Dumbledore stood up, a lone, long quiet brap still leaving his bowels. >Well done Harry. Your punishment for writing "if she's a mud, r--- the slut" on the bathroom walls is hereby complete. >Harry looks off into the distance. Whatever he leaves the cave as today, he will never unbecome it.

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