Anon is inducted into the hall of retards | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 08/23/19(Fri)08:26:22 No.807817159 >hear that 4chan is filled with elite hackers >open browser and go to 4chan >my laptop camera scans my retinal >"permission granted" >holy mackerel these guys are elite! >I get a message on my phone from an unknown number 381 KB JPG >"put all your fingers on the trackpad" >I put my fingers on the trackpad and my fingerprints are burned off >holy f--- >mfw they initiate me into their anti-establishment hacker group >mfw we're going to flip society on their head >lol just kidding >they're just a bunch of retards

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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That $400 is barely enough to pay for Anon's tendies and dewey for a week! What is he supposed to do guys??? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/12/23(Thu)09:55:35 No.71795647 bruh graduate college >get highest paying job I'm qualified for (23/hr) >rent cheapest apartment I can find (850/month) >have to pay on loans (1k/month) >have to buy groceries for myself (~400/month) How in thee f--- am I supposed to make it 194 KB JPG

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Anon gets a piercing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 101 12/13/22(Tue)21:00:08 No.28741538 >transfem been on hormones for over a year >always wanted nipple piercings but thought they'd look dumb on a flat chest >boobs are now big enough that i decided to go for it >never had any other piercing done before, so really nervous about the pain and healing process, especially because my nips are very sensitive (foreshadowing) >piercer is a heavily tattooed lady in her 30's or so with so many piercings it's basically chain mail >she's super nice, answers all of my questions and makes sure i'm comfortable >i take my shirt off and she wipes one of my n------ with alcohol >start feeling a bit of pressure and try to take deep breaths >it hurts a lot but i've had worse >feel kind of reassured and ecstatic actually? >i start getting hard even though i have a really low libido usually >try to ignore it >"That wasn't so bad, was it! You wanted one on both, right?" >i nod and she disinfects the other one too >the way she rubs it feels really good i start getting butterflies in my stomach >fully bricked up, still out of breath and light headed from the last one >she pierces it >i c-- >she notices me twitch in a weird way and puts her hand on my cheek >quietly says "that's the last one, you alright?" >i'm so embarrassed i can't even speak, i just let out a little gasping moan >lie down and relax for a few minutes >thank her and skedaddle home 160 KB PNG happened almost two weeks ago and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. What the f--- do i do with this new core memory?

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Anon got bullied | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 170 KB PNG 12/29/22(Thu)16:11:55 No.71606269 >be me, 14 years old >getting bullied at school >one day decide to get revenge >idea.jpeg >order an 1800s vintage french sword from ebay >spend a whole week barely being able to sleep from excitement >it finally comes >have a little fun with it, play around, cut some fruit >holyshitthisissharp.png >decide to bring it to school with me >hide it up my ass so no one sees it >third period, the bully comes to pick on me, as ussual >this time he doesnt know about the little surprise i have >gets up close to me and hits me >ENOUGH!.png >get the sword out >stainless steel 74 cm, a beautiful baby >get into the Pflug pose, and get ready >he s---- himself and starts running >almost get suspended, but it was worth it >wake up

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Anon makes mashed potatoes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 551 KB PNG such a retard Anonymous 01/13/23(Fri)00:15:35 No.71795360 >out of milk for my mashed potatoes >see meme about somebody using chocolate milk and it tasting good >decide to use chocolate milk >it tastes like f------ dog s--- What a waste of potato. Why am I 01/13/23(Fri)00:18:34 No.71795385 Look, you've followed the culinary tradition of trying strange s---. Congratulation on try something new. Never try that one again.

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Anon learns how to spin a pen | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/28/21 (Wed)21:26:27 No.853160931 23 KB JPG okay i haven't use this site in many months and id like to tell a greentext even if nobody reads it >be me, 7 years ago >16 year old beta who thought he was a chad, a bit taller than average, over grown hair >never had a girlfriend or friends, never even talked to someone in school >would watch a s--- ton of anime >watch hyouka (good stuff) >wants to imitate the main character spin the pen >google how to pen spin like him >learn loads of pen spins over the duration of summer >school starts, sit in the corner, do nothing but spin >betas watch me from afar >lunch break starts, betas come gather around my seat >they wanna watch and learn how to spin >teach them >they invite me out after school >cry and open upto them the coming weeks >realise i was the beta >make friends >23 now with a girlfriend, a job and hobbies >still an avid spinner >mfw an anime character and a f------ pen was the reason of my maturity you can do it fellow anons, i believe in you

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anon is a skinny guy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 39 KB JPG 01/12/23(Thu)11:07:39 No.892484009 >be me >tall skinny guy >fastmetabolism.exe >have to eat copious amounts of food everyday in order to not lose more weight >be known at work as "the guy who eats a lot" >everyday at lunch my tray is like 2-3 times fuller than the rest of people >all thisass has to go somewhere >massiveshits.gif >my gigantic logs clog the only toilet on our floor every other day >sooner or later somebody's gonna connect the amounts of food with the amounts of s--- Mfw i might get in trouble for s------- at work

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primal urges | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 24588121 UP 221.4 kB PNG 2 hr. ago... >make gf take a brisk walk in the woods during 35c day. >ambush her by a grassy knoll >lift up her short skirt and take a deep long whiff of her smelly sweaty c--- >have an asthma attack due to hay allergy >gf calls ambulance and tells them i passed out sniffing her p---- >other hikers heard Should i just kill myself? 3 REPLIES 0 IMAGES REPLY 2 hr. ago Anonymous | 24588186 >>24588121 (OP) Mate you're a f------ ape. 10/10 primal return to monke.

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Anon goes to the park | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)07:17:29 No.2702217 >Take dog for walk at night >College campus, come to a secluded little 51 KB PNG trail/garden area >Dog starts eating a patch of grass >Get onto all fours and start eating the grass alongside him to see if it tastes good >Doesn't >Get up >There was a couple sitting on a bench about 10 feet away that I somehow hadn't seen >Leave immediately without saying a word >>2703584 # >>2704534 #

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Europeans don't eat onions? Who knew??? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous schizo posting Why are men's testosterone levels decreasing? 01/12/23(Thu)00:46:46 No.71792142 748 KB PNG >microplastics >onions >hormones in meat >preservatives are all causing us men to be weak and onions. think about it sir the average us man has lower t than most women around the world notice how european men aren affected here is why they have >no microplastics >no onions >no hormones in meat >no preservatives europeans dont conume sneed oils or onions the average europeans has a diet of grass fed red meat raw butter and locally grown food this is why they all have high t while americans dont

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anon is a mental health champion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 555 KB PNG 01/12/23(Thu)10:18:20 No.892482563 >8th grade >health class >subject today is mental health >to promote happiness or some s--- we have a piece of paper that in a minute we have people get up and go around and write nice things on each other's papers >couple of minutes go by >"everyone sit back down" >look at my paper with two things written on it >the one good friend I have in the class wrote "funny" >random girl wrote "weird" Years later and I still haven't killed myself. Am I a mental health champion?

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Anon is a programmer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 262 KB PNG 01/12/23(Thu)12:40:26 No.90852730 I got fired today and before I left the office I trashed our software's code by replacing a small block with garbage generated by ChatGPT

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Femanon rigs the communism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 150 KB JPG 01/12/23(Thu)08:49:49 No.71793019 >have a commie bf >he's angry with me because I have sex with his friends what the f---?

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