Anon went to a Chinese restaurant | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous ? 168 KB PNG 12/23/22(Fri)09:39:03 No.891252450 >be me >on a road trip through American Midwest to visit family for Christmas >find a town in the middle of b------ nowhere in Kansas >buddy spots a Chinese restaurant, we decide to stop there for lunch >staff is clearly all immigrants, barely speak English >food was alright, better than expected for such a small town >group of rednecks sat at the table next to ours >one dude stands up as the waitress approaches their table and begins stroking his belly, even pushed out his gut to really make it stick out >the waitress just caressed him like a husband would caress his pregnant wife and said "Oh you have food baby? How far along?" >without hesitation he replied "We're in our third trimester" and sat back down. >waitress walked off like nothing happened nani tf did I just witness?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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anon has an addiction | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>71510305 (OP) # Going through withdrawal from weed right now as I want to be clean for christmas and it sucks >Be teen, do pills 12/23/22(Fri)07:20:58 No.71510387 >Everything is great but run out of money >detox because broke, nothing bad just irritable >In 30s now, have done drugs every once in a while but not full blown like in the past >Weed is legal and has gotten a lot more potent now >Go hard for past several months on weed because it is just weed right? Have not taken anything for several days now and I still get periods where a buzz just kicks in

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Anon wants onions | /r/Greentext

File: 53868bbde78f4[1].jpg (63 KB, 299x382) O YA KNOW WHAT I COULD GO FOR RIGHT NOW Anonymous 12/23/22(Fri)21:09:12 No.71515349 >>71515732 >>71515808 >onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions onions Anonymous 12/23/22(Fri)21:51:25 No.71515655 this is the most quality thread on the board atm tbqh

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Anon thinks he can get laid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/23/22(Fri)15:24:58 No.891239532 >can only c-- on my knees with a straight back >figure this will ruin sex when i finally get laid 8 KB JPG >start laying on my side in bed and c-- so i can break the psychological bug that only lets me c-- on my knees >now i can only c-- laying on my side

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anon doesn't want to be a wizard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 135 KB JPG Everyone keeps telling me I am not trying hard enough. But I am active on three diffferent dating apps. I go outside during the day and try to cold approach women. Nothing is working. I was told it is a numbers game but I have been running the f------ numbers for a decade and nothing is f------ working : Anonymous >>71512333 (OP) # You need to give up 12/23/22(Fri)08:57:40 No.71512333 >29 >turning 30 next year >still a kissless, handholdless virgin >have no clue how to fix this : Anonymous 12/23/22(Fri)09:43:29 No.71512719 : Anonymous >>71512333 (OP) # I'm sorry you have to find out about it this way but sometimes some men aren't meant to reproduce and we all know it and reject you. But you could still have a fulfilling life like Isaac Newton. He was a virgin too. >>71514201 # 12/23/22(Fri)09:45:56 No.71512743 >>71512780 # >>71513051 # >>71513576 # >>71513583 # 12/23/22(Fri)09:50:34 No.71512780 >>71512743 # I dont want to add to science, I want a woman to love me

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Anon is a gamer | /r/Greentext

mgygnunqzi7a1.jpg 1.03 MB JPG >my favourite game? >fatassins creed

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Anon wants his Karma back | /r/Greentext

24m (12/23 9:21) 891239408-3 Re - 0 Img JPG 171KB (1280 × 1280). honkler_pointing_gun_by_nelex5000_dd9sdhs-fullview.jpg 3 Replies >be me >6 months ago, post a greentext about an experience I had with some females >I didn't have a reddit account, but thought the story was funny, so posted it here >My greentext gets put on r/greentext, entitled 'anon finally gets some bitches >36.1k karma >Some reddit f-- got a bunch of free karma because of me >I have a reddit account now >Now give me my 36.1k karma

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Anon is scared of Avatar 2 | /r/Greentext

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anon remembers a YouTuber | /r/Greentext

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Anon's son is a bean enthusiast. | /r/Greentext

File: 1394244474169.jpg-(9 KB, 213x237, bean boy.jpg) Van Camps PORK BEANS BUSH'S Original BAKED BEANS MONSAN PORTUROINT Anonymous (ID: OmfMcGru) 03/07/14(Fri) 18:07:54 UTC-8 No.536117584 Replies: >>536117858 >>536118120 >>536118921 >>536119247 >>536119863 >>536120170 >>536120548 >>536125258 >>536125648 >>536126167 >>536127594 >>536128661 >>536130663 >>536133304 >>536133929 Anonymous (ID: OmfMcGru) 03/07/14(Fri) 18:18:42 UTC-8 No.536119020 Replies: >>536119430 >>536126167 File: 1394245122737.jpg-(15 KB, 250x250, bush-baked-beans.jpg) So my 12 year old son keeps saying that he is a "Bean Boy" At first I thought it was a stupid game after he went through the cupboard reading names of canned s---. Idk why he got attached to the beans in particular, but now he won't even go by his own name anymore, just names of beans (Ex. today he is Pinto). He says that him and his friends are a bean gang called Bean Boys or some stupid s---. I checked his internet history and it was 85% bean related, and his facebook posts are generally bean related as well. I'm sick of my printer ink being wasted on stupid print outs of bean pictures, and I've recently had $400 dollars in plumbing expenses from clogged toilets. Not to mention the general smell I have to deal with now. So what the f--- do I make of this? Should I take him to the shrink? File: 1394244725089.jpg-(29 KB, 509x541, bean.jpg) Anonymous (ID: btBvuc7/) 03/07/14(Fri) 18:17:59 UTC-8 No be very concerned. Anonymous (ID: hNexEon/) 03/07/14(Fri)18:44:52 UTC-8 No.536122829 Just read this to my girl and we both cracked up said the name changes. pic related, he just asked me to print this stupid s--- out. >> Anonymous (ID: +sGujEFD) 03/07/14(Fri)18:09:52 UTC >>536117958 I'll post pics of all the f------ print outs as well as history screens if it means that much to you. Anonymous (ID: QmfMcGru) 03/07/14(Fri) 18:37:22 UTC-8 File: 1394246242699.jpg-(1.55 MB, 2592x1936, IMG_0328.jpg) >>536117584 (OP) This is the best goddamn thing. גללכם My wife isn't sure what to make of it either. She's growing more concerned, and today was kind of a breaking point. He started this stupid jingle "Baked, kidney, black and green. Beans, beans, they make me want to scream!" I f------ hate my life right now. I'm way too embarrassed to have friends over. Also pic related, whenever he sees this commercial on TV he just about s---- himself, like they are talking to him personally about his "hobby". Could he be schizophrenic. Anonymous (ID: kLrhQGgz) 03/07/14(Fri)18:20:16 UTC-8 No.536119247 >>536117584 (OP) 9/10 >>536119430 >>536119863 >>536120170 These are his f------ misprints, like 10% of the daily prints. Hopefully your story means he is at least one of the cooler bean boys as 'pinto' but like I Anonymous (ID: fmQBDZZ1) 03/07/14(Fri) 18:58:32 UTC-8 No.536124698 Replies: >>536125943 I really hope this is real lol Anonymous (ID: QmfMcGru) 03/07/14(Fri) 18:43:15 UTC-8 No.536122623 Replies: >>536123625 >>536123673 >>536128140 >>536128492 File: 1394246595773.jpg-(1.55 MB, 2592x1936, IMG_0329.jpg) >>536124061 Well my twelve year old is doing exactly that Anonymous (ID: QmfMcGru) 03/07/14(Fri) 18:59:30 UTC-8 No.536124827 Replies: >>536125943 He's also spending a lot of time on this forum http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/legumes/ 85% bean related $400 dollars in plumbing expenses from clogged toilets >>536127104 maybe this too? Pics of son coming up, have to sneak them around wife. She thinks I'm doing work on my laptop lol. Anonymous (ID: /yOQD+Ak) 03/07/14(F File: 1394248469735.jpg-(19 KB, 403x403, 2 >this thread >>536121816 When he falls asleep I will try to get a pic of him, he usually crashes on the couch with some cans. My wife has to move him to his bed WITH the cans or else he wakes up screaming about where his beans went. Is there any way to ween him off beans? Should I just let it pass? Maybe I can get him involved with sports or something to take his mind off of it. He was diagnosed with very mild asperger's syndrome but I am really worried that this "bean' obsession could worsen or agitate his condition. >>536127104 like this? >>536123673 >>536123673 I'm not sure, my son is asleep though. and of course he has two f------ cans of beans with him, I'm not sure what they are. This kid is the bane of my existence lately. I love him to death but for god's sake, it's tearing my family apart. My wife is scared to death that his 'addiction' (that's taking it a little far in my opinion) or at least his behavior will pass onto our two younger children. She has even discussed separating them for a period of time by taking the other two to her mothers. I guess his knowledge of beans is mildly MILDLY impressive for a child, maybe he can do agriculture when he's older if he even makes it to highschool. So he became a bean. >>536124827 >>536124950 >>536124698 My son sleeping with his f------ cans of beans. I think they're chili beans, idk I really don't give a f--- at this point. Anonymous (ID: Yyxtc3j7) 03/07/14(Fri)19:17:23 UTC-8 No.536127215 Replies: >>536127731 >>536128084 >>536128361 File: 1394248643714.jpg-(165 KB, 333x493, 010_evil_beans.jpg) Anonymous (ID: BZAdpduN) 03/07/14(Fri) 19:05:43 UTC-8 No.536125648 >>536117584 (OP) what in the m--------- Anonymous (ID: oPeLgZbD) 03/07/14(Fri)19:17:29 UTC-8 No.536127227 Replies: >>536127365 >>536128361 File: 1394248649867.jpg-(282 KB, 800x600, beans.jpg) I am the Bean Boy. 'Baked, kidney, black and green. Beans, beans, Anonymous (ID: xl/PrXBr) 03/07/14(Fri) 19:06:01 UTC-8 No.536125689 Replies: >>536126396 >>536125258 Can't stop laughing, h--------... Anonymous (ID: QmfMcGru) 03/07/14(Fri) 19:07:59 UTC-8 No.536125943 Replies: >>536126072 >>536126082 >>536126207 >>536126221 >>536126228 >>536126345 >>536126697 >>536126714 >>536126839 >>536126873 >>536128615 >>536133978 >>536134127 File: 1394248079140.jpg-(1.76 MB, 2592x1936, IMG_0331.jpg) Anonymous (ID: 1mcBvsDF) 03/07/14(Fri) 19:09:02 UTC-8 No.536126072 >>536125943 Jesus Christ this is hilarious Anonymous (ID: fbCd9wdG) 03/07/14(Fri)19:03:04 UTC-8 No.536125313 best thread of the day today he is Pinto Scream!" >>536117584 (OP) Is he Mexican? Anonymous (ID: +sGujEFD) 03/07/14(Fri) 18:18:40 UTC-8 File: 1394245120782.png-(136 KB, 360x360, 1387257074547.pr >>536118621 they make me want to >>536124873 he needs to respect the fact that am paying out the ass in plumbing fees from the onslaught of sewage being pumped through my house. Not to mention he prints 20+ pages of BEANS, not something important, f--- beans every day. Literally binders full of bean pictures. I can't even hold a normal conversation with my son, and my wife is threatening to leave with the other kids to "get a break". I mean it's not our only problem, but the absurdity is driving us both insane. Anonymous (ID: glL+F8cY) 03/07/14(Fri) 18:20:35 UTC-8 No.536119295 File: 1394245235665.jpg-(15 KB, 246x291, 1394056704234.jpg) wut My sides have ascended to a new plane. Anonymous (ID: gVMsTk+F) 03/07/14(Fri) 19:02:41 UTC-8 No.536125258 Replies: >>536125689 File: 1394247761050.jpg-(15 KB, 194x146, 1394244474169.jpg) >>536117584 (OP) Archive this s--- Anonymous (ID: QmfMcGru) 03/07/14(Fri)19:25:40 UTC-8 No.536128361 Replies: >>536128618 >>536128628 >>536128986 >>536129003 >>536129553 >>536130497 >>536127365 >>536127227 >>536127227 >>536127215 "Bean Boy" Anonymous (ID: gVMsTk+F) 03/07/14(Fri)19:11:39 UTC-8 No.536126396 File: 1394248299781.jpg-(7 KB, 107x91, 13942444741691.jpg) >>536125689 Keep laughing. Anonymous (ID: oPeLgZbD) 03/07/14(Fri)19:14:55 UTC-8 No.536126873 Replies: >>536127104 >>536128361 File: 1394248495565.jpg-(71 KB, 400x300, beans_lead1.jpg) >>536126873 and this? >>536125943 OP so let me get this correct: he is printing off bean pictures like this all day? Anonymous (ID: oPeLgZbD) 03/07/14(Fri)19:16:39 UTC-8 No.536127104 Replies: >>536127215 >>536127227 >>! File: 1394248599069.jpg-(6 KB, 369x281, swedishbrownbeans.jpg) >>536127104 >>536126873 Yes, and frankly some of them are horridly familiar to me. He literally prints them off, orders large posters of the ones he likes, gets them framed, even has some f------ NatGeo documentaries on bean farming and countless Food network chili shows or whatever they are. Anonymous (ID: N0Ov3x8z) 03/07/14(Fri)19:42:04 UTC-8 No.536130663 Replies: >>536130851 >>536117584 (OP) Alright, here's what you do. Go into his room while he is sleeping and slowly put some dried beans into his ass He will probably freak out, that's when you get really serious and tell him he is turning into a bean and if he doesn't stop his s--- he will become bean and will be eaten. Then and only then will your problem be solved. Anonymous (ID: CvC69M0M) 03/07/14(Fri)20:32:19 UTC-8 No.536137631 >>536117584 (OP) You told him he could be anything. Anonymous (ID: 4imdhNWG) 03/07/14(Fri)20:02:53 UTC-8 No.536133458 Replies: >>536133754 This is f------ funny I am the Bean Boy.

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Anon has zero situational awareness | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 7 KB JPG 12/22/22(Thu)18:23:43 No.71509702 >Be me, beta f-- >Walking home, late at night >See woman walking ahead. >Shes slow af. >Eventually I catch up to her. >Quicken my pace to pass her. >She starts walking faster too. bitch w-- >Start walking even faster, my footsteps louder than before. >Still cant pass her, see her look over shoulder a lot and fumbling in her bag. I wise up for once >Stop walking and just let her jog ahead. >I think I even hear her s-- or gasp. Maybe I should have just spoken up and let her know I wanted to pass her.

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Anon is Bill Cosby, in Game of Thrones | /r/Greentext

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Anon has the spirit of Quintus Fabius Maximus | /r/Greentext

Culture Crave @CultureCrave A federal judge has ruled that movie studios can be sued under false advertising if they release deceptive movie trailers Traducir Tweet Total Victory /tv/bros, let's go!!! Anonymous 12/22/22(Thu)14:55:13 No.178207516 >>178207601 >>178207646 >>178207686 >Yes, I want to sued Disney for the horrors called Sequel Trilogy, Kenobi, Book of Boba Fett, etc. >I want to sued Amazon for the horrors called Rings of Power, Wheel of Time >I want to sued Hollywood for ruining some many beloved franchises, for ruining action genre with cliches, simpism, sjw, etc. HOLLYWOOD DELENDA EST!

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