Anon wants to play pokèmon | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 245 KB PNG 11/30/22(Wed)17:20:28 No.52436539 >door bell rings >probably my copy of Violet I ordered >get really excited to finally play it and run to the door >accidentally step on my dogs head and crush her skull I've been crying for the last two hours f--- pokemon

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon watches The Dark Knight | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/23/22(Sun)12:11:19 No.175938836 >Let's wind the clocks back, Ahmeer, Theresa Coops, Ann Layers, Woody Dare, Chris, Amy Yu, Eymeen, Watts Avind, Draggo Bellsoff, Yu-Se, Agie, Lyke Meek >"Lyke Meek" >Agie, Lyke Meek, *ahem* Cee, Eyno, Wyatt Yu, Chooshto, Hyde, Ora, Lyndell, Gremp, Sarah P. Seytionsin, Brodahligh, Eyno Wyatt, Yosophrade, Tolougo, Owtatite.... Tabet Ma'han, Loucie, Tabet Ma'han, Haze Ho, Gotham, Yu'Re Trubellors, Ann, Foarch, Natalie, Dent? Heebs, Justhine, Baggings, Ann Asfoe, Theo Sivens, Socal Pylnn? Tabet Ma'han, Haze, Knojry Dixon, H---, Will Finn, Heebs, Ann Myka, Heem Ski'Wheeler, Eyno, Ski'Wheeler, Wu-hen Ey'Semin, Rand... 20 KB JPG Did he really need to name everyone at the f------ table after saying "Let's wind the clocks back a year?"

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Tranon sees the true reality of things | /r/Greentext

File: Big_Boss_TPP_infobox.png (120 KB, 300x300) Gonna redpill you on the real reason that Britain is so transphobic Anonymous 11/29/22(Tue)21:34:42 No.28556361 ► There was a 1930s FTM in Britain, part of the aristocracy. When he transed he legally skipped like 15 places ahead in the queue for title inheritance. British aristocrats still haven't gotten over this and want to ban transition because it makes their inheritance system too complex. They hold most of the power in that country and laws there exist to continue their power. Not even joking or memeing, this is the primary reason they are so incredibly hostile to trans people. And of course f--- Mr Windsor. Tiocfaidh ár lá etc etc etc >Opting for a private trial so as not to have his personal life exposed to the general public, Forbes agreed to an examination by doctors and to pay for the legal fees of the prosecution. Although the doctors defined Forbes as having "female anatomy with some male characteristics", he was able to use some obtained tissue of the testes from another individual to act as his own, resulting in him winning the case. This allowed for a legal precedent for trans individuals to win cases of primogeniture inheritance and became a threat to the aristocracy of the time, resulting in them silencing the results of the court decision so that it could not be used as a reference in subsequent trials. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/02/books/review/the-hidden-case-of-ewan-forbes-zoe-playdon.html https://lordslibrary.parliament.uk/women-hereditary-peerages-and-gender-inequality-in-the-line-of-succession/ https://www.thedailybeast.com/sir-ewan-forbes-and-the-landmark-trans-case-that-got-hushed-up-for-decades https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hidden_Case_of_Ewan_Forbes

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la creatura | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Dios mio 12 KB JPG 11/01 la creatura 12 Replies / 1 Image

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An innocent dog dies because of buttseggs | /r/Greentext

File: 1385097571576.jpg-(213 KB, 625x882, sadlebron.jpg) Anonymous 11/22/13(Fri)00:19:31 UTC-5 No.517378963 >be 17yo me >alone with gf at her house, her parents out >commence nudity on living room couch >asks if I want to try something new >next exit: brown town >put it in her buttz >meh, everything I hoped for and less >decide to keep going to get the xp >hear car door slam in driveway >ishouldprobablyheadout.zip >pull out too fast >explosive torrent of diarrhea erupts forth upon withdrawal >stomach, d---, and thighs all covered in doodie >all over couch and rug too >gf to scared to be embarassed >tells me she will blame the poopoo mess on her dog >hurries me out back door as her parents enter >decide to hide for a few minutes and see how situation plays out >after a short while her dad brings dog out into back yard >pulls handgun out of jacket >shoots dog in head >mfw jesus dog died for our sins

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Anon dreams realistically | /r/Greentext

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Pepe’s pp is no good | /r/Greentext

Anonymous [SAD PEPE HOURS) 132 KB JPG 11/30/22(Wed)14:32:09 No.889972328 >go through sad breakup >get tinder to cope by finding a hookup >finally find a chick that'll let me shag her >red flags but I'm sad and lonely so do her >two days later there are pimples on my d--- >s--- s--- s--- s--- did I get STDs >be extremely retarded so try to pop the pimples with beedles in hopes of getting rid of whatever I have >next day there are more so go to doctor >"anon w-- were you doing. You can't treat std like that anyway. And that's not even std. Apply this anti bacterial cream and keep good hygiene for a week, you'll be fine." I'm all clear but have permanent scars all over my d--- >few months later with a cutie at my place getting heated >she sees my d--- "sorry anon I'm not comfortable" >leaves Is it over for me /b/? How will I ever explain this to my future partners? I have a d--- of shame.

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Femanon doesn’t like rice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)08:24:14 No.51022884 >on date with qt boy >we get indian food >he orders chicken korma with rice >"i can't eat rice, it reminds me of maggots" >"oh really, anon? that's... interesting" >"yeah, when i have rice in my mouth i just think of that video with the guy with maggot invested gums" >"i've never seen that" 10 KB JPG >show him the video >he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom >ten minutes later i ask a male waiter to check on him >"there's no one in the bathroom, miss" >mfw why do i always sabotage myself like this? why can't i just be normal?

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Anon discovers what a high-fiber diet can do. | /r/Greentext

y tho Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue) 15:24:09 No.699763279 [Reply] >>699765064 >>699765233 >be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster >apparently things with loads of fiber is going to save my filthy soul >"Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" >go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars >the hole is plugged >SOS >the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks >i dont s--- that day >next day i fiber myself up even more >i dont s--- that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon >can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore >i dont s--- the third day >i dont s--- the fourth day >thefinaldaydawns.mp3 >i have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way >the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me >it's whistling >just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss >suddenly stops >this s--- is so solid it feels like i'm giving a--- birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray >the rock is shot out of my a------ at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins >a fart that could do more damage to the ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting s--- bullets out of me >solid and prefectly round nuggets >the smell is killing me >blacking out >the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks >iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg >my guts are yelling in german >sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly >most of the s--- isn't even digested at this point >just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat >after an hour it finally seems to be over >im shivering and crying >both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet >gondorcallsforaid.rar >shakily wipe my ass >completely clean

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Anon gets it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous doja cat's taste in men 1.32 MB PNG p---------- and vidya. 11/30/22(Wed)19:44:12 Reminder that you could get a girlfriend if you had a career and/or a decent, charming personality. Stop blaming your appearance and "chads", you're just an unlikable f----- that needs to hit the gym or get an interest past niche Anonymous >>71201145 (OP) # I do gym and ride motorcycles Where is my gf >>71201174 # 11/30/22(Wed)19:46:45 No.71201171 No.71201145 : Anonymous >>71201171 # >i lift weights >i like MUH MOTORCYCLES 11/30/22(Wed)19:47:39 No.71201174 so what you could be as boring as a brick

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anon questions if it was worth it | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 194 KB JPG 04/08/22(Fri)16:00:16 No.68124623 >Order tendies on Grubhub >$30+ tax + driver benefits + mandatory tip It has truly become a doggie dog world.

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Anon has to choose | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)14:36:34 No.4294466 You enter a white room. To your left is a beautiful woman made lawful to you, to your right is an orangutan with a xylophone. You can only spend 24 with one of them, who do you choose? >>4294468 # >>4294509 # >>4296477 # Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)00:31:15 No.4296477 >>4294466 # There is one answer, and no other. Let me paint you a picture. >you enter a white room, nothing inside but two doors. >one labeled "beautiful woman", other "xylophone Orangutan" >you go into the "beautiful woman" door, 24 hours of non stop nagging about random s---. >go into orangutan door, the hippest primate you ever did see is staring at you >the only thing in his eyes is pure happiness at what's in front of him >you both jam out together, taking turns on the xylophone >you bid him a-due, and say your eternal goodbyes. >you remember him fondly for years to come >one day, your in a dark alleyway, and getting mugged >suddenly, you hear the sounds of a xylophone. >your mugger is knocked down with the force of 1000 notes >"you saved my life all those years ago, now I save yours, Ooo ah ah" >you shed a tear

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what the actual fuck? | /r/Greentext

what do? Anonymous 11/29/22(Tue)21:33:41 No.71192618 ► >be me 20 year old M, straight white guy >i walk into starbucks and i see this really cute barista >she is packin my g, like im talkin DD boobies, and the best hips you can dream of >i casually walk upto the counter diddling my keychain that i hooked upto a lanyard with a lego stormtrooper keychain on it >my first opening line is "you really know your way around cream, mind checking mine out?" she playfully ignores me as if she heard it thousands of times before >im determined, i will tap that. >my 2nd opener "hey baby, can i call you a large, so you can smack me across the face and say Grande instead?" she playfully smirks towards me as if she wants to f--- me, i keep my composure and order my usual (Iced Caramel Macchiato w/ onions milk a doubl whipped cream) >as i wait for my drink, my mom calls me and shes super mad (i forgot to empty the dishwasher, and she went into my room and it f------ stank) >i casually explain to my mom, that my musk isnt something to laugh at, its a sign of strength and respect >my drink is ready and go back to pick up my drink, the barista is looking as cute as ever and is practically busting out of her tight outfit >i get a erection >i quicky rush to the bathroom with my hands covering my erection >im super embarrassed, but it feels really f------ good, i start thinking of that shawty barista >i start stroking my monster c---, and i immediately c-- thinking of the cute barista with her double D t------ >i quickly compose myself and exit the bathroom and grab my coffee from the barista and i say "so when do you get of-" >as i said this my hand touched her hand and i immediately came, due to me c------ literally seconds prior my b------- has yet to recover and i immediately faint with a stain on my jeans Anonymous 11/29/22 (Tue)21:34:39 No.71192630 ► stalk her for weeks >Anonymous 11/29/22 (Tue)21:38:01 No.71192662 ► what the f--- is this. is it true. is it real > Anonymous 11/29/22 (Tue)21:40:14 No.71192687 ► break into her house and c-- on her shampoo

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