Anon is a tree | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous Secret story time: >be me >be tree >have wife beside me >we have many children >we have many friends >we hang around with each other >we stand by each other >we never leaf each other >we be happy >suddenly a wild human appears >takes small pp branch out of pants >jerks it >c--- all over soil >soil close to wife >rain >water drops take c-- into soil >c-- reaches my wife's roots >sudden wide eyes.. Leafs open >she takes every drop >I can't look >I can't look away >I can't an hero 11/29/22(Tue)12:11:03 No.889921177 >mfw I'm forced cuck tree >free me pls

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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anon lives in a surrealist painting | /r/Greentext

File: fad0560742203e717145a17c9(...).png (261 KB, 474x415) File: 1330818979295.jpg (22 KB, 397x407) Mom is driving my dad to the hospital Anonymous 11/20/16(Sun)06:17:25 No.67631629 ► >>67631791 >>67634405 >Brother tried to hang himself >He's and idiot and tied the rope across his chest instead of his neck and was hanging off the ceiling for like 20 minutes wondering why he hasn't died. >Heard my dad shout that he was doing it wrong and that he was going to show him the proper way to do it. >Dad tied the noose and put around his neck and jumped >My brother had to cut him down, but dad's is having a hard time breathing. >Now my mother is driving my dad to the hospital and my brother to the mental ward. I f------ hate living in Kentucky. Anonymous Ⓒtfw from Kentucky Anonymous >>67673809 >>67673987 >>67681773 Anonymous 11/21/16(Mon)01:20:05 No.67667871 ► >>67667961 >>67667665 (OP) That s--- is hilarious. Write a comedy show about white trash from Kentucky pls. >Dad came home after the hospital after showing my brother the proper way to use a noose after my brother had tied the rope around his chest. >We have a 2,000$ medical bill from the ER >>67667961 >that is made completely out of doors Huh? >I tell him to pawn or sell his motorcycle to help pay it. >He's going to sell his truck and ride his motorcycle to work, even if it snows. >We are all going to have to ride on the back of his motorcycle if we want to go somewhere. Please get me out get me out get me out of this state I need to get out. Anonymous 11/21/16(Mon)01:22:22 No.67667961 >>67668028 >>67668039 >>67668296 >>67669187 >>67669694 >>67677048 >>67678545 >>67678633 >>67680270 >>67680931 e: it's beenoneofthosedays.jpg (20 KB, 320x240) kuzukuzu 11/21/16(Mon)01:24:03 No.67668028 ► >>67668291 ile: 1455484740807.jpg (57 KB, 282x266) 11/21/16(Mon)01:16:01 No.67667665 >>67667871 This is my family I can't write a show about them. Besides they would f------ know it would probably be me. One time I posted a picture of my neighbors house that is made completely out of doors to a local paper and he came raising hell. >>67667961 >house that is made completely out of doors 11/21/16(Mon)01:24:15 No.67668039 >>67668291 >>67667814 >>67667871 >>67667915 >>67667973 >>67669772 >>67673702 Anonymous 11/21/16(Mon)02:06:06 No.67669694 ► >>67667961 >go to kentucky >neighbours are surrealist paintings Anonymous 11/21/16(Mon)01:29:56 No.67668291 ► >>67668393 >>67668509 >>67668510 >>67668534 >>67668566 >>67668724 >>67668741 >>67669098 >>67669335 >>67669842 >>67671378 >>67672255 >>67673763 >>67674010 >>67677048 >>67677134 >>67677206 >>67678761 >>67678773 >>67678808 >>67678819 >>67679009 >>67679145 >>67680414 >>67680931 >>67680995 >>67683829 >>67683919 >>67684023 File: IMG 20121211 143610 hdr.jpg (1.44 MB, 2448x3264) >>67668028 >>67668039 Yep.... Made completely out of doors. And not only is his house made out of f------ doors, He ALWAYS makes door puns when someone walks by. -

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Anon picks up his bro from school | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 41 KB JPG 11/30/22(Wed)07:29:00 No.71194563 >Walking to our local high school to pick up my little bro >Hes grade nine >When I get there I stay near the end of the property and light a smoke >The bell goes off and kids start leaving >Two kids walk past me playing on switches >Seen my bro play with these two before after school >Theyre arguing whos better a charizard or garchomp (had to look up the second one afterwards) >One of them asks me and another older guy smoking too whos better >I only ever played crystal but I know charizard so I say the dragon >"See I told you charzzy's more fuckable" TheFuckDid ThisKidSay.mp4 >They both keep walking talking about which pokemon have bigger cocks >Me and the other dude just staring at each other >Throws his c-------- saying "My kids into the cod thing not a f-----" >Bro eventually shows up >As we walk back I ask him if he likes pokemon >"Yeah we're all talking about the new one at school"

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Anon is a businessman | /r/Greentext

File: AvbYvKvM_400x400.jpg (35 KB, 400x400) □ Anonymous 11/29/22(Tue)08:01:11 No.27815425 [Reply] ► >>27816956 I TRADED MY CAR ON LINE FOR WEED I TRADED MY CAR ON LINE FOR WEED I TRADED MY CAR ON LINE FOR WEED I TRADED MY CAR ON LINE FOR WEED I TRADED MY CAR ON LINE FOR WEED IM SO STUPID WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY >> 8 replies and 2 images omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 11/29/22 (Tue)15:59:40 No.27816956 ► >>27817177 >>27815425 (OP) Retarded junkie c---, youd trade your ass for some dope. I pity you and your existence. Get f-----

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Holy Based Theory | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: QtGLbQzk) One excavator 36 KB JPG 03/25/21(Thu)11:33:48 No.313632212 why only one excavator. @O 03/25/21(Thuy11:34:53 No.313632342 Anonymous (ID: K10DLI4U) : Anonymous (ID: bh27XKCQ 03/25/21(Thu)11:35:54 No.313632467 >>313632212 (OP) # how many excavators have you seen in real life? In total? Maybe 100 over the course of your life- with 2 together at most, in one time. My theory is that there are about 50ish excavators in existence, shared across governments. >>313632606 # >>313632647 # >>313632942 # >>313634081 # >>313634372 # >>313634380 # >>313635402 # >>313635512 # >>313636302 # >>313636843 # >>313637711 # >>313637771 # >>313637818 # >>313638460 # >>313638932 # >>313639187 # >>313639207 # >>313639504 # >>313640226 # >>313640500 # >>313641091 # >>313641541 # >>313643474 # >>313644703 # >>313647047 # >>313648253 # >>313649424 # >>313649438 # >>313649750 # >>313649889 # >>313650375 # >>313650607 # >>313651022 # >>313651560 # >>313651612 # >>313651783 # >>313651973 # >>313652257 # >>313652301 # >>313652383 #

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anon is probably, like, 22 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/29/22(Tue)21:27:01 No.71192559 A50FDDAD-92CC-428B-91F5-05838674D204.jpg 148 KB JPG >never got the wife >never got the house >never got the job >never got the car >never got the friends

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Schizo anon and his demons | /r/Greentext

371 KB PNG >>33490814 # : Anonymous 202 KB JPG >>33490864 # >>33486027 (OP) # >the demons watch me s--- and give sports commentary >when i flush, they cheer >they won't stop >>33490894 # 11/29/22(Tue)16:44:10 No.33490814 >>33490777 # stop flushing Anonymous >>33490814 # >trans-atlantic accent >"top of this morning's poop and it looks like anon is having a hard time here! he's grinding one out.." *plop* "..AND WOAH A BIG SPLASH FROM ANON!" *cheer* 11/29/22(Tue) 16:51:44 No.33490864 >"well you saw it here, folks. as you can see anon looks visibly shaken after the fantastic play you just saw. lets get a rewind of that." >"you can see where the expression on his face changed the exact moment when the water touched his bottom." >"water will do that to ya!"

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Anon is 10 steps ahead of the game | /r/Greentext

File: kot.jpg (17 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 11/29/22(Tue)20:50:51 No.71183270 >>71183306 >>71183319 >>71183371 >>71183375 >>71183401 >tfw have to break up with gf because I started to like her too much and if she dumps me first I'd be mindbroken Should I do this at Waffle House, or Taco Bell?

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GreenTextsiFindFunny#4 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 12/19/18 (Wed)16:55:47 No.787733075 Times you've corrupted your younger siblings >Be me >Have weird sense of humor and ironically ree around the house >Twin brother also rees out of irony >I also have a 12 year old sister that repeats alot of things we say >One day my sister is playing outside and I hear a loud ree >Look outside and see my little sister reeing and running home while her friends stare at her weirdly >Hear her yell be gone normie >whathavelcreated.jpg >approach her about her reeing habits. Turns out she thinks it's funny and even does it at school. >ffw a couple weeks and my sisters teacher calls my parents wanting to have a meeting with them >Teacher tells them of my sister constantly screeching ree while in class and on the play grounds >Teacher recommends my sister gets screened for autism >mfw I might've given my little sister autism

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guys....what if...guys wait, what if... | /r/Greentext

F Anonymous 08/26/09(Wed)17:42 No.507336 File1251322942.jpg-(21 KB, 800x437, Sharovipteryx BW.jpg) >>507327 Guys... guys Guys. Guys listen. I have the best ide guys listen I have the best idea ever guys I'll put WINGS guys wings I'll put WINGS guys listen here I'll put WINGS... on my BACK legs.

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Anon is enlightened | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>115014616 # >Anon approaches the Great Philosopher and asks him "Great Philosopher, are large breasts or small breasts better?" 05/16/20(Sat)14:33:32 No.115014871 >The Great Philospher sat in silence for a moment, and then commanded Anon to reach for his wallet. >"How much do you have in bills?" The Great Philospher asked. Anon told him he had $30 in bills. >"Suppose you were to have $30 in coins as well, which would have greater mass?" >Anon told the Great Philospher that it would be the coins, by a long way. >"But which," the Great Philsopher said, "would have the greater value?" >Anon was enlightened.

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Anon fights the greatest battle of his career | /r/Greentext

File: 858F0667-8276-48A2-B2E6-5(...).jpg (10 KB, 249x202) >it starts trying to bite my hand >I throw the duck Times where being /fit/ came in handy Anonymous 11/29/22(Tue)17:11:30 No.69104927 >>69106435 >>69106444 >be me this weekend >on my 3rd date with this girl >we are having a gainz friendly picnic at a duck pond >while we are eating some duck comes up to us >keeps trying to get into our food >it was funny at first but this duck had no fear >keep trying to shoo it away, doesn't even so much as flinch >pick up a stick and try poking it >it gets angry >suddenly tries to attack me >I pick it up >it flies in the direction I threw it but circles back and starts flying right towards me >I'm gonna end this once and for all >I stand my ground and get ready to punch the duck >its flying right right at me >I threw the cleanest punch I've ever connected in my life >hit the duck square in the chest >it makes the strangest noise I've ever heard >it was like sucker punching a human in the gut, but a high pitched quack comes out >quickly realize what I just did >I didn't go full force but still pretty hard, maybe 50% >the duck stumbles away desperately, I think I knocked the wind out of it >it rushes into the pond and swims off >girl is laughing hysterically at what she just witnessed >I punched a duck

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Anon is a agent of chaos | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/30/22(Sun)10:26:00 No.68798222 Hey /fit/ you ever use your autism to mess with people? >Be autistic as f--- >Agent of chaos 5 KB JPG >On ocasion women mistake my lack of knowledge on social norms as 'chad-like' since I'm tall and lift >One day write 'Are you sure' on a piece of paper and put it in my pocket >Walk into some random cafe I've never been in before and never will be again >See a table where a random 30 year old woman is sitting alone on her laptop >Walk up the her and sit in front of her without saying a word >She looks at me confused, waiting for me to say something >I just put the piece of paper on the table, tap it and leave without saying a word >Don't look back, walk out of the cafe before she can say anything Chances are, I'll never see her again, so she'll have to live the rest of her life without an answer

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