Anon fights the greatest battle of his career | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: 858F0667-8276-48A2-B2E6-5(...).jpg (10 KB, 249x202) >it starts trying to bite my hand >I throw the duck Times where being /fit/ came in handy Anonymous 11/29/22(Tue)17:11:30 No.69104927 >>69106435 >>69106444 >be me this weekend >on my 3rd date with this girl >we are having a gainz friendly picnic at a duck pond >while we are eating some duck comes up to us >keeps trying to get into our food >it was funny at first but this duck had no fear >keep trying to shoo it away, doesn't even so much as flinch >pick up a stick and try poking it >it gets angry >suddenly tries to attack me >I pick it up >it flies in the direction I threw it but circles back and starts flying right towards me >I'm gonna end this once and for all >I stand my ground and get ready to punch the duck >its flying right right at me >I threw the cleanest punch I've ever connected in my life >hit the duck square in the chest >it makes the strangest noise I've ever heard >it was like sucker punching a human in the gut, but a high pitched quack comes out >quickly realize what I just did >I didn't go full force but still pretty hard, maybe 50% >the duck stumbles away desperately, I think I knocked the wind out of it >it rushes into the pond and swims off >girl is laughing hysterically at what she just witnessed >I punched a duck

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is a agent of chaos | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/30/22(Sun)10:26:00 No.68798222 Hey /fit/ you ever use your autism to mess with people? >Be autistic as f--- >Agent of chaos 5 KB JPG >On ocasion women mistake my lack of knowledge on social norms as 'chad-like' since I'm tall and lift >One day write 'Are you sure' on a piece of paper and put it in my pocket >Walk into some random cafe I've never been in before and never will be again >See a table where a random 30 year old woman is sitting alone on her laptop >Walk up the her and sit in front of her without saying a word >She looks at me confused, waiting for me to say something >I just put the piece of paper on the table, tap it and leave without saying a word >Don't look back, walk out of the cafe before she can say anything Chances are, I'll never see her again, so she'll have to live the rest of her life without an answer

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Anon watches Spider-Man | /r/Greentext

ile: 9C5440D7-2521-4A81-899F-2(...).jpg (943 KB, 1215x1800) SPIDER-MAN Far From Hame O Anonymous 07/18/19(Thu)16:44:14 No. 108785133 >saw the second spider-man movie >best fight scenes >best story >best villain >best humor >by far the best spider-man movie >possibly the best superhero movie of all time >still holds up 15 years later >pic unrelated Anonymous 07/18/19(Thu)18:23:31 No.108786714 >>108785133 (OP) # Nice one OP, almost got triggered

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Anon is gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous officially volcel Your 104 The number of reste 166 KB JPG 08/01/22(Mon)21:42:14 No.69647009 >work with cute girl >hardly ever talk unless about work >today, approaches me >says some b------- about Taiwan and China (shes Asian) >then out of nowhere >so anon, do you have a gf? >afraid to tell her no >she will find out im khhv >nah, im gay actually haha >f--- >ooohhh that makes so much sense! >my bestie in college way gay too, no wonder you remind me so much of him! >she scurries off as if embarassed what did I just do to myself? 08/01/22(Mon)21:44:13 No.69647045 Argianon >>69647009 (OP) # dude. it's 11pm. you're gonna make me wake my parents up with my laughter

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Anon is close with sister | /r/Greentext

>Be 24, recently divorced, sister 22 >Sister invites me up to college for a 'day of fun' to get my mind off divorce >we hang out all day, go to a movie, have dinner, etc., >go back to her house, continue drinking >"anon... did <older sister> ever do anything... erm... weird. with you>" >No idea what she's talking about, say so, she gets kinda bashful >Ask her if it's sexual stuff, she nods (there's a 6-year age gap between older and younger sister) >Sis admits my older sister used to tie her up, naked, saying it was her punishment, no penetration or anything, but lots of rubbing and feeling, squeezing and spanking >Get really hard as we're talking, she's fidgeting a lot on the couch but also crying >"the worst part about it is... I'm not mad at her for it..." she admits, says she thinks it was just 'kid stuff' >"it's weird though..." she whispered, I still remember her moving her finger around the top of her wine glass as she looked at me and admitted it: "sometimes I still think about it when I'm... masturbating" >she blushed, I blushed, but smiled >she said I must think she's disgusting, and I kissed her >No hesitation, nothing more said, she let me pull her pants and panties down and spread her legs eagerly as I lined up and f----- her >We've never told anybody in the family, but we've probably had sex twenty times or so over the years >She's married now, 15 years later, so it hasn't happened recently, but she used to text me and just say "I was thinking about <older sister> today, have some time?" and I'd always say yes... and then she'd tell me about the two of them and what happened while we touched each other... and then we'd f--- >it has been both weird and wonderful, wouldn't trade it for the world

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Anon helps mentally challenged guy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/11/19(Mon)11:15:07 No.792359077 >be me >gap year >work as nursery assistant at a home for mentally challenged (IQ>70) >one guy is very unintelligent >24 years old >IQ too low to learn how to speak >only says weird sounds >no friends >only hobby is to suck puddles dry >once tried sucking lake dry >puked multiple times >once all got sick from bad food >he didn't because of superior stomach from sucking puddles >one day the home gets a new manager >decides that puddlesucker cannot suck puddles anymore >puddlesucker gets very sad >one time I have the night shift >its raining >see puddlesucker stand by the window crying looking at the many delicious puddles >l open the door >puddlesucker runs outside faster than a 4chan user chasing an icecream truck >sucks on atleast 7 puddles >comes back >gives me big wet hug >mfw guy who doesn't even crack a smile when he sees his family after 2 months, gives me a hug

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Explain this, nerds | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/04/22(Fri)12:08:30 No.896014 320708.jpg 287 KB JPG >750,000 volts are totally dangerous and deadly, trust me bro @kimdaism

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anon wins the game | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: rPXtQ6Nr ) gaming story time 16 KB JPG 02/15/19(Fri)09:29:06 No.203270195 >be me >xboxfag >more of a casual gamer, just play every now and then >pretty good tho >enjoy my time, distracts me from life >enter xxx_pu55ys1ayer_xxx >f------ chad >always joins my games without me inviting him >f---- up whatever I'm doing >makes fun of me >knows I'm a virgin >lol just get laid anon >f------ chad >one day I'm playing cod just doing my thing >he joins >"lol 1v1 me bro" >f------ fine >epicgamertime.jpg >I rain hell upon him with the force of a thousand virgins >he doesn't get a single kill >feelsgood.gif >he's f------ p----- >"F------ AiMbOt" >starts cursing at me >makes fun of me >says I'll never get laid >oh that's it >the camel's back has shattered >plan devised >tell him I'm going to f--- his mom >"...dude what?" >I leave the game and start planning >l use my epic gamer skills to find out where this f----- lives >I show up to his house while he's at school >knock on the door >his mom answers the door with open arms >sweet lady, almost makes me feel bad for what I'm about to do >almost >we go into her living room and make conversation >laughing at all my jokes >I go in for the kiss >she hesitates at first but I'm persistent >manonamission >she gives in to my charm and kisses back >getting steamy >I penetrate her as soon as I hear the front door open >"mom I'm home!" >he walks in just to see me balls feel in the woman who spawned him >look of absolute horror and disgust on his face >he runs out of the house >mom's crying >I leave, my work done >mfw my brother finally stopped joining my games

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Anon loves the holocaust | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 15 KB JPG 11/28/22(Mon)21:45:22 No.71176493 >be me in elementary school >be obsessed with all things holocaust related, not even sure how it started >teacher gives us an assignment to make a presentation about something we are really passionate about >spend 2 weeks making many slides full to the brim with pictures and written information about the holocaust >day of the presentation time comes >most kids make their presentations on things like sports or games they played, went by pretty quickly >well s--- >its my turn to start sharing >start reading from notecards and showing the pictures of the dead jews >teacher stops me about 3 minutes in >"anon, you can stop now" >gets super embarrassed w >get called a retarded nazi until I eventually move schools

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Anon trolls roleplayers in WoW | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/27/22(Sun)12:20:39 No.764144 >>765489 File: 1664120030929671.jpg (127 KB, 1491x1120) >>761240 >be me >playing WoW vanilla in the ol' days >play gnome rogue >go to elwynn forest >spot 2 female night elf doing /emotes text in the small fort near the border >i stay hidden and throw firecrackers everytime it get a bit spicy >they jump and look around the fort every time >they are low level so they cant spot me >uncloak and /dance between the two >tell zonechat there is a an o--- in the fort >everyone come and /dance >we form a raid and go kill hogger in our underpants >lesbian elves included. It was...another time fren, Now everyone would get mad at me for being transphobe or something. But i just roleplayed a gnome.

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Anon was so close to not being virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous TINH LOÀ 737 KB GIF 11/25/22(Fri)10:33:23 No.71120096 >be me >be hitting it off with a european girl on texts >start talking about Mr.H circa 1932- 1945 >she says he was crazy >ask me about him >be funny and eccentric >get ghosted i'm sorry my furhur, looks like i'm going to be jacking off tonight

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Anon found the fated one. | /r/Greentext

>she says yes >omgomgomgomg.png >fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck >she stops for a bit and starts laughing >she sits back Anonymous 11/29/22(Tue)23:36:44 No.71186470 [Reply] Why am I like this >keep chatting for a while >4 am we go back to our homes >be me >have femdom fetish >find a girl online >8/10 >thicc goth girl >talk to her >meet her >we go to a bar >talk about a bunch of stuff about our lives >thatwasanicetalk.jpg >she gets up to adjust her dress >i was sitting down so she got taller than me >while she was adjusting her dress she was looking down at me like i was her slave >accidentaly say "step on me" >decide to man up >ask her to go on a date do you think she is making fun of me right now anon? she probably told her friends what happened. what does this mean

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Anon is a part of the home gym master race | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 88 KB JPG : Anonymous >>46892035 (OP) # u mirin? : Anonymous >>46893265 # jesus christ anon : Anonymous >>46893265 # oh god >>46893476 # >>46893516 # >>46893615 # >>46893771 # >>46895126 # >>46898829 # >>46899213 # >>46899278 # >>46899320 # >>46899483 # >>46901027 # >>46901181 # : Anonymous Who here /homegym masterrace/? >>46899765 # 07/18/18 (Wed)18:45:20 No.46892035 : Anonymous 60 KB JPG 07/18/18 (Wed) 20:12:52 No.46893265 IMG_1043.jpg 258 KB JPG 07/18/18 (Wed)20:28:13 No.46893476 >>46893265 # >Local man kills himself with home made guillotine >Neighboors heard the victim scream "LIGHTWEIGHT BABY!" right before the deed 07/18/18 (Wed) 20:39:04 No.46893615 07/18/18 (Wed) 22:21:51 No.46895126 07/19/18(Thu)03:20:56 No.46899213 >>46893265 # >reverse image search >no matches found

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