Anon is buying a new pc | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories

: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)17:12:03 No.600403702 >new pc arrives sometime next week >have had this one since 2015 >been a good run, it's not broken or anything just getting old and can't keep up >today out of the blue starts acting up, being super slow and s---, task manager not responding tier b------- I think my computer knows it's being replaced and is throwing a tantrum. Should I feel bad for it? We've seen each other naked many times after all 21 KB JPG

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon listening a radio station | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 64 KB JPG 03/29/22(Tue)13:17:38 No.109596398 >*vinyl scratch sound* >YOU'RE NOW LISTENING TO >*car crash sound* >102.3 >*elephant sound* >REAL ROCK FM >*explosion* >WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT ROCK, ROCK, AND MORE ROCK >*glass shattering sound* >*police siren* >THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANNY'S STATION >*imagine dragons - radioactive starts playing*

Anon pranks his friend | /r/Greentext

[2][2470059379224700611032470004012 >be me >fap time >browsing p--- websites >end up finding a hot video of some dude ramming a hot ass girl >ICanWorthWith This.jpg >literally start crying laughing >he asks me what >fapping >getting close >zooms in on girls face >i Stop >finish >devise plan (said friend had pranked me by moving my car and having me think it was stolen for hours) >revenge.jpg >download video, cut out all parts of face close ups >pause the video >holy f---....thats my best friends mom >im 100% sure of it too, I can tell by the voice and the face, ive seen younger pics of her around his house too, he told me she did some "modeling" when she was younger but its all long gone now, i always suspected it was p--- (she told him when she was drunk) >holy f--- >distort audio slightly so voices sound different >send to my friend via email >he thanks me >5 hours later he tells me he just used it, its a great video >literally dying of laughter >keep my mouth shut, go over to his place next day to break the news to him >he tells me the vid is awesome (actually a really hot video) and he used it again >i go online and show him full vid, fast forward to face close up >"you just fapped to ur mom bro" >he freezes, hes in shock, ends up coming to terms with it and runs to the bathroom and pukes >hes f------ p----- but im laughing uncontrollably >funniest moment of my life >to add insult to injury i jokingly say i found ur dad (his dad left before his birth, he has pictures of him but never met him, he jokes about it to lighten the situation) >"oh very funny anon, f--- you" to vid "see dude it was made the same year u were born!!" >leaves room and grabs mom >pulls her in >she freezes at site of video >i go to >actually was...strange coincidence >he says f--- you again then freezes >he slowly walks to computer >fast forwards to close up of males face >the male is Hispanic and he is half hispanic >the video is a c------- video >he runs out and grabs a picture of his dad (picture is from when his mom was pregnant, he left on the 8th month of pregnancy) >holds it next to screen >f--- >f--- >bricks shat >Its his f------ dad >the resemblance is too close to not be...same hairstyle same looks same color skin >w-- >l immediately feel like a piece of f------ s--- >I just revealed to my closest bro his birth was a p---- gone wrong >he starts to cry >she starts to cry >It was true....he f------ just fapped to his conception >I apologize, don't even know what to say

Anon is grateful he is normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT: Scenes that ruined you 707 KB PNG 10/31/22(Mon)13:58:45 No.176277991 >watched MIB2 as a kid >see the scene where the alien lady vores her would-be r----- >spend the rest of my life with a r--- fetish If it had gone the other way I would've killed myself for the good of mankind

Anon does a zoomer-remake of Full Metal Jacket. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/09/22(Thu)10:06:17 No.169343560 fr.png 1.33 MB PNG H >Big yikes! TF is that, Private Pyle? A jelly donut xir! >Deadass? Im shook! Xir yes xir! >Are you allowed to slay jelly donuts Private Pyle? Xir no Xir! >And why not? Because im a thicc bitch xir! EL-E13 >Because you are a hecking chonker, Private Pyle! Xir yes xir! >Private Pyle has been acting mad sus no cap fr, I have tried to help they/them, but I have failed ong. From now, whenever they/them f--- up, I will not punish they/them, I will punish all of you, NO CAP. The way I see it, you owe me one jelly donut. BET.

anon is the jokah (not greentext?) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/22(Mon)19:53:28 No.888275271 >finish watching the dark knight >i feel a personal connection to the joker >"sweety dinner is ready" >i walk towards bitch mom slow and cool as s--- >do you wanna know how i got these scars? 513 KB PNG >bitch mom throw up after smelling my breath >dad walk in and see mom and me laughing hysterically (it looked cool) >"WHAT DID YOU DO YOU LITTLE S---?" >i'm the jokah baby! >dad beat this s--- out of me >tried to laugh hysterically while he beat me but start crying after two second

most sane user on r9k | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.622798957 17 minutes ago I once pretended to have a psychotic episode and smashed a macbook with a bat to keep my brother and his fiancee from stumbling across pictures I photoshopped of her giving birth to me. 6 replies

Anon is suspicious of MrBeast | /r/Greentext

$: Anonymous (ID: EPA9/4cn Mr. Beast, money launderer and(...) 10/31/22(Mon)13:31:28 No.402326552 Mr Beast's video production costs don't line up with his reported income. 502 KB JPG >Mr Beast pays out 456k to a winner of his Squid Game video. Another popular youtuber, Nick DiGiovanni, only paid out 100 bucks to the people who won in his video. Granted, Nick is a much smaller figure than Mr Beast, but even if you apply scaling, he shouldn't be able to pay that much for a single video. >his big payouts are only a fraction of his production cost. Meaning that even if a video does really well, he's still unlikely to make a profit. >he has been involved in crypto, and sells merchandise and branded food. However, food industry profit margins are extremely low, especially for the products he produces (fast food and candy bars). Also, crypto needs to be declared on tax forms and is notoriously unstable. SocialBlade states that he would be making 1.5-24 million dollars a year. After taxes, payouts, and a personal cut, that's not going to be enough to pay for more than one of his videos, let alone a month's worth. While his other channels may make another few million, this still won't be nearly enough. >Teamseas/other charities are actually loopholes for extra tax-free cash. Though it's chump change compared to his major cash cows, these charities have done very little outside of Mr Beast's videos on them. Most likely, he's pocketed millions of dollars from fans and lied about it. >Mr. Beast mentions in an interview that he makes a profit on almost all of his videos. This is very suspect. Anything that has a constant return like this is most likely a scam. In other words, Mr. Beast is running fraud and money laundering schemes and is using high-production-cost videos to make himself look clean. Those large payouts may be an attempt to make others guilty by compliance. There's simply no way he's making his money legally.$