Anon can't fap | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 05/21/16(Sat) 18:04:13 No.28720917 >mom recently bought a UV light to detect cumstains in my underwear and socks >can't fap into the shower because that would clog it >can only acquire tissues through mom, not allowed packs of my own 164 KB PNG >mom carefully documents each tissue I use in an excel table, and for what purpose I'm 22 btw. What the f--- do I do?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is a snitch | /r/Greentext

Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4IljD 133 KB PNG 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >I break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon?

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Anon makes clowns haul ass | /r/Greentext

File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) 3 Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed) 16:03:39 No.726490398 ► story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked b/c Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >I have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks

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cryptobro is depressed (like every other cryptobro) | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: UN4wm31+) 04/16/21(Fri)12:16:26 No.33210599 I'm sick. I'm sick to my f------ stomach. My chad brother never invested in crypto before and he and his gf put a few thousand dollars into DOGE and have made TENS OF THOUSANDS in a a few days. I've been investing in crypto for over 3 years now and my Portfolio is only up 250%. He just decided to buy some because of the memes he saw on twitter and he's out done me already. He out did me in height. He out did me in looks. He out did me in school. He out did me with sport. He out did me with girls. And now he has taking the one f------ thing I had that gave me a sense of worth and he's out done me in that. 20 KB JPG

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spanish anon does some math | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Yb33KPyX ) I 10/30/22(Sun)18:07:21 No.402228051 >>402227540 (OP) # Musk spent $44 Billion on Twitter. The World's population is 8 billion. He could have given each person $5 billion and still have money leftover. I feel like a cheque for $5 billion would be life changing for most people. Yet he wasted it all on Twitter >>402228330 # >>402228359 # >>402228455 # >>402228466 # >>402228507 # >>402228578 # >>402228639 # >>402228680 # >>402228720 # >>402228751 # >>402228790 # >>402228835 # >>402228876 # >>402228912 # >>402228930 # >>402229084 # >>402229182 # >>402229210 # >>402229278 # >>402229319 # >>402229524 # >>402229726 # >>402229922 # >>402229962 # >>402229983 # >>402230099 # >>402230143 # >>402230181 # >>402230219 # >>402230402 # >>402230426 # >>402230431 # >>402230548 # >>402230635 # >>402230834 # >>402230844 # >>402231068 # >>402231236 # >>402231407 # >>402231952 # >>402232035 # >>402232369 # >>402232673 # >>402232907 # >>402233361 # >>402233747 # >>402233992 # >>402234151 # >>402234354 # >>402235048 # >>402235084 # >>402235683 # >>402235937 # >>402235996 # >>402236187 # >>402236230 # >>402236276 # >>402236366 # >>402236372 # >>402238230 # >>402238701 # >>402238743 # >>402239458 # >>402239527 # >>402239976 # >>402240041 # >>402240264 # >>402240995 # >>402241202 # >>402241239 # >>402241393 # >>402241726 #

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anon finds workaround | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 9 KB JPG 10/19/22(Wed)13:01:52 No.70650456 >be sad >want gf >j------- >don't care about gf anymore It's literally that easy

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Yes. I love the chaos and also fear it. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous It was never about free speech (ID: bX7SWHBT)8 10/28/22(Fri)08:35:43 No.401874041 Trending NORGE 158K Tweets AEDABCC7-59C9-4D6B-963B-C46BB4B62BEE.jpg 9 KB JPG This is all you ever wanted.

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Anon will never recover from this. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I f----- up real bad 119 KB JPG 10/31/22(Mon)14:18:13 No.888267263 >Be me >Make fake instagram account of some unknown pornstar to make fun of people >Get some people to write with me, they actually think im real >Gears turning >Let the retards pay me for fake nudes >Make 1000 bucks within a month >Some guy, which went to my class in hs actally falls in love with me after spending 300$ on nudes >He sends me a link asking me if im the in the girl in that pic >Panic, thinking he found out and i lose out on a shitton of money >Its an IPGraber >No VPN >PANIC PANIC PANIC >Before i can delete everything he tells me what a sick f--- i am >Delete everything >He dms me, and tells me he wants his money back, plus 50$ >Send it all back >A day later he tells me to send him another 50$, or he will tell everyone what i was doing >Repeat 4 times, im out of money cause i spent all of it on lol / ov skins >He actually posts it >i nearly fated when i saw his ig story >Nearly all of the girls that i liked blocked me >Got 7 unopend dms of guys i took money from, with very, very harsh threads Its over isnt it

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based grampa | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 30 KB JPG 12/24/20(Thu)15:55:31 No.61536939 >be me, family over for Christmas Eve >grandpa comes over too, he's sort of a nerd and loves older comic books >go to my room because I want to be alone >start watching Attack on Titan and hear a knock at the door >"hey anon, whatcha up to?", it's my grandpa >decide he's nerd enough that he would get anime >start showing him attack on titan and explaining lore and showing off figures i have >he looks super interested and smiles a lot and eventually leaves >mfw later overhear him asking my mom if i have any learning disabilities

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Anon’s brother was a degenerate | /r/Greentext

54.4 kB JPG >Brother died from being an overweight weeb who hardly ever left his f------ apartment >Have to clean out his apartment and sort through anything that the family wants to keep >Totally bagging his 4K computer setup >Go to his closet to sew if he has any boxes to put his s--- in >Open closet and Hell follows with it >Bad Dragon Dildos >Ball gags >Female Vagina and ass molds >A scrap book is also in the degenerate pile of filth >Its cut outs from everyone in the family and my wife plastered onto pornographic images >Bag nothing >Tell Apartment owner nothing in there is worth saving >Tell him to call a dump truck >Cry

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Anon kills his dishwasher (OC) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Fk 23 KB PNG 06/26/19(Wed) 23:44:10 No.53097331 >be me >put knife in dishwasher >She dies >Mfw

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definitely not an accident | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 22 KB JPG 10/31/22(Mon)05:51:15 No.70795580 >be me, early 20s >use tinder, set my age range looking for MILFs >accidentally swipe right on my mom >mfw : Anonymous >>70795580 (OP) # I guess you'll at least save some money. 10/31/22(Mon)06:24:03 No.70795902

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Anon should marry her to assert dominance | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 52 KB PNG 10/31/22(Mon) 02:50:17 No.888240925 >Be me >Birthday, turning 22 >Celebrating with two bestest frens >Having genuine fun for the first time in months, we live far apart so can't meet often or stay in touch much >All is well, until "btw Anon, do you have a girlfriend" >Say "no, haven't met the one I want to marry yet" >Friend looks at me confused and asks "what do you mean by marry" >Respond "well, I want to date someone who I'd be willing to marry. And besides, what if she'd accidentally get pregnant?" >Both friends just laugh at me, telling me to "stop being so serious, abortion exists too" and "you can just bail as well, that's what I did" >w--.jpg >Ask fren 2 what he means >He explains that he had a drunk one night stand with a girl, got her pregnant, and bailed without even paying child support >Shocked, cuz thought he wouldn't ever do something like this >Even worse, the girl was my school crush, genuinely one of the sweetest and innocent people I've met >Ask him how could he just bail >Shrugs, and says "well you didn't take her, and her fault for not aborting" >Confusion, wdym >He tells me she liked me for four years. Something I never once realized before. But in hindsight, it makes sense. >Ask him why he never told me >"Wasn't it obvious, why else would she have wanted to spend time with you" >Mind blank, out of it for the rest of the night >Goodbyes and sleep >Wake up to the frens group chat making fun of me for being a "virgin" and an "incel" >Cry How do I cope with this? Should I just die?

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