anon hires a maid | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 127 KB JPG 01/06/19(Sun)17:04:45 No.789303055 >be me >fairly wealthy but not rich enough to be president >sitting in my house while my house cleaner Maria is dusting >decide I'm tired of not g----------- >get idea >sextortion.jpg >offer Maria enough money to buy some fake ass documents so she could stay in the country >but she gotta do the lickle on my pickle. >"si senior anon, I will do." >fuckingnoice.wav >so while I'm distracted trying to get my underutilized ding dong out of its denim prison she snuck up and cracked me in the back of the head >I black out, when I wake up my wallet is gone and the house is spotless >bitch robbed me >but she finished cleaning the house >well That's how Maria works

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Least pessimistic Thomas Wayne enjoyer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous ? 113 KB JPG 09/18/22(Sun)20:50:25 No.885865492 >be me >get tinder for 1 week >no matches Should I kill myself?

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Anon goes to Starbucks | /r/Greentext

Anonymous This just happened, 137 KB PNG bros! 02/05/20(Wed)21:55:44 No.56597359 >Be me >Drive through starbucks >See girl in front of me look at me through her rear view mirror as she pulls up to the order microphone >She orders and drives up >I order then pull up behind her >She is handed her stuff and pays >I pull up to the window >qt barista hands me drink and says "the girl in front of you paid for your drink" >r...really? Are y...you sure? >Yes, anon! >It hits me that somebody did something nice for me for no reason >I start to cry as soon as I fully comprehend the situation >Barista asks me if I'm okay >Tell her I'm not used to people caring about me and it's been so long since somebody did something nice for me just because >She doesn't quite know what to say >Other car pulls up behind me >I say thanks and pull out while crying and laughing with joy at the same time

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Christmass | /r/Greentext

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Anon pretends to be a white Muslim | /r/Greentext

File: fkKzJ7r.jpg (305 KB, 2928x2928) >> >They're always doing some stupid s--- >Since we're getting close to a week-long thanksgiving break, it's about MUH NATIVE AMERICANS >One of them looks new, vaguely k----ish with problem glasses but still kinda cute holds up sign saying something along the line of Pocahontas being a r--- victim >More experienced bull-d--- feminist is next to her holding up a similar sign >Mention that Pocahontas willingly embraced English culture and was baptized, hardly a victim Anonymous (ID: pjsS60kh File: b5a.jpg (40 KB, 500x744) >D--- gets triggered >Starts winding herself up, "WHY DO YOU SUPPORT R---, HUH? WHY DO YOU SUPPORT R---?!" There is no such thing an gende >Start saying s--- about how it isn't "r---" if a woman willingly submits to her husband as the Prophet Muhammad, Peace Be Upon Him, says women should. >D--- pauses confused Gender estate on a spectrum >Suddenly notices the necklace I'm wearing >Looks at the necklace then at me >Looks like she's trying to judge if I'm some White looking Arab >Start mentioning that it isn't sexism or hatred to ask a woman to act like a woman, it's just acting in accordance with Islam >"Sister, I recommend you read the Qur'an sometime. It can change your life!" >Awkward silence from them as I walk off, look over my shoulder to see the two having a VERY uncomfortable looking conversation. There are y two genders There is only are gender, women are property I pretended to be a White Muslim for about a week Anonymous (ID: pjsS6okh 11/30/17(Thu)09:15:54 No.151488920 >>151490169 >>151490902 >>151491046 >>151491126 >>151491652 >>151491723 >>151491753 >>151491781 >>151491872 >>151491997 >>151492641 >>151492684 >>151492817 >>151493033 >>151493223 >>151493357 >>151493614 >>151493924 >>151494001 >Be at farmers market hosted at local college >See a couple of people selling custom jewelry >See small silver pendent with some dune runes on it >Ask them what it says >"Oh it's Arabic for 'The Greatest', it refers to Allah." >Get devious idea >Buy necklace >"Alaikum Salaam brother." >Immediately seems excited >Introduces himself as Omar >Day 1 >Go to where local feminist club is on campus >Instantly is all buddy-buddy >Introduces me to a few of his friends 11/30/17(Thu)09:17:04 No.151489037 >Day 2 >Go to the library this time >Know I'm in a very 'diverse' campus >Rent a copy of the Qur'an with a VERY visible cover >Quietly read it for a bit >Look up to see some Arab dude looking at me >Smile at him >Conversation turns to politics >Specifically Israel BACK! >He eventually says "Aw-Salaamu Alaikum" almost like a test >We all go to lunch at this middle-eastern food truck >Turns out Omar and the guy who runs it are distant cousins >Still gives us a 15% discount on all the food >Fuckinggreatshawarma.jpg Anonymous (ID: pjsS6okh File: 1507535339735.jpg (247 KB, 730x1095) >"Allah willing, Palestine will be free and the devil's children will be driven into the sea!" >Start showing him happy merchant memes on my phone >Get home to find the absolute madman invited me as a friend on facebook and started sharing merchant memes for his whole family to see. 11/30/17(Thu)09:17:50 No.151489112 >Day 3 >Get a text, apparently Omar invited me to have dinner with his family >Whythefucknot? >"So do you like Fatima, Anon?" >Ask him what he means >Rest of the day is uneventful >Get to his family's house. Pretty middle class >He has a f--- ton of sisters and brothers though >Including one really cute one about my age >Eventually they're all sitting together, it's hamburgers for dinner >All eyes on me >"So anon," Omar's father begins, "How did you become a Muslim?" >Quickly make up some thing about reading the Qur'an about a year or two ago and being inspired by it >ohfucknigga >think I've been found out, don't want to be akbar'd >Eventually make my way over to him >"Everything alright, sir?" >He tells me he wants to talk in private >ohfuck >He smiles >For some reason I'm the topic of conversation all the way to dessert >Dessert is this kind of tasty, candy-pastry thing called Halva >Eventually everyone has eaten, most of the family goes to separate parts of the house, I volunteer to help Omar's mom with dishes >She notices this and instead asks the qt daughter from before to help me instead >Get to talking with her, she's fairly shy but we strike up a conversation about books >She mentions she likes The Lord of The Rings >Tell her to check out the Silmarillion if she gets the chance >Eventually dishes are done and get ready to go home >Omar's dad calls me over to have a chat >Go to a small little room he calls his office >Don't see any computer but see a fax machine at least >He sits at the desk, looks at me >>151492641 >>151492725 >>151493135 >>151493223 >>151493614 >"She's about your age and a good girl. Would you like to date her, Anon?" >Don't understand if this is some joke or something Anonymous (ID: pjsS6okh File: 1507485996468.png (792 KB, 596x1218) >"Not at all! You look like you have a good head on your shoulders. I want my daughter to be with a good man." >Eventually say something about if I have his permission, then sure I'd love to date her >He smiles, says I can go, then calls for his daughter as I leave 11/30/17(Thu)09:18:48 No.151489192 >>151492641 >>151492725 >>151493223 >>151493614 >Day 4 >Get text saying its from Fatima early in the morning >Asks if I'd need a ride to the local Mosque >Ohfuck >Don't know what excuse to make to explain why I can't be there >Eventually say I've got my own ride >She says she hopes to see me there afterwards >Quickly look up a video on how to pray in a Mosque >After Mosque, meet Fatima in the parking lot >Her mother drove her there, no sign of her father though >Barely get any of it but rush there anyways >Mosque is pretty simple, mostly follow the motions of everyone around me >F------ hurts like hell on my feet though >Afterwards a few guys try to strike up conversation with me, including another White Muslim >He seems to be treating his faith much more serious than me >Still, ask him quietly why it seems like everyone is so buddy-buddy with me >Says that I'm new and the Ummah wants to give a good impression to me >More than that though, he mentions something about "sadly because of Racial stereotypes" a lot of Muslims LOVE white converts, especially white guys becoming Muslims >They feel on some level that it gives more credence/justification to their faith "when it shouldn't" he adds >Says she has a gaming PC and plays on steam >"Mostly stuff like FFXIV though" >> Anonymous (ID: pjsS6okh File: 1504225085621.png (233 KB, 600x659) >>151492641 >>151492725 >>151493223 >>151493614 >She's blushing when she sees me >Eventually ask if she'd like to grab some Starbucks sometime >I was never really good with girls, but she seems to love everything I say >We get to talking about books, and TV shows, even a few movies >She mentions she likes videogames too >Ask her which ones >Drop her off at her family's house >"Thanks Anon! I had a really great time!" >Feel ontop of the f------ world >holyshit.jpg >Mention I play the game too, on a different server >Conversation becomes much more lively after that, the date's fantastic, lasts the whole day. >It's like she's this perfect balance between modern and traditional 11/30/17(Thu)09:19:22 No.151489249 >>151492641 >>151492725 >>151493223 >>151493614 >Days 5-7 >Seems like the whole Muslim community on campus knows my name now >Will get random Muslims asking how I'm doing >Get invited to parties 10 >Feminists don't seem to report us because we're Muslims and oppressed >Eventually the feminists just stopped coming to that spot on campus >TFW I realize I created a localized no-go zone >TFW I realize I accidentally was enforcing Shariah Law on campus >TFW this is the high life. >I was never invited to parties before >Have a massive amount of Muslim dudes in my circle of friends >We collectively start messing with the Feminists on campus >Some of them go full on "Ehhh gimme da P U S S Y" and s--- in broken english

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Anons autism kicks in | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Autism Please be pofient I have m 37 KB JPG 05/24/22(Tue)09:32:32 No.68757162 >be me in the 4th grade >summer, cleaning the school yard >there's big nut-tree in the yard >classmates throw nuts in each other and have fun >one girl throws dirty nut in me and my white t-shirt is ruined >autism kicks in >imagine myself as Snake from mgs on the mission >sneak past the teacher who was looking after us >get a shovel without permission >dig out a big chunk of mud >yell out girl's name >she turns towards me >throw it at her >hit her face >she starts screaming and crying >everyone is looking at me >autism kicks in 2.0 >remember what dad often says when he argues with mother >say "this is what you get for f------ with me, stupid hag"

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Anon is a shop teacher | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: vlJdNCb6 09/16/22 (Fri) 13:40:29 No.395607362 25 KB JPG >Be me, 50-something white male shop teacher >Slaving away for 30 years, vote for Brandon, see my retirement account drop 75% >Constantly get s--- on for being a f------ white male >One day, get a great idea: "I'll be a woman so hard they'll have no choice but to fire me" >Buy a $5 wig >Buy an XXXXXL shirt and bra >Buy a rubber sex doll >Using a lifetime of shop class ~~mastery~~ primary, slice the doll's 7xDD t--- off with a linoleum knife >Even cut a hole in the bra so the n------ poke out. Wet the tips with old milk >Go to school wearing the 40 lbs of fake rubber t--- >"HELLL-OOO students! My name is and always has been Ms. Ada Lovelace" >MFW they all nod in unison >MFW they all announce they'll respect my pronouns >MFW the staff all nod and call me brave >MFW it's been three weeks and I'm getting a raise

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Rockstar Games employee makes statement on /v/ | /r/Greentext

File: goodMorning.png (443 KB, 900x900) Here to be clarifyings Anonymous 09/18/22 (Sun)13:38:11 No.612530267 Good Morning Sirs, I am representative from Rockstar Games company. Sirs, it seems you are having some misconceptions. I am here to do confirming that the leak is FAKE,, and it did not coming out of India. I hope yoo are understand. Please to be ceasing discussions and blaming India for the fake leak. Thank you sirs. Sincerely, Ranjesh Sofware devloper Rockstar Games

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The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 72 KB JPG >be me >straight >real 09/18/22(Sun)17:08:26 No.885846889

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anon disagrees with communism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/18/22(Sun)13:11:47 No.70259728 I take pleasure in the fact that Russian incels got to f--- German foids in Berlin during WW2. >Chad Russians mostly died during heavy battles at the start of the war 923 KB PNG >Most of the surviving soviets were probably regular guys or full-blown incels on the rear echelons >Muh "ubermensch A----" German chads got killed or taken captive >If a soviet incel worked hard enough his officers gave him virgin k---- girls to f--- >There's tales of older soviet officers making sure their young comrades lose their virginites to K---- bitches >(((Hitler))) was seething the whole time >Literal stories of German chads being forced to watch soviet incels gangbang their daughters, mothers and girlfriends >Peasant incels literally cucked chads >The war turned the incels into sigma males >The once arrogant Germans had to raise half-slavs like a bunch of beta cucks I disagree with Communism but the soviets actually tried to help their incel population.

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Anon is from an alternate timeline | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: bL/fn/Mu 09/18/22(Sun)11:48:47 No.395863331 >Be me in alternate time-line >Elizabeth's funeral is today >F------ hate the monarchy but keep my mouth shut >People will finally shut up about this and move on 10 KB JPG >ohshitecho.mp3 >See a man in the background with a rifle >Charles goes from mutated pug to exploding watermelon in a half second >limos flip their s--- and drive off >GOD F------ DAMMIT NOT AGAIN >National mourning is redeclared >fuckingkillme.jpg 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon observes an abusive relationship | /r/Greentext

coworker domestic abused? 2.64 MB GIF 09/18/22(Sun)07:50:48 No.70257008 >be me >work at 711 >night shifts cause robot that parents don't love him (can't be neet) >my shifts are from 10pm to 6am so coworker is coming to replace me >she enters the store and goes to buy some redbull i think before i punch out >comes to the register >i notice that her glass are broken and fixed with f------ duct tape >trying to make conversation casually ask her about it >oh it's nothing basically the dumbass of my boyfriend broke but it was totally an accident >tears falling but no actual sad expression just red eyes after that i went to throw the trash before leaving my shift and punched out didn't want to ask because i don't wanna hear a 30 minutes story i've already have a 15 minutes drive to my f------ job other thing that i notice is that her boyfriend ALWAYS drops her out and this time i think she with uber/lyft idk anons should i do something or is absolutely retarded trying to piece the story together without actually asking

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Anon has a micropenis | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/18/22(Sun)18:32:32 No.885828819 [Reply] >885832956 >be me >have microbenis >it's literally the size of those small linked sausages >get girlfriend in college >bestgirl.jpg >afraid she will dump me if she finds out >she's a bit woke, not badly though >tell her I'm a t----- and that I have dysphoria because I'm being denied surgery >she buys it >plan to fool her until marriage and hope penis transplants are a thing by then >she bought it too hard >ohno, poor anon is oppressed because he doesn't have a penis >she gets me a f------ strap on as a birthday present >it's type meant for lesbians with the harness and pantries >can't back out now >hide my mini meat inside the panties and f--- her >it's awkward but it works >she's really happy >this goes on for a while until she accidentally sees my d--- >what's that anon? I thought you didn't get surgery? >panic >tell her it's my clitoris, it has gotten larger because of the uhh...hormone therapy >oh why didn't you tell me anon?! That's great, it looks almost like a real penis >she wants to try it >actually get to f--- my girl with my real micromeat, it's obviously not as good as the strap on, but she seems genuinely happy >she praises it, saying it's very realistic and that I don't need surgery >calls it cute >says I'm biologically blessed to have gotten this large a penis naturally, and that it's proof that i'm a man >Mfw

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