candice d--- fit in ur mouth | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 627 KB JPG 08/22/22(Mon)16:26:31 No.884363676 >summer break >mom goes out to run some errands >decide to build something big and dangerous in our backyard >invite my friends >teenage sister notices >she gets p----- and calls mom >mom blows her off 1 Reply >notice my pet platypus has disappeared >the mayor's brother is building some secret death machine downtown >4 hours later >mom pulls in the driveway >his secret death machine goes catastrophically wrong and destroys our creation right as mom shows up >mom comes around back and says hi >teenage sister wonders why we havent been busted yet >pet platypus comes back we're gonna do it again tomorrow. suck it, candace View Thread Anonymous >>884363676 (OP) # is candace just schizophrenic? Every time her mom shows up, everything disappears into thin air 08/22/22(Mon)16:45:14 No.884364545

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Pervy child predator | /r/Greentext

120 KB JPG >stop at Subway to get a sandwich on my way home from work >sandwich maker asked if I was getting off or going in >I forgot to take my work vest off >Tell her I'm getting off >She says "That's good. Getting off is always good." >I replied with, "yeah, until you get asked to leave the playground" I can never go back there

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Turkish people: angery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: (WGRC6MKK Moon Knight got review bombed HOMEPAGE TV NEWS Moon Knight: Disney+ Marvel series getting review bombed for mentioning the Armenian Genocide PUBLISHED BY CAIUS BOLLING 113 KB JPG 04/05/22(Tue)23:33:07 No.371394597 >be me >Turkish >decide to watch that new show Moon Knight that people have been taking about >start watching Episode 1 One of the characters mentions the Armenian Genocide >immediately turn off show and leave negative review online

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Anon feels like a man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>884257641 (OP) # 08/21/22(Sun)01:43:02 No.884259949 >be me 16 >aunt routinely comes after I get out of school just to check up on me and leaves >she's dressed a lot less today >unusually interested in hearing about my day >go inside and she makes me food >put on jackass >horse semen drinking >she laughs and says she's never drank that much >I laugh and ask what she means >she smiles and looks me up and down >I take the hint and drop my pants >she gets down on her knees and starts to slowly jerk me off >grab her head and tell her to open up >she laughs and starts sucking me off >she's really good at this >tell her I'm about to c-- >she looks me in the eyes and starts going faster and deeper >finish down her throat as she gags on my d--- >never felt more like a man in my life

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anon wants validation from the president | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 512 KB JPG 1 Reply 08/22/22(Mon)17:14:57 No.884365859 What should I fix next? View Thread 08/22/22(Mon)17:17:12 No.884365979 Anonymous >>884365859 (OP) # Acknowledge the statehood of Palestine and Taiwan

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Anon wants to be an alpha | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)16:00:34 No.856757888 BB63D6D0-7C0F-45DB-8924-D827EF59137A.png 565 KB PNG >Parents make me visit a therapist because I shat in the shower again >Sit completely still and make direct eye contact the entire time >Answer all of his questions with a question >At the end I shake his hand and look into his eyes >He looks away Is this what being an alpha feels like?

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Anon hit the wagie | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/24/22(Wed)22:42:01 No.69941754 8 KB JPG >be me >Buy blind person cane online >Bring cane to store and put on s----- sunglasses >Pretend to be blind >Find employee working alone >Hit him with cane >He tries to talk to his boss about it but his boss didn't believe him I feel like I accomplished something that day

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anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/04/19(Wed)00:03:29 No.815458622 MATURE S M SARKness Life ²K 220px-Darkness_cover.jpg 25 KB JPG >>815457410 (OP) # >What's the most depressing and soul crushing game you've ever played? Anonymous 12/04/19(Wed)00:03:51 No.815458638

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Anon gets fucked in the ass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous CRISTAL 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >I can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.

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Anon gives his life pro tip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 65 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/06/22(Wed)00:59:16 No.881478452 Based >go to gym >go to toilet share your other life pro tips anons >drop a huge s--- and clog it >don't wipe >walk straight to jacuzzi >use jets to clean ass 07/06/22(Wed)01:17:51 No.881479482 : Anonymous Skip a few steps by just s------- in the jacuzzi 07/06/22(Wed)01:20:16 No.881479599

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female anon gives a tasty blowie | /r/Greentext

>be me, female at 18 years old >Very awkward, always online >At the time I was still sheltered by my mom and dad who were Uber christian >Never seen p--- or anything that bad >Had friends that were weird 52 KB PNG >They joked about d--- cheese and how good it is >I didn't understand the irony and thought that d---- had some sort of stuff that was supposed to be on them >Didn't help that I had never seen a real d--- >I start talking to this quiet, awkward guy in my grade >He's chunky but I like him >Fast forward and we're at his house alone >I offer him a b------ >He gets a bit hesitant but accepts >I see his d--- and it looks like he hasn't washed it in a bit >Smells like fish too >I start sucking and lower his foreskin and it's covered in this so called d--- cheese >I take a big ol lick and realize it doesn't taste so good >I start gagging and throw up all over his carpet >He runs to the shower and begins scrubbing his c--- profusely and apologizing >He says he didn't realize he had any Smegma >I ask what that is >He explains that he does a poor job of cleaning and I just ate his smegma >I begin gagging again, I still have some in my mouth >I don't tell him and give him a kiss, spitting it into his mouth >He doesn't seem to notice >We spend the rest of the night watching family guy >Brian the dog tells some funny jokes and I laugh so f------ hard trying to forget that I just took in a chunk of smegma It's been 5 years, I'm married to this man and he's circumcised now

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Anon gives you a very based reason to start lifting | /r/Greentext

2h (3/3 15:52)-65776112 10 Re 1 Img JPG 57KB (1280 x 720) 6 Replies >Visit my grandma >She needs help opening a jar >l open it without any trouble >Thanks my little Hercules" >We eat together and spend the rest of the day watching her stories Never forget why you lift, bros

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Anon hires a hooker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 238 KB JPG 01/21/21(Thu)20:38:52 No.845378460 >f--- h----- >having sex doesn't immediately solve all my problems w-- bros you lied to me Anonymous >>845378460 (OP) # >he fell for it Got another one, boys 01/21/21(Thu)20:40:30 No.845378539

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