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File:1192563983.jpg-(26 KB, 400x300) Anonymous 10/16/07(Tue)15:46:23 No. 42979025 [Reply] Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack. I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading. "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

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Anonymous DIS-Avowed 11/27/24(Wed)05:30:27 No.695700 VIDEO GAMES 'Avowed' Art Director Matt Hansen Admits To Wanting To Make Elon Musk "Mad" And Hint Game Is Ultra Woke JOHN F. TRENT NOV 26, 2024 - PAID 3 D1 ~ OBSIDIAN MATT_HANSEN ART DIRECTOR OBSIDIAN ENTERTAINMENT OBSIDIAN Matt Hansen the art director for Xbox and Obsidian Entertainment's upcoming fi person fantasy RPG admitted that he wanted to make Elon Musk "mad" with the game. 75486787548769.png 294 KB PNG >"I will make it political just to make chuds mad" >"And i achieved it! i made people mad" >"F--- chuds!" >"Win!" >"W-wait... what's that? my game flopped?!" >"Wait... there are layoffs in my studio? how-" >"P-people didn't like me trying to make them mad!" >"t-they are bigots!" >"F--- gamers! it's rough times for game developers man, this society is failing in so many levels it's unbelievable!" >"Y-you are laughing!, there are families involved and you are laughing!"

File: Screenshot 20241127-155712.png (228 KB, 742x721) Something Happened Anonymous (ID: HG6Lars) 11/27/24(Wed)17:35:15 No.489774321 ► >Polls all indicate a Harris victory, though close >Ann Selzer poll, known as a canary in a coal mine, indicated Harris winning lowa >Trump campaign suspiciously quiet nearing the end of the campaign >Harris campaign had significant energy >North Carolina predicted to be close >Virginia unusually red >The four countries willing and able to f--- with US democracy (Iran, China, Russia, NK) stand to benefit from a Trump win (cause it's destabilizing) >Billionaires cozy up to Trump despite a Harris victory being predicted >TRUMP WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS A REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >WITH AN APPROVAL RATING EQUIVALENT TO CANCER Bros, I'm telling you, something funky happened

☐ Anonymous 11/25/24(Mon) 10:39:13 No. 17295889 >>17295909 >>17295925 >>17295935 >>17295976 >win independence >DON'T devolve into military dictatorship or absolute monarchy >start off with fresh land and an unusually high literacy rate >neighbors are retarded savages who live at the mercy of nature >large ocean between them and European chimpouts >shitgoesdown.jpg >"here tovarish buy my land I need to fund a chimpout" >ok > "here America buy my land, I need to fund my own le chimpout" >ok >"hey America there was a chimpout in Texas we'll join you (and won't secede later) if you help" >ok >*doubles land in two years* It's amazing how well they took advantage of what they had. Many nations have completely fumbled the bag during their development. What went so right?

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Touch of a woman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 939 KB GIF 08/10/22(Wed)16:44:23 No.69755059 >Be me >Hate Women >Go to Mcdonald's to order some tendies >Cashier is a stacy, must probably f----- a lot guys in high school now she hit the wall now she has to support a kid who's father is unidentified lol >Cashier gives me a smile and shows me a bit of kindness with the most softest calm voice >Literally break down in the middle of my order. >It's like my hate has just been lifted by an angel >Why am I like this?

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Anon got ghosted too many times | /r/Greentext

9 KB JPG > be me > 19, virgin > started trying this year > first girl on a date > holded hands > ghost after week > second girl > we kissed on the first date > after week got ghosted > third girl > fell in love with her > completely nice girl > we were cuddling, she was calling me honey > after month got ghosted Now I am broken > fourth girl > we kissed, holded handes > ghosted > the last one > perfect girl > she asked me for contact and out by her own in public > after week got ghosted Ok anons I am done. WHY TF DID SHE ASKED ME OUT TO GHOST ME!!!!??? ARE GIRLS JUST MENTALLY ILL? CANT THEY JUST TELL ME WHY I AM F------ DONE BOYS. I AM NOT EVEN DOING SOMETHING SPERGY I AM JUST NICE AND TRYING TO BE MYSELF

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Anon asks a provocative question | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 58 KB JPG 11/24/19(Sun)20:12:58 No.55496843 >>55496890 # why don't you just date an attractive woman? >pleasant to look at >sex is better >will make you happier and more confident : Anonymous Why the f--- didn't I think of this, thanks OP 11/24/19(Sun)20:14:27 No.55496858

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Anon needs help. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 25 KB JPG 07/02/22(Sat) 09:05:00 No.881232571 > be me > straight > find p---- gross > still find women attractive help

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Femanon hates women | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/09/22(Tue)14:21:09 No.69740926 463 KB JPG >go to bookstore >male cashier >he treats me with respect, we have a small back and forth banter, talk about the books I bought, how there's a movie coming out based on one >probably could've talked longer if there wasn't a line forming >overall pleasant experience >buy lunch after >female cashier >she looks like she hates the fact I exist >go to second bookstore after >female cashier >can hear her coworkers shittalking me (also women) >"It's only one interaction, he'll go away soon." >I was the only person they were serving why

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Shortstaff, short shaft | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 65 KB JPG 08/10/22(Wed)17:01:48 No.69755198 >get a text from my manager in the group chat >PLEASE, WHOEVER IS OFF TODAY CAN YOU PLEASE VOLUNTEER TO COME IN? ANYBODY? WE'RE UNDERSTAFFED! Lol, no thanks. I'm gonna j------- to hentai and smoke pot all day.

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Anon’s daughter plays metal gear rising | /r/Greentext

>married, with a six year old daughter >wife hates violent videogames and doesn't want me playing them with daughter in same room >my little girl loves some of the violent stuff, but I do draw the line obviously >she absolutely loves, loves, loves Raiden, Sam, and the MGR: R cast of characters. Mostly likes Raiden and Sam over the rest of them. >get a phonecall from school, saying she was in a fight. >have to leave work and address this mess >principal explains to me that she punched a boy who made fun of her, stood over him and said, "Show me a good time, Jack." >I almost, almost started to laugh and had to brush it off like a cough. >had to ball my fist over my mouth, excuse myself. >"Anon, do you have any idea where she learned this?" >"No sir, but I will talk to her about it." >We made it five steps into the parking lot before I lost my s---, imagining my daughter standing over some little s--- with her arms spread saying, "Show me a good time, Jack." >got her ice cream, had a heart to heart, and had to play it down when wifey got home Kids are a treat sometimes.

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Anon is a Doctor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/22(Wed)07:30:43 No.883633418 >Be me, Dr. Anon. >Spend 9 years going through medical school, residency, and fellowship >Get a job in the ER. >A lady comes in, overdosed on Fentanyl >Narcan, put her in the vent for airway protection. >She finally wakes up. Buck f------ wild on the vent. I talk to the ICU doctor, he says no reason to admit her. She's good and we'd have to really sedate her to keep her on the vent. >Take her off the vent. Bites me. Draws blood >Refuses to take a HIV or hepatitis test. Have to take the prophylaxis. Get diarrhea. 50 KB PNG >Her boyfriend comes. He's a "club promoter." Thanks me for saving her life. Tries to recruit a couple of nurses to make a movie with him. Security kicks him out. >$400,000 in student debt >I was a weeb in high school and college. Never left my room, just drew s----- manga, and s--- posted on 4Chan. Decided to straighten my life out >Look at me now. FML

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anon is a prophet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous HOLY BIBLE KING JAMES VERON 234 KB JPG 07/14/22(Thu)00:43:46 No.69400717 I'm a (diagnosed) autistic incel. When I was a child I liked to read but my mother only had a Bible, so I memorized entire sections of it. I met a 37 year-old woman a while ago (I'm 22) and she ended up believing (for whatever reason) that I'm a prophet of God. I am very lonely so I started to entertain her delusion and now I feel like I can't come back. We are together and she says she considers herself my wife. I like her and she behaves like a mommy gf so I don't want to lose her but I feel like this s--- will end up crashing and burning. What the f--- should I do?

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anon is dreadful (repost because i broke rule 4) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 59 KB JPG 03/31/21 (Wed)17:56:24 No.63001106 >Feel like I should be doing something >Don't know what >Vague sense of uneasiness that I'm not doing it

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Anon picked the wrong side | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous My 8 KB JPG 08/10/22(Wed)06:41:50 No.69753491 >it's Odin mfw >be me >atheist ass the whole life >on my deathbed >really want to see heaven before going to the void >murmur "I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior" as breathing the last breath >everything becomes white, I can see a gate >"aww sweet this is heaven"

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Anon outsmarts his superiors | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/24/21(Sat)00:53:44 No.852792905 19 KB JPG >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and I'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol >next day I get called into the guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday

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Greentext Stories - Candy Eugenics | /r/Greentext

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File:1192563983.jpg-(26 KB, 400x300) Anonymous 10/16/07(Tue)15:46:23 No. 42979025 [Reply] Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack. I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading. "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

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