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Anonymous 47 KB JPG 07/29/22(Fri)17:49:41 No.69605349 >you're on a date with a girl >she's a solid 9/10 >at a restaurant >just sitting there and she's talking >"so yeah, i just moved into [town] from [city], and I-" >she stops suddenly >you hear her let a little poot rip >she looks super nervous >a bead of sweat rolls down her forehead >BRAPPPPP >the place goes silent for a few seconds and then goes back to normal >it starts to smell a little bit, a mix of stinky and flowers >she buries her face into her hands and cries >"wahhh i just pooted wahhh" she wails wat do in this situation?

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Anonymous 38 KB JPG 06/08/21(Tue)19:51:50 No.146433504 >have a coworker who is Dutch >we both need to go to the same project the next day >offer to drive and say I will pick him up >he says thanks and gives me his adress >the next day I drive over to his home >he isn't fully ready to leave yet but offers me to wait inside >he asks if I want a coffee >say sure because I didn't have my morning coffee yet >his wife makes me a coffee while he finishes getting ready >drive him to the project and drop him back of at his home in the evening >he says "thank you so much for driving anon!" >get home myself >hear a notification comming in on my phone >it is a 'tikkie' for 0.50 EUR from my Dutch colleague for the morning coffee I had at his place

Anonymous 11/27/24(Wed)23:29:29 No.146551057 1713812614849717.png 1.49 MB PNG ITT: we pretend we're in Gotham Anonymous 11/28/24(Thu)08:34:28 No.146555487 I was waiting at the bus stop and next thing I know Im at Batmans feet with a broken collar bone and three weeks missing. Turns out Mad Hatter put one of stupid hats on me when my back was turned. Work says theyve already filled my position and theres nothing they can do I hate this city I hate this city Anonymous 11/28/24(Thu)08:36:40 No.146555501 I was blowing a dude in crime alley but his c--- tasted funny. Kinda... earthy? I looked up and it was Clayface. Called me a f-- and ran away laughing. 69 KB JPG

Oh my GOD just talk to actual women, we're all horny and unhappy too you're not special you f------ weirdos New York Post @nypost- Apr 15 Tech exec predicts 'Al girlfriends' will create $1B business: 'Comfort at the end of the day' trib.al/XORAIML : Anonymous (ID: P3y3PZCt >talk to women ew weirdo >dont talk to women ew weirdo 11/16/24(Sat)11:35:50 No.488637069

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Anon‘s wife‘s car gets booted | /r/Greentext

most effective at cutting through this thing? An oscillating multi tool? An angle grinder? Something else? I don't care about noise. They can call the cops, what are the cops gonna do? Unfuck their car boot that I fully plan cut in half, destroy, and throw in the river that's 1/2 mile down the road? Make me take down the post I plan on making on google reviews and yelp about this s--- hole parking lot? F--- these guys. Honestly, the louder and more destructive the tool the better. I hope the parking attendant hears me. If /diy/ suggests an angle grinder and the multi tool I'll do both. I just want something that will destroy this godforsaken thing. Anonymous 06/08/22 (Wed) 21:08:25 No.2402736 ► >>2402739 >>2402762 >>2402777 >>2402779 >>2402883 >>2402884>>2403274 >>2403375>>2403388 >>2403402 >>2405098 >>2405422 >>2405788 >>2406805>>2406814>>2407187 >>2402730 It's f------ predatory. My wife paid $30 to park there for the day, and the machine didn't give her a receipt. Attendant said it was fine, they can tell by the plate. She gets back to the car, it's booted. She asks the attendant what the deal is, he says he has no idea who she is, she didn't pay, so she got booted, and it's a $200 fee to remove it. She shows him, the same guy who told her it was fine, the transaction in her bank app. He says it isn't enough proof. Pay or leave. Looked the place up on google, tons of similar stories. They just don't fill the paper for the receipt machine and boot at random. My wife drives a shitbox though. I'll destroy the goddamn car before giving them a f------ dime. I don't give a f--- if the cops come. Let's dispute it. F------ retards. What are the cops gonna do? Too bad, I'll destroy that boot before they f------ get there. Trespass me, I'll gladly leave and see these f------ retard animals in small claims court. I'll buy a boot, follow them home, and boot their cars, and see how they handle it. I don't give a f---. Not today assholes. >>2402937 >>2402939 Anonymous 06/09/22 (Thu)04:14:14 No.2403038 >>2403047 >>2403051 >>2403062 >>2403064>>2403070 >>2403071 >>2403102 >>2403130 >>2403174>>2403178 >>2403207 >>2403258 >>2403259 >>2403262 >>2403273 >>2403277 >>2403278 >>2403284>>2403302 >>2403303 >>2403328 >>2403350 >>2403377 >>2403384>>2403461 >>2403538 >>2403565 >>2403566 >>2403569 >>2403570 >>2403593 >>2403599 >>2403680 >>2403687 >>2403743 >>2404045 >>2404064 >>2404180 >>2404206 >>2404211 >>2404257 >>2404364 >>2404372 >>2404415 >>2404491 >>2404493 >>2404498 >>2404499 >>2404514 >>2404517 >>2404520 >>2404532 >>2404570 >>2404907 >>2404917 >>2404982 >>2404985>>2404996 >>2405003 >>2405124>>2405153 >>2405161 >>2405259 >>2405358 >>2405427 >>2405448 >>2405451 >>2405453 >>2405564 >>2405586 >>2405792 >>2405807 >>2405847 >>2405875>>2406034>>2406241 >>2406263 >>2406817 >>2407138 File: IMG 4953.jpg (3.68 MB, 3024x4032) Alright here's your update f------. Pic semi related. Went to home depot with the intention of buying a makita angle grinder and cutting wheel since I have batteries for it, they didn't have makita. Got my cobalt drill bits and took my impacket wrench, drill, and impact driver and went to the parking lot. >park on curb outside of lot >stare at guy in the booth from my car >keep staring until he notices me >probably look unhinged at this point, sweaty, breathing heavy, I've been in a blind rage for hours >he keeps glancing at me and I don't stop staring >lets see where this goes >he starts running over and yelling >I have pic related >>2402739 >>2402742 >>2402749 >>2402761 >>2402779 >>2402884 >>2402890 >>2402919 >grab my bag of tools >head over to wife's car and before he even leaves the booth I start drilling >blast the air horn again >keep drilling >stop drilling, blast the air horn in his face as soon as he gets close >he just stands there shocked >keep drilling >he starts talking >he tries saying something >stand up and blast the air horn at him >blast the air horn >get back down to drilling >he tries yelling again >my ears are ringing I can't even hear him now >I'm still in an autistic rage, don't have any real set place I'm drilling I'm just trying to damage the boot while he watches >he starts yelling >blast the air horn directly in front of his face >people walking downtown and the two other people in the lot are all staring now >over the airhorn blasting I hear him mention taking the boot off >I'LL TAKE IT OFF JUST LEAVE >he goes to get the keys and I keep drilling it >he runs back EP24402730 It's Anonymous 06/08/22 (Wed) 20:49:24 No.2402721 >>2402723 >>2402724>>2402725 >>2402729 >>2402749 >>2402757 >>2402800 >>2402827 >>2402839 >>2402890 >>2402931 >>2402937 >>2402948 >>2403061 >>2403228 >>2403248 >>2403250 >>2403255>>2403371 >>2403548 >>2403857 >>2404569 >>2405104 >>2405126 >>2406083 >>2406111 >>2406464>>2406781 >>2406803 >>2406809 >starts unlocking it >as hes bending down and unlocks it and starts grabbing it off I put the airhom next to his head and let it rip >he doesn't say anything else and just runs away to the booth >get in wifes car >go pick her up >come back for mine >>2406825>>2406827 My wife fell victim to a predatory parking lot and got her car booted with pic related. I already have several Makita 6.0ah batteries. I refuse to pay their $200 fee to remove the boot, and would rather spend any amount of money possible to remove the goddamn boot myself. I'll damage the tire if I have to, I don't care. What would be the >stare at him as I get in my car and pull away as slow as possible >pic related Story My we paid $30 to park there for the d $200 to the car it's booted She asks the attenda the place up on google ting of similar stones. They put don't the paper for the opt m to remove it. She shows him, the same guy who sed My wife drives a shibor retards. What are the cough destroy the godsame car be animals in smal slams court I buy a book blow them h 39 No 2402738 Anonymous 06/06/2 222402727 322402732 You litt en wikipedi hat are the cops gonna do? Too bad 13 desoy tu bora hegn Anonymous 05/01/2 224027263 godspeed. Kawin Van Dam N for the day and the machine didn't p dat he says th Yas sobat is the best but they're Rementer when the tow Ayon 1852 17:14 N Gde of the tots per SHORELIO ARINS Marine/Sport HORN Kateau/Sport Ine port AL wie w Tede ¹ Dimensions LxWxH Style 3.5 Oz. Vehicle Service Watercraft Type About this item • SAFETY EQUIPMENT: Make a loud and powerful sound when in emergency with the Shoreline Marine Air Horn Pump recommended for boats up to 64 feet. Important for every boat emergency kit, this horn pump makes a loud noise and heating water skiing, and sporting events. AUDIBLE FROM 1 MILE: T boating air horn meets the US oast Guard requirents for boats. You can be prepared. with any kind or emergency as it emits a loud, powerful alert sound that travels a mile away! It is capable of producing sound up to 120 decibels.

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Anon makes eye contact | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 393 KB PNG children? No.168921963 >put on Nickelodeon so my dogs can listen to some cartoons while I step out of the house for a few minutes >Seinfeld is playing W--??? Why are they showing Seinfeld to 06/01/22(Wed)16:50:54 Anonymous can you look at me when you're talking? 06/01/22(Wed)16:55:44 No.168922082 232 KB PNG >>168922110 # >>168922189 # Anonymous 06/01/22(Wed)16:56:52 No.168922110 >>168922082 #

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Anon is a dietitian | /r/Greentext

Anonymous MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN i18sfs669ee91.jpg 21 KB JPG This is the man republicans want to run in 2024 Anonymous 07/29/22(Fri)03:59:11 No.882903005 >>882903005 Gam gam is that you? Anonymous 07/29/22 (Fri)04:00:20 No.882903038 07/29/22(Fri)04:02:53 No.882903119 >>882903005 F--- man, the way he eats at 78 years old, he's not going to live more than 3 years, 4 tops.

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anon's close to living his dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Times you made it 47 KB JPG 07/29/22 (Fri)21:25:56 No.882917876 >be me >fat loser >work dead end job after dead end job >Haven't felt genuinely happy in a couple years >most nights are just playing vidya and drinking 40s to sleep better >wanted to be a professional driver as a kid >Buy a used vw GTI and fix it up >Start working out and see myself better >Get the offer of a lifetime when cars in shop with specialist >Get asked to become a test driver for a major European car manufacturer >Childhood dreams flooding back I think im gonna make it bros

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Anon on the new GTA game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 6 KB JPG 07/28/22(Thu)08:04:45 >people are given the option to have the first black male US No.607201264 president >they take it >people are given the option to have the first female US president >they reject it >people are given the option to have the first black male GTA main character >they take it >people are given the option to have the first female GTA main character >.....?????

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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous What does it taste like? GUFF FACTS f Scientists say that cockroach milk is 3 times more nutritious than cow's milk. 24 KB JPG 07/28/22(Thu)00:39:15 No.18158904 how do you milk a roach?

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Anon notices a pattern | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/27/22(Wed)07:37:56 No.240688867 File: 53996042_p0.jpg (69 KB, 724x1023) What the fock >be me >late 20s >only 3 girls have ever expressed interest in me >had sexual relationships with each of them >they all had abuse/r--- fantasies Is this a common kink or do I just look like a f------ r-----?

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Caveman Anon Does Not Like The Future | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 27 KB JPG 07/29/22(Fri)09:13:03 No.882911180 Berries related >Be me, CavemanAnon >We are the first humans >Shaman uses future crystal to show us year 2022 >There are things called trannies >There are women screaming R--- Culture >There are strange and terrible creatures who say they are Woke and want to make their enemies into slaves >The future old tribes are run be confused old men and hags >The clan talks for 3 days >We decide to eat the death plants. The future is too horrible

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Anon is horny | /r/Greentext

File: FF19E613-0308-4460-BOF7-9(...).jpg (27 KB, 350x360) >one message >it's from mark zuckerberg >"nice a------ bro" >mfw Anonymous 07/29/22 (Fri)11:13:59 No.882916266 sometimes smart tech can backfire on you. here's an example. true story. >be me >horny >need dildo >go to dildos r' us >find 'smart' dildo >it's got a chip in it or something >neato.jpg >go home >take dildo out of package >python destroy_asshole.py >clean dildo and wash hands >open up facebook

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Anon explains why Harry Potter is actually dumb. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/28/22(Thu)09:54:18 No. 132072243 ► rereading the Harry Potter books made me realize Harry was pretty dumb tbf >there is a troll on the loose in the castle and Hermione is in the bathroom? better go there instead of telling McGonagall or Dumbledore or any teacher or prefect >takes part in the triwizard tournament because muh goblet's magical license agreement or some s--- despite him not putting his name in it so he could've said "nah Im not doing this s---. you wanna force me? will that goblet magically make my head explode if I dont participate?" >misses pajeeta p---- because he has a crush on a girl he talked to twice last year and because Ron is a jealous sperg >doesnt ask out the cute autistic outcast girl despite being an outcast in most of his life while growing up with the Dursleys, probably could've gotten along best with Luna out of all (2) of his girlfriends >dates his best friend's sister which is a major NO because if they break up with heat it endangers his friendship with Ron >does all the s--- in sixth year Dumbledore asks and never tells him "listen here old man, what's the actual deal?" >Slughorn is the only person who knows how many horcruxes Voldemort made - doesnt suggest Dumbledore they should put veritaserum in Slughorn's ginger ale and ask him what's the secret number is >grew up among muggles but never suggests they should take out Voldemort with a Dragunov sniper rifle

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anon is a thing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 5 KB JPG 2 Replies / 2 Images : Anonymous 35 KB JPG >>882902084 # : Anonymous >A thing. 6 KB JPG 07/29/22 (Fri)02:23:11 No.882901969 07/29/22(Fri)02:23:32 No.882901985 >A Japanese thing. View Thread 07/29/22(Fri)02:26:43 No.882902084 >>882901985 # >a Japanese slimy thing

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Anon move into new room with gf and feeding her the roaches | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 112 KB JPG 07/28/22(Thu)18:52:29 No.882887188 >be me >move into new room with gf >new place has a small cocroach problem but not nearly as bad as our last place >ffw like 3 days >gf brings home spiderbro in a bottle she found at work >brownwiddow.jpg >alr cool >put spiderbro in a old pickle jar terrarium >spiderbro builds webs and chills >start feeding her the roaches instead of killing them cuz why not >start pretending the roaches are little jews I have to capture and put in spiderbros jar (concentration camps) >Thank you spiderbro >pic unrelated Also general spider thread

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Greentext Stories - Anon is in a sticky situation | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous 47 KB JPG 07/29/22(Fri)17:49:41 No.69605349 >you're on a date with a girl >she's a solid 9/10 >at a restaurant >just sitting there and she's talking >"so yeah, i just moved into [town] from [city], and I-" >she stops suddenly >you hear her let a little poot rip >she looks super nervous >a bead of sweat rolls down her forehead >BRAPPPPP >the place goes silent for a few seconds and then goes back to normal >it starts to smell a little bit, a mix of stinky and flowers >she buries her face into her hands and cries >"wahhh i just pooted wahhh" she wails wat do in this situation?

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