Anon goes to the local cafe | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 16 KB JPG 05/15/22(Sun)03:29:54 No.68633467 >go to the local down coffee shop >"down coffee shop"? it's a coffee shop but all the staffs have extra chromosomes >$15 for a cappuccino w--.docx >expected it would be expensive for charity reason but mama mia >the coffee isn't even good it's the most generic one I've had, like instant coffee >go to the counter >"how much will you tip sir?" >tell the tard I will tip -50% (negative fifty percents) >tfw he really types it in the computer >"it'll be $7.50 sir" I swear I won't go to that place anymore

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon Needs it | /r/Greentext

233 KB JPG I NEED TO CUDDLE A GIRL (FEMALE) SO GODDAMN BAD THAT IT'S EATING AWAY AT MY SOUL I NEED IT I NEED IT I NEED IT I NEED IT I NEED IT IMAGINE MAKING OUT WITH A GIRL ON AND OFF ALL DAY JUST LAZING AROUND IN BED FONDLING EACH OTHER, PRESSING YOUR BODIES TOGETHER, KISSING, HUGGING, SAYING THAT YOU LOVE EACHOTHER HHHH F--- FALLING ASLEEP SPOONING, HOLDING HANDS, DRIFITNG OFF AS YOU LISTEN TO HER SOFTLY BREATHING, HER BODY GENTLY RISING AND FALLING AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 07/22/22(Fri)12:40:19 No.69510976 07/22/22(Fri)12:41:17 No.69510985 : Anonymous : Anonymous >>69510968 (OP) # >IMAGINE MAKING OUT WITH A GIRL Nope, can't imagine it

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Anon is trying to win the lottery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/22 (Fri)00:46:13 No.882478415 MEGA MILLIONS BBF46B0F-7EA0-4243-9C0F-AE073E9163AE.jpg 149 KB JPG >"H-------- DUDES!! MEGA MILLIONS JACKPOT IS AT 600 MIL RIGHT NOW! WE GOTTA GET TICKETS! WE COULD BE RICH BY THIS TIME TOMORROW!!! >WHY ARE YOU STILL SITTING THERE!? GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND BUY LOTTO TICKETS RIGHT F------ NOW OR YOU'RE GONNA MISS OUT!!!

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Anon meets a sigma | /r/Greentext

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anon visits 4chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 58 KB JPG 05/21/21(Fri)11:55:01 No.854939517 Never again >be me, 3 days ago >curious about 4chan >sounds like a good time, figure i should check it out >click on "random" >scroll for a few, see some t--- and laugh at some green texts >you laugh you lose thread pops up >open it >met with a video of a dog being blow torched in the face

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Anon is not a 4channer anymore | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/22(Fri)18:16:52 No.882495672 256 KB PNG Hatred and anger is the key anons. > be me > 1 year ago > depressed > 3/10, fat, greasy hair, clueless loser > asked out a 8/10 qt > she played me, lied to me and then rejected me and made fun of me > depression was replaced with hatred > started going to the local gym 6 days per week > lost 40 pounds in 3 months due to extreme anger whitened teeth > new cut > ngl guys I lvl uped from 3/10 to 7/10 actually. I have strong jawline etc > week ago I went to a club > met 8/10 actually nice girl > dating her now > everything seems fine and today lam going to sleep at her place The point of my story is that depression and anger can be used as fuel for reaching your goals. I am actually happy for the first time in my life :,)

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Anon has poop issues | /r/Greentext

07/22/22(Fri)11:08:33 No.882492940 >25 years old living a normie life >At work sudden thundering need to s--- >Try to make it to the bathroom. Fail, liquid feces running down my legs. Make it to the stairs and out to my car without anyone seeing me. I drive home sitting on grocery bags to protect my car >This happens 3 more times in 2 days: in the grocery store, at the gas station, and at a restaurant >Go to my doctor he says maybe it's irritable bowel or ulcerative colitis. I go see a specialist and get a whole bunch of tests. : Anonymous POOP POOP 50 KB JPG ganaratucnat >Meanwhile I've started wearing an adult diaper that's specially made for holding in poop smell. >I go through 4 or 5 diapers a day. I lose a lot of weight. I've stopped hanging out with friends. I barely leave the house >The doctor says there's nothing wrong with my bowels. Sends me to a psychiatrist >The psychiatrist takes 6 months to tell me what's wrong. I s--- myself in his office every appointment >He tells me I have a latent sexual paraphilia for scat and diapers. Probably subconscious sexual desire for my mother. >Turns out I'm a diaper boy. I start dating mommies. Now I only poop when mommy wants me to. Then she cleans me up and we have sex >I'm a disgusting freak >Later virgins

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Anon bangs a 48-year-old woman. | /r/Greentext

File: eb8e989d-53c6-45d8-baed-d(...).png (145 KB, 250x237) >basically up to my elbow >she keeps telling me to go deeper >imgivingitallshesgotcaptain.jpg >I think I can feel her organs >killitwithfire.jpg >refuses to suck my d--- unless I eat her crusty-ass p---- >the thought makes me gag, so I slip a couple fingers inside instead >it's cavernous >act like I'm really turned on and ask her to hand me a condom so I can get my forearm out if her wizard sleeve of a vagina e mimeally Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)17:13:43 No.28127385>>28127462 >>28127636 >>28127773 >>28127838 >>28127915 >>28128098 >>28128125 >>28128246 >>28128288 >>28128431 >>28128473 >>28128474>>28128601 >>28129009 >>28129597 >>28129819 >>28129840 >>28129974 Well, fit, I banged a 48 year old >match with said 48 year old on tinder >looks decent, never f----- anyone older than me >I'm so sorry penis you're about to take one for the team >f--- her from behind >whynot.png >text for a few days, agree to meet up this morning >get there, lady isn't the worst looking, 5/10 (probably a 7 when she was younger) >chill in hot tub for a little while Cabe min >she mirin' my barely-out-of-dyel physique >take things inside >we get naked, her t--- have big old scars on em >pokerface >her p---- is brown, shaved only down to the lips, and looks like a tarantulas leg below. Got dingleberries of God knows what >can almost forget that she is nasty until she starts rasping in a spooky skeleton voice about how good my d--- feels >feels like f------ the lubed-up fold of loose jowl >erection fading fast >faked c------ because I couldnt take it anymore >360ed and moonwalked out of there talking about getting lunch with a friend >there isn't water hot enough to scrub away my shame >settled for a bottle of gin (inb4 f--) How was your Tuesday morning fit? Also beta stories Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)17:37:20 No.28127847 >>28127865>>28127880 >>28127981 >>28128005>>28128141 >>28128601 >>28128772 >>28128784>>28128921 File: 6f007c80-24d7-4bc0-8aec-9(...).jpg (12 KB, 192x245) WORRY lumps and crevasses. Ba >>28127425 OP here, I guess it never occurred to me how much damage a baby does on the way out. 19 year old FWB p---- is tight and smooth, basically just a hole, she gets off on fingers two knuckles deep. This old lady vagina had STUFF in it. The bottom was like the slippery spine of an alien, and there were all kinds of fleshy Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)18:00:54 No.28128288 ► >>28128316 >>28128406 >>28128601 >>28128815 >>28128854 File: 0Bwax.gif (132 KB, 58x130) >>28127385 (OP) My sides have left earth. /fit/ I am op's brother, little did he know I would find this post. He will never live this down. Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)18:02:01 No.28128316 >>28128350 >>28128406 >>28128854 >>28128288 how did you know its your brother if he didnt tell you? im assuming you found out about these events from the thread. Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)18:03:44 No.28128350 ► >>28128406 >>28128316 He showed me that picture a few days ago. Being a regular grey bush basher I recommended he do it. And yes, I did discover this through this thread. Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)18:07:30 No.28128406 >>28128439 >>28128451 >>28128517 >>28128536 >>28128542 >>28128601 >>28128623 >>2812867 File: 9e72583e-b639-47e2-ae59-8(...).png (536 KB, 1080x1920) >>28128288 >>28128316 >>28128350 :( So proud of you Kill me O Messages About NA 0.0000 48 away active 8 minutes ago Lolololol 2:58 PM MMS About I'm a lady and the dating kind Am I buying what your selling? Holla at me and I might holla back. Jankety Janksters need not holla. You have to be a gent, funny and smart! Where I'm from I'm known as a tall UG NN Enter message I knew that was you!!! 2:59 PM Hahahaha omg 3:01 PM Moments I made a mistake 3:00 PM So proud of you 3:01 PM 2:43 PM Kill me 3:01 PM 3:05 PM

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Anon gets introduced to the bidet masterrace | /r/Greentext

1h (1/13 1:35) 870574284 22 Re-12 Img JPG 575KB (1125 x 1085) ITT: S--- stories, I'll start >be me >have really bad intestines >s--- ~5 times a day, always painful >staying in japan overnight due to flight cancellation >room I'm staying in has a bidet built into the toilet >it even self-cleans, h-------- >never used a bidet, decide to give it a try >get surprised by a jet of icy toilet juices shooting into my ass >not just against it, INTO it >my colon is filled with water >feels like I haven't s--- in a week >push it all out - including s--- I wasn't able to push out before >feel a lot emptier >huh.jpg >try it again, less surprised this time so I relax my butthole >blow out even more s--- >haven't felt this good in months >still feel something, so fire volley #3 >this time, I s--- out water that's brown-red >something plugs the hole >water building behind it >feels like I'm about to force a golf ball out >push with all my might >feel my ancestors lend me their strength in my time of need >finally feel it come barreling out of me at Mach 2 >spherical, black turd fires out of my ass like a musket ball >sounded like someone fired a 120mm howitzer into a bathtub >turd hits bottom of toilet with enough force to make a clank >feels like I dropped the soap >sit there for a few minutes, letting out 10-second farts >occasionally sputter and squirt molten brimstone >the bowl looks like someone loaded Nutella into a blunderbuss >the smell is unlike any other s--- I've had >like sulfur and blood, with a hint of rotten flesh >the funk of 40,000 years >toilet water spills out of me like some f----- up toilet hentai >but I have never felt f------ better >mfw years of bowel problems get cured by power washing my shitpipe >mfw the toilet thanks me in japanese >mfw that f----- cleans itself, leaving no remnant of the Siege of Bungholia I dream of the day I can recreate that s---, but it has yet to come. Someday, /b/ros.

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Once and future king | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12 KB JPG 07/22/22(Fri)09:28:19 you guys ever think life isn't that bad because at any other time period it's always been s-------? No.69507933 >have a comfortable clean bed at all times >people used to sleep in shacks on concrete slabs >have an air conditioner and proper heating >people used to just suffocate to death in heat >have a fridge and freezer >can just reach in fridge and grab a perfectly cooled beer or food item >people used to have to keep wheat in a pantry and eat soup every day >people used to be peasants farming out in the brutal heat every day >people used to be tortured to death >people have been forced into war >people used to literally eat vegetables and bread for most meals >your village could be attacked any time by invaders : Anonymous >>69507933 (OP) # yeah but they all got laid eventually 07/22/22(Fri)09:30:41 No.69507959

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Anon didn’t want to take care of someone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous PLEASE PATIENT HAVE AUTISM 07/22/22(Fri)12:22:08 No.882504554 142 KB PNG >Be me >2 Days ago, mom calls me >Sup? >You're going to meet CJ, remember how your cousin's husband has a sister, who has a disabled kid since she's a crack fiend? That's him, and you're going to meet him and take care of him every once and a while. >No. Not doing it. >Yesyouare >No, I'm f------ not. >You're such an a------, you're a terrible person. So, am I the a------ in this situation? I have never met CJ, OR his mom. His mom did not specifically ask for me. I was straight up volunteered without my knowledge.

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anon writes an erotic short story | /r/Greentext

0 My fantasy with Miki Motoi Anonymous No.10389682 >I f--- her so godamn hard she becomes a paraplegic >the end thanks for reading

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Anon is self aware | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 76 KB JPG 07/22/22(Fri)02:01:50 No.69500201 >"If you're that desperate to lose your virginity anon then just talk to an escort" Did you guys miss the part where I'm autisitc

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