Anon gets pick pocketed | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

1• #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon makes a friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/30/22(Wed)17:21:48 No.68004316 >>67999780 >be me >asleep >dream of large parking lot >be parked next to fancy lime green sports car >plan to steal it 8 KB JPG >l approach the car cautiously >There is a chimpanzee in the car >leave the car >take the chimpanzee home >Me and the chimpanzee just enjoy eachother's company. >Me and chimpanzee become best friends >become mutually attached with the chimpanzee >Really feel comforted by his presence >Wake up I miss him so much. I think I want to pursue a career in chimpanzee research, just to bring back the emotions I felt in that dream. F---.

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Anon uses a microwave | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/31/22(Thu)07:53:04 No. 17629434 >>17627812 >be me >want frozen texas toast >dont want to wait for the oven >the box explicitly says not to microwave >no box tells me what to do >grab a random plate out of the cabinet, put texas toast on it >activate microwave >immediately lightning shoots out >OH F--- THĚY WĚRENT KIDDING AROUND >yank it out >realize its a plate with metal rimming for a split second there i really thought the texas toast was causing the lightning

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Anon is feared | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/22(Thu)15:01:38 No.68008908 >Be at new factory job >Only temporary until the navy are done vetting me >Bunch of female Polacks work near my station >Obviously talking s--- about me in 168 KB JPG their language >Sometimes they speak to me in an insulting tone >So to piss them off I respond in fluent Norwegian or my thick Ulster Scots/Lallans dialect >They get confused and unnerved >One time the English floor manager swore at me for a non-issue and tried to grab my shoulder >I swatted his arm away and shouted at him in Norwegian and called him a f------ eejit >Didn't even get a warning but the staff mostly avoid me now >One of the Polish teen girls tried to put a chocolate sweet in my hand >Heard that's an insult in Eastern Europe >So I threw it the bin and called her a gulpin >She teared up a bit >One of the Polish boys asked if l'm German >Asked him why he would think that >Tells me the Polacks have been calling me the "scary guy who speaks German" I'm glad that l'm feared. Intimidationmaxxing is the best way to deal with normies. Don't care if I get fired desu. If I have to neet I will.

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Anon is 100% tard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/19(Mon)13:39:16 No.795305556 >We are 10% gay >20% overweight >15% never going to find a mate >5% employed >50% lard >And a 100% reason to remember 33 KB PNG the retard

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Anon doesn't understand POV | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)08:34:48 No.873658473 > Hot 9/10 at soup kitchen I volunteer at >She's honestly one of the most pure people I've ever met >Laughs at my pathetic jokes, gives me vending machine snacks > Unironically the nicest girl ever 26 KB JPG How can I make this literal angel fall in love with me anons 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)08:36:24 No.873658519 Pour hot soup on her and s--- in her face you a------ : Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)08:37:46 No.873658557 >>873658473 (OP) # Just keep being yourself, it seems to be working anon. Why on gods green earth would you come to /b/ for advice about how to make girls LIKE you?

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Anon learns about korean culture | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ? 06/28/17(Wed)17:57:22 No.1223025 Ask a Korean that is proud of his country anything 40 KB PNG 243 Replies / 19 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: OE0PIP66 ) 06/28/17(Wed)22:54:10 No.1225455 >>1223025 (OP) # Pepsi isn't a f------ country retard

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Anon plays an offensive word in a professional Scrabble match | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 3 minutes ago 3b0b62000bcb438de50e28e5b50edbbc.png (151.5 KB, 640x699) 875377680 N, >in the high school Scrabble championship final >my opponent is a black guy who's won it 4 years in a row >nearing the end of the game, i'm like 10 points behind him 1 >his turn >he plays his word, i'm now losing 201-185 and he has one letter left >notice he left me an opportunity to get a triple word >he probably thinks he's in the clear and just wants to end the game on his next go >the letter he's left on the triple word line is "N" and my letters are "R", "I", two "E"s and two "G"s >notice I can make a word i probably shouldn't play but it would put me ahead by 8 >if I played it I would just have one "E" left which I can put somewhere else if he passes on his next go >the word I can play is obviously "n-----" but it's offensive and my opponent is black >even if he was white it would still be awkward >not entirely sure if I'm even allowed to play this word so I ask for the book of words allowed in Scrabble to check >i check, it's in there strangely >still hesitant to play it but I really want to end this f-----'s win streak >i say f--- it and play it >the audience of 7 people gasps >score is now 201-209 >opponent doesn't say a word, I feel kind of bad >we both have one letter left, I presume he just has a weird letter which he can't put anywhere >his turn >he looks at me in the eye and smiles then picks up his letter >it's an "S" >i already scanned the board, there's nowhere he can put it >while i'm taking a drink of water I hear the crowd gasp and a few of them cheer >he f------ added the "S" on the end of my word to make "N------" >score is now 210-209 (technically 208 since I lose the value of my last letter) >i go home humiliated >word around school is that when he went to the bathroom a few turns before my triple word score, he saw my letters and set me up to play it so he could add the "S" on the end and win since there was nowhere else to put it on the board

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Anon meets a grill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/18(Fri)00:55:46 No.44958675 >>44958236 # >be 22 >really like grill >everyone at her apartment to pregame >she's really drunk >everyone leaves to go to the bars >l take care of her while she throws up 202 KB JPG >take her to bed >I walk to the door to leave >she stops me saying I should stay >N-no it's not right, you have a boyfriend >put her back to bed >she wraps her legs around my waist >l pry her off >say th-this isn't right >this continues for half an hour >she pulls me on top of her >l kiss her >she starts taking her clothes off >I'm still fully clothed >she's on top of me kissing me >n-no you have a boyfriend >get up and leave >go home and masturbate >>44958833 # >>44959419 # >>44960449 # >>44965811 # >>44968249 # >>44968614 # >>44969231 #

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Anon needs a plan | /r/Greentext

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Anon solves the mystery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)14:20:11 No.165706623 More images Oscar Fictional character Played by: Will Smith Movie: Shark Tale Foodhole Untitled.png 123 KB PNG Will Smith only did this to change what comes up when you google "will smith oscar"

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Anon leaves his house. | /r/Greentext

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Anon gets dominated by a cockroach | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The s------- episode 02/15/19(Fri)09:01:33 No.50985132 >Taking a s--- >A huge cockroach comes out of a little hole in the wall facing me >It just stands there, then turns sideways and twitches its antenna everywhere >Motionlessly stare at it >lt stops all motion too 104 KB JPG >Drop a s--- in the toilet >lt drops a s--- at pretty much the same time >Then it turns around and nonchalantly walks back into the hole I don't know of any words to accurately describe how this scenario made me feel.

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