Anon virginity is protected | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)14:29:47 No.784588026 >be me > 20 yo virgin > finally started talking to a girl > yes.gif > she is a redditfag > send her a greentext meme 107 KB GIF > she blocked me > thankyou 4 chan anon who made that greentext , very cool > mfw

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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anon got ripped off | /r/Greentext

"x934) Anonymous 10/20/19(Sun)19: >go to mcdonalds >order two large fries >they give me around 75 tiny ones

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J.J Jameson learns about the J's the hard way | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)00:03:36 No.160652277 JJJ.jpg 91 KB JPG >Hoffman, you're s------- me; you can't come in? .Seventh Jewish guy to call in sick tomorrow, September 11th. >Yom Kippur? You made that s--- up. You're fired! Peter Parker enters. >Parker! Seen this in the financial section? Silverstein's shorting all the airline stocks. The f--- is going on? 200

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Anon tells the time | /r/Greentext

1418776509444.jpg 10 KB JPG >normie asks me the time >"i dont know" >"look at your watch" >look at her right in the eyes >"no"

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Anon blames it on the cat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:01:25 No.738235551 >be me >be seven >piss all over my sisters bed >blame it on the cat >mom kills cat with brick outside >mfw 6 KB JPG >>738236821 # >>738237004 # >>738239172 # >>738239202 # : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:24:22 No.738236821 >>738235551 # >mom kills cat with brick outside What was it like growing up as white trash? : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:27:29 No.738237004 >>738235551 # >killing a cat for piss bed your mon is a pshycho, dude : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)07:04:05 No.738239172 >>738235551 # Jesus christ you mom needs medical assistance Imao.

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Man with the plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)19:25:33 No.67304670 >have bitchy ex girlfriend >randomly send her so 1am "I just venmo'd you some money for the plan B" >After one minute send "oops, wrong number" Stay toxic lads 772 KB PNG

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Anon tries to get laid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >I know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arrested W-- BangBros, you lied to me

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Classic Ambien Walrus, never change | /r/Greentext

File: ambien walrus.jpg (68 KB, 720x731) JEE? YOU ARE INVINCIBLE TRY AND IUNCH THROUGH YoUR ARM HE CAN YOU GIVE YOUR SELF A 1BLACK EYE? F--- ING AMBIEN WAL RUS O Anonymous (ID: EEsimOKk 02/06/22(Sun)02:55:16 No.14434634 ► >be me in high school >gettin ready for bed, take my meds >lie down, close eyes >15 min later, thinkin bout kung fu >this walrus asks if i can give myself a black eye >cue punching myself in the face laying in bed for 30 minutes >check mirror, no black eye >walrus says i'm invincible, try and punch through your arm >don't really remember rest of night >wake up with black eye and massive bruise on arm >god damn Ambien Walrus

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Anon needs to pee | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:52:43 No.872121710 >be me >now >the middle of the night >wanting to pee >my stupid sister is in the toilet s------- for over an hour and won't leave >I decided to go pee outside >go out side with phone for flashlight >usually my cat is out to keep me company but now she's 45 KB PNG not >hear something that kinda freaked me out >my cat is in the back of the balcony (I couldn't see her that well from the darkness) >she was the one making these angry sound and she defensibly was heading to me >I realized that something was wrong with her and opened the door fast and closed it I peed my pants a little but I still need to pee and my bitch sister is still inside : Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:55:07 No.872121836 >bust down door >pee on sister Problem solved

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Anon is not sarcastic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)23:48:29 No.67302518 >each horse has 15 horse power >take horse >extract power from horse >get 15 horses >each horse has 15 horse power 177 KB JPG >repeat for infinite horses

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Anon is a "nice guy" and is totally not delusional | /r/Greentext

File: joker5.jpg (37 KB, 640x480) O It is over. Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)15:36:00 No.67301536 [Reply] > >>67302846 Okay n------ I'm going to lay it out for you. >If you aren't 6 foot plus in 2022 it's over. >If your penis is smaller than 8 inches it's over. >If you aren't a pretty boy or have a masculine/square jawline or face it's over. >If you have any mental illnesses it's over. >If you aren't raking in 6+ figures (chad excluded) it's over. >If you don't have a muscular frame it's over. It is impossible to enter a relationship in 2022 if you do not have these qualities. If you do not have the golden ratio, are not 6 feet tall, or have a large penis your life is over. You have no qualities females enjoy. Females will never love you, you are subhuman. This is why I have given up, I do not care for society.

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Anon gets caught in the act | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/14/21(Thu)00:59:28 No.65754433 >be me >24 year old kisses, hugless and virgin coomer >younger brother is in high school and a chad >he's dating a cutie from his class that sometimes brings home 51 KB JPG >be jelly >sometimes sit with them while they're watching a movie to feel like I have a gf >know they're probably uncomfortable but also know the won't say s--- to be polite so don't give a s--- Imao >cry myself to sleep every night wondering how life would be like if I could have a cutie gf to introduce to my parents and invite over to watch movies >room is next to brother's so we share a wall >both our beds are against that same wall so some nights I can somewhat hear that she's having phone with his cutie gf >be extra jelly >idea.jpg >steal one of his airpods when he's not looking >loser keeps asking if I've seen it but he doesn't know the truth >be tonight >he's having phone sex again >grab the airpod and be quiet cause remember airpods have microphones >can only hear his gf talking >feels like heaven >pretend she's talking to me and quietly masturbate >Coom.wav >they move to a normal conversation and she says "have a good night, I love you so much" >be so immersed that I reply "I love you too" >hear gf asking who the f--- said that >hear brother saying "anon?" through the wall >fuckfuckfuckfuck,exe >realize the royal f--- up and throw the airpod to the other side of the room >turn lights off and quietly reach my door to lock it then jump back in bed >hear brother knocking on my door but pretend to be asleep >"| know you're awake but we'll talk tomorrow" anons Im scared as all heckers im f------ s------- myself right now hwat the f--- do i do now

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Anon gets the vaccine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)16:30:43 No.8551462 >be me >just got COVID vaccine >have sudden urge to purchase Microsoft Office™ available now for only $69.99 per year 5 KB JPG

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