J.J Jameson learns about the J's the hard way | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)00:03:36 No.160652277 JJJ.jpg 91 KB JPG >Hoffman, you're s------- me; you can't come in? .Seventh Jewish guy to call in sick tomorrow, September 11th. >Yom Kippur? You made that s--- up. You're fired! Peter Parker enters. >Parker! Seen this in the financial section? Silverstein's shorting all the airline stocks. The f--- is going on? 200

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon tells the time | /r/Greentext

1418776509444.jpg 10 KB JPG >normie asks me the time >"i dont know" >"look at your watch" >look at her right in the eyes >"no"

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Anon blames it on the cat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:01:25 No.738235551 >be me >be seven >piss all over my sisters bed >blame it on the cat >mom kills cat with brick outside >mfw 6 KB JPG >>738236821 # >>738237004 # >>738239172 # >>738239202 # : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:24:22 No.738236821 >>738235551 # >mom kills cat with brick outside What was it like growing up as white trash? : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:27:29 No.738237004 >>738235551 # >killing a cat for piss bed your mon is a pshycho, dude : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)07:04:05 No.738239172 >>738235551 # Jesus christ you mom needs medical assistance Imao.

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Man with the plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)19:25:33 No.67304670 >have bitchy ex girlfriend >randomly send her so 1am "I just venmo'd you some money for the plan B" >After one minute send "oops, wrong number" Stay toxic lads 772 KB PNG

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Anon tries to get laid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >I know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arrested W-- BangBros, you lied to me

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Classic Ambien Walrus, never change | /r/Greentext

File: ambien walrus.jpg (68 KB, 720x731) JEE? YOU ARE INVINCIBLE TRY AND IUNCH THROUGH YoUR ARM HE CAN YOU GIVE YOUR SELF A 1BLACK EYE? F--- ING AMBIEN WAL RUS O Anonymous (ID: EEsimOKk 02/06/22(Sun)02:55:16 No.14434634 ► >be me in high school >gettin ready for bed, take my meds >lie down, close eyes >15 min later, thinkin bout kung fu >this walrus asks if i can give myself a black eye >cue punching myself in the face laying in bed for 30 minutes >check mirror, no black eye >walrus says i'm invincible, try and punch through your arm >don't really remember rest of night >wake up with black eye and massive bruise on arm >god damn Ambien Walrus

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Anon needs to pee | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:52:43 No.872121710 >be me >now >the middle of the night >wanting to pee >my stupid sister is in the toilet s------- for over an hour and won't leave >I decided to go pee outside >go out side with phone for flashlight >usually my cat is out to keep me company but now she's 45 KB PNG not >hear something that kinda freaked me out >my cat is in the back of the balcony (I couldn't see her that well from the darkness) >she was the one making these angry sound and she defensibly was heading to me >I realized that something was wrong with her and opened the door fast and closed it I peed my pants a little but I still need to pee and my bitch sister is still inside : Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:55:07 No.872121836 >bust down door >pee on sister Problem solved

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Anon is not sarcastic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)23:48:29 No.67302518 >each horse has 15 horse power >take horse >extract power from horse >get 15 horses >each horse has 15 horse power 177 KB JPG >repeat for infinite horses

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Anon is a "nice guy" and is totally not delusional | /r/Greentext

File: joker5.jpg (37 KB, 640x480) O It is over. Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)15:36:00 No.67301536 [Reply] > >>67302846 Okay n------ I'm going to lay it out for you. >If you aren't 6 foot plus in 2022 it's over. >If your penis is smaller than 8 inches it's over. >If you aren't a pretty boy or have a masculine/square jawline or face it's over. >If you have any mental illnesses it's over. >If you aren't raking in 6+ figures (chad excluded) it's over. >If you don't have a muscular frame it's over. It is impossible to enter a relationship in 2022 if you do not have these qualities. If you do not have the golden ratio, are not 6 feet tall, or have a large penis your life is over. You have no qualities females enjoy. Females will never love you, you are subhuman. This is why I have given up, I do not care for society.

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Anon gets caught in the act | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/14/21(Thu)00:59:28 No.65754433 >be me >24 year old kisses, hugless and virgin coomer >younger brother is in high school and a chad >he's dating a cutie from his class that sometimes brings home 51 KB JPG >be jelly >sometimes sit with them while they're watching a movie to feel like I have a gf >know they're probably uncomfortable but also know the won't say s--- to be polite so don't give a s--- Imao >cry myself to sleep every night wondering how life would be like if I could have a cutie gf to introduce to my parents and invite over to watch movies >room is next to brother's so we share a wall >both our beds are against that same wall so some nights I can somewhat hear that she's having phone with his cutie gf >be extra jelly >idea.jpg >steal one of his airpods when he's not looking >loser keeps asking if I've seen it but he doesn't know the truth >be tonight >he's having phone sex again >grab the airpod and be quiet cause remember airpods have microphones >can only hear his gf talking >feels like heaven >pretend she's talking to me and quietly masturbate >Coom.wav >they move to a normal conversation and she says "have a good night, I love you so much" >be so immersed that I reply "I love you too" >hear gf asking who the f--- said that >hear brother saying "anon?" through the wall >fuckfuckfuckfuck,exe >realize the royal f--- up and throw the airpod to the other side of the room >turn lights off and quietly reach my door to lock it then jump back in bed >hear brother knocking on my door but pretend to be asleep >"| know you're awake but we'll talk tomorrow" anons Im scared as all heckers im f------ s------- myself right now hwat the f--- do i do now

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Anon gets the vaccine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)16:30:43 No.8551462 >be me >just got COVID vaccine >have sudden urge to purchase Microsoft Office™ available now for only $69.99 per year 5 KB JPG

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Some wholesomeness which hit me hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/16/19(Tue)18:50:34 No.797540172 >be me >be 13 >visiting grandmas house >grandma is really good at cooking a pork dinner >sit down with family 174 KB JPG >eat >pork dinner Is really nice >yum >chocolate cake is nice >yum yum >thank you grandma >say to myself "I will remember this" >I still do >thank you for the memories

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Let the bodies hit the floor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/26/21(Thu)10:03:09 No.65138040 >exercise for the first time in five or six years >can't move stay hydrated this is a threat >actually can't move and it isn't a joke >pleadingly look at the people around the gym and squirm on the floor 624 KB PNG >blood sugar is low >l faint >l wake up a half hour later in the same spot >barely get on my feet >stumble out of the gym

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