Anon tries to get laid | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >I know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arrested W-- BangBros, you lied to me

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Classic Ambien Walrus, never change | /r/Greentext

File: ambien walrus.jpg (68 KB, 720x731) JEE? YOU ARE INVINCIBLE TRY AND IUNCH THROUGH YoUR ARM HE CAN YOU GIVE YOUR SELF A 1BLACK EYE? F--- ING AMBIEN WAL RUS O Anonymous (ID: EEsimOKk 02/06/22(Sun)02:55:16 No.14434634 ► >be me in high school >gettin ready for bed, take my meds >lie down, close eyes >15 min later, thinkin bout kung fu >this walrus asks if i can give myself a black eye >cue punching myself in the face laying in bed for 30 minutes >check mirror, no black eye >walrus says i'm invincible, try and punch through your arm >don't really remember rest of night >wake up with black eye and massive bruise on arm >god damn Ambien Walrus

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Anon needs to pee | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:52:43 No.872121710 >be me >now >the middle of the night >wanting to pee >my stupid sister is in the toilet s------- for over an hour and won't leave >I decided to go pee outside >go out side with phone for flashlight >usually my cat is out to keep me company but now she's 45 KB PNG not >hear something that kinda freaked me out >my cat is in the back of the balcony (I couldn't see her that well from the darkness) >she was the one making these angry sound and she defensibly was heading to me >I realized that something was wrong with her and opened the door fast and closed it I peed my pants a little but I still need to pee and my bitch sister is still inside : Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:55:07 No.872121836 >bust down door >pee on sister Problem solved

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Anon is not sarcastic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)23:48:29 No.67302518 >each horse has 15 horse power >take horse >extract power from horse >get 15 horses >each horse has 15 horse power 177 KB JPG >repeat for infinite horses

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Anon is a "nice guy" and is totally not delusional | /r/Greentext

File: joker5.jpg (37 KB, 640x480) O It is over. Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)15:36:00 No.67301536 [Reply] > >>67302846 Okay n------ I'm going to lay it out for you. >If you aren't 6 foot plus in 2022 it's over. >If your penis is smaller than 8 inches it's over. >If you aren't a pretty boy or have a masculine/square jawline or face it's over. >If you have any mental illnesses it's over. >If you aren't raking in 6+ figures (chad excluded) it's over. >If you don't have a muscular frame it's over. It is impossible to enter a relationship in 2022 if you do not have these qualities. If you do not have the golden ratio, are not 6 feet tall, or have a large penis your life is over. You have no qualities females enjoy. Females will never love you, you are subhuman. This is why I have given up, I do not care for society.

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Anon gets caught in the act | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/14/21(Thu)00:59:28 No.65754433 >be me >24 year old kisses, hugless and virgin coomer >younger brother is in high school and a chad >he's dating a cutie from his class that sometimes brings home 51 KB JPG >be jelly >sometimes sit with them while they're watching a movie to feel like I have a gf >know they're probably uncomfortable but also know the won't say s--- to be polite so don't give a s--- Imao >cry myself to sleep every night wondering how life would be like if I could have a cutie gf to introduce to my parents and invite over to watch movies >room is next to brother's so we share a wall >both our beds are against that same wall so some nights I can somewhat hear that she's having phone with his cutie gf >be extra jelly >idea.jpg >steal one of his airpods when he's not looking >loser keeps asking if I've seen it but he doesn't know the truth >be tonight >he's having phone sex again >grab the airpod and be quiet cause remember airpods have microphones >can only hear his gf talking >feels like heaven >pretend she's talking to me and quietly masturbate >Coom.wav >they move to a normal conversation and she says "have a good night, I love you so much" >be so immersed that I reply "I love you too" >hear gf asking who the f--- said that >hear brother saying "anon?" through the wall >fuckfuckfuckfuck,exe >realize the royal f--- up and throw the airpod to the other side of the room >turn lights off and quietly reach my door to lock it then jump back in bed >hear brother knocking on my door but pretend to be asleep >"| know you're awake but we'll talk tomorrow" anons Im scared as all heckers im f------ s------- myself right now hwat the f--- do i do now

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Anon gets the vaccine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)16:30:43 No.8551462 >be me >just got COVID vaccine >have sudden urge to purchase Microsoft Office™ available now for only $69.99 per year 5 KB JPG

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Some wholesomeness which hit me hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/16/19(Tue)18:50:34 No.797540172 >be me >be 13 >visiting grandmas house >grandma is really good at cooking a pork dinner >sit down with family 174 KB JPG >eat >pork dinner Is really nice >yum >chocolate cake is nice >yum yum >thank you grandma >say to myself "I will remember this" >I still do >thank you for the memories

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Let the bodies hit the floor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/26/21(Thu)10:03:09 No.65138040 >exercise for the first time in five or six years >can't move stay hydrated this is a threat >actually can't move and it isn't a joke >pleadingly look at the people around the gym and squirm on the floor 624 KB PNG >blood sugar is low >l faint >l wake up a half hour later in the same spot >barely get on my feet >stumble out of the gym

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This totally happened to anon. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/22(Fri)18:44:54 No.872061368 >be me, 24 yo >never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl >forward 2 years, 26 yo >stopped caring about girls, go after what I want, play the bad boy 909 KB PNG look >getting p---- every weekend >girls love me now >about to go bang my side chick

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Anon gets cucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/20/20(Thu)15:56:42 No.56824702 How do you manage pain? >decided to bite the bullet and get a h----- >find most good looking cheapest w---- near where i live >call her and we start talking >>"you sound a bit nervous,are you a virgin?" >"Y-yes i'm a virgin" Exerse/Yoga Teno/ibuprofen DAlcohot GAccupuncture/Massage Heroi B Prescridarion pain meds Latmply lve with the pain. Vote View results Seamore oolls 105 KB JPG >>"I'm sorry,i don't service virgins anymore.l feel super guilty afterwards." >she hangs up Nothing makes you feel more alive like being truned down by litteral prostitute,real confidence boost! 9 Replies View Thread

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Anon is racist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 48813221 2 min ago >Be me >At Wendy's waiting in line for tendies >Black guy walks into store and stands behind me >Immediately think to myself, "s---, this dude is about the rob the store" >Realize that I just unfairly based my thoughts on a stereotype >Decide that thinking in that way is unfair to others and close-minded and that I should pursue a more open-minded and accepting view of humanity from now on >Black guy pulls out gun >Robs the store >mfw 25.7 kB JPG REPLY

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Anon hates the uk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: TF5W8IEU ) COMFY 09/24/20(Thu)15:38:02 No.278949312 >go looking on google maps for cool random places in the world >live in s------- UK irl >find a random town in the US that feels a lot like Arlen from King of the Hill 53 KB JPG >start going back to this random tiny town in Nebraska with population of like 2k >feel so comfy and nostalgic for something I experienced >tfw they didn't even take it away from me, never er had it That is all.

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