Anon is a dad | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)17:05:13 No.66837034 >be dad >walking up stairs >all fours like monke >son walking ahead of me >bipedal >too slow >throw gigapunch directly into son's asscheek >son now sprints up stairs every time 33 KB JPG >monkey style Robots, why haven't you procreated?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is a cow | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat) 14:09:01 No.17209437 >be cow >live cow life >one day, get shipped off to some building >get bolted in the head >wake up in cow heaven >get to watch what happens to my body >getting chopped up into different pieces gugafood 404 KB JPG >parts are getting eaten by families of humans >parts are made into dog food >glad that my body is being used for something helpful >see this gigantic fat guy with a hunk of meat from my back >lol GuYz, TODAY wE'rE dRy AglnG tHiS sTeAk In PeAnUt BuTtEr AnD c-- >mfw 52 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Sire, this man hath not lain with a maiden for 27 harvests | /r/Greentext

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Anon has no girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous [•1 10/25/17(Wed)18:23:22 No.81016259 1507072835073.png 559 KB PNG >There are infinite universes where I have a gf >This isn't one of them

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More than likely a repost, can't not share it though | /r/Greentext

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Anon buys groceries | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)22:30:03 No.854416103 >be me manlet 5'6 >riding train with a s--- load of groceries and a 10 kg cat litter bag >tall girl with raspy voice stands next to me >looked 20-22 at least 4 ears 525 KB PNG younger than me would you like some help with that? >instant boner

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Anon shows you something cool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)21:14:00 No.66824739 Yo you wanna see something cool? go to google and type "do a barrel roll" 24 KB PNG 5 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)21:19:09 No.66824796 >>66824739 (OP) # How old are you OP? Just curious. >>66824847 # >>66824957 # : Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)21:22:18 No.66824847 >>66824796 # 29 years of age how old are you n-----? cco0 4071 H

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Anon has a pet cougar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:41:45 No.60562398 Help, I bought a pet cougar from my friend who moved away from our state (texas) to north carolina and I have no idea what to do with it, I feed it large amounts of cat food and meat and I let it roam free at night. Recently it brought a dog home that it killed and the dog had a collar. I had to burn the dog multiple times to erase evidence of it and now I need help getting rid of larry. Larry the couger is huge and it can probably kill a human if provoked. How do I get 81 KB JPG rid of him. Please help : Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:43:55 No.60562418 get a f------ gun and shoot it : Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:44:12 No.60562419 : Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:46:15 No.60562444 that sounds like a very nice friend you made there anon. take good care of him and he will protect you from all your enemies

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Anon regrets his decisions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)23:21:09 No.66807627 >be me >huge weeb >out of anime to watch and bored out of my mind >youtube recomened meThe Cll of Chtulu's audiobook >it has a slow start but I decided to keep listening to it because I 17 KB PNG have nothing better to do >wft halfway through it and it has a better mystery than any anime >story end >litteraly coolest s--- ever >suddenly I start crying >tfw i realized that not only is anime is garbage and the normies were right but I have wasted half of my life being addicted to it

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Anon wants to wrestle too | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 11/21/18(Wed)23:32:49 No.49421089 >wake up >lick salt lamp >time to f--- bitches up >get on computer and open tf2 >i'm bouncing up and down 77 KB JPG with excitement >hear moaning from another room >sneak into mums room and see her wrestling with new daddy >decide to join and do a big body slam next to them >"Who the f--- is this?" new daddy says >"Anon GET OUT" mum says >instinctively slap her for raising her voice to me when i didn't violate any of the rules >new daddy slaps me and we slap fight >he begins to cheat and use his fists >CHEATER CHEATER PUMPKIN EATER >swiftly break his neck and jump off the bed

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Anon job hunts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)09:56:42 No.65002817 >Your interview went quite well anon, I have to say! >But... I can't offer you the position. 56 KB JPG >See, we want the general public to feel 'safe' when shopping here, and unfortunately for you, you have that particular 'look' which makes people uncomfortable... I think it's the weak jawline. >l hope this experience hasn't discouraged you since I wish you the best of luck :) 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)09:57:47 No.65002826 You've made a powerful enemy today Bethany.

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Anon wins the divorce | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11 hours ago 769969141 Sorry I suck at Greentext. >Catch my now ex-wife cheating on me. >Pretend nothing is wrong but turn into a manipulative sociopath. >Break gas gauge in her car. Siphon gas out randomly so she's always running out. >Get a nanny cam that's hidden in a lamp. Get video of her f------ around. >Find out everything I can about the guy she's f------. >lol dance instructor. >Find out he's looking for work, get ahold of his resume. >Rework it so it's not retarded, impersonate him, and get him an interview at a studio 2 states away. Dream job, if you're a f--. >He bites. Takes the job and after some mushy b------- ghosts my wife. >Meanwhile I start siphoning money out of our accounts slowly and keep the cash hidden away in my truck in a lockbox. Put away $10k. >lt's time. >Wait for her to be dead asleep, unlock her phone and turn off alarms on days that the coin I flip turns up heads. >She gets fired. Calls me bawling her eyes out. >When she gets home my wedding ring is on the table with her laptop playing the video of them f------. Next to that is a copy of the divorce petition. 10 REPLIES

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. I robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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