Short circuit | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories

: Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)10:04:21 No.65229210 cat-gun-suicide.jpg 146 KB JPG >be me >have a sudden need to banish the white dragon from my man cave >my go-to habit was to wank it to my smartphone on the toilet >accidentally hit "cast to <family smart tv>" one day (which doesn't ask if you want to confirm or anything) >before I can shut it off, hear the loud sound of a hairy dwarf being drilled by an entire frat house in the family living room >when I come out, everybody is looking at me with a knowing expression on their faces And that's how I came out to my family.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon has a different taste in film | /r/Greentext

File: fuuuuuuuck,png (387 KB, 680x708) O Anonymous 09/0 1/21(Wed)23:43:02 No.65225395 ► >over at aunt and uncles house >few cousins, other aunts etc are there >everyone is talking about movies >specifically stuff that they watched recently >uncle turns to me >everyone else looks at me >"what's the last good movie you watched anon?" >think about what i had watched recently >"scarlet street" >"what's that? a new one?" >"uhh no, it was made in 1945 i believe. it's about a gu-" >they all start laughing >aunt chimes in laughing >"i know none of us have seen that, none of us were even alive!" >uncle finally stops laughing >"have you seen anything normal lately? you know, what people actually watch?" >room starts laughing again f---, i should of just said a marvel movie like my cousins

Anon demonstrates what happens to thugs like them | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/01/21(Wed)17:09:21 No.862239682 OH? YOU WANT YOUR KNGEN MINUTES OF FAME? WELL, I DONT THINK SO. >going through r/femboy >sees somebody who isn't a femboy but posts there anyways >block them >problem resolved NOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO THUGS IKE YOLP 156 KB JPG

Anons life is ruined | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:01:35 No.861862116 >be me >love the Gigachad meme >have a respect for the chad for looking like that >admire his body and his simplicity >admire and want to be like him 106 KB JPG >starts doing fitness and had hope for being in one good day like him >starts looking handsome >also be me >find out that the channel from YouTube named "Know Your Memr" posted a video 2 months ago about GigaChad >the title was something like is Gigachad fakr or real >"of course he is real, idiot" >open the video >real proofs that GigaChad is fake >reach to conclusion GigaChaf is fake >starts crying for the legend >mfw when a YouTube channel destroys my Chad that motivate me to work hard and be like him I am very sad anon, my favorite character is fake as my life, what should i do, i am writing this in tears and i can't stop crying

Anon doesn't like Instagram | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)13:21:23 No.862276121 >Be me >Wake up >Try to open Instagarm 43 KB JPG >Instagram is down >Perfect day.

anon is a rational thinker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: H4KOM0OE TEEN WHO TRANSITIONED AT 16 NO(...) 08/04/20(Tue)14:33:07 No.271131501 theblaze FOLLOW UK teen girl wanted to be male; got breasts removed, took testosterone. Now 23, she says doctors should have 'challenged' her decision - and is suing. : Anonymous (ID: BAvuhMxs 08/04/20(Tue)14:36:04 No.271131869 >271131501 (OP) # >Give woman testosterone >her rational reasoning improves >>271132166 # >271132881 # >>271133223 # >>271134332 # >>271134775 # >>271136263 # >>271136421 # >>271136633 # >271136659 # >>271136801 # >271136889 # >>271136910 # >>271136975 # >271137192 # >>271137688 # >>271137852 # >>271138819 # >>271139068 # >>271139337 # >271139364 # >>271139495 # >>271139539 # >271139665 # >>271139676 # >>271139733 # >>271139941 # >271140571 # >>271141024 # >271141631 # >>271141918 # >>271141990 # >>271142005 # >>271142025 # >>271142491 # >>271142547 # >>271142555 # >>271142674 # >>271143018 # >>271143028 # >>271143099 # >>271143230 # >>271143380 # >>271143477 # >271143641 # >>271143978 # >>271144138 # >>271144537 # >>271144570 # >>271145019 # >271145462 # >>271145746 # >>271145891 # >>271146484 # >>271146853 #

Anon Becomes a Man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)19:57:39 No.858140985 NG票 an 564B193F-1275-4881-A8A2-C490A4C45585.jpg 34 KB JPG >Go to college party for first time ever >21 yo, 5'6 manlet >Know nobody there >See cute girl >Axiety intensifies >Decide to face my fears >Force self to march bravely forward to talk to her >Manage to start talking with her >Awkward as f--- but she actually seems interested >Think this might be the day to finally lose the old Vcard >Rival menlet confidently approaches her >Oh s--- he's like 5'8 and has a cute face >Charms her like a true chad >One chance at salvation is disappearing before eyes >Super saiyan rage builds inside body >Kicks chad manlet right between the legs >Feel nothing there >W--.jpg >Girl runs off in fear >He looks at me >I look at him >Ten minutes later we're f------ upstairs with his newly-unbound t--- in my face I don't know if I just became a man or a f-----

Anon took a course on race relations. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/19(Tue)20:10:47 No.794819925 >implying white people never had PACKS their own N word Nilla wgfers 44 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/12/19(Tue)20:15:32 No.794820220 amazin : Anonymous 03/12/19(Tue)20:16:43 No.794820286 ok

Anon teaches his bullies a lesson | /r/Greentext

>High school >After gym/PE in change rooms >No windows and one door >Relatively tiny room too because small school >A relatively small room filled with the "popular kids" who bully me for literally no reason 25 KB JPG >ldea.jpg >Tactically stuff bag with Febreeze and zip ties pre tied and ready >7 cans in total >Leave class 5 mins early for "doctors appointment" >By the time the normies role in I'm already changed >Wait until the last one is in and a fair distance from the door >Grab all zip-ties at once in one hand >Pull tight and hurl live febreeze cans across the room >As I throw I hit the light switch and dash out the door >Chaos ensues >Jam chair against door and listen to the chaos >People yelling and coughing >Cans hissing >Can hear people running into things and falling over >Some kid broke his leg >Mfw no-one even saw it was me who threw them >Go get in my car and go to "doctors appointment" >Go home and play Black Ops 2 >Next day schools closed due to a "potential chemical attack"

Anon finds a stray dog | /r/Greentext

$4G+ 17:55 : Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)17:40:35 No.862283271 >Be me overweight, greasy, nerd, autist. Say "well actually ..." way too much >Good job, own home, no real friends, haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years. Lonely. 8 KB JPG > Working remotely, because COVID. Driving around because l'm bored and lonely. >Getting dangerously close to neckbeard territory. >See a dog a few times when l'm driving. Ignore it, probably somebody's dog got out. Finally realize that he's a stray. Filthy, skinny, doesn't look good man. >Decide to rescue him. He's cautious. Isn't sure if he trusts me. >Coax him into the car. Hopeforthebest.exe >Stop at store get dog food. He's super hungry. Eats really fast. Barfs and then shoots diarrhea all over my kitchen. >take him to the vet. He's got ticks, fleas, and a whole bunch of illnesses. Looks like he's been abused, scars and an old rib fracture. >Medicine, vet visit, special food, grooming, dog supplies, and microchip like $1,000. Vet said he wouldn't haven't lasted much longer on his own. >He's pretty shy. We hang out. Let him do his thing. He settles in. Starts to trust to me. Follows me around the house. >l walk him twice a day. I start to lose weight. >l teach him some tricks. He can give me a high five. >l'm losing weight, decide to do some other stuff. Get a haircut. Barber tells me to get an exfoliant for my face. Less greasy. >Walking the dog in the park. Girl says hi. Says the dog is cute. Asks me what his name is >I say his name is Jasper. Tell her that I named him after Jasper Tudor, a guy from British history. Internalcringe.exe >MFW she says that's cool. She likes history too. >Ask out for coffee. She doesn't ghost me. >We start dating. Dating makes me less awkward. She's chill, but calls me on it when I say "well actually >Take walks with Jasper together. He's healthy. Наpрy dog. >Relationship with GF is great, said that I love her. She said it back. >Feels good man : Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)17:48:30 No.862283605 Nice man, I love hearing stuff like this. I'm genuinely happy for you! As a Welshman I approve of the doggos name! : Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)17:51:29 No.862283731 >>862283271(OP) # Hanpy to hear this anon!$