So long, Space Cowboy | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous Celebration/Personal Achieveme...) 09/02/21(Thu)03:01:05 No.65226336 I've finally made it robots, i'm living the meme >I got a girlfriend >got a semi comfy job >started goin to the gym >i've managed to parrot back social cues 35 KB JPG so well no one can see the autism >Life's actually good and i don't think about an heroing on a daily basis >i hope you all make it out of your own personal hells >this board was like a second home to me >which is really f------ depressing to think about >I'm thankful for all the threads and respectfully hope i never see another one after this >i'm rooting for each and every one of you tl:dr life gets better Feel free to throw your own personal achievements or something worth celebrating in the thread, give yourself a pat on the back anon

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon has a genius daughter | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/04/19(Sat)23:03:16 No.798956343 >>798956656 >be me >getting a divorce >wife had been cheating on me for a while, planned it out for months before giving me those papers >basically am f-----, she covered all her legal ground, even though she earns more l'll probably have to pay alimony, she'll get full custody, the house, if she wanted she'd probably get the dog and my ass too. >l love my kids 14f and 12m >my boy is the most gentle soul ever, so creative and funny >likes fortnite though, but I still love him very much, sometimes I just sit on the sofa next to him eating Cheetos and tease him for being a noob >the daughter is a bit weird, distant, hostile but we have our bond we watch shows together GOT, suits, blindspot, the 100, etc. >l wish we did more together but I respect her space >Never realized how much I'd miss these little moments with them until they were about to vanish >hearing comes >judge asks who they want to stay with, doesn't really matter either way, their wishes aren't binding, it's pretty certain the judge is gonna give it to wife, but I'm still pretty happy to hear daughter say she wants to stay with me >until she shows the bruises and scars >says my wife had been abusing her >I'm shocked, my wife could be a cheater but she wasn't an abuser >l get suspicious when she shows c-------- burns on her arm (wife doesn't smoke) >she even shows a medical report claiming she suffered "forced a--- and genital insertions" >get full custody, child support and wife's gonna end up in a sex offender list >l ask daughter why she never told me any of this >admits it's all b-------, she found out about the affair a while ago and started hurting herself, got a friend to help with the genital stuff >"she ruined our family so I ruined her life" So apparently I'm raising a complete psychopath. Welp, at least my ex got screwed over. Anonymous 05/04/19(Sat)23:05:57 No.798956510 Based af. Buy her cool s--- and give her a super late curfew. Anonymous 05/04/19(Sat)23:06:00 No.798956513 put me on the screencap for reddit

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Anon gets vaccinated against the Coof | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)15:18:45 No.851455113 > Be me > Decide to get vaccine > Drive on over to the vaccination center in my town > as soon as I get there I notice a mob across the street 4 KB JPG > it's a group of anti-vacc retards chanting "Vaccines cause autism" and "COVID vaccine is a microchip" > think they are just a group of paranoid dipshits > proceed to head inside > fill out paperwork and await my shot > wait in a room along with hundreds of other people > biggest crowd of people I've seen in a room since the quarantine > after around an hour I get the shot > get told to come back in two weeks for the next dose > leave building > crowd of dipshits are still chanting > get in car > Head home > about half way I start getting a little drowsy > tough it out until I get home > as soon as I get home I fall on my couch > pass the f--- out > when I wake up I notice a loading bar > "Downloading Autisim.exe" > F--- > Bar is at 98% > lay there in fear > 99% > start to cry > Error: Autism.exe already Running on system > MFW I've had autism this whole time

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Anon realise his life suck | /r/Greentext

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Black Widow | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/31/21(Tue)14:26:13 No.3912055 >always like spider bros >think they're cool and chill and help out by eating bugs >[spoiler]girlfriend[/spoiler] is deathly afraid of them, jumps whenever she sees one 219 KB PNG >so scared of them that she can't even play video games with spider enemies >even the tarantulas in animal crossing would jumpscare her >absolutely giant one takes residence right outside of our apartment door >see him when I'm coming home from work >cut down his web hoping he'll move somewhere else >next morning, hear girlfriend scream as she leaves for work >the spiderbro remade his web >"please evict this spider" >cut down his web again >he remakes it before my girlfriend even gets home from work >she hands me a pesticide can that she was using for ants >ok.jpg >think this will kill the spider instantly since the can says so >go outside >"sorry bro" >spray the spider >does not kill the spider instantly at all, he starts freaking out in complete agony >"oh f--- oh f---" >l have to make sure he's dead now >continue spraying >the agony just gets worse >feeling awful at this point but I can't let him suffer longer >have to use a metric fuckton of spray until he finally dies >still twitching >just to be sure he isn't suffering any longer, go inside to grab a paper towel, smush him, and flush down the toilet >gf is understanding of my guilt despite hating spiders and also feels bad for giving me the pesticide spray >the next morning see the web remnants sticking to the railings and feel an immense emptiness Anyone else know this feel? I don't think I've ever felt this guilty about anything in my life. Poor spiderbro didn't do anything wrong. I could have definitely just put him in a jar and moved him somewhere else too, I didn't have to kill him. Hell even smashing him would have been better. I did an awful thing.

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Nobody Messes With Sandwich Man! | /r/Greentext

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Anon finds the secret to time travel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)06:21:02 No.18867491 >wake up in the middle of the night >suddenly have an epiphany >reconcile thousands of years of human philosophical and spiritual canon into a single neat revelation 1.92 MB GIF >go back to sleep >wake up >can't remember >>18867888 # >>18869045 # >>18869236 # >>18869579 # : Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)07:59:21 No.18867888 >>18867491 # I do this too but usually I've discovered (and then forgotten) the secret to time travel. >>18868987 #

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Anon is a sigma male | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/01/21(Wed)23:26:50 No.862265634 >be me FINO PRE-MARITAL GEX >sigmamale.jpg >gf asks me if i want to have sex.gif >stupid bitch interrupted my grind >beat her to death with my massive c--- >missionaccomplished.ogg >eat her body for sustenance for the 40 KB JPG grind >continue the grind >go to bed at 5am, use dry ice as a pillow >it helps with the grind It's been a good day anons.

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Anon reads about out of body experiences. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/01/21(Wed)19:57:46 No.862245605 THE Best OF 253PM 9/12896 Hosted@ the YNC.com 1472341331_00032.jpg 25 KB JPG >Read some s--- about out of body experiences as your dying. >Think it's complete b------- but whatever. >Remember the Bjork stalker and how he offed himself, intending his brains to be the last piece of art he left to the world. >None of his gray matter actually landed on the canvas. >Think about his spirit drifting above his corpse In utter disbelief that even in suicide he was a f--- up. >Laugh hysterically for thirty minutes to the deep concern of my cat. >Feels good man.

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Anon is hearing a radio station | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/01/21(Wed)16:37:15 No.862237981 >hear lil nas on the radio >switch to another radio station 56 KB JPG

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Anon is a boss | /r/Greentext

File 1275571190935. jpg-(6 KB, 251x168, 1251434592204. jpg) Anonymous 06/03/10(Thu)09:19:5 No.9298644 ITT: Times when all you could do was. wat >Walking thorugh shopping centre >Turn the comer >See a m----- pushing a wheelbarow full of bread rolls >I smile at him >He turns to me and says "No crossiants today, boss" >wat

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Anon makes it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/01/21(Wed)20:42:29 No.63309631 >>63293020 (OP) # >be in gym >flexing in mirror to see if I made progress >dude walks in 18 KB JPG >"good job man"

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Anon has a pocket watch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/01/21(Wed)19:39:01 No.65222780 >Sitting at the bar >feel someone tap my shoulder >turn around and see a guy standing 12 10 2 3 4 there with this weird smile on his face I 6 5 >he says "got the time?", but he is almost laughing as he asks >I say "sure" and pull out my pocket 86 KB JPG watch >As soon as I pull out my pocket watch the guy belts out laughing, along with a large table nearby, full of people laughing and looking at me >before I can even check the time, the guy walks away to the laughing table and loudly says "I told you it was a f------ pocket watch chain!" >one of the girls at the table says "Who the f----" but laughs so hard she cannot speak >I look around and see that there are other people in the place looking at me and some are laughing too >put my pocket watch away and try to go back to my drinks What is wrong with pocket watches?

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