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![O Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)15:18 No. 126454520 [!]>126454864 >>126454985 >>126455075 >>126455555 File1327443484. gif-(8 KB, 645x773, 1324350713656. gif) igdb google >dad is in army >comes back from his tour of Irag >brought me a fortnight's worth of MRE's to eat >one whole week into eating nothing but MRE's, have to s--- so bad it's like an a--- apocalypse has set course for my butthole >stopped eating MRE's for a week, been over 120 hours since I last s--- >mother and father are concerned >l ask for laxatives, I desperately need them at this point >dad goes out and buys me an enema >so f------ p-----, don't understand how to use it >decide it's time >go into the big family bathroom, lock the door >sit down, spread my cheeks with my hands and push >it's not coming out >it's like a f------ Howitzer shell trapped between the headspace of a plumbing pipe already sewn shut with fecal matter >this becomes a life or death situation >begin clawing my butthole apart in a desperate attempt to break the massive turd into segments >at this point my a------ has stretched to the size of a pickle jar lid, the turd has still not met its time to come >my hands are soon covered in blood, shed from my virgin a------ >l begin crying and swearing at the enormous turd stuck in my ass >SUDDENLY >almost as if though a dam has burst >my anus literally turns into a wormhole bringing forth a cacophony of Lovecraftian horrors from beyond the veil of human understanding >with the force of ten million explosions, what could only be described as warm, liquid bloody fecal matter sprays all over my hands, legs, toilet and back >l lie devastated in a pool of liquid s--- with the bathroom door locked >the smell is unbearable >dad literally kicks down the door and drags me out >hospitalized for almost half a month due to my ass left in unrecognizable condition >spend my time shellshocked, feeling like a victim of the most violent r--- ever known to man And that is why I haven't touched an MRE in three years.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/128/795/045.png "Anon eats MREs | /r/Greentext")
Anon eats MREs | /r/Greentext
Uploaded by Reddit Moments Jun 20, 2021 at 04:23AM EDT
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![File: 2FC55D7E-3CE5-4C4E-9A68-F1810951C310.jpg (558 KB, 1920x800) O Itv/ Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)22:46:56 No.152468803 [Reply] >Look at that subtle off-gold colouring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh Eru, it even has an inscription. >> Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)23:12:08 No.152469645 File: 1601794079080.png (554 KB, 750x314) >Aragorn, it's Boromir. You're my brother, my captain and my king so I think you should know: I've killed a lot of people. Some Uruk-Hai in Amon Hen uptown uh, some orcs, maybe 5 or 10, um, a goblin I ran into in the Mines of Moria. I left him in a pile of rubble behind some dwarf's grave. I killed another goblin with an axe, I had to, he almost got away and uh someone else there I can't remember maybe a hobbit, but he's dead too. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I'm not sure l'm gonna get away with it this time. I guess, I guess l'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, I may show up at Minas Tirith, so you know, keep your eyes open.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/128/571/c5d.png "The Gondorian Psycho | /r/Greentext")
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