Anon pisses on some tax collectors | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)23:41:35 No.852431117 >be me >14 years ago >2nd grader on playground >picking my nose >little bitch called ryan sees me >threatens to tell people l'm eating 206 KB JPG boogers >l'm not letting my playground streeet cred be ruined by some d------ > panic and say l'll bribe him for 5 dollars >he says ok, and I say l'll come with the money tommorow >next day >this bitch asks for the money >Say I forgot >this repeats every so often for about 3 weeks >eventaully ryan has had enough of my s--- >its recess >go into bathroom >start pissing at urinal >3 kids come in >turn around >oh s--- oh s--- its ryan >one of these f-------- trys to punch me >l'm still peeing, and give them a golden shower >they still beat the s--- out of me >mfw i got beaten by the playground mafia

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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anon is a veteran doctor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/24/16(Thu)06: 47:58 No.675573664 I Am Veteran Doctor >Be a new doctor >Very new >Man comes in with pains in the stomach >He said he hasn't ate in 4 days >Don't know what to do >Put leaches on his legs >After 17 jars he looks really pale >Are you a vampire? >"Nay" >That is what a vampire would say.manuscript >He is stabbed with a stake >He dies >l remember that vampires die if stabbed in the heart with wooden stake >He died so he must have been a vampire >King rewards me with 20 silver pieces and a nice hat >l am Doctor

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Anon buys a weighted blanket | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like l'm being hugged 96 KB JPG >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no

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Anon's first and only experience | /r/Greentext

>>63285419 # Damn it took me a while. Well here we go OP >Be me years ago >17 yo virgin autistic >Managed to find a 6.5/10 20ish years 8 KB PNG old gf >She is somewhat masculine, a tomboy in its primal stage, nymphomaniac always looking for the D >Don't really like her but whatev.png better than nothing >One afternoon we are alone at her house >She has to go to the bathroom, follow her >She pees, gets up without wiping and tells me to lay down on the sofa >Foreshadowing.png >She wants the D and takes off my trousers >She giggles a bit when i show my D, says she sucked on bigger ones >Whatevpart2.btmp >Tells me to put on a condom, i do >She proceeds to blow me >why the condom then >Worstblowjobever.jpg thanks to the condom >C-- after 10 mins >Post nut clarity starts to rise >Her turn >She shoves my face into her rancid distillery >Can hardly breath, WW1 soldiers had it better with mustard gass >Taste is even worse than the smell >Feels like hours have passed >My mouth is basically a bladder with teeth >She gets up to light a c-- >l make up an excuse and gtfo without even rinsing my mouth with water >1 hr bus ride to contemplate what just happened with the taste still present >Mfw years later I am instinctively repulsed by sex because of this experience >Mfw that's the only sexual experience of my life >Mfw i got a boner while writing this

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Anon doesn’t like landwhales | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)14:12:39 No.852470659 #we are tires CAN'T PROT TOUCH THTSE Untitled.jpg 231 KB JPG > implying anyone would want to touch this

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Anon inherits doctor status | /r/Greentext

> be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ö>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman

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Anon gets fits in | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)12:30:34 No.789444903 >be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and s--- and I'm sitting around at home. >Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends. 38 KB JPG >Looks at me >"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us" >Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and f--- around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for s---- n giggles. >Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me "hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in. >Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.

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Anon frauds as a Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Trolling tales? 04/19/21(Mon)16:53:29 No.63285470 >be me >trucel, ugly as f--- >start messing with face app and the face-swapping >idea.jpg >Go to discord server with a bunch of retards who post their face to get "ratings" >Start calling people ugly, they ask to see what I 8 KB JPG look like >send image of me faceswapped with a 10/10 Chad >They don't buy it, I keep insisting that its me >Eventually I offer to send a time stamped pic with my username to confirm it, they say fine >quickly make Chad photo with me holding the time stamp and send it >they are speechless >they start coping and call me a jackass for making fun of them at first >double down on it, call them bitter incels >Eventually after a hilarious half hour of arguing I get banned >mfw

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OP’s Coworker Thirsty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)12:44:31 No.852461236 >be me 20 >at work >been flirting with 45 y/o milf constantly >she texts me whilst im infront of her in a room of people >"take my bottle, go pee in it, and 39 KB JPG hand it to me > do so > she drinks it in front of everyone whilst making eye contact with me. >h-------- do you believe my story? cos i swear to you this happened today.

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Anon discovers marketing tactics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)00:33:22 No.63265253 > be ceo of bacon megacorporation > want to improve profits > sell "thin-sliced" bacon as cheap alternative to normal bacon > do this for years > start marketing the thin-sliced 50 KB PNG bacon as normal > regular bacon is "thick-cut" > do this for years > other bacon megacorps adopt your strategy > general public accepts thin-sliced bacon as new normal > raise prices > thin-sliced bacon is the price of old normal bacon > old normal bacon is now thick-cut bacon at higher price > profit View Thread

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Anon has a younger sister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous little sister becoming a thot 04/19/21(Mon)21:06:28 No.63286905 >be me >have a 6 year old sister >she's into brazillian funk (sings about f------ women) >she shakes her ass often while listening to it >bitchy attitude >spoiled brat 59 KB PNG >has everything she asks for, not before screaming and shouting at my parents >tells her to stfu >tells on my parents >parents shout at me >she recently discovered tik tok >ffs i don't want my sister to be a thot c---. i f------ hate the c--- youtubers that are influencing her to this. F---. : Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)21:09:06 No.63286926 >>63286905 (OP) # pics n----

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Anon is beautiful | /r/Greentext

File: 1616836179394.jpg (143 KB, 1200x1200) Anonymous 04/16/21(Fri)23:10:15 No.852240561 > >>852240644 >>852240723 >>852240780 >>852240943 >>852241375 >>852241514 >>852241600 >>852241784 >>852241842 >>852241929 >>852242139 >>852242263 >>852242311 >>852242638 >>852242775 >>852242891 >>852243091 Am I ugly? Anonymous 04/16/21(Fri)23:11:29 No.852240623 ► No. You're far worse than ugly >> O Anonymous 04/16/21(Fri)23:11:48 No.852240644 >>852242948 File: tictactoe.png (1.7 MB, 1200x1200) >>852240561 (OP). your turn

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I know it's a repost but it's one of my favorites and I haven't seen it on here in a while so I figured I'd post | /r/Greentext

>>35574459 # reminds me >get wisdom teeth removed >go home high as s--- >get on the computer >go to youtube >really want to listen to Led Zeppelin (I don't even listen to them regularly) >keep typing in Led Zeppelin but nothing Led Zeppelin-related is coming up >get mad >go to bed >sleep for like 12 hours. >wake up >go to delete my browsing history like I usually do >"loop zoop" searched on youtube ~25 times >l thought I was typing in "Led Zeppelin"

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