Anon meets Batman's parents | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)01:59:03 No.789153378 >be me, junkie >sitting in a dark ass alley, trying to kill the bedbugs with meth smoke >see a couple walk by, well dressed, clearly have money >takewhatsyours.wav >jump out of the alley and say >"look! No one needs to get hurt just give me your 211 KB JPG money wallet and purse" >the guy says "oh so you wanna hold my wife down and force your c--- into her ass while I watch helplessly from across the street huh??!" >wait..what? >he pulls his wife's pants down and runs across the street >she looks at me and licks her lips >mfw I just wanted some f------ meth you f------ cucks.

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon is a cuck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)08:31:22 No.63204821 >she comes home after getting thrased by 12 cocks >sorry hun too tired to have sex with you >you masturbate for the 6th time that week to her p----- thinking one day she'll have sex with you the life of marrying a pornstar 10 KB JPG >>63204969 # >>63205326 #

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Any Balkans here can confirm this? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/05/19(Tue)12:04:17 No.55203020 >be me >migrate from canada to some ex yugoslavia country cause my dad was from there >think that i'll be chad from abroad and sufocate in p--- 71 KB JPG no >balkan state of mind is natural trolling in its purest forn >be balkan trolled for decsdes >develope anxiety and depression >they have thick skin and dont react to trolling >start to become balkan chad go back to gay snowflake canada and drown in p--- thank you balkan

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Anon rediscovers his coom powers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:07:58 No.63208762 >went from not fapping for 3 weeks to fapping daily I'm a coomer again It cannot be stopped 99 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:54:52 No.63209141 >NO0000 YOU CANT JUST ALLEVIATE YOUR STRESS AND BOREDOM THROUGH HEALTHY SEXUAL RELIEF YOU DISGUSTING COOMER!!!!! 653 KB PNG >>63209216 #

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Anon talks about current affairs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)09:52:11 No.852041675 >be 26 year vet >cant tell the difference between taser and gun? no wonder they want to defund CHICAGO you. 843 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/14/21 (Wed)10:00:36 No.852042139 >>852041675 (OP)_# Imagine spending 26 years of your life in a profession and not being able to distinguish one tool from another. Oops the fireman accidentally used a foam extinguisher on the electrical fire >>852042480 # >>852047302 #

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Anon orders at McDonald's | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous worst fastfood experience? 04/12/21(Mon)09:29:17 No.15929124 > be me > jew it up with McDonald's app for sweet coupons > name myself "Tyrone McNigger" > decided to order 20 pc nuggies and large fry > do mobile order and decide to pick up 23 KB JPG > when I walk inside there's commotion happening. All workers are black > An extremely mad nog is yelling "AYO I GOT AN ORDER FOR TYRONE MCNIGGER IF YOU AINT A BITCH COME PICK UP YA FOOD" > "YOU ARE YOU TYRONE?" >"n..no I'm just hear to use the bathroom" > worker starts chimping out and yelling at everyone in the store who's order this is. > go in bathroom and then instantly leave right after Why did nobody tell me that they can see your name? I thought they were just order numbers? Is there a political reason for this do they wanna signal us out

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Anon is IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of Aphrodite

File: Feels bad man.png (111 KB, 330x330) O Anonymous (ID: AOdCUgDx) 04/25/14(Fri)20:14:52 No.543873098 >>543873613 >>54387463 Green text stories you would never share outside of /b/. Part 1 >23 >Fresh out of college >tfw no job, no of, no life >After months of searching say f--- it and work for a temp agency >Get a call one day that some tech sales company needs someone to organize their files >F--- it, it's money >Greeted by HR leader >8/10 milf >Go to HR >Milf city >Spend a week hanging out with the milfs and organizing physical files >Notice that no one really pays attention to what I do but they all enjoy talking to me. >One day I'm told to print some documents >A printer is right next head milf's desk >l look up the IP of the printer and connect the s----- thinkpad laptop I was given to it >As it prints the milfs look to me like I'm a god >"Omg anon, how did you get that to work? You must be some sort of computer genius!" >Wat >Discover that IT is just one guy who never does s---, and they've asked him to connect their computers to the printer for weeks >l hook up everyone's computers in thirty minutes >l am now tech God, lord of the milfs Part 2 >What was a week long contract turns into a month long contract >Come in every day and blow their minds doing simple s--- on computer >Told to make spreadsheet about employee information >"This should take you a day or two anon." >Complete it in an hour >"Omg you're so good with computers that would have taken me forever!" >Slowly gain the affection of the milfs. All throughout this process I keep hearing about how IT sucks and the one IT guy who works for a company of around 100 people never does anything. I figured he was just busy, until one day I see the man I shall refer to as the beast from here on out. >One day installing drivers for various s--- on HR milfs computers >In walks the beast >Large, fat, greasy man around my age >Completely underdressed, groaning as he moves >Says he's there to connect people's computers to the printer >They explain I eyes meet >A rivalry is formed. The beast knows his rule has been upset, and now the milfs, a strong alliance to have, flock to me. >Our >He scoffs and walks off I took care of it >Milfs talk about him >"Yeah he doesn't talk much, no one is really too fond of it. Lol Anon I wish you worked with us but we don't need another IT guy!" >A plan is hatched >l will be IT guy, lord of the milfs Don't know if anyone is reading but f--- it I want to keep typing. Part 3 >Day >One after day I do everything IT should do, which really boils down to installing drivers and connecting hardware e day I try to connect printer to some old f------ computer >Discover there's a password on printer >Passwords are on everything >Go directly to IT and ask the beast if I can get the password >The beast smirks >"Don't worry about that stuff, l'm the IT guy I got it." >IT guy returns to his lair >Milfs displeased since I can no longer help them out Over the next few days I just filed all this confidential s--- like employee's past run ins with the law. >Notice the folder for the beast >His name is on the IT door so that's how I know it's him >Open it up and flip to his history with the law >See he egot caught stealing from a store in 2012 >Look through notes made by HR employee >This m----------- stole a 3DS from gamestop and got a misdemeanor for it >Laugh and get back to work, determined to take him down >l will be IT guy Part 4 >Notice the beast goes to lunch at the same time every day >He takes an hour long lunch break >He doesn't leave IT unlocked >l don't know what I'm looking for, but I know if I can get into IT room I can end him >The mecca of the IT room is calling to me >lt will be >One day the beast leaves for lunch and doesn't lock IT room door >No one pays attention to me, this is my time >Enter IT room navs stench enters my nose >Terrible >Wires everywhere, servers not organized at allIl, cheetos on his desk >The company paid this m------------ 52k a year to live like this >l approach his computer, looking for something good >Boot it up to see pokemon wallpaper on computer >Files scattered across desktop >One is plain text document entitled "Password" >Open it >Turns out IT password has been Charizard123 this whole time >See another folder >"ROMS" >Open it up >Jackpot >ROMS and emulation software for Gameboy, SNES, all that s--- >Open a few games He was actually really far in pokemon blue, and was half way through Chrono Trigger. His pokemon party sucked though, and for some reason he used a level 42 ditto. >This is all the evidence I need to take him down >Snap a few pictures of the roms >Head back to HR happier than ever before >l will be IT guy >Return to HR and show them Roms >Feel like a d---, but the beast must be conquered >Have to explain to them what roms are for like, thirty f------ minutes >"So, he downloaded video games to play at work?" >Explain that it's illegal to download roms lol >HR rages >They call him in when he gets back from lunch and show him the pictures >He rages at me >"HE ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE IN IT THIS IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!" >Everyone looks at me >"I was just trying to help out HR, I didn't mean to see any of this but wasting the companies time is no joke" >I sound like the biggest f----- but I'm laughing so hard as the milfs eat it up >He gets fired the next day As he was walking out, I had a strange moment. You know in Star Trek Wrath of Khan, where Khan says to kirk "In another life we could have been allies?" I felt this way about the beast. He wasn't a bad guy, just a lazy person who played games all day, and that's exactly what I planned to do in IT. But it had to be done, for the milfs. >l'm instantly the next candidate and go in for an interview with HR >Best interview I ever had. >This lady didn't know s--- about computers so I just threw around buzzwords to sound intelligent. >"Well you see, I've been dealing with RAM based systems for quite some time, and in order to optimize a system of this size you have to delete any potential virus programs to optimize the megabyte data flow." >"Oh wow Anon, I never knew that. >Get the job in a heart beat >Enter IT the next week >Nothing has been cleaned >The great reconstruction begins >Spend a week eliminating his stench from IT >Keep all his roms on the computer >Spend half my days installing s--- for the milfs and everyone else in the company, the other half playing his pokemon file >l released ditto because who the f--- needs a level 42 ditto >All their files are physical files, so when I get bored I begin the insanely long process of making everything digital >Scanning a few dozen things a day, checking data with employees, it's a good way to kill time and meet people >One day I'm get a file for a woman around my age named Emily >She didn't fill out everything on it so I go down to speak to her >Enter sales and go to the cubicle with her name >Emily is not at her desk, instead there sits a goddess >lf there has ever been a 10/10 for me, it would be Emily >Spaghetti in my pockets as I approach, but then I remember the truth >l am IT, lord of the milfs >Emily >Sit down and go over the file with her >Can't keep my eyes off her, absolutely beautiful and charismatic |come to worship me in time >Return to IT with file >She will be mine >Over the next week I stop digitalizing all the information >Emily is the main objective >First pull her personal file >Find some good information, but not much that would help me. Bank account numbers, employment history, past altercation with the law (none). Nothing to really go on. >Then I find her resume, it's a solid start >Resume reveals where she went to school and her cover letter reveals more >She enjoys music, has played violin for 11 years >It's a ste >Take all these files, make copies of them, and bring them home with me for reference >l return to IT and for over a weekI make up plausible excuses to me near her day >Oops oh well guess I have to spend the whole day at your cubicle >Another day a virus may have affected her system, an no one elses >Open a terminal on her computer and type basic commands such as Is-l to bring up a lot of text >One her computer "isn't correctly transferring data to IT" >"Oh wow, yeah this will take awhile. Guess I have to spend some time with you at your cubicle" >Do this for a week and slowly get to know her >She's really cool, loves music, and actually plays some vidya >Too much spaghetti in my pockets to ask her out, but I bide some time >Eventually realize I'm retarded for not just monitoring her computer when she goes on facebook or something >Do this, get her facebook password, dig some more >She's single >l know her bank account information, her friends, what she likes >The time to strike is now >Don't >I have too much information, that would not be putting it to good use >See that a symphony is playing at a nearby theater hall >Decide to buy two tickets to it >Holy shitballs symphony tickets are expensive >Have to take a risk, I have too much information not to want to just ask her to a movie or some s--- >The next day I go to her cubicle to fix up her computer >It's been acting up a lot lately, I better spend more time with you >While there I ask her what her plans for the weekend are >She looks a bit reserved, may think I'm asking her out >She she's hanging out with some friends from college then asks me what I'm doing says >Explain that I was going to see this symphony with a friend, and I'm a huge fan of live violin music, but my friend backed out and now I have an extra ticket anon I I play violin that's so cool!" >"Oh, well, I mean, I do have this extra ticket, and, I would hate to go alone. Would you like to come with me?" >She's totally down, says she can be with her friends any time >Begin to alpha up >"Well it's in the evening after dinner, so how about we get some food before hand?" >She's f------ down with it >Word gets to the milfs we're going out this weekend >They're all awesome, like a bunch of mom's l'm attracted to in some weird f----- up way >All telling me to have a great time with Emily >The wooing process begins, and I have knowledge on my side >Go to pick her up on Saturday >Dress up well, figure a symphony is a pretty formal thing >Get at her house >F------ Aphrodite emerges before me, allowing me to bask in her glory >Wearing low cut dress, dat clevage >Choke on my words a little when I greet her like a beta Rughs a little bit and we head out SHave >Have a great dinner together, she talks about vidva a little bit Hor >Her interest in vidya surprises me >As she talks about GTA, I nearly slip up and almost say "Your file said nothing about you liking video games. >Thank God man has ever worshipped I didn't do that. every >Dinner goes great, then we go to the symphony SActu >Actually pretty fun >She's loving it >l take her home, nervous and beta as s--- at the door She >She takes the reigns >"You know Anon, some of the pieces they played are pieces I know how to play. If you have a moment, you can come in and l'll play you a piece." >l feel like I'm in some f------ fancy movie >Who the f--- makes an offer like that >l enter the domain of the goddess, spirits soaring >She will be mine >l am IT, lord of the milfs, tamer of the goddess Aprodite >Her apartment smells like f------ flowers >S--- is fancy as f---, nice furniture, nice setting, she lights some candles >'m in >She plays violin and is really f------ good at it >l watch her play violin in the candle light for a few moments >She finishes and I tell her she's amazing >She blushes >This is it >Go sit next to her, smile, and ask "So what do you want to do now?" >It's time >Make out for a bit >Can't believe my situation >Getting paid 50k a year to help milfs hook up their computers to printers, making out with the goddess, this is insane >We only make out, she doesn't want to go further >Agree to go out next weekend >When I get home I destroy the file I had on her >All the information must be comitted to memory now, no loose ends, no chances >Return to work on Monday >Milfs in HR swarm me >Tell them we're going out again next weekend >"Oh anon that's so sweet! Oh by the way I can't connect to the internet." >Get back to work playing Final Fantasy 6 and digitalizing files >Whole week is amazing >Whenever I see Emily we smile, maybe speak a bit We go out the next weekend and things are great >One month later we're still going out >Get invited to her place >It's time to bang >l am IT guy, lord of the milfs, soon to be lover of Aphrodite > >We make out, she takes off her top >Perfect t---, little pink n------ Take it to the bed room Lay her on the bed and just look at her for a moment >Can't f------ believe we're banging. >Looks like a cross between Tori Black and Eva Angelina (sp?) >We got at it for three hours >Physically and mentally exhausted afterwards >She suggested we take a shower together >No f------ way am I turning that down >Bang in the shower for thirty minutes >Pass out on the bed >Things are great for three months >One week at work she's rather distant, avoidant and cold >Says she needs to talk to me >"Oh f---." >Thursday night I go to her place >She just takes me to the bathroom, and points to the counter There's a pregnancy test there >"Oh f---." >She's pregnant >She's upset, I'm just confused, can't believe this happened >She's crying, she's confused, all this s--- >She wants to keep it, she's shaking and scared and worried about what I will do >There I am, IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of Aprodite, soon to be dad. >>543880596 >Go outside on the porch to get some air >Mind is blank, don't really know what to do or say >l come back inside and see her sitting in the same chair where she played the violin for me >She's in a beautiful apartment, she's a beautiful person, the room is warm and smells good >l just stand there for a moment and look around at everything >In four months I went from a jobless college graduate with no gf and spaghettin my my pockets, to IT guy, lord of the milfs, and lover of Aphrodite. feel. good "man >F--- it, this is no big deal >Tell her I love her >She tells me she loves me >She burst into tears, I hold her >We agree we're going to make it work. We're going to have the kid and love each other and make it work no matter what >Fast forward to current day >My son is two >Emily is asleep right now, I'm comfortably drunk typing this story, then I'm going to go sleep with her >lt all started by digging around at a job, getting the beast fired, illegally copying confidential information, and getting the most beautiful girl I had ever seen pregnant >We're getting married in eight months, moving into a house in three >mfw I've never been happier Life is crazy /b/, one day you're a f----- straight out of college, the next you're a father and almost a husband with a great family. Keep at it /b/, life works itself out in great ways >tfw Emily and I spent the day playing Dark Souls 2 >tfw My son loves "Red hat guy" (mario) and watches me play Super Mario World 3 >tfw it all worked out

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Anon is a autist in normies clothing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:37:53 No.852060828 >be me >26 years old, 4 years out of college >have mental breakdown >lose career job >start working at a bar in college town >everyone somehow thinks I'm between 19-21 because I take care of myself and still look very young 30 KB JPG >fit in with coworkers >become a zoomer >start listening to drain gang and going on tik tok >start f------ a 20 year old waitress from work >basically in college again >rewind on life, things have meaning again >never going back

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Gimme all your lovin' | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/13/21(Tue)22:26:37 No.63204346 >be me >social reject >have loud upstairs neighbors that have sex REEEEEE >have had to hear their bedframe bang on the wall above me for months now 454 KB GIF >ropefuel.jpeg >Say f--- it, tired of hiding behind headphones, gonna buy a speaker >new speaker came in last week >paybacktime.exe >Play a wide variety of music, from ZZ Top to Tchaikovsky to MF DOOM to Rick Astley to f------ baby shark >today my neighbor had enough >Guess it would be hard for a normie to c-- to XXXTENTACION's RIP ROACH being blasted right from under you >knocks on my door >don't want to confront (Covid) and just place the speaker in front of my door >knocking gets louder What do bros this is a very uncomfortable situation and I'm already about to send an email to the leasing office

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Anon is missing out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:01:44 No.63005271 Why does circumcision have to exist? >finally manage to find a women willing to have sex with me after 31 years of virginity. >My heart is racing... I'm excited and rock hard. So I slide my d--- in... >it feels like... a sort of wet nothingness. Sure, its tight, its warm. But there isn't much sensation or pleasure at all. Not anywhere near the ecstasy l've 17 KB PNG been told about. >pull out and finish. Awkwardly clean up and leave. >I think to myself "wow... jacking off feels better than that." >later realize that because I'm circumcised, I'm missing out on like 75% of the pleasure I should have experienced. >MFW.

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Anon learns from experience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:39:44 No.63208998 >Brother is a giganormie >Full time job, successful in his career >~6'0", white, blue eyes, blonde hair >Loved by both parents >Has had many girlfriends >Got arrested for obviously fake r--- allegations this morning >Girl accusing him is a known psycho, there are messages from her saying she wants it 59 KB JPG >she's still getting her way What's the point of even trying to make it? I'm so angry I just want my brother back. 7 Replies View Thread

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Anon loses his superpowers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)17:44:04 No.63209533 >Be degenerate NEET >Do nothing all day >Mysteriously, a Unity tutorial shows up in my YouTube recommended >Never searched for anything remotely close to game development >Watch the tutorial a bit 46 KB PNG >Dopamine rush, want to make a game myself >Use s----- 90s textures and make a car simulation game >Publish it on Google Play Store >Mfw got over a million downloads >Mfw made 20k in revenue >Mfw got deeper into game development and am planning on making a big map game with AAA quality >Mfw my life changed cause of a YouTube algorithm Thanks YouTube

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Anon is not homosexual | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/13/21(Tue)19:28:37 No.9566577 >be me >18 >have a good life >have good family >smartest in the family >favorite in the family >have lots of friends 824 KB PNG >one day hanging with friends >"Hey anon, have you ever smoked a joint" >"no" >"Take a hit, anon" >"no" >"Are you a homosexual, anon" >"I ain't no homosexual" >"Then take one, anon" >Takes the hit >feelgoodman.jpg >addiction kicks in >smoking all the time >stop doing homework >stop going to class >lose all scholarships >kicked out of home >lose all hope mfw I am homeless for being called a homosexual

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